Hello again! I think it's pretty awesome that you're checking out the next chapter! I thought I would have scared everyone away! WARNING: It gets crazier from here. :D
KAKASHI AND JIRAIYA'S AWESOME ANIME ADVENTURE! (CHAPTER 2: SOS!)
"Once we enter this portal, there is no telling what sort of twisted dimension we will end up in." Jiraiya explained as we began to enter the large vortex in Sasuke's back yard; but that did not deter me. I was going to break this curse no matter what! There was NO WAY I was going to let some giant Raven come down from the sky and have me as a snack.
The light from the portal was blinding as we walked through, and the next thing I knew, we were on the roof of what appeared to be some sort of high school.
"Now what?" I asked.
"We have to keep going through various dimensions until we come across the portal to the Land of the Great Raven." Jiraiya stated, "So, we need to find this dimension's portal in order to progress."
I wasn't going to waste time fooling around. I looked to the right and spotted a boy with a school uniform smoking a cigarette.
"Hey you!" I called out to him, "Do you know if there are any portals around here?"
The boy turned slowly to face me, with a crazed expression.
"Oh excellent!" the boy sarcastically exclaimed, "More weirdos! OH! HEY! I have an idea! Why don't we just open a damn circus and tour the countryside! ?"
"Are you okay, kid?" Jiraiya enquired.
"OH! Who are you supposed to be! ?" the boy's sarcastic tone had not dissipated, "Let's see…I've met an alien, a time traveler, and an esper…OH! You must be a freakin' sage or something!"
"Yes!" Jiraiya exclaimed happily, "I'm the Toad Sage!"
The boy stared blankly at Jiraiya, letting out a few short chuckles of insanity before breaking out into a whirlwind of crazed laughter and skipping delightfully back inside the school.
Jiraiya looked over at me, "Was it something I said?"
Just then, the door swung open again and a young girl with brown hair accented by a yellow ribbon walked out onto the roof.
"Haruhi senses! Tingling!" she shouted angrily.
"Can we help you?" I asked.
"Did you just ask me a QUESTION! ?" she looked as if she was about to kill the next living thing that moved, "You guys are gonna join my club, got it!"
I was not about to start taking orders from a high school girl, "I don't think so. Besides, we're a little too old to be joining a high school club."
The next thing I knew, she grabbed me by the collar of my ninja vest and brought my face closer to her glare of death. I was verily reminded of Sasuke.
"Well if you want my honest opinion, I think that maybe you're a little too old to be living; but that's no reason to kill you, now is it?" she whispered into my ear.
Her example was a bit confusing, but I gave her a smile of agreement and she backed off.
Irritated by my acceptance of her authority, Jiraya stepped forward, "Oh no! Kakashi might be soft enough to let you push him around, but I'm sure as hell not going to let you tell me what I'm gonna do, little girl!"
I can't even begin to explain what happened next; it was all so fast. In the blink of an eye, the girl had Jiraiya up in the air with one finger, spinning him rapidly like a basketball while hurling expletives in all directions. She was truly a formidable opponent. After a tearful surrender, Jiraiya was dropped to the ground as if he was nothing but a feather.
"Ah! I'm so happy!" the girl said very cheerfully, "I'm Haruhi Suzumiya!"
I introduced myself in return, "Uh…I'm Kakashi."
After angrily sulking for a moment, Jiraiya did the same.
"Jiraiya…I'm the Toad Sage." he pouted.
"Yay! Friendship!" Haurhi jumped up and down, "Come on! I'll show you guys the club room!"
She led us down a dark and twisting stairway to a blood-stained door with caution tape plastered all over it.
"Nobody wanted this room because it was a crime scene." Haruhi explained, "They wouldn't let me in at first because they were still cleaning up the corpses."
"Oh, how nice!" I pretended not to be totally creeped out.
Jiraiya pointed to a corner, "Is that a finger?"
"Sure is!" Haruhi happily confirmed, "It fell off the body cart, but I didn't say anything."
A look of disgust fell upon Jiraya, "Well, it's attracting flies."
As we entered the room, I spotted the boy from earlier, sitting on a table in the fetal position and rocking back and forth. Upon seeing us, he looked up and gave a disturbed smile.
