A/N: This is just a short little ficlet I wrote at midnight. I hope you like it. Based off of the song No Light, No Light by Florence + The Machine

You are the hole in my head, you are the space in my bed, you are the silence in between, what I thought, what I said.

It was over before it began, as people always said. It wasn't mean to be, he knew that from the start. He wasn't allowed to be with him no matter how hard his heart yearned for the man. He was the king for crying out loud, he should be allowed to make his own damned decisions, but his advisers declared it wrong in every aspect he would have though possible. Even the one adviser he was hoping would object, denounce everybody else's opinion said it was wrong, it could not be done. And that was how Merlin stopped talking to him; who ever knew telling someone you loved them would ever achieve such a thing? He had successfully pushed him away and it only had him thinking more and more as the days passed. His bed seemed a little more lonely, a little more cold, his brain a little more fogged, his steps taking him nowhere but everywhere with each passing day. Everything was pointless now.

You are the nighttime fear, you are the morning when it's clear, when it's over, you're the start, you're my head and you're my heart.

It wasn't that Merlin didn't feel the same way, in fact, he felt more than the same way. But, he was scared. Scared of what the other advisers and people of the court would say, what would be said by the people, who would turn on him, no, who would turn on Arthur. He spent many long nights thinking about it, and he concluded that if he could sacrifice one thing that he wanted for the good of the people, he would just have to suffer. Those long nights were spent crying, being angry, throwing things in his room, wanting to scream to the stars, but every morning he would put his facade back on, hide the tears and the sorrows. Normally, he hid his feelings well for he always had. But, since he had taken to ignoring him as much as possible those feelings would easily resurface any time he saw Arthur or heard his voice. He didn't even have to hear his voice, just the sounds of his footsteps against the stone sent him into a wreck.

To the crowd I was crying out and in your place there were a thousand other faces.

Arthur knew he was making the greatest mistake of his life but he couldn't find himself to care. If the people were not going to allow to him to be with the man he loved, he was going to have to get the hell over it and find someone who could give him an heir. It was pointless really, placing another Pendragon on the throne. None of them were really amazing at the job and it seemed most people hated them anyways. But to hell with it. It was just another thing in his life that he couldn't control.

The entire court was filed into the hall and Arthur looked out at the people. So many faces, none of them the most important. He sighed, then said the things he would always regret.

"Thank you for gathering in the hall today. Very...good news is the reason we gather together. In one month's time I will be marrying. For those that wish I marry a noble woman, I am sorry to inform you that I will be marrying Guinevere." An applause filled the hall as Arthur faked an expression of joy and looked to see if he could see Merlin.

The hall was full, but he always knew Merlin stood at the front. And that was where he found him, slowing backing into the crowd with a battle face but the eyes of an abused dog. Arthur knew then he had to fix it, if it was even fixable.

I was disappearing in plain sight, Heaven help me, I need to make it right.

Never had he felt such pain ring all over his body. It was unbearable, just the thought alone. He had always known that Arthur would have to get married and have an heir one day, but he didn't think that day would come such a short time after he pronounced his love for him. He looked at Arthur then, backing away, planning to run. He knew his guard was down, but he could care less right now. Arthur's eyes found his own and all hell broke loose. The look in Arthur's eyes were one of pain, guilt, apology, and even worse love. Merlin turned around and ran, he had to make everything better, even if it involved running.

Would you leave me if I told you what I'd done?

And would you leave me if I told you what I'd become?

Arthur saw Merlin run, looking as heartbroken as a man could be. He was still for a moment, debating on whether to let the man run away or to chase him, but his initial instincts kicked in and he ran after his servant.

"Arthur where are you going?" he heard Gwen yell after him.

"I will be back in a bit! Start the feast without me!" he order the woman behind him as he made his way through the congratulating crowd. He didn't want them to say congratulations, he wanted them to tell him he was wrong, that this was a mistake, that everything would work out for the best.

He had finally made his way out of the crowd and into the hall. He was pleasantly surprised to find Merlin standing there looking directly at him. His expression was full of hurt, but even worse, his eyes were full of hate, hate he didn't even know Merlin was capable of.

"Merlin I am-"

"Save it Arthur. You did what you had to do."

