A/N: Periodically, I may add stand-alone chaps to this 'verse. Just isolated events in the characters' lives, nothing at all plot-heavy or convoluted. All chaps will be put here, though. The chaps might be loosly connected, as is the case with this one and the one before it, but nothing as involved as an ongoing storyline or anything like that.

Just a bit of light writing to keep me balanced.

Mi Casa es Su Casa

"Okay, and don't…whatever you do, don't try to get on my brother's nerves, or take anything he says to heart."

"Why would I try to get on his nerves?" Naruto said. His voice was somewhat strained as he lifted his chin, thereby allowing Sasuke to tie the knot in his tie.

"I don't know. You might say something to piss him off without meaning to, or if he baits you, you might say something to get back at him."

"Bait me how?"

"I don't know!" Sasuke turned away in agitation, looking in the bathroom mirror to see if his own tie was straight. "But this is the first time he's ever deigned to really invite you over, and I don't trust it." He met Naruto's eyes in the mirror. "I mean, I'm his brother. Why would he ask for formal eveningwear to his fucking house? Been there a million times. I used to live there."

"Isn't this normal for formal invitations? Formal attire?"

"Not to your family's house," Sasuke said darkly. "I don't even think Itachi owns a suit. He's up to something, I can feel it. Should never have told him about that prank you played. He's been weird ever since. Brings it up at work all the time, always asking if I'm late yet, or…or if you and I have picked out baby names. Wants to know when Ichi and Kayo will have cousins. Christ, I hate his ass sometimes."

Naruto had to turn away, but it was no use. Every time he remembered the prank he just about died laughing. He caught sight of Sasuke glowering at him through the mirror, and laughed even harder, letting the wall support him as tears gathered in his eyes. "You have to admit, it was beautiful."

"Lover or not, I will kick your face in," Sasuke spat. He splashed aftershave on, and rudely left the bathroom.

"Still don't see what the prank has to do with this invitation," Naruto managed as they left the house. Snow crunched under their feet as they headed for the garage.

"That jackass said that if you could get me to agree to something like that, then you were worth knowing. Didn't know he was serious at the time, but whatever. I think we should focus on what this night is really about."

"And what's that?" The Windracer came to life with a dull roar.

"You and my brother finally getting to know each other."

"Hmm."

"Don't hmm me. I've been saying it for months. We're all family, it's time you two set your differences aside. And even if this is some stunt on Itachi's part, I want you to be nice. Okay? Iruka…you had your prep session with Iruka, right?"

"Yes." The Windracer's wipers moved idly in the light snowfall as they wound down the mountain road.

"So you'll be nice?"

Naruto turned a toothy smile on Sasuke, eyes reduced to merry blue slits. "I'm always nice."

Just kill me now, Sasuke thought with a groan.

The march up the stairs to Itachi's apartment was done in silence. Sasuke scowled, expecting trouble. Naruto set aside his falsely carefree manner to admit that he had a healthy case of nerves. He didn't like Itachi. Never did, never would. Mo was all right, he supposed, but there were kids in there was well. He couldn't remember ever being around kids so small, and wasn't sure just what one did with them. Iruka had given him a lengthy talk on family, the need for acceptance, and a host of other things he'd more or less ignored. As far as he was concerned, Itachi was a rival for Sasuke's attention, time, and love. Brother or not, Naruto just didn't like him. Didn't like the idea of him, or the fact of his existence.

-oOo-

Itachi himself answered the door after Sasuke's knock. His dark eyes were crinkled with mirth as they looked back and forth between his guests, and his voice was diabolical with good cheer. "Well now. If it ain't little brother and butch daddy, come to call. Mo?" he yelled over his shoulder. "You owe me twenty. Idiot actually fell for the formal attire bit, just like I said he would." And here he hooted with laughter, while sweeping his arm wide in a gesture for them to enter.

An ache settled behind Sasuke's eyes as they were led to the table. He had to work at keeping his face impassive; Itachi had on an old sweatshirt and a faded pair of jeans.

Once at the table, Itachi and Mo sat at either end, with Sasuke and Naruto to either side, facing each other. The kids were in high chairs, one at Mo's elbow, one at Itachi's.

Itachi served.

