Thanks for the kind reviews and PMs friends. Shout out to lishishur29 who totally schooled me: Kylo Ren and his posse are not Sith Lords 0.o I seriously had no idea. The stress of writing for a new fandom! I have updated accordingly, and I seriously appreciate it.

Please enjoy chapter two! And don't hesitate to school me in the ways of the force y'all:)

Chapter Two: Psychic Skype Fail

Meanwhile, in a galaxy that actually is far, far away…

"Rey, I don't know why you don't block that asshole," Finn says while they eat fast food after the movie.

"There's still good in him," Rey says around a mouthful of fries. "Also, he brought me flowers for my birthday."

"I got you daisies because I knew they were your favorite," Finn grouses. "He got you goth roses."

"Poe got me red roses," she says with a dreamy sigh.

Damn. This is what happens when you are raised as a stormtrooper. Finn should have known that roses were the way to go. Even Kylo fucking Ren knew to get her roses.

"Even if there is still good in him," Finn says, "you don't have to take his calls. You could block him."

Rey shakes her head. "It's complicated."

"What," Finn says, "you have a deep psychic and spiritual connection that allows you to make out telepathically?"

Rey gasps. "How did you know?"

"… Wait. Seriously?"

Rey blushes a light shade of pink. "… You were joking."

"Um, Yeah."

Rey clears her throat. "Um, so the real problem is, the First Order owns all the cellular companies. So…"

"… Kylo owns your phone," Finn says flatly, "so you can't block him."

Rey groans. "Finn, don't—"

"This is just another example of the capitalist agenda," Finn says, gesturing wildly with a french fry. "When there's a monopoly on goods and services, the market stagnates. We live in a police-state galaxy where—"

"Finn, I know, I know," Rey gasps, swinging her arms wide in exasperation. "You've ranted about this before."

Finn huffs.

"I mean," Rey says, "I agree, of course. The Empire sucks. I just don't give a damn for intergalactic Marxist theory."

He tries not to let his face fall. "Rose likes my political discussions," Finn says.

"Oh." Rey glances away. "Well." She clears her throat. "I've got to get going. Poe was going to show me his cockpit today."

"…"

Finn can't speak. Just…not even.

#

Later that day:

"Yeah, totally," Rose says, handing the joint back to Finn. "The workers should own the means of production."

"Exactly!" Finn exclaims. "If there's anything we've learned from the evils of the Empire, it's how colonialism is used to extort native planet populations for their labor and resources."

Rose exhales a long plume of smoke. "Far out, Finn. You are like, totally deep."

#

Meanwhile:

So, Rey, you know what's totally awesome about the dark side? Kylo texts. When she doesn't answer, Kylo starts to fidget. Come on, come on. Where is she where is she where is she?

As per his therapist's dating tips, Kylo has been trying to be less stalker-ish and more potential boyfriend-ish, but it's hard.

I wrote a poem about you today, Kylo writes.

Still no response.

Do you want me to send it to you?

Nothing.

He can't take it anymore. Psychic Skype time! Kylo reaches out with the force —

"Seriously, Ben?"

Kylo blinks. Rey is in bed with a man Kylo recognizes as the lead pilot of the resistance. Poe is smoking a post-coital cigarette and says, "Whoa babe, what's going on?"

Rey takes advantage of Kylo's moment of stunned surprise and bitch slaps him with the force. Their connections snaps and Kylo is left reeling.

His first thought is, But I bought her flowers! His second thought is, Someone is going to pay!

Just then, there's a knock on Kylo's office door.

"I brought you your space tacos," Hux says. "You want me to bring them in, or should I leave them by the door?"

The door creeks open slowly as Kylo pushes it with the force. It's time to use his human punching bag.

#

Zebab has another dating plan for Kylo, and that plan is to kill Rey's boyfriend, Poe. Okay, so maybe it was Kylo's plan, and all three heads of Zebab tried to talk him out of it. Whatever.

Kylo has promised Hux that he will stop force choking him FOREVER if he can find the rebel base and blow it up.

Of course, Kylo is totally LYING, but if all goes well, he'll give Hux a force choke vacation for maybe a couple of weeks as long as Hux doesn't do or say anything completely stupid, which is unlikely.

Kylo is pacing the command deck while Hux shouts orders and whips stormtroopers (literally, with a corded leather whip he'd found on a pet store planet where they torture puppies and kittens because that's just how evil the First Order is) while he holds an ice pack to his black eye.

Suddenly, Kylo's phone buzzes in his pocket, and he half jumps. Fumbling a little in his haste, Kylo reads, You're planning something stupid, aren't you?

Kylo clenches his teeth. How could she know? Well, screw her. He's not going to text her back. Let her see how it feels.

I can feel it in the force, you know.

Kylo feels super smug that he's not responding. He is a bigger and better person than this girl from nowheresville.

Hux comes over to tell Kylo something, but the Master of the Knights of Ren holds up a hand because Rey is typing. Hux, wisely, says nothing.

Ben, I do love you. It's just —

"What?!" Kylo shrieks. He is so startled, he accidentally force-melts the phone in his hand. How dare she! That bitch!

She loves him.

She should be his! Here, ruling the galaxy with him! He saw her joining the dark side in a vision when their hands brushed.

She loves him.

She slept with another man! She betrayed him—JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE!

"Um, Sir—"Hux begins.

"NOT NOW!" Kylo roars. To his credit, Kylo does not punch, choke, or shove Hux, mostly (entirely) because he wants the general to find the rebel base and blow it up into tiny microscopic dust particles, now more than ever.

Hux, like a frightened mouse, scuttles across the command deck and hides behind a stormtrooper.

"We found the rebel base!" Hux cries.

But Kylo is still reeling. The other half of his dark, dark soul—the light half, infinitely beautiful and matching him in power, loves him. She loves him. She loves him!

He looks down at his melted phone. Crap. "I'd better check my messages on my iPad," he mutters, stalking back to his emo space cave.

"WAIT!" Hux cries. "WE FOUND THE REBEL BASE!"

Kylo whirls around. "Goddammit Hux, why didn't you say so in the first place?"

Hux's eyes roll back in his head. He faints and collapses to the floor. Which is totally weird, because Kylo isn't touching him with the force at all.

Thanks for reading! Please review :)