A/N This is written in Bella's point of view during New Moon after Edward leaves and Bella allows herself to grieve for the first time. I don't own Twilight or this song (When it Rains). They belong to Stephanie Meyers and Paramore, respectively.

When It Rains


And when it rains on this side of town
It touches everything
Just say it again and mean it
We don't miss a thing

I got into my truck slowly and turned the volume up on the CD player sitting in my lap. The music blasted through the headphones till my ears began to hurt. Good, I thought. Maybe now the song will drown out my thoughts. I pulled out of my driveway and drove to school.

When I got there I grabbed my stuff and tucked my CD player under my jacket so that it wouldn't get ruined. I walked slowly to my first class not even noticing the rain that was steadily coming down harder. I was drenched by the time I walked into the building.

You made yourself a bed at the bottom
of the blackest hole (blackest hole)
and convinced yourself
that it's not the reason you don't see the sun anymore

How dare he just walk away like that, I thought angrily. Ever since I heard the first hallucination of his voice it hadn't been as painful to think about him anymore. Now I just wanted to be angry. He acted like we were hopeless but he didn't seem to have that view when he tricked me into prom last year. Not when he saved my life multiple times and promised to always love me. Stupid vampires, I muttered under my breath so no one could hear. Stupid vampire with a God complex who seems to enjoy being miserable.

and no (oh) how could you do it
(oh I) I never saw it coming
(no oh) I need an ending
So why can't you stay
Just long enough to explain

I kind of knew that he was leaving. That was obvious but I honestly thought that he would be taking me with him. I had been prepared to leave everything I knew behind to be with him. I would have given up my humanity to be with him. And he was willing to give me up.

The worst part was I still didn't know why. It may shatter my already broken heart to hear the real reasons he left but I had to know. Why couldn't he just explain? After all I had been through for the Cullen's didn't he at least owe me that much. Even if he didn't love me anymore couldn't he muster that much compassion for me.

And when it rains
You always find an escape
Just running away
From all of the ones who love you
From everything
You made yourself a bed at the bottom
Of the blackest hole (blackest hole)
And you'll sleep till May
You'll say that you don't want to see the sun anymore

But why should I be surprised? Isn't that what Edward does best, run away? When I first came here he ran away to the Denali clan. He had been trying to leave me even before he was with me. Just now he was finally able to.

The school day passed and I didn't even notice it. I never really notice anything anymore. I threw my bag angrily into my truck as I climbed in. Just like that morning I blasted my music. For the first time I heard the lyrics to the song I was listening to. It was Paramore, one of my favorite bands.


and no (oh) how could you do it
(oh I) I never saw it coming
(no oh) I need an ending
So why can't you stay
Just long enough to explain

I let the music and rhythm wash over me as I focused on the words. Haley's voice beautifully echoed the thoughts I was thinking in Forks, Washington where it never seemed to stop raining.

(Explain your side, Take my side)
Take these chances to turn it around
Take these chances we'll make it somehow
And Take these chances and turn it around
Just turn it around.

On a sudden urge I drove down the road that lead to our secret meadow. I found the road that ended in a small footpath. I didn't take the path; instead I foolish stepped into the trees. I had no clue where I was going but something pulled me forward. Maybe my sense of direction wasn't as bad as I thought it was or maybe my subconscious had memorized the path to the meadow. That last theory wouldn't surprise me. Didn't I tuck away every memory I had with him so that I could recall every word, gesture, and moment?

Finally I saw the green light slowly shift to yellow and I broke through the trees into the meadow. It wasn't the same, I thought with disappointment. It wasn't the same without him. I sat down in the center of the field with a defeated sigh. There wasn't anything special about this meadow without him and it didn't even shock me. Without him here there was nothing special about this town or me even. Suddenly my anger took hold of me.

I picked up a rock lying next to me and stood up. I let out a furious scream as I hurled the rock as hard as I could at the nearest tree. Thanks to my lack of hand eye coordination I completely missed the tree I was aiming for. Still it kind of felt good. A new kind of adrenaline shot through me. It was the I'm so pissed off at the world and I'm not going to stop screaming and throwing things till everything is right again kind of adrenaline.

I picked up another rock and threw it into the darkness of the forest.

and no (oh) how could you do it
(oh I) I never saw it coming
no (oh) how could you do it
(oh I) I never saw it coming
no (oh) how could you do it
(oh I) I never saw it coming and
(no oh) I need an ending
So why can't you stay
Just long enough to explain

"How could you do this to me?" I screamed at no one as I continued throwing rocks. "Do you have any idea how much you hurt me?!" This felt good. I was sick of being the weak one. The weak link in a family full of vampires.

"Do you always have to be so self-righteous? Is that how you get your kicks?" I was yelling even louder even though I had sunk to my knees. "What, were you too happy with me and got sick of it and wanted us to both be miserable again? Or did you not even care about me to begin with and this was all some sick joke?"

"Stupid, self-righteous vampire," I muttered to myself again. "Tell me why you did this." I demanded hoping that the hallucinations would return and bring answers with them.

"I loved you and you just walked away." I yelled. "You could at least give me a better explanation, Edward."

My anger evaporated as I yelled his name. I laid down in the grass as my mental damn broke and let in all the grief I had been holding back over the past several months. Tears formed in my eyes and I didn't even bother fighting them back.

As the tears spilled down my cheek I knew that I couldn't really hate Edward, I loved him too much. I still wished he would explain to me why he left. Even if he just wanted to tell me that I wasn't good enough for him I didn't care. All that mattered was that he would be here with me.

You can take your time, take my time.

I didn't even know how long I laid there crying. Finally my tears ran out and I finally got up. As I left I didn't even both taking one last look at the meadow I was leaving behind. There was no magic in the world without Edward by my side.