Omake 2: Cliches in Touhou Fanfiction xm0123 is tired of seeing.

It's a beautiful day at the Hakurei Shrine. Two girls were standing on the steps to the entrance. The one with dark hair said, "Hey there, everyone! I'm Reimu Hakurei!"

The other one said, "And I'm Marisa Kirisame!"

Reimu continued, "As you know, Touhou has become a phenomenon in the doujin community. It is not only a SHMUP series with a lot of popularity, it's a series that has also spawned fan-made music, fiction, artwork, games, and much much more!"

Marisa interjected, "But just because it's got Touhou branded on it doesn't automatically mean it's good!"

Reimu spoke, "Take for example fanfiction. Touhou fanfiction is like the fanfiction of any other franchise: some of it is good, some of it is bad, and some of it is really, really weird."

Marisa added, "But there are some things happenin' in Touhou fanfics that we are tired of seeing. Many of the things we'll list happens in a lot of fandoms, but Touhou is no exception, either, ze! And with this out of the way, our first item!"

Cliche #1: Killing off characters meaninglessly.

Reimu said, "There's nothing wrong with killing off a character. If done correctly, it can add gravitas to the story."

Marisa added, "But if done poorly, it'll just look like a half-assed attempt at making a soap opera out of a fairly lighthearted (for the most part) franchise."

Reimu scowled, "Besides, have you ever wondered what would happen if we really did get killed off?"

Reimu was sweeping the walks of the shrine. Suddenly, a sakura petal landed on her head. She quickly collapsed and whispered, "Yargh. I got dead."

The Yakumo clan suddenly showed up. Yukari shouted, "Noooooooooooo! She was like my god-daughter!"

Ran pointed out, "Wait; in this fanon, if the Shrine still stands, the Boundary will remain in place. One of us is just gonna have to protect it until the Hakurei clan produces another-"

-A petal landed on the shrine and made it crumble into a million little pieces, then a petal landed on Yukari and killed her-

"-Heir?"

Chen cried, "Waaaagh! Yukari-babaa is dead!"

Ran stated, "I too am overcome with grief."

All of a sudden, Reimu came back. "What are you two doing here?"

Chen shouted, "REIMU-CHAAAAAAAAAN!" She hugged her tightly, "We thought you were deeeeeeeead!"

Reimu choked, "I was, but the Yama said I still had much to accomplish, so they let me ressurect. Or they said it was because I still had an extra life, I can't remember."

Ran asked, "Wait, what about Yukari?"

"She's out in the outside world right now, said something about wanting to get away from the weirdness of Gensokyo for a while."

Cliche #2: Overuse memes.

Reimu pointed out, "A franchise as popular as Touhou is bound to produce popular slogans among the fans."

Marisa noted, "However, many of these memes contradict canon, or are just plain irritating."

Reimu added, "Now, a few memes can be useful, especially if you're doing something non-serious. Even references to memes from other products of pop culture can add spice."

Marisa said, "But remember, too many whatevers spoil the broth. Watch what happens when you rely too much on memes."

Alice was fuming because the ordinary witch stoled her precious things. Again. "Oh, how I hate you!" She snapped to herself. Then she suddenly had this adorable dreamy look on her face, "And yet, how your eyes make my heart melt!" Sparkles could be seen and heard around her, before she twisted her face, "Oh, who am I kiddingǃ? She's a monster in human's skin!" And then she looked adorable again, "And what gorgeous skin she has! Oh Mari-sama! How my heart flutters!"

Elsewhere, Reimu showed up at the Moriya Shrine. Sanae was there, showing off her delicious miko armpits, despite the fact that doing so was in violation of Reimu's copyright, but that's not why the red-and-white girl was here. The visitor demanded, "Donations, please!"

Suwako showed up, "Don't try to drain her funds! Sanae is a good girl!"

Sanae scolded, "Don't butt in, Su-Wacko! I can handle myself!" She addressed Reimu, "I'm afraid I can't spare you any change, but I know saying that won't make you go away. Is there anything else I can do for you?"