"So, Naruto," Itachi said when they began eating. "Sasuke tells me you two are starting a family?" He looked up at him inquisitively as he forked mashed potatoes into his mouth. All polite, and conversational, and oblivious to Sasuke's scowl. If he felt the harsh kick Sasuke gave him beneath the table, he didn't show it.

Six months ago, Itachi had walked into his office and set him straight with a few sharp words, Naruto mused. As it had then, something about the man's blunt approach to things seemed to set him at ease. Why this was the case, Naruto didn't know, but he felt his nerves evaporating as he recognized a glint of mischief in those dark eyes. Sasuke was all but ready to launch a Katon at his brother, yet here Itachi sat, making blatant fun of the infamous prank. Doing so, and encouraging Naruto to join in, no less.

"Yes," he said feelingly. "I'm hoping for a son first, like you have. Someone to groom as my successor. I think Sasuke would be a great mother, personally, to any son or daughter he gives me."

Itachi nodded sagely, even as he lashed out with his own foot at the persistent kicks he was receiving. "He's certainly sensitive enough. Always has been. And he was a great kid himself. Means yours'll be nice and obedient. Like Sasuke." A particularly savage kick from Sasuke had him wincing, and the table shuddering. Moegi glanced in sympathy at her brother-in-law, but Itachi and Naruto ignored this.

"Naruto," Moegi began.

He turned to her immediately. "I think the way you're putting your body to the use it was meant for really commendable. You should crank out as many as you can now, while you're still fertile enough to-"

Things pretty much went downhill from there. Between Itachi bawling with laughter, Mo stabbing Naruto in the shoulder with her fork, and Sasuke finally landing a punch in his brother's face, only Ichi and Kayo really had any dinner. And they were too busy screaming and crying in fear to eat.

-oOo-

Once Mo had angrily taken her children off to bed, and Sasuke had exchanged some heated words with Itachi in the bedroom, Itachi stood with Naruto at the door and tried to apologize. "Can't help it," he shrugged. His tone and expression weren't the least bit apologetic. "Kid begs to be fucked with, him with his serious attitude and shit. Besides, I have a right, as his older brother. Still, you were my guest. Whole mess could have gone better."

"I enjoyed myself," Naruto said gravely.

Just then Sasuke came back from kissing his niece and nephew goodnight. Itachi switched his tone and expression without missing a beat, putting a note of concern in both. "I can give you the name of an excellent pediatrician, though Sakura is no slouch in the kid department. Let me know, all right?"

Naruto had to bite the inside of his cheek, but he managed a serious expression in turn. "That's a comfort, having your support."

"Anytime. I'll be the kid's uncle, after all. And you can come back anytime as well. My house is yours. You're family."

Naruto seemed to ponder this, staring down at Itachi's wide, attentive eyes until Sasuke marched over and gave him a violent shove. Naruto barely moved, but he took the hint and exited the open door. Sasuke slammed it as hard as he could right after him, and turned to pin his brother with red eyes.

Itachi's polite smile died away immediately. "I don't think I've ever seen you lose control of your eyes. I know you're not actually threatening me." This last was said in a lowered tone, indicating a little threat of his own.

"Don't you think you're carrying this a bit too far?" Sasuke hissed. His eyes remained red, answering Itachi's unasked question.

"Frankly? No. Lighten up."

Sasuke inhaled slowly and deeply, as he took a step that put him nose to nose with his brother. The difference in their heights was more noticeable now, but Itachi refused to be cowed or intimidated. His eyes remained black, with one brow raised, and his hands on his hips.

"Allow me to illustrate the situation as I see it, then," Sasuke breathed. "This isn't funny to me. It never was. I let Naruto get away with laughing about it because I have no choice, but I expect you to know when something bothers me as much as this does. And I expect you to have my back, for fuck's sake. I don't expect you to betray me with him like this, repeatedly. I don't like it. And at the moment, Itachi, I don't like you. Not at all."

Itachi's heart contracted at the accusation of betrayal, but clenched even worse at that last comment. This wasn't some juvenile hissy fit, where Sasuke said he hated him then pouted for a week. He was serious. Suddenly, the ribbing wasn't remotely funny to Itachi either. "I'd never betray you, man. You know that."

