Hi guys, here is the second chapter I've been agonizing over. Sorry for such a late update, between a near fatal computer issue and my other writing stuff, this was put on the back burner. Thanks for reading! I love hearing what you think!
CHAPTER 2
"Danny?" she asked. She was suspicious. It was too quiet in their apartment. She knew he was home, she saw their car parked down the street. Usually the girls would be dancing or singing, watching tv way too loudly, or resisting taking a bath. So it was definitely too quiet.
"I'm in here," she heard him call from the living room.
"That smells good. Where are the girls?" She asked as she kissed him sweetly on the cheek.
"They are spending the night with my Ma. Dinner won't be ready for another 30 minutes. So why don't you go get comfortable, take a shower, call to say goodnight to the girls."
"I think I will," she answered. She was about to walk away but she paused, "Danny if this is about last night, you didn't have to do all this."
"It's not. Well I mean yeah it is, but not entirely. I'm just sorry Montana. I shouldn't have picked a fight with you."
"It's okay. I know you are under a lot of pressure," she answered with a shrug.
"No, Lindsay it's not okay. And you shouldn't let me off the hook for being an ass."
"Well I never said I let you off the hook," she said cheekily.
"That's my girl," he said with a smile. He stood there for a moment. Dinner forgotten. He was just so happy she was with him.
"Come here," she said, breaking his meditation and pulling his face to hers for a kiss.
She missed him. A night and a work day away from him made her irritation, from their argument, dissolve. Now she just wanted to be close to him again. He responded when she deepened the kiss. Her tongue caressed and aroused, and her small hands travelled from his chest to his hips. He was ready to chuck the pasta into the garbage when she pulled away.
"I think I'll go take that shower before dinner," she said.
He groaned.
…
He tried to concentrate on the pasta sauce. He tried to stir slowly and clockwise as he heard the door to the bathroom close. He tried not to think about Lindsay naked turning on the shower. He imagined her standing in the swirling steam as she tested the temperature of the shower. He had to actually grip onto the counter to stop himself from walking in there. This was his idea after all. He needed to apologize for being a grade A ass. And then he could try to make her forget why she always stupidly stuck by him, and put up with his bullshit. They needed time to talk first. About their fight.
Their fight. He knew it wasn't about how they could help Louie, rather it was how he reacted to Louie's addictions. He wished this would be a fast conversation. Unfortunately it was years long, filled with hurt and guilt, fear and duty and it wouldn't be solved tonight.
Lindsay really ruined his plans to talk when she came out of their bedroom in just an oversized t-shirt. Her hair was still damp, and the water pooled at the ends, dripping onto her shoulders. Talk. They had to still talk, he reminded himself.
"Is this okay?" she asked his lust muddled expression. "What I'm wearing? Cause I can go put on more clothes if this was a formal dinner."
"No," he answered quickly. "You're perfect."
He realized he had been staring, when her giggle broke him out of his mental tracing of her smooth bare legs. He turned back to the stove, carefully stirring. He could feel her soft footsteps padding up behind him. He relaxed breathing in the simple scent of her shampoo. He always felt safe when she wrapped her arms around him. Her small hands stroked the plains of muscles in his back, and circled around to his hard stomach. He felt her lips through his thin shirt as she placed a kiss between his shoulder blades. He felt her small curves as they pressed along the length of his back. It was too much. Only thin cotton separated them and the feeling of her braless breasts pressed tightly against his back made him break.
He grasped her wrists, and turned in her hold. He captured her lips bruisingly. She let out a small sigh which almost brought him to his knees. He was still so in love with her. Somehow he managed to turn off the stove, and in one movement scooped Lindsay up and walked her to their bedroom. Her hands worked fast, and by the time he covered her body she had removed his shirt, her own and his pants were caught around his thighs. For a split second he remembered they still had to talk, but his mind clouded with lust when he felt her small hand stroking him. It was always amazing and never the same. He felt like he was home and at the same time exploring new territory. Dying of thirst and drowning in her scent, her soft skin.
…
"I really did mean for us to talk," he said as he let his finger trace her collar bone methodically.