Reimu said, "Let us settle our differences with an otaku's shooting game."

Sanae boasted, "So be it!" She drew out some cards, "I activate Esoterica: Gray Thaumaturgy, Wonder: Night With Bright Guest Stars, and Miracle: Miracle Fruit!" A huge number of danmaku formed around her.

Reimu pointed out, "Wait, did you just activate three spell cards simultaneously?"

Sanae answered, "Yeah, so?"

Reimu argued, "You can't use more than one spell card at a time! That's against the rules!"

Sanae countered, "Screw the rules! I have green hair!"

Reimu observed, "Yes, it's very lovely . . . wait! You can't go against the rules! I made them!"

Sanae exclaimed, "Baka Reimu! No one is above the spell cards rules, not even you!"

Reimu screamed, "URUSAI URUSAI!"

Sanae noted, "Wait, how the heck could you know about Shanaǃ? I'm the anime fan here!"

Reimu calmly answered, "Yukari told me. She likes to fool around like that."

Sanae said, "But still, you think my knowledge of anime could be a result of the Moriya Shrine Conspiracy?"

Reimu darkly warned, "Templates like that are forbidden."

Meanwhile, near the Scarlet Devil Mansion, it was night-time, and Remilia was going for a stroll outside. So were the Three Fairies. But the three fairies did something stupid, and had to scatter. Star, being the only smart one, got out in one piece, before Remilia spotted her.

The normally composed Remilia suddenly shouted, "CHARISMA BREAK!" She then said in a sickeningly sweet voice, "This faiwy is adowable! I'm gonna take her home with me!"

She grabbed Star and spun her around, like a RemiliStarCopter.

Cliche #3: Portraying characters out of character

Reimu started with, "Given the sketchy details within the canon, it's possible to interpret Touhou characters in many different ways, and yet still feel believable."

Marisa complemented with, "However, it's still possible to write us completely OOC. Even given the freedom of our franchise, it happens more often than we would care to admit."

Reimu continued, "OOC-ness can occur from many different methods: character worship, character bashing, oversimplification of characterization, moefication (see A Touhou Fanfiction About Nothing Part 4.5), sudden-uncharacteristic-awesomeness, and any others I might be forgetting. Now, in some stories, it's possible for the character to develop in such a way that may do something that would be OOC in the actual canon, but make perfect sense in a fanon.

Marisa spliced in, "But that is the exception, not the norm. Watch what happens when we butcher your precious loli darlings.

Reimu was flying through Gensokyo, sealing every youkai she could find, "DIE THE DEATH! SENTENCE TO DEATH! GREAT EQUALIZER IS THE DEATH!" she bellowed.

She happened to fly by Marisa, who was handing out money and food to passerbys.

Meanwhile, Flandre was stewing in the basement, "KILL! KIIIIIIIIIIIIIIILL!"

Remilia came in, delivering some blood, "Sup, sis! Sa-koo-yuh got some hog's blood earlier, and-"

"-I AM NOT YOUR BOOTLICK!"

Remilia recoiled, "Dude, like, chill out! That berserker act is gettin' old, girl. You gotta be more like me, more up to date!"

Flandre hammed, "YOU TOLD ME THAT THE LAST TIME YOU CAME! STOP REPEATING YOUR NOISES ALREADY!"

Remilia reacted, "Ohmigawd, stop being so psycho!" She offered the blood, "I was just giving you your blood for the week. I'm gonna go somewhere else with less drama now."

Flandre dug into her offering, "BLOOD! BLOOD! BLOOD! BLOOD!"

Elsewhere, Yuyuko was telling Youmu something, "Those rabbits in the Bamboo Forest were utterly delicious! A shame they won't be able to live from now on."

Youmu replied, "I hear that!"

Elsewhere, in the Myouren temple, Byakuren was giving a speech, "Peace is a lie! Humans must be destroyed!"