"You're hurting me. Deliberately. Same fucking thing."

Itachi had to take a step back; that statement hurt him. He brought one fist to his mouth. When he'd swallowed, and had himself under control, he gave a single, careful nod. "All right." He cleared his throat. "All right, man. I'm sorry. I'll leave it alone."

Sasuke stared at him another moment, before wrenching the door open.

"We good?" Itachi ventured, catching the door before it could slam shut.

In answer, Sasuke leaped over the banister in the hall, past a silent Naruto, and took the stairs three at a time. Itachi closed the door uneasily.

Back in the truck, Naruto was in a good mood. "I think I did what you wanted. Your brother and I made a lot of progress tonight. Something about his manner sets me at ease. I think it's the way you always know where you stand with him. How he doesn't bullshit around, and expects you to be just as together. Anything less is contemptible to him, I sense. I think I might come to like him in time." He drove along the slushy streets with a smile of pride for this breakthrough on his face. "Mo got angry at the end there, but I forgive her. Stab wound wasn't deep, and she's always been sort of crazy with her temper." He braked for a red light.

Sasuke slowly turned his head to look at him. "You are one insensitive asshole, you know that?"

The smile fell away. "What?" He glanced at Sasuke, brows lowering. "What did I do? I'm not the one betraying you. Oh yes, I overheard your conversation with your brother. I thought playing along with his own little prank a great way to relieve the tension between us. Iruka said I should find some kind of common ground with him, and-"

Sasuke slammed his fist into his window, shattering it. "Shut up!" he yelled. "Just shut the fuck up!" He got out and banged the door closed, causing bits of safety glass to tinkle out of the window. "I'm walking home."

Naruto was left to stare at the snow swirling into his truck, and wonder what he'd done wrong. Sasuke never spoke to him like that. Not since before. It made his anxiety flare up suddenly, which was an unwelcome surprise. He considered going to Iruka right then, but his former teacher was adamant that they only see each other at their weekly appointments. Naruto was to navigate any problems that cropped up in his life between sessions on his own.

Even driving home slowly, he arrived before Sasuke. When Sasuke did finally make it back, Naruto was waiting for him in the living room, parked in his armchair. He heard snow being stomped from Sasuke's boots on the porch, before the door was opened, and Sasuke entered. He was red-cheeked with cold, but seemed more composed. Some of the tightness in Naruto's chest eased, but not much.

"I made tea," he offered.

"I just want to go to bed." Sasuke passed through the living room without looking at him.

"Sasuke-"

"Later. Not now, I'm…not in the mood."

Naruto swallowed the pain that caused him. When they were both in bed, he lay awake for a long time, listening to Sasuke's even breathing, and staring up at his canopy. He was never able to sleep when they didn't touch.

Itachi woke suddenly and silently, and knew someone was standing over his bed. Over him and Mo. He could feel the threat of the guy, the size of him, the strength of his chakra, and knew he and Mo were probably as good as dead. His eyes were on before they were open, and chakra was blasting around him even as he was turning over.

He saw some hulking shape, saw his son being held awkwardly in the intruder's arms, and was already shouting for Mo to get Kayo and run as he reared up at the guy, both hands blazing with fire.

Naruto rapped the flat of his palm against Itachi's forehead with a look of wary puzzlement. Itachi went down like a load of bricks. Mo was sitting up in bed, blinking blearily at Naruto and her husband both.

Kayo's sleepy cry caused her to groan, but she slid out of bed and left to see about her.

-oOo-

Ichi babbled a whispered question up at Naruto, something unintelligible, but he wasn't listening. Itachi was only unconscious for a minute. Naruto gazed down at him, alert for any further sign of attack as he began coming around.

"Motherfucking Christ," Itachi croaked. He squinted up at Naruto as if just realizing he was there, saw Ichi looking at him curiously, and hauled himself to a standing position. "I have got to be dreaming. The fuck are you doing in my house, holding my kid? Mo?" he called. He reached for Ichi, who dropped into his arms as Naruto released him.

Mo's indistinct voice came from the children's bedroom.

Itachi's head abruptly cleared. "Oh God. No. Not Sasuke, not my brother. Jesus…Jesus." He clutched at Naruto's shirt with panicky strength. "Is he…Oh God, is he?"

