The coppers hadn't looked well pleased about letting Eggsy go, but, to his utter surprise, they did so.
Guess that get out of gaol free card was good after all.
So out he walks, ignoring the mix of greasies and general confused glances that the boys and girls in blue were giving him, and two seconds later, this posh-looking bloke in a pair of really nerdy glasses offers him a lift home.
The fuck?
"Who are you?" Eggsy asks him.
"My name is Richard Roe," said the man in a vaguely Scottish accent, "and I'm the one who arranged for you to be released."
Eggsy looked the man up and down. Shiny shoes, neatly pressed trousers, shabby cardigan that nonetheless looked as though he had bought it from some place that would quickly chivvy Eggsy out the door, for fear he might scare off the real customers.
If Eggsy had to guess, he'd say this geezer was a university lecturer or somesuch, except for the part where his posture was military straight, and Eggsy ain't never heard of no university lecturer who could spring a body from lock-up.
The man starts walking, and Eggsy quickly falls into step with him.
"Much obliged, but 'ow'd you manage that?" Eggsy asked, cocking his head.
Roe inclined his head, considering. "I could tell you, but I'd first have to get you to sign a non-disclosure agreement acknowledging that if you told anyone, I would also be able to arrange for you and your next of kin to end up in body bags."
Eggsy blinked and backed up a step. "Right. Well, thanks for the favour, but I'm thinking I'll be makin' me own way home," he babbled. "Much obliged that you offered the lift and all, but it's no trouble, so uh, I'll be getting out of your uh," somehow mentioning 'hair' seemed particularly impolitic when confronted with the quietly terrifying bald man, but then Eggsy alighted on a plausible alternative, "way! Uh, yeah, I'll be gettin' out of your way, and uh, thanks. You can count on me not to say nothing, I never grassed on no one."
"Indeed?" Roe stated, as though Eggsy had pointed out a particularly fascinating species of insect to him.
Eggsy nodded quickly, and would have bolted, were it not for the next words out of the scary man's mouth.
"You know, I was trying to find the resemblance between you and your father, but I believe I just found at least one point of similarity," Roe said.
Eggsy paused. "You, uh, you knew my Dad?" He gulped, and then straightened, looking Roe in the eye. "Did you know him well?" He couldn't quite squash the wistful tone from his voice.
(Eggsy's mother had only rarely told him stories about his dad, as first she was too depressed to talk about him, and then later, when she had got with Dean, well…
Suffice to say the rare stories had pretty much stopped completely.)
"Yes," Roe replied. "I'm the one who trained him."
Eggsy blinked. "You mean when he was doing whatever shady black-ops thing it was that got him killed?" he whistled lowly. "No wonder you're such a scary bastard."
Roe blinked, and then abruptly started laughing, obviously startled at much at his own reaction as Eggsy's comment.
Eggsy relaxed a hair. It was a thing he had learned, that if he was a little bit ridiculous, if he could make people laugh, then they would generally not regard him as a threat, and sometimes, that even meant he wouldn't get punched in the face.
(Sadly this didn't work with Dean's gang, because if they thought they saw weakness, they'd be more than happy to stick one of their oversized boots into it. They were cunts like that.)
He considered Eggsy for a moment, making Eggsy feel as though he was being x-rayed, and then sighed.
"We may have got off on the wrong foot," Roe stated.
Eggsy felt his eyebrows raise. "That might be an understatement, bruv. Most people don't offer death threats within the first five minutes of meetin'."
A rueful smile quirked at the corners of Roe's mouth.
"This is true." He inclined his head. "I was serious about that offer of the lift."
Eggsy hesitated. As he had babbled before, this Roe geezer had definitely established his scary bastard credentials already.
Roe, spotting his hesitation, sweetened the deal. "We could stop somewhere and I could tell you a few stories about your father."
Eggsy weighed his options, and decided to risk it.
"You promise if you kill me, me Mum and baby sis will get at least some story about what happened? Only I reckon if I disappeared like, it'd straight-up kill Mum with worry, and then Daisy would have no one in the world but my step-dad, and that's not a fate I'd wish on me worst enemy," Eggsy explained.
Roe's expression had turned decidedly odd, like he wasn't sure if he wanted to laugh or hit his head against the nearest brick wall.
"I won't kill you unless you start spilling important secrets where they might be heard by enemies," Roe promised with an air of laboured patience.
Eggsy nodded. "Alright then. Simple enough. Just tell me 'classified' if I hit on anythin' sensitive, and I won't push. I won't say I'm not curious about whatever spooky shit you got going on, but frankly all I really want to hear about is what you can tell me about my Dad."
Roe paused at a slate-coloured sedan, and Eggsy's eyebrows raised when he realised that it was a Mercedes.
"Nice lookin' wheels," he commented. "'Ow's she run?"
Roe paused, and seemed to be considering something.
"Want a try?" he asked.
Eggsy stared. "You out of your bleedin' mind? Course I would, if you're serious." Then his shoulders slumped. "Though considerin' I nearly got eighteen months for dangerous driving, it's maybe not such a good idea."
He looked up to see Roe gazing at him looking distinctly contemplative.
"So that was actually you behind the wheel?" he questioned.