Nazrin asked, "But Mother Hijiri, didn't you used to be a human a long time ag-"

-ZAP! "SILENCE!"

Lastly, Medicine Melancholy was speaking to herself, "Humans and youkai are such wonderful people, Su-san! Organisms are just as wonderful as constructs like me! I hope we can all get along, forever and ever!"

The best cliche for last: make an OC of yourself stranded in Gensokyo.

Reimu slurred, "Aaahhhhhhhhhh, yeeeeeeah. This is it, the most common cliche in Touhoudom. Tons of people have done it, few have done it correctly."

Marisa pointed out, "We know you wanna live in Gensokyo; lotsa people do. But, if you're gonna write a piece of fiction about it, you still have to apply storytelling conventions to it, otherwise, you'll end up looking stupid."

"And also, no human from the outside world is gonna learn magic to rival Ran in a matter of weeks! Oh, also, there are already two human characters in the actual canon who can already fill this role in: Maribel, and Renko. Why can't you use them more oftenǃ?"

Marisa then said, "Besides, do you know what would happen if a fanfic author really did suddenly end up in Gensokyo?"

(sigh) Another boring day is over. Maybe I can get some sleep. I slipped underneath my covers and fell asleep. A few hours went by. I couldn't remember what I am dreaming about, though. I then woke up, but, I wasn't in my bed. And these sheets were not mine, either. When my vision focused, the ceiling looked brown . . . and wooden.

What the hell?

I heard a woman's voice say something, but I couldn't understand it. In a few more seconds, I saw a young woman's face look over me. She had long blonde hair (real blonde hair, too! Not that fake stuff I saw too much back in high school!) and smiled, "Hello!"

"Um, hello? Where am I?"

I then noticed this woman was wearing an elaborate white dress and long gloves. I've been kidnapped by a Victorian era fashionista, it would seem. She told me, "I'll explain in a moment. First, stand up."

I got up. I then noticed . . . she had purple eyes. Nice contacts, I must say. I asked, "Who might you be?"

She said, "Oh, where are my manners? I am Yukari Yakumo."

Wait, Yukari? That's a common girl's name . . . in Japan. Also, Yakumo sounds distinctly Japanese, but something's not right. "Really? Uh, try not to take offense, but you don't look Japanese at all. You look Caucasian." I think saying "White Chick" would be rude in this circumstance.

She laughed, "Oh, you silly little boy! Your concept of human ethnicities does not apply to me. I am not human."

" . . . Are you an alien?"

She laughed even more, "No, not at all! In my native language, I am called, 'youkai'."

" . . .Wait, youkai, like those things from Inuyasha? Ugh, why am I thinking about that? I hate that show!"

Yukari continued, "I can't think of an accurate translation of youkai into English, but think of me as a witch that cannot die by conventional means. Of course, I'm not a true 'Magician' in the sense that I have not mastered a ton of different magic, but think of me as a witch."

I did a doubletake, "Wait, witch? Magic? You saying those are real?"

She nodded.

I stammered, "Ah crap! I'm tripping balls! I'm speaking to a woman of the Far East with purple eyes and thinks magic is real!"

Yukari reminded me, "But it is real. That's how I brought you here."

Right then, a woman in a white robe walked in. A woman . . . with fox tails coming from her back? She said, "Oh, he's awake."

Yukari said, "He's all yours, now. I'm going to sleep." Yukari was then swallowed up by a portal that had ribbons on it. What?

The fox woman walked up to me. Her eyes were yellow . . . but I don't think those were contacts. She addressed me, "Welcome to Gensokyo."

" . . . Huh?"

"Gensokyo; in your native tongue, it would be translated as, 'Land of Illusion.' Think of this as Wonderland, but in a remote region of Nippon, or in your tongue, Japan. I am Ran, shikigami of Yukari."

I interrupted, "Wait, did you just say you're a shinigami?"