"No, Merlin, I mad a mistake. I should never have agreed to it, done it, said it, I am sorry. Damn Merlin, I am sorry. Please don't run, don't run away from me."

"Well to late for that now, isn't it?" Merlin replied quickly in a stone cold tone.

"Please Merlin-"

"It is too late, Arthur. I have to go."

"Well why the hell do you, then?"

"I think you know very well why I have to leave."

"No, it isn't hitting me in the face like you expect it to, so please tell me."

Arthur was quiet as he watched Merlin's face. He knew exactly why Merlin wanted to leave, but he wanted to hear him say it. Out of everything, the weeks of silence, longing, hatred, love, and every other feeling in the world, Merlin had not said that he felt the same way about Arthur. Of course he knew it, but he wanted to hear it from his mouth.

"Because I love you, Arthur. Is that what you wanted to hear? I love you but I can't be with you, I shouldn't even be in Camelot. It was pointless to come here all those years ago. It was dangerous but once I was here I couldn't leave. All because of you, stupid destiny."

"Merlin, you are blabbing again. What in the world are talking about with this destiny stuff and Camelot being dangerous?"

Merlin's face went from being surprised to being fearful. Whatever Merlin had said, he wasn't meant to.

"Come with me," Merlin whispered and began walking the halls to his chamber, the one Arthur had given him only a short while ago. Once they were in there, Merlin closed the wooden door and locked it.

"What are we doing in here? Are you going to tell me-" Arthur stopped. Merlin's hand was on fire. "Merlin! You're hand! It's on fire!"

Merlin sighed. "Arthur, look closely." And so Arthur did. As he looked closer, he could make out a ball, a ball of fire. But, his hand wasn't burnt or burning because the ball of fire was hovering over his hand. Arthur's eyes went wide with realization.

"Merlin, where did you learn that?"

"I was born with it, but I came here to be taught."

"By who?"

"Arthur that doesn't matter I-"

"Who?"

"Gaius."

Arthur sighed. Merlin was a sorcerer, and even though he should be burned at the stake this very moment, he couldn't. It would break him.

"That's why it was dangerous to come here, why you should have never came here. But you said you stayed for me?"

"Arthur-"

"Merlin," Arthur warned.

"Yes, I stayed here for you because the dragon said it was my destiny, that I was meant to protect you, no matter what."

They were silent for a moment before Arthur spoke again.

"Merlin, I can't change the law over night. You are going to have to leave, at least until I can change it."

"I was here for four and a half years, I know you can't change the law over night, I am not asking you to."

"Then you know that now that I know it isn't safe for you to be here n-"

"It isn't safe for who? Me or you?"

"You, Merlin. I want to keep you safe?"

"No, you want to keep your pride and ego in check because now you are starting to realize that I have saved you more than enough times to be knighted, but I can't be. Maybe not because you don't want me to, but because I can't fight how they fight, I will have to fight with something that is not legal in-"

"Because if you let anyone else find out, see you, or anything you could die Merlin. I can't always save you-"

"You haven't saved me as much as I have saved you."

"I don't want to have to get to the point where I decide whether you die or not, Merlin!" Arthur screamed.

"Who says you have to?" Merlin asked, his face passive, his eyes turned cold.

No light, no light, in your bright blue eyes, I never knew daylight could be so violent. A revelation in the light of day, you can't choose what stays and what fades away.

And I'd do anything to make you stay. No light, no light, tell me what you want me to say.

Arthur looked into Merlin's eyes and shivered. They were full of pain; they were not the loving eyes that he always looked into when he was down. They were...gone. As gone as beautiful eyes could be.

"Please don't go," Arthur whispered, a tear streaming down his face. He didn't know what else to do.

"I have to. You don't always get to say what happens in Camelot. Somethings happen and you just have to get over it."

"Please. What do you want me to say?"

"Nothing. Like you always do," Merlin said turning around and unlocking the door. He looked at Arthur one more time before he left, no words said.

Arthur watched the shadow in the hall grow big, and then far to quickly disappear. The last thing he heard was a tear, his tear, hit the floor before he walked out of the room, backing his way to the hall for the feast he didn't want.