"I needed this. We needed this," she said quietly.
"I mean, I wanted to apologize to you. To tell you how sorry I am. I should have never treated you like I did last night, or put you in that position," he said sincerely.
"You don't have to—"she tried to interrupt.
"You know that you and the girls mean everything to me. And I would do anything to protect you. It's just Louie is my family too. I know he's fucked up. But I keep hoping—I keep hoping one day he'll want to get clean."
"Danny, Louie is my family too. And I want to see him get better. But we can't let his addiction ruin us too. I won't let it."
"It won't. I swear it won't."
"What can we do?" She looked up at him her eyes large and emotional. Her kindness and generosity made his heart ache. He just wanted to drown in her again.
"I don't know if we can do anything." It was the first time he'd really said it out loud. Years of blaming himself, others, his parents, Tanglewood, prison, Lindsay. But none of those things were the cause, and none could be a solution either. The tragedy of the whole situation weighed constantly on his mind. Waiting for the other shoe to drop. Waiting to get that one call. Dreading the call to bail him out. Dreading the call to identify the body.
He looked at his wife. Her soft brown eyes, so open, so honest. After years of living in the city, facing the worst crimes, all while living with the one that shape her life, she retained a sense of innocence. Despite how much cruelty she saw, she genuinely believed in the good in people. It always felt like she had the power to light even the darkest parts of his soul. He wanted to drink her in, be possessed by her goodness. Let that light consume him.
"I think I'm done talking for now."
…
It was still dark but he had been watching her for hours. He watched her face twitch and turn. He wanted to know what she was thinking about. She told him about most the dreams. Sometimes they were good ones. The ones that had her waking up startled or frightened. Those were the nightmares. They could be scenes from work following her home. The night in the diner replaying, often with the characters changed. She told him once he was there, and the girls, but this time she was locked in the bathroom and couldn't get out to save them. Right now he could tell it was a good dream. Her soft breathing and slight smile. It was times like these, when he wished they could stay in this exact spot forever. No job, no worries, just them and feeling of safety.
…
"What time are we going to pick up the girls?" she asked sleepily.
"Um I told Ma around noon. So there is plenty of time." His usual routine was to make things light. He didn't want to concern her with the dreadful feeling of foreboding that began to creep in with the sunlight.
"Oh yeah? Plenty of time for what, pray tell?"
"Do I have to spell it out?"
"Hmm I don't know. I was thinking about a nice shower to relax."
"That could work well with my plans."
"I bet it could," she said knowingly.
"Are we good?" He suddenly asked seriously, shifting the mood of their position considerably.
"Do I have to spell it out?" She knew him so well. There was never any hiding from her. He needed things kept light to push away the dark. The humor to balance the sadness. The comfort to reject the coldness.
…
"Mommy! Mommy!"
"Hi, my babies. Did you have a good time with Nonna?" Lindsay said, squeezing her girls.
"They were perfect angels. No sugar. No TV. Definitely gave me no trouble with bath time. Went to bed right on time."
"Sure, Ma. I believe that one," Danny said sarcastically as he gave his mother a kiss.
"Thanks again Maria for watching them," Lindsay said, while the girls crawled all over her.
"Anytime, Dear. It's always my pleasure. I just hope this one groveled for bit," Maria said before pinching Danny's cheek.
"Oww Ma! Wish we could stay and chat but we gotta get back to the city. I'm on call, and I just know Mac's gonna call me in."
…
"And then Nonna taught us how to make cannolis, and let us eat like five each, and then one for breakfast this morning."
Lindsay laughed and held Julia close while Chloe cantered like a horse in circles around them. Danny laughed along with them.
He was strapping Julia into her car seat when out of the corner of his eye he saw the black SVU slow as it passed by the house. He watched as the window rolled down. It was like everything was in slow motion. He pushed Lindsay and Chloe down to be blocked by their car and he ducked behind its protective barrier.
When he heard the brick smash through the living room window, everything came rushing back to normal speed. He could barely make out the sound of screeching tires over Julia's cries.