She shook her head, "No I'm not, but there are shinigami in Gensokyo." Whoa. "And yes, they know about Death Note." Holy shit. "But enough of that. I am a shikigami, one who is bound to another. I too am a youkai, though more specifically, a kitsune."

I said, "Wait, I know that one! You're a firefox!"

"Um, not quite. I was a fox with superpowers, yes, but these days, I find my human form more versatile." She cleared her throat, "But yes, everything you thought was make-believe in the outside is real in Gensokyo. Fairies, youkai, vampires, gods, magic, it's not fantasy here, it is a part of our daily lives. In fact, we even have catgirls."

Just then, I saw a little girl . . . with cat ears. But they didn't look like the cat ears you wore; they looked like her real ears. She started talking, but I couldn't understand her, Japanese, I guess? She and Ran discussed something. Ran turned to me, "This is Chen. She is my own shikigami. She doesn't know English yet, beyond simple phrases. Watch."

Chen looked at me, "Haro. Eet ees gud too meeta yee-uu."

I responded, "Uh, yeah, likewise."

She tilted her head, "Nani?" Hey, I understood that!

Ran spoke some more, then the catgirl ran off somewhere. Ran told me, "Stick with me. I can translate for you."

I asked, "Why? Are we going somewhere?"

She said, "We need to run some errands. Yukari has demanded that you come with me, and see Gensokyo for yourself."

I replied, "Okay, but why me?"

Ran stated, "She takes interests in humans from the outside world that fascinate her. You must've done something to catch her eye."

How does writing fanfics about characters from cult classic video games get the interest of someone like her? Regardless, Ran led me out of the house. I got to see this Gensokyo with my own eyes, and it was truly breathtaking. No pollution anywhere, the sky displayed many vibrant colors, and I could see wisps of light dancing in the distance. "Can you fly?" Ran questioned.

"Fly? No! I'm not a bird!"

She said, "I see." She then started to hover a few inches [Author's Note: Noticed that I used an imperial measurement just now? It's because I, being an American, wouldn't normally use metrics like any other time I would describe measurements in this series! File this one under Fringe Brilliance.] off the ground. "I'll try not to stray too far from you, then."

Whoa, she can fly! Okay, so I guess magic does exist. Then again, I suppose a fox woman would know how to do that. I walked and admired the scenery as Ran flew around me, making sure nothing caught me. I still couldn't get over how beautiful this place is. I couldn't help but say, "I feel like I'm living in a portrait."

"Nanoka~?" That was the last thing I ever heard.

. . .

I was standing in a courtroom. The judge was a woman . . . with green hair. (Never cared for green hair personally. I'm more partial to pink hair myself.) She ordered, "Name of OC, you have been judged that you are worthy to live again."

I responded, "Wait, what? Live again? Am I dead? Wait . . . does that mean you're God?"

She answered, "Yes, you are dead. No, I am not Kami-sama. I am Shikieiki Yamaxanadu." Cool name. "Based on my observation, you have not done enough for the world outside of Gensokyo yet. When you wake up, you will think this was nothing more than a dream."

. . .

I woke up, this time, in my bedroom. I have to remember not to take my Mentats before bed. [Second Author's Note: Please don't request me to write Fallout fanfiction. I don't know enough about that series to do so properly, anyway.]

Reimu said, "And that's all the cliches that we are tired of seeing!"

Marisa added, "Or at least the ones we bothered to cover."

Reimu told the readers, "Just remember, when you put your fanfiction online, potentially, millions of people could read it. If you don't want to look stupid, make sure you know what you're doing."

Marisa commented, "Otherwise, you'll look like Cirno in our eyes, and that's the last thing you need from us." After that, the camera panned away, signaling the end of the program, or . . . if this were a video of some sort, that's how it would've ended.

[Third Author's Note: I have more ideas for my Touhou fanfics, however, I want to wait until the retail version of Ten Desires comes out. It may influence my fanfics greatly, including the direction I'll take Touhou Omake in for part 3. So I say sit tight and wait until that comes out before I publish anything else Touhou-related.]