"As I turned to face the door, I found Haruhi entering the club room with two strangers." He murmured to himself, "I swear, that girl needs to stop abducting people from places."
"Is he okay?" Jiraiya asked Haruhi.
"Oh, don't mind Kyon. He gets in these strange moods where he just sits and narrates everything."
Suddenly, another girl slowly entered the room.
"Boobies!" Jiraiya exclaimed upon discovering how well-developed she was.
"M-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-miss S-s-s-s-s-s-s-suzumiya?" the girl nervously asked, "W-w-who are these p-p-p-p-p-people?"
"Boobie police!" Jiraiya shouted, "You're under arrest!"
"Oh d-d-d-d-d-dear!" the girl squealed in fear.
Kyon continued his mumbled narration, "As Miss Asahina entered the club room, I admired her exceptionally large breasts."
Haruhi excitedly jumped up and down, "Oh! Let me introduce you guys to Huge rack—I mean, Giant hubcaps—I mean, Holy highbeams—I mean..." she paused and took a deep breath, "This is Mikuru Asahina. She's a triple D—I mean, Junior this year."
It was clear that everyone was obsessing over the girl's breasts; but not me. I had more important matters to attend to, like breaking a curse; and don't you dare say it's because I'm gay. Go get an Etch-a-Sketch and draw a line. THAT is how straight I am.
Just then, a shirtless man burst in the door.
"Sex has arrived!" he announced.
Kyon accompanied his entrance with another narration, "Koizumi entered the room that day in his usual manner. I really need to buy some more weed from him later."
"Uh…TMI, Kyon!" Haruhi replied.
"Hey guys!" Koizumi began, "I'm TOTALLY not an Esper and Miss Asahina is TOTALLY not a time traveler. Wink, wink, Kyon; wink, wink."
"Yes." Kyon began another commentary, "We had to keep Haruhi in the dark about the true identities of the other club members. If she found out, there would be drastic consequences."
"Wait, what is it that you don't want me to find out! ?" Haruhi stared at Kyon suspiciously.
He paused for a moment before speaking again, "Haruhi looked at me as if I was hiding something. I didn't know what to do; but then it dawned on me…I should make out with her. That worked extremely well the last time I was in trouble."
"Just snap out of it!" Haruhi ordered, slapping him across the face.
"Well, I see you are a very dysfunctional group." I said jokingly; but really, I meant it.
Haruhi laughed psychotically, "Why do you think we're the SOS Brigade?"
Suddenly, Kyon jumped up from the table, grabbed me by the shoulders and started shaking me vigorously with a depraved look in his eyes, "I shook the masked, silver haired man, begging him for some narcotics!"
"Boobies..." Jiraiya whispered, inching his way closer to Mikuru.
As Koizumi glanced out toward the hallway, a look of dread overwhelmed his face, "Guys! Yuki is coming!"
Suddenly, the three club members began to panic.
Kyon screamed in agony while trying to force his body into a small cabinet, "Yuki was on her way! I needed to find a hiding place, FAST!"
"Fe-fi-fo-fum!" A deep voice from the hallway beckoned.
Haruhi scrambled to grab Mikuru and threw her in a closet shouting, "Hide the breasts!"
In the meantime, Koizumi squealed in some sort of super high-pitched whale tone before jumping out the window.
The door swung open so hard that it popped off of its hinges. I expected a huge muscular giant to enter, but instead, it was a short and tiny girl with glasses.
"Hey Yuki! How are you today?" Haruhi asked sweetly, while trembling in fear.
Yuki gave her a cold glare and then examined Jiraiya and I suspiciously before turning back to face Haruhi.
"Where's Kyon! ?" she demanded in her deep, enraged voice.
"Uh…Well…He went home!" Haruhi nervously responded.
This Yuki girl was really scary. She had death written all over her…LITERALLY. It was tattooed up and down her arms along with chains and skulls. I DID NOT want to be involved with her, ESPECIALLY if even Haruhi was afraid of her.
