Morty sat on his bed, computer in his lap, his fourteen-year-old brain whirling with excitement as he browsed the web for the most erotic porn in the universe. He had to admit, alien porn was really hot, even if it didn't make a lot of sense. His small body quivered as he jacked off at an alarming rate; he was so close.
But just as he was about to climax, a dark hole opened up in front of his bed and through it stepped a frail-looking woman, her long ebony hair flowing past her breasts, peeking out from her tank top, full and voluptuous. Morty stopped moving and stared at this beauty that just entered his room, his face frozen in awe.
The woman glanced over to Morty in his bed and cocked an eyebrow, then gave him the sexiest smirk she could. She could feel the tension emanating from his small, weak body, and couldn't stifle her snickers as his body convulsed from his orgasm.
"Oh...geez…" he moaned.
The portal behind the woman was still open, though, and through it came one shadowy arm carrying Rick, still in his prison uniform.
"G-grandpa!" Morty shouted, jumping up to greet him, forgetting that he wasn't wearing any clothes and that he had just came all over himself.
"Jesus, Morty! What the hell are you doing in here?" Rick shouted over his shoulder.
"Oh, man, Rick. I can't believe you're back! It's been so long."
"Morty, it's been three months. I figured you'd, you know, still be upset about it, but I see you've already accepted the fact that I got arrested and sent to jail. I'm glad to see you've taken it so well."
"Rick, it's not like that," Morty retorted in defense. He felt a little bad and he looked down at his semen-covered hands in shame. He looked back up at the woman and cowered back. "Who are you?" he asked.
"I break your grandfather out of prison and all you have to say is 'who are you'?"
"N-no, ma'am-"
"Oh, quit with the formality, child. I bring your grandfather because he is in a heap of trouble."
"What did he do?"
The woman dropped Rick and the arm retreated back into her being.
"Your grandfather has caused me a great amount of stress. You see, I am a collector in training, and my job is to collect, judge, and deliver the souls of the dying across universes. I am, what you humans call, the Grim Reaper."
"What do I have to do with that?" Rick snorted at the woman from Morty's bed. He had crawled over and grabbed a hidden bottle of scotch that he'd taped to the bottom some time ago.
"Rick, what the-nevermind." Morty turned back to the woman. "I think I have a right to know who you are and what you want with Rick. I mean, you did just barge into my room without knocking. Or using the door. And as you can probably see, you've disturbed my privacy."
"Very nice, M-URRP-orty," Rick snided, taking a long drink from the bottle.
"Fine. My name is Ophelia, and like I said, I am the Grim Reaper. Your grandfather is responsible for several massacres, and I don't think you've noticed, but I haven't been around to collect the souls of the dead."
"Your point?"
Ophelia glared at Rick. "I'm extremely behind in my reapings, and Rick Sanchez is to blame. If I don't catch up by the end of the month, there's no telling what The Collector will do to me."
"Wait, you collect ALL of the souls in ALL of the universes?" Morty said in complete awe.
"Yes."
"But how?"
"The same way Santa Claus delivers presents to everyone all over this planet. I Just...can." She folded her arms across her chest and scowled.
"Soooooooo where do all the -URRP- souls go if, you know, you don't get them?"
Ophelia turned to Rick. "They go into limbo. Where I can't reach them. At least not yet. Souls that haven't been attended to go into limbo, where they wait for The Collector to judge them and send them off."
"W-w-w-what's limbo?" Morty stammered.
"It's the state between reality and judgement where lost souls linger."
"Ghosts, Morty. URRP. Ghosts." Rick finished off his bottle in one last go and headed for the door, but Ophelia put out an arm to stop him.
"I don't think so. You and your grandson are coming with me."
"Me?" Morty shouted. "Why me? Why do I have to go? I didn't kill any of these people. Rick's the one who shot a bunch of people and ran them over and stuff!"
"Wow, Morty. Way to -URRP- throw me under the bus."
"You? Morty Smith, you have done your fair share of killing."
"Oh yea? W-w-when?"
"Oh let's see." She started counting on her fingers as she listed all of the times Morty killed someone. "The time you ran over that alien assassin with Rick's ship; the time you 'purged' on an alien planet-"
"Yea, but that's because I was defending myself or trying to help innocent people!"
"-and that alien you were trying to save from being assassinated but discovered his plan and ended up assassinating him yourself anyways-"
"He was gonna take over the planet!"
"Alright, alright, shit! Calm down." Rick stood in front of Ophelia, arms across his chest. Ophelia scowled and mirrored his action. "Quit beating on my grandson. Morty, quit being such a little bitch. You-URRP-murdered some people. Not as much as me, but some. Y-y-you still need to pay for your digressions."
"What? Rick, are you siding with her? Don't forget, you're gonna be in more trouble than me."
"Stop it, both of you. You are both responsible for this mess, and both of you are going to help me fix it before The Collector finds out."
"How? I don't understand." Morty had never been so confused in his life. This was too much to take in at once. He grabbed his clothes and dressed himself, his eyes looking up to catch another glimpse at Ophelia's cleavage. To his relief, she wasn't paying attention. She was still sizing up Rick.
"Morty, you and your grandfather are coming with me into limbo to judge all of the souls there."
"Jesus, lady. How long will that take? I-I-I'm sure y-URRP-ou know that I've murdered a shit load of people. It ain't gonna be quick and painless doing whatever it is you wanna do with them.
"Then so be it. You caused this whole fiasco. You are going to do whatever it takes to undo it all. Even if it takes you the rest of your pathetic, worthless lives."
Morty's eyes shot open and he stood up straight. "What the hell, Rick! I don't wanna spend the rest of my life in limbo!"
"I'm sure you don't, Morty," Rick said, throwing an arm around his shoulders. "But it's ok, Morty. I can get us out of this."
Rick walked up to Ophelia and grabbed her by the waist. "Is there anything I can do for you for the rest of my life instead? Maybe Morty can -URRP- give you something else too. Hahahahaaha."
"Shut up, Rick!" Morty shouted, blushing.
Ophelia rolled her eyes and held out her arm. A loud crack and a bright flash of light engulfed the room and a scythe appeared in her hand. The arms shot back out from her back and grabbed Rick and Morty, causing both men to stop arguing and start screaming. Ophelia swung her scythe at the air and another dark portal opened. She stepped through it and emerged from the other side, stepping into an endless, foggy wasteland. Hundreds of misty figures wandered aimlessly, seemingly unable to see where they were going; they didn't even seem to have a destination. Moans and growls filled the air, causing Morty to shudder.
Rick and Ophelia had their gazes fixed on something else.
Standing before them was a tall, cloaked figure. A skull protruded from the hood, smiling sinisterly at the trio.
"Ophelia, what the hell is going on here?" The skull's mouth didn't move as it spoke, and the voice echoed from all around the nothingness.
Ophelia immediately dropped Rick and Morty and cowered in the darkness.
"I'm sorry, sir. I didn't mean for this to happen. I've tracked the cause of the problem, however. They will be helping me guide these lost souls to where they belong-"
"Silence! I'll hear none of this. I will deal with this." The figure raised its arms and a scythe of its own and stamped the ground. Lightning shot out from the blade and struck all of the wandering souls, and they dissipated into oblivion. The scythe evaporated into the air, and the figure glowered down at Ophelia.
"You are to stay in Earth's universe. No more reaping across the galaxies. You are to spend the remainder of your training there."
Ophelia's eyes widened and tears fell down her cheeks.
"No. Don't. Please. The humans. The humans."
"My word is final." And with that, the figure was gone, and the three were back in Morty's room.