Author's Notes: First of all, I forgot to put a disclaimer, but I figure Squenix won't go crazy anyhow. Oh yeah, and I usually make fun of an author's character moreso than anything.
And now for the responses to my ever so quick reviews, for that seems to be the popular thing nowadays.
Lancetheyoung: Hm… original character that is overpowered? Haha, sounds awesome, I think I'll work with that. I actually had a similar idea thinking about certain overpowered characters in awful stories I have read in the past. Hm… Lavos' son to avenge his death, yes, that is brilliant. Wow, so many great ideas, let's see what I can do with em.
zipis1: Ah yes, I am familiar with "It Takes Two to Tango", so I am honored to have your attention. Original character acting OOC? Hm… Crono being evil, Magus being cheerful, Spekkio being emo… oh wait… scratch that one, I had a reason for that (See "Cause of Death", which is up for review due to it being old and having a certain LARGE problem in the last chapter).
Thanks to all my reviewers. Oh yes, this is going to be a hell of a ride.
Fanfiction ForceChapter 2: Idiocy or Insanity?
Edrick snoozed, much like any other would after a good day's work. He decided to lounge around his quarters, writing his last report.
ID: BS62005
Planet: CT-SQUENIX
Case: Illegal Dimensional involving male character Magus in a relationship with suspect. Suspect charged with gratuitous counts of MARYSUE and receives large amounts of verbal chastising at least 10 times per day. More punishment requested.
Observed by: Commander Edrick Wardde
A slight ring, the proverbial doorknob, distracted Edrick, causing him to put down his unfinished work.
"Yes?"
The door opened. Revealing the built form of Officer Xraig, a stern look on his features.
"Commander, I have things I need to discuss with you involving the poor treatment of the detainee."
Edrick scoffed, "She is guilty of a MARYSUE in the highest degree, involving even a complete change in love interest for a character! That's completely and utterly…"
Xraig held up a hand, "You know as well as I do that there are several characters that we would gladly do the same to."
The commander nodded, "I know, we both have an odd obsession with Rikku, do we not?"
"She's quite captivating… erm…" affirmed Xraig.
"Jailbait, at least for another year, and off limits anyway, officer. Anyway, request denied. This detainee must be put as an example to all the others."
Xraig was about to continue, but for an unfortunate mishap.
RASBERRY ALERT!
The two cocked their heads in confusion.
"What the hell?" exclaimed Edrick.
Xraig groaned, "A joke to calm people during a time of stress, no doubt. Just play along."
"Okay…" Edrick chuckled, before his face became stoic again.
He signaled a communication, "Report!"
"Sir!" The nameless ensign yelled, "A mass flux of energy has hit a concentrated point at the End of Time!"
Edrick dropped an F bomb, "Can you pinpoint the coordinates of the blast!"
"The… the Guru of Time, sir."
"Bastards!" The ranked officers exclaimed.
"Ensign!" Ordered the commander, "Patch me through the last event that played out in the area! Time is of the essence!"
As Gaspar concentrated on snoring an even larger snot bubble, the platform in which he lived since the Zeal disaster began to shake.
"What in Kajar's name?" The guru questioned.
Suddenly, a cloaked figure appeared from the pillars of light. He threw back the hood, revealing his face.
"Crono! What the hell is going on?"
The kid smirked, raising his hands as dark lightning coursed through them.
"My master, Lavos II, sends his regards old man. Prepare to die from death!"
Gaspar proceeded to go splat.
Edrick yelled in rage, immediately issuing orders over several communications channels at once.
"Reports of a character death! I repeat, unneeded character death and clichéd villain confirmed! I need an away team to transportation room four…"
Another flashing light filled the commander's vision. As he began to seethe with anticipation of the next problem.
"Sir…" the ensign began, "It's… worse… than we thought. We have an Overpowered Original Character, along with various Out Of Character confirmations!"
The commander slapped his forehead, "OOC exponentially? Tap dancing Christ on a pogo stick…"
Xraig fought the urge to laugh at the last statement.
"Sir… we will need to investigate this before we find the root of the problem."
Edrick nodded, "Agreed. The most logical step would be to return to 1000 AD, where most of the problems arise."
The time portal opened, a kid wearing futuristic clothing falling out of it. He brushed himself off, looking around at his surroundings.
"Guardia castle? That was destroyed! I'm supposedly a descendant of that line too! For some reason, I'm also part of a cheesy crossover with Highlander and am therefore Immortal, and possess the powers of the planet. Therefore, I am much too ready to deal with the son of Lavos, I mean… uh… the enemy."
Lucca appeared out of nowhere, because the plot continuity deemed it. Further down the road, Marle fell into a plot hole, to reappear later on in the story.
"Hey! You don't look like you're from around here! Of course, I probably guess you're from 1999 AD or something like that because I'm smart anyway! That, and it seems like your life story is being implanted into my mind to save useless time with such pointless things such as plot cohesion and character development! I'm Lucca, but you knew that for very much the same reasons!"
The kid smirked, "Yeah, I'm Marx!" He yelled, over excitedly.
"Let's go save Crono, my ancestor, so he can marry Marle, my other ancestor!"
"Works for me!" Exclaimed Lucca, unlike her cool calculating normal self. The two then proceeded to fall into a plot hole, which took them to Marle's room.
"Crono's not here… I'm so depressed that I have no wish to run off into danger to save him." Whined Marle.
Marx stomped his foot, breaking off pieces of the floor because he was so overpowered.
"Heal plz! You must come with us so we can stop Lavos! I mean his son! I mean, I'm not supposed to know that! But something's wrong with Crono, am I rite!"