"Is he what?" Naruto said.

But no, if Sasuke were hurt or dead, Naruto wouldn't be standing there with that simple-ass look on his face. Itachi tried to sort his thoughts, realizing they were still a bit muddled. He felt dizzy. Remembered attacking Naruto. Naruto's hand lifting toward his face. "What'd you do to me?"

"Disconnected some of your brain synapses for a moment. Short-circuited them, so to speak."

Riiight. "And why are you in my house? How'd you get in?"

"Door was open."

"No it wasn't."

"It was after I twisted the knob."

"Motherf- You broke into my house. For what?"

"To visit."

Itachi went still, staring at him in morbid fascination as he absently bounced a yawning Ichi. A glance at his bedside clock had him re-thinking his retort. "It's three o'clock in the morning."

"I'm aware."

"Are you also aware that people don't 'go visiting' at that hour?"

"You said I could come over anytime. You're family, Sasuke said. You said this too."

Itachi used the excuse of looking down at his sleeping son to buy himself some time to think. "Wait for me in the living room."

Naruto left. Itachi noticed that he didn't make any sound when he moved, and shivered. The knowledge of having that kind of threat just ghosting around the place while he and Mo slept was not going to leave his mind anytime soon.

Once the kids were sleeping, and Mo was back in bed, Itachi joined Naruto out in the living room and looked him up and down, arms folded. "All right, buddy. Suppose you tell me what happened?"

Naruto told of driving over, knocking several times, and hearing the boy come to the door. He'd opened it at that point –which caused Itachi to glance at his broken house door- and entered the apartment. Ichi seemed to want to be picked up, if his raised arms had been any indication. Naruto had obliged him, then gone down the hall to Itachi's room. He'd called Itachi's name, but got no answer.

Itachi pinched his lips in one hand, studying him. "So you just waltzed into my goddamn bedroom?"

Naruto blinked alertly. "Yes."

"The fuck's wrong with you?"

"Excuse me?"

Itachi waved a hand in dismissal. "Wasn't even what I was asking, how you got here. What happened to make you want to visit in the first place, is what I want to know? I assume Sasuke kicked you out or something. Or you guys fought."

Naruto pursed his lips a moment. "He's angry with me. Very angry. I was wondering…hoping…you could maybe tell me why this is all bothering him now. The prank was weeks ago."

Itachi didn't bother to hide his groan. "Don't you have a counselor for this shit?"

"Iruka's firm about only meeting on scheduled days."

"So…wait till then, what. You and Sasuke's issues ain't my problem. Don't be coming up in my house like this over minor shit, scaring the hell out of me. You're likely to get your ass dropped next time."

Naruto puzzled this out a moment, frowning. "I can't come over?"

Something in the low question halted Itachi as he was turning away. Something in the way the blue eyes caught moonlight and glowed. Naruto's mood communicated itself clearly to him just then, and Itachi sensed that it was dangerous. Not overtly or intentionally, but dangerous just the same. Perhaps more so for being unconscious. It was as if he were dealing with some kind of unstable chemical mixture that could explode at the slightest upset. "What is it you want?" he said carefully. "Why'd you come here tonight?"

Naruto got up from where he'd been sitting on the arm of the couch. "To hang out. Talk. Visit. I enjoyed dinner earlier…"

Oh God. "I see. You want a friend."

Naruto's face brightened alarmingly. "Yes. Yes, that's it exactly. A friend. We can be friends, right?"

Itachi considered several responses, not the least of which was commenting on how that last question all but quivered with threatening undertones. He was sure Naruto was unaware of it, but he wasn't. It occurred to him that this was who his brother was living with. Getting to know Naruto better suddenly seemed like a prudent step to take. Correctly assuming that Naruto would respond to a similar display, he pasted a broad, energetic smile on his face. "Sure! Hang on, and I'll get dressed, okay?"

Naruto's smile broadened.

Downstairs and outside the building, Itachi took charge. "Right, well I only have four hours until I have to be at work. A bit less than that, actually, and nothing I know of is open at this hour. Care for a walk?"

Naruto glanced at his truck. "All right."