Eggsy snorted. "I can give a demonstration if you really want. I'm not some twit who takes the fall for his mates just because, I made sure I fuckin' earned that dangerous driving charge."
Roe tilted his head slowly. "Yes, that was what I thought, but it's always worth checking." He nodded decisively. "Actually, yes. Since you've offered, I would like a demonstration of your driving. Try to keep within the speed limit where possible, but see if you can't get us to… the White Stag," he said, naming a pub that Eggsy was vaguely familiar with, "by noon."
Eggsy checked his cheap digital watch.
"You do know that noon's seventeen minutes away, right?" Eggsy checked, "and that if I was bein' good, driving all old lady like, it would take us a good forty minutes."
Roe merely smiled, doing, in Eggsy's mind, a credible impression of the Mona Lisa.
Eggsy grinned. "Alright then. You asked for it."
Roe unlocked the car and then chucked Eggsy the keys.
They both got in the car, and Eggsy said, "I'd buckle up, bruv."
Before hitting the accelerator and only barely avoiding burning rubber (wouldn't do to stick his fingers up at the police too obviously after his latest brush with arrest) as he shot out of the parking space and started weaving expertly through the traffic.
"Huh," Eggsy commented as he squeezed between a van and a motorcycle, "this car handles pretty decent. Wicked suspension, though if the accelerator were any touchier she'd be a rabbit on crack."
"I'll pass on your comments," was all Roe said.
(Eggsy filed that away along with all the other weird things Roe – assuming that was even his real name, Eggsy was starting to doubt it – said for later mulling over.)
Thirteen minutes later, and Eggsy practically drifted into a parking space that was conveniently only a few metres from the front of the White Stag.
Roe's expression, one of mild interest, had not changed the entire drive.
"Not bad," he said blandly, getting out of the car.
Eggst blinked disbelievingly before following him.
"You aren't half-hard to impress," he said, passing the keys back to Roe.
Roe's half-smile reappeared.
"Yes well, I do train people for a living. It means I can't help but spot all the flaws in even the specialists. However," he added, as Eggsy winced, "that said, I must say that you are full of surprises. My informants told me the nature of your little stunt last night, but I must admit that I didn't believe them. From that small sample of your driving I can say that perhaps I was premature in discounting your skills. I was going to look up the CCTV footage already, but now I must admit that I'm actually looking forward to viewing it."
Eggsy grinned.
"Got to admit, that were one of the wilder stunts I ever pulled."
Roe nodded politely, as he held the door of the pub open. "Any particular reason for the timing of said stunt, or were you just bored?"
Eggsy grimaced. "Lost my temper," he admitted, stepping past Roe and into the pub. "I never been a fan of people talking shit about my friends, and that's all I'm gonna say."
"Well it is at least an original way of getting revenge, although I must say it seems more than a bit self-destructive," Roe noted.
Eggsy shrugged. "Not the stupidest thing I've done by a long shot, though," he grinned a little as he admitted, "it might have been one of the flashiest."
They entered the pub, and found a table by the window. Roe ordered them both pints, and then began regaling Eggsy with stories of his father, starting with "He saved my life, you know?" and then going through a number of stories about training that ranged between interesting and downright hilarious. Eggsy could tell that Roe was still watching him, evaluating him for some reason, but figured it was probably just him being weighed up over the likelihood of Eggsy telling tales out of school about the shady circumstances of him getting out of the police station without a court date or gaol.
About an hour and a half later, Eggsy checked his watch, and realised he really should check in with his Mum before she worried herself to death. (She was by no means a perfect parent, but she did care. He just wished she was strong enough to leave Dean. That was all. For Daisy, if not for him.)
He excused himself, thanking Roe for the pint.
Roe stood up and clapped Eggsy on the shoulder, telling him that Lee would have been proud.
Eggsy's expression was half-hopeful and half-dubious as he left the pub to get into the car. As far as he was concerned, whatever debt Roe might have felt over his father saving his life, after today, they were square.
This time Roe drove, and Eggsy was somewhat quietly smug to note that he could have gotten them there faster, even though Roe himself was not exactly overly invested in following the road rules except as vague guidelines.
(He did find it more than a little creepifying though that Roe didn't have to ask him where he lived, merely parked about a half-block from the apartment where he lived without comment.)
"Thanks Roe," he said as he left the car. "You're the guv'na." Then he rounded the corner and was out of sight.
If he had stuck around a few minutes longer, he would have seen Roe tap the side of his glasses, and then start talking to himself.
"Galahad, this is Merlin. You would not believe who I've just been talking to… Lee Unwin's boy. Yes… Better than I could have hoped, considering what I could find about him on paper… Oh, nothing too serious, but 'wasted potential' is about the long and the short of it… Yes, well, I thought I'd give you the heads up that I'm going to be interviewing him for Merlin division, just in case you wanted to drop by when you get back from Seoul... Yes, yes of course. Well in any case, I have to go. Stay safe, and do try not to start any wars. You know what they say about landwars in Asia."
Merlin tapped his glasses again, and then pulled out his smart phone, using it to switch on the bug he had planted on the boy. Eggsy would be getting home any minute now, and then, well.
Then would be the test to see if Eggsy was as discreet as he said he was.
...
A/N: Warning: the next chapter contains domestic violence.