Marle nodded, "Yes, he splattered Gaspar all over the End of Time."
Marx grimily nodded, striking a powerful pose, "Of course, I already know all about that so you don't need to fill me in! I have the powers of the planet to help us! Crono should be appearing soon!"
Lucca exclaimed with fear, "OMG! Magus and Frog went to go pick flowers near my house!"
Marx leapt into the air, bursting out of the castle entirely, due to his overpowered nature.
"Let's go save them, k thx!"
Xraig banged his head against the wall.
"It's much much worse that we've ever seen, sir."
"I know…" muttered the commander.
He stood in silence with his head bowed for a moment, before motioning to the transporters.
"Alright, let's break up the fight, and take down the clichéd villain as well."
Xraig held up a hand, "But that overpowered character should be able to take him out himself."
Commander Edrick shook his head resolutely, "No. My gut instinct tells me that there may be more Original character deaths. There is already so much to rework with the dimension anyway. Officer Eso!"
The previously unmentioned Officer sauntered up, holding a hand to his head.
"Feeling better?"
Eso nodded his head slowly, "The last mission I was in nearly got me, sir. You remember, right?"
Edrick nodded, "Yes, I know. That MARYSUE nearly killed you. But I cannot risk a normal away team for this mission."
Eso saluted, "Understood. It is quite likely my ass may be grass though."
Edrick shook his head, "No. You will be fine, I will make sure of it."
He motioned to the two of them, and they stepped to their designated spots on the transportation circle.
"Send us to the coordinates of the upcoming fight, near characters Magus and Frog… and… go!"
Crono sent dark lightning through both Frog and Magus, who couldn't fight back with the great power due to becoming pansies.
Magus screamed in agony, "Froggy! I can't hold out much longer! Know that I was thinking of you in the end!"
Frog nodded, "Though thou killed Cyrus, thou art mine only love forsooth, my lost prince!"
Marx charged into the area, waving his arms wildly to dissipate the dark magic.
He charged Crono and swung his sword a bunch of times, and for some reason was better than a master swordsman who was wielding the best of Melchior's creation.
Crono fell to his knees, the dark presence leaving him because the plot willed it.
"I'm beated. I feel sick."
Marx helped him up with a hand. "No worry, for I am your descendant. And am therefore automatically awesome."
Crono nodded, before the ground started rumbling.
Frog stood in front near the water as a bunch of spikes began to form. He held out the Masamune knowing he could shield the party-
Of course, this was moot. Because 3 figures had already beat him there.
"Forsooth? What beeist the biggeth ideath?"
Xraig backhanded Frog backwards, glaring at him.
"The alteration is worse than I originally calculated. This will take a lot of work."
Edrick pointed his sword to the forming spikes, dispelling their creation. The creator of the spikes rose above the ocean, letting out a Lavos like scream that paled in comparison.
"Who dares challenge my greatness? For I am Lavos II, scion of the mightly Lavos!"
Edrick chuckled, "At least he has decent lines. I give his creator merit for that. However…"
A white light began to form around the creature, as if the very heavens themselves were judging it's existence.
The commander pointed, as the spell began forming, and he delivered his ultimatum.
"You have been charged with killing an original character, causing irreparable damages to the ocean floor near this area, and being an overall nuisance. How do you plead, demon?"
"I hardly see any reason for such charges. Your deaths will be…"
"Denied" Spoke the commander flatly, as all others fell silent.
The white light constricted as a great mass of energy pelted the spiky beast, tearing it apart in a massive explosion. Suddenly, all was quiet.
Edrick turned around, pointing at Marx, a similar white light constricting him.
"As for you…"
Marx fell to his knees as he found himself unable to move his overpowered self.
"Someone of your caliber does not deserve to exist on this world, for there is no need for the original team then."
Unlike the last explosion, Marx just winked out of existence.
Xraig nodded, "Nice pinpoint erasure… hm… now here's where it gets interesting…"
Suddenly a booming voice came from nowhere.
"Who dares interrupt my masterpiece!"
A gangly boy appeared in a flash of light, various emo related clothing adorning his body. He pointed a plastic lightsaber at the three Officers, yelling.
"What right did you have to erase my most hard earned work?"
Edrick scoffed.
"Looks like it's the Author, or rather, his projection into this dimension… therefore…"
"MARYSUE sighting confirmed." Affirmed Xraig.
"Balls." Elaborated Eso.
"I refuse these… uh… ridiculous accusations! Who do you think you are!"
Edrick merely pointed to his FFN insignia, causing the MARYSUE to step back slightly.
"What! No… you can't be serious."
Xraig nodded, "Believe it, criminal. You have quite a long list of charges to deal with here."
Eso smirked, "Yeah… we're going to be busy with you for a while."
Edrick stepped forward, drawing his sword, "Okay, deviant. We can do this the easy way or the hard way. The hard way is you fight us, your ass gets kicked, you come with us, I kick you in the balls, and you're thrown in the brig."
The MARYSUE gulped, "And the easy way?"
"You come with us and you're thrown in the brig, but I still kick you in the balls."
"Shit." Muttered the criminal.
Author's Note:
I think that's a good stopping point for today. Any more, and I feel I can't elaborate any further. Besides, the rest is how it went before anyhow, and it all goes back to normal.
But you see, I'm not done. If there are SPECIFIC stories, I mean, stories that you can NAME and SUMMARIZE. I would be honored to tear them apart. In fact, I think I did take a few things from several different… uh… excretion covered gems from the dark recesses of my mind.
And as always, thanks for reading, your constructive reviews make me smile.
Novalon