Just then, Kyon's muffled voice came from inside the cabinet, "I tried to stay as quiet as possible to hide from the evil alien Yuki; but the cabinet was just too small to contain my body. The abundance of arts and craft supplies within were pushing me out in order to make room for themselves."
He tumbled nosily out of the cabinet and continued, "I fell to the floor with a loud crash. It was certain that Yuki was now alerted to my presence."
Yuki forcefully pushed Haruhi aside and marched over to Kyon, picking him up off of the floor by his hair.
"Did you read that book?" she angrily interrogated him.
Kyon began to sob uncontrollably, "I began to sob uncontrollably as Yuki barbarically questioned me about the book I was supposed to read last night. Unfortunately, I did not proceed past the first chapter! "
"Not good enough." Yuki swiftly punched him in the face.
"I apologized to Yuki for my wrong-doings as my face throbbed with pain from her powerful blow!" Kyon cried; but all his narrated apology got him in return was a knee to the testicles.
"What are you going to do tonight! ? If you answer me in another narration I swear I'll rip your nose off and choke you with it!" Yuki slammed her forehead up against his, "Now, WHAT are you going to do tonight! ?"
"Read the book…" Kyon answered, barely able to speak.
"How much of it are you going to read! ?"
"All of it!"
Yuki stared into Kyon's tear-filled eyes with anger for a few moments before throwing him across the room, "Now get out of my sight. You disgust me."
"Is there anything I can get you?" Haruhi slowly hovered over to Yuki.
"Where is Tea Girl?" Yuki asked with great intensity, "Are you trying to hide HER from me too?"
"N-no…Not at all!"
Yuki was NOT buying it.
"So if I open that closet over there, I'm not going to find her?" Yuki began a dreadful march over to the closet door, "You better pray to God that I don't."
Haruhi was trying to hold up her fake smile, but as she began to realize the reality of the terrible situation, it slowly began to crumble away until finally, the tension was unbearable for her.
"THEY MADE ME DO IT!" Haruhi screamed, pointing to Jiraiya and I before dashing out of the room.
Yuki turned to face us, "Good. Now she's gone."
There was a long pause. I didn't know what to expect. Was Yuki about to beat up on US too? Her expression was so neutral that it was hard to tell.
Suddenly, Jiraiya broke the silence, "Can we get the boobs back out now?"
"You have more important things to worry about than Mikuru's jugs." Yuki said as she slowly approached us, "You're trying to find the portal of this dimension, aren't you?"
I was relieved that someone finally understood our situation; but wished that perhaps it would have been a less frightening person.
"Do you know where the portal is?" I asked.
Jiraiya interrupted with his one-track mind, "It's in the boobies, right! ?"
"No." Yuki confirmed, "You must go…around the school."
As she spoke those words, lightning struck and thunder roared while a dramatic musical underscore played, courtesy of the invisible orchestra.
"How then, must we go around the school?" I enquired with much dramatic expression.
The music and environmental effects suddenly cut as Yuki gave me a strange look in return, "Um, you go around it?"
"Oh…The dramatics suggested that it was more difficult than that." I explained, "Are you sure there's not a catch?"
"Um…No. You just go around it." Yuki clarified, "There's a nice little sidewalk and everything."
"Well that is nice! Come on Jiraiya, let's go!" I began guiding Jiraiya away from the closet door.
"Wait!" he protested, "I didn't get to say goodbye to the boobies!"
"I'm sure there will be more in the next dimension." I reassured him, "We don't have any time to waste!"
With that, Jiraiya reluctantly followed me out the door of the club room.
"Thanks for the help Yuki!" I called out as we departed.
"Please call me Rick!" she sang in a deep bass.
Yes, sometimes friends come from unexpected places. That was an important lesson I learned that day. Also, I learned that public education sucks and extra-curricular clubs are poorly monitored by faculty. I still have no idea what Haurhi Suzumiya's club was about, but I'm sure it had something to do with drug peddling.
IN THE NEXT CHAPTER…
Kakashi and Jiraiya are off to a new dimension! There, they meet InuYasha, a half demon who is trying to find all the pieces to his Lego Spaceship that were accidentally scattered everywhere by his girlfriend Kagome. Little do they know that Kagome hails from a strange universe of her own.