Calling on Angels

Chapter 2

Notes: Thanks to everyone for the lovely messages, well wishes and reviews ;) – sorry for the delay, have so much to do before the end of the year ROFL :)

Have to add another small apology, this was initially a two part story, but then another idea hit me, so I'm following it through ... and this is now a three part story ... don't worry, I know, I'm rolling my eyes too LOL :)

Also, Just so you know, I'm not a fan of the new Ruby, I keep hoping Sammy will accidently use his mojo on her (crosses fingers and toes) LOL :)

All mistakes are still my own.

And if I don't chat to you before ... I wish you all the very best for 2009!

Warning: Phoebe-esque Language (wiggles eyebrows)

His heart was breaking, as surely as he was sitting there, desperately clinging to his dying brother, still rocking him slowly to a soundless rhythm. He could actually feel the shattering in his chest, splintering into his soul, and it hurt. God, it hurt so bad ... just like before, and to think he'd almost forgotten ... almost.

The ache was slowly moving up his throat, choking off his breath with each deep sob as tears streamed down his cheeks and to the tip of his nose before finally dripping onto Dean's too pale skin.

"… I'll do anything … give anything …"

Sam's voice quivered, his thumb rubbing a feather light trail across Dean's scrapped and bleeding brow, down and along his cheekbone. He couldn't tear his eyes away … knew he was trying to memorize his brother's face again, just in case, and it made him feel sick to his stomach. Dean still hadn't moved, but as long as he was breathing, Sam could deal.

"Please God, I know I have no right to ask, but please … help my brother … don't forsake him … not again."

The words faltered on his trembling lips as he tried to pray; to ask for help that he knew wouldn't come. He'd been here before, done this before … and he already knew the outcome. So he wasn't prepared for the calm voice beside him, or the cool, firm hand on his shoulder.

"Don't be afraid, Sam."

He looked up, blinking at the figure standing over him. The light from the streetlamp overhead forming a shimmering halo around the expressionless face.

"Castiel?"

The hand moved away, and with it the fleeting feeling of comfort and warmth. Words just pored from his mouth then … he wasn't ashamed to beg, he was ready to do whatever it took.

"Please, don't let him die … I don't want anything … I know there's nothing I can give … just please …"

Castiel didn't miss the war of emotions flitting across Sam's face as he gazed down with such intense love at his brother, lightly brushing his fingers over Dean's lids to gently close his eyes. The reason Sam had been spared to fight this battle with Dean was becoming more evident to him.

Sam felt like he was dying inside, he couldn't bear to look of those sightless green orbs anymore … eyes that still haunted his dreams.

"What happened?"

"A car … speeding … hit and run … I don't know …"

Sam looked up at Cas again, he was just standing there, patient and silent, and he knew he'd given the wrong answer.

"Fight … Dean and I had a fight … about Ruby."

The angels head was tilted slightly to the side, as if contemplating Sam's words, one eyebrow lifted in what could only be construed as a look of mild confusion.

"You were fighting … over a demon."

It was more a statement then a question.

"It was stupid," Sam knew that now, "I just thought … but I should have known … I didn't mean for it … and now this …"

He couldn't seem to find a way to express himself, didn't know how to explain his actions to Castiel. He still felt awkward around the angel, probably because the angel was just as awkward around people if their first handshake was anything to go by. Sam had never really had a meaningful discussion with Castiel and he sure as shit didn't want to be discussing the merits of his friendship with a demon with a holy entity. But right now he didn't really care about the why and how for's, he just wanted Dean back, wanted his brother to stay alive, at any friggin cost. He cast pleading eyes towards Cas, Cas who was now crouching beside them. He looked awkward, like he wasn't used to stooping.

"Do you know why your brother was saved Sam?"

The voice was soft, measured, and it was starting to make Sam seriously pissed. What kind of a question was that to ask at a time like this? He wanted help, he wanted some holy mojo, some miracle to save Dean, he didn't want a heart to heart. He watched as Cas laid his right hand on Dean's forehead, crystal blue eyes looking down at his seriously wounded charge with a cool detachment Sam had become used to seeing on the angels face. Cas looked up at him again, obviously waiting for an answer.

"'Cause God … has work for him to do?"

It was what Dean had said. Sam didn't mention that it was also the only hope he had that Dean would be saved right now … because God obviously needed him for some bigger purpose.

Castiel's eyes locked with Sam's.

"That came after … after my Father instructed me to pull Dean from perdition."

It was Sam's turn to look confused.

"After? But I thought …"

The angel continued as if Sam hadn't spoken.

"The reason Dean was saved, the reason he was chosen, was because every single day … without fail, for the 40 years he spent in damnation … Dean prayed."