Itachi was bundled up in a heavy coat, a hat, and scarf, but Naruto seemed fine in a simple long-sleeved tee and his cargo pants. "Don't you feel cold?"

"Not especially. Don't normally feel the elements. My body adjusts to outside stimuli like weather."

"Huh. So what'd you want to talk about exactly? Getting on Sasuke's good side again?"

"Actually…" Naruto spoke for a long time. Well over an hour. "I thought I was becoming more normal. Iruka thinks I am, but apparently I'm just pissing Sasuke off more. These past six months have been heaven, but now…"

"Well, it's only tonight, right?" Itachi asked. "He's only been mad at you tonight?"

"Yes. And the day of the prank."

"And you can't handle one night of his bitchitude? Man, please!"

"I hate when we fight. I don't want him to say he hates me again."

Itachi shook his head. "If he did say it, he wouldn't mean it. Plus, you could milk his guilt afterwards for some killer make-up sex from him."

"I'd never manipulate Sasuke."

"Says the perpetrator of the coolest prank in history. Wish I'd thought of it, but that'd be incest. Yeuchh." Itachi shuddered.

Naruto digested the compliment. "So I should just give him time?"

"Yup. And leave the prank alone. His mood is mostly my fault tonight, but don't go making it worse by saying dumb shit about it to him. We had our fun. Let's leave it at that."

Something Sasuke said earlier came back to Naruto. "Is Mo still angry at me? I didn't mean to be insensitive."

Itachi actually stopped walking to throw his head back and cackle loudly. "Dude! Oh man…do not ever say chauvinistic shit like that to a woman. Never to a pregnant woman, and never to one with a temper like hers. Christ, was she horny tonight after you guys left! Didn't think I'd ever sort her out. Funny as fuck too, how she stabbed you. Wouldn't mind seeing that again." He wiped a tear from his eye. "Good times."

Once the sun had come up, he and Naruto stood outside a cell phone shop while the owner unlocked it. They were the first customers in, and in fact some of the first people to be up and about in the city at all. Itachi bought a simple model, bought a SIM card and a simple plan, and left.

-oOo-

Picking up coffee and bagels along the way, Itachi led Naruto to the park, where they sat at a picnic table. He fiddled with the phone for a few minutes. Naruto watched early joggers and dog-walkers circling the park's track.

"Listen up," Itachi said suddenly. He held the phone up in front of him. "This is a phone. I'm assuming you don't have one."

"I don't," Naruto confirmed. "Sasuke does."

"This is now your phone." He passed it over with all the solemnity of a royal scepter. "Use it well."

Naruto held the phone and looked back and forth between it and Itachi.

"For instance," Itachi said slowly. "You can call me first the next time you feel like visiting at night. See? My number's in there." He walked Naruto through the phone's features one by one.

"Sasuke's name is in here too," Naruto said, concentrating. "And Mo's."

"Yup. And you can do cool things like send messages. Like this." He pulled out his phone.

Naruto jumped when his hummed in his hand. Carefully pressing a button, he pulled up the message. "How do I send one back?"

Itachi showed him, and showed him the nifty feature of ring tones. "So you can know who's calling before you even touch it. But I have to get to work." He stood and bit off a huge chunk of bagel. "You good?"

"What?" Naruto was punching something into his phone with glacial deliberation, completely absorbed. "Yes…Oh…there's a clock on here. I have work too."

Itachi reached across the table and clapped Naruto's rock hard shoulder. "Call next time, 'kay? Or text me, whichever." He paused, an idea coming to him. "You mind if I come over sometime?"

Naruto didn't look up. "…No. Welcome anytime."

Perfect. He left Naruto staring at his new toy.

Sasuke was already on the job. The sniff he got in response to his greeting reminded him that his brother was mad at him too. Itachi sat at the entire wall of screens he managed without a second thought for Sasuke. He was more than capable of waiting the frosty mood out.

Once Sasuke thawed, though, Itachi planned on having a serious conversation about his brother's choice in bedmates. Naruto wasn't just eccentric, as he'd thought all this time. Dude was fucking crazy, plain and simple.

Ten minutes later, his phone buzzed. Pulling it out, he saw a text from Naruto: Thank you.

Meh, Itachi thought. Maybe he's not so bad.