Disclaimer: Not mine… Based on the song Lady Blue of Enrique Bunbury. Set sometime on the future after COE.

Nothing Left Behind…

Today I am going to start. Today is the beginning of the end…

He was resting on bed; the drapes were open, finding himself staring at the space without interest, just to kill time, and most of all to avoid sleeping, which he had prohibited himself to do so long time ago. His sanity was a stake so no sleeping for him. The ship started to struggle and now lights were all over the dark space, asteroids he thought. The crew was now alive, and to his disappointment, there was no more silence, he could hear some of them yelling orders, other trying to calm each other. Just for a second he could have sworn he heard Gwen's voice, but that was impossible. She was probably at home safe with Rhys or holding her baby. He then remember last time he seen her. She begged him not to go, she could not understand, he tried to explain but at the end she still could not get it. There were too many deaths on his list to stay on earth and start again.

Everything is meaningless. Nothing is more worrisome. And space is a place so empty without you…

When John found out what happened he offered to accompany him. They were both alone now, and at one time, they had been great together. He had refused. He did not wanted any one by his side, but one and that was impossible now. In a spilt of a second he had finally understand the true meaning of the word love, and is not what everybody thinks it is. That day, that moment he had been willing to give up everything, to sacrifice anyone, not to lose him, but life has karma and it collects when you least expect it, when you have less to give. There had been other besides John, others how thought they could save him, others who took pity on him. He did not want their pity or concern he had giving up wanting. It was just a hopeless thing.

You would not see again the sad looking kid who would stare at the sky…

In one of many of the cases Torchwood had work on, there was one about an organism on the shape of gas, which feed itself on orgasmic climax. At the end of the case the organism had died and he had pronounce the words that were now stomping inside his head like a prophecy, "Travel half way across the universe for the greatest sex, and you still end up dying alone." He had forgotten them the minute after only to remember them when holding dying Ianto on his arms. Then he noticed how late it was. If he had just… Then he smiled and an escaping tear rolled down his face with him noticing. "Woulda, coulda, shoulda." Those words are meaningless once the action had been perform, Ianto had explained it to him one of those time when he tried to apologize, and the young man was too hurt to forgave him. Ianto, everyday he tried hard to forget him and everyday something happened that would make him remember the young Welshman. The smell of coffee, the pronunciation of a word, the color red, small thing now full of meaning. Ianto was his big reason to avoid sleeping, if he slept, he would dream. If he dreamed, he would dream with Ianto, his smile, his soft hands, his deep blue eyes. And he just wanted to forget and die once for all, so the suffering would stop, so he could be with Ianto.

Loneliness is such an empty place without you…

Without control, without direction…

The light is gone, where am I going?

Now he was just wondering around, without staying in one place too long. In a way, he had become like the Doctor now jumping from one place to another, avoiding earth most of the time. He wanted it to end, he wanted to be able to rest, but he did not know when that would be possible, that made the wait endless. There was a moment of calm outside, only to be follow by more yelling, someone knock at his door saying something about an asteroid rain, evacuation of the ship and that if he wanted to get out alive he had to move now. He did not answer, too tired to plan another great escapade, maybe this time he would get it right and finally die, maybe he was asking for too much. Ianto had told him that in a thousand years Jack would not remember him, Jack had proven it impossible. How could he forget he did not told Ianto, he love him; that the last time they talked they fought; that he had failed to revive him, and that every day he had to suppress the need of taking out his vortex manipulator and go back in time, grab Ianto and keep him forever. He looked at it, now sitting by his side on the bed, he had fixed long ago, and one day when he could not help himself, he had gone back, his last trip to earth.

He stood there in front of Ianto's flat one early morning waiting for him, at the beginning he had just wanted to see him, but the passing time he had begun to consider kidnapping. He saw him get out, and his heart jumped, he could not move, he hesitated and then when courage had finally gathered on his body again, there was an SUV between them. He saw Ianto get in it, smile, and kiss the conductor. Never on his life had he felt so much envy of himself. He had become a green monster of envy towards the Jack of the past who unlike him could have Ianto any time, and did not know how precious their time was. He decided to retire and let life take his course, without Ianto by his side.

Since today do not be afraid of nothing, there is no need any more…

Everything left with the hurricane…

Nothing remains of the turns that time gave us…

Only silence remains again, soft echoes on the distant. He gets up, without taking his eyes of the window, so beautiful outside. They would probably crash in to the next planet or rock. Not really caring anymore, closes the drapes and goes back to bed. A deep breath, eyes closed, finally sleep welcomes him with a smile he so deeply knows by heart, he could see him now waiting for him.

Notes: I lost my heart over this… It's non-beta so please forgive me for the mistakes… Thanks for taking the time and reading this…