Whatever he'd been expecting the angel to say, this wasn't it. He lost his voice for a few seconds as those words swirled around inside his head, making him dizzy.

Dean had prayed. His brother, Dean.

He had been tortured and decimated, had suffered untold horrors, done the same to other souls from his own confession, but he had also … prayed.

His mouth opened and closed … his throat suddenly dry, but a slight shuddering movement from Dean drew Sam's eyes back to his brother and instant panic assailed him when he realized Dean had stopped breathing, had become a dead weight and was fucking dying in his arms. He started shaking him frantically.

"NO … nonono!"

… and Cas was just watching, letting it happen? Sam's voice rose in panic.

"He's dying … please … do something …"

The angels hand calmly moved from Dean's forehead to gently clasp and support Dean's neck, a small frown on his otherwise stoic face.

"Breath, Dean."

Sam heard his own trembling gasp turn to a sigh of relief, eyes wide with wonder as Dean took a shallow breath on Castiel's demand. He was almost expecting Dean to 'rise and awaken', but that didn't happen and Cas just continued talking as if he hadn't just performed a fucking miracle.

"… for the first 30 years he didn't pray for himself, he didn't pray for redemption … every single prayer that he sent up to heaven … every single one … was to look out for you, Sam … and keep you safe."

Sam couldn't breathe, he didn't want to hear this … wasn't ready for this kind of burden … it was too painful … but Castiel seemed oblivious to the effects of his words and carried on undeterred.

"And then every single prayer for the 10 years after … they were for forgiveness … absolution for what he was doing to others."

Sam thought his tight throat would cut off his air supply any second now and he battled to swallow down the pain he felt. Dean, his big brother, had never stopped protecting him.

The air around them grew still, giving Sam a minute to compose himself as he gripped his brother tighter to his chest … no sounds, just the almost musical tempo of their combined breaths. He watched nervously as Castiel moved his hand firmly over Dean's chest, abdomen, and then carefully over his arms and legs. Sam knew he was checking for injuries, Dean's body arching slightly into each touch, breath faultering momentarily, before evening out. When he seemed satisfied with his assessment, his hand returned to Dean's forehead before his voice broke the silence.

"What did you say to him, Sam?"

He wished he could go back in time, take back those words.

"I told him … I told him to go to hell ..."

Castiel's eyes flashed, instantly changing to a stormy blue.

"But I didn't mean it, I was angry …"

The angel's voice reverberated with such intense energy that Sam was suddenly taken aback by the force of it.

"You have no idea of the meaning, Sam … hell is very real … men stronger than your brother broke, your own father broke … but Dean held on. You cannot even comprehend what that means … you'll never fully understand … but I can give you a glimpse."

Before Sam could respond, Castiel had tilted his head to the side and pressed his finger to the centre of Sam's forehead. The connection was like an electric shock. He felt like he was being plugged into the entire universe. It was a rush of excitement, of wonder, and fucking terrifying beyond belief … he'd never been so scared in all his life. It lasted just for a moment, but it felt like a lifetime. Feeling the power flowing from that touch, flashes of things he couldn't describe, pieces of Castiel's memories, of Dean's … it was all too much … and Sam screamed.

He blinked against the white light, eye's finally adjusting. The angel was holding him and Dean steady in a half embrace, and Sam realized he must have momentarily blanked out. But as things came back into focus, so did the brief glimpse into hell … and for the first time he understood why Dean could never explain or share what had happened to him in the pit. Because Sam had no words of his own. Castiel was talking again, voice calming his racing heartbeat as he tried to concentrate on his words.

"His thoughts were filled each day with the hope that you'd save him, Sam. It's what carried him, even when he knew that nobody would come."

Sam had no idea how Dean could have possibly lasted as long as he had. He thought that living without Dean was hell, the knowledge of what was happening to his brother in the pit, that had been hell … but when you got down to it, actually got a small taste, just a brief glimpse as he had just done … he wondered how Dean was able to even function and not be completely fucking insane.

"God heard your prayers, Sam … he heard Dean's prayers …"

And Sam suddenly felt like a selfish sonnavabitch … he had no right … no right to judge or question … and he was going to do everything in his power to try and fix this … try and help Dean cope … cause God, there was no way one man could cope with the burden that Dean was carrying around … not without eventually breaking … and Sam wouldn't ever let that happen to his brother again. Never.

"Help is here, Sam."

The shop owner, who hadn't made an appearance since the accident, and Sam thought that Castiel probably had something to do with that, was directing the ambulance which stopped a few feet away. He hadn't even heard it's arrival as he watched the doors swinging open and a paramedic jump down, reaching for a gurney and other medical equipment.

"Will he be okay?"

Sam turned back to look at Cas … the angel was gone, but for the first time in a long time he didn't feel alone.

TBC