At eighteen I'm single, and in love. You may have heard about the one I'm in love with, because everyone else has. I do not know who started the rumour, and I can not think why? I kept myself to myself I didn't bother anyone. Why would anyone want to spread such things about me? Granted they were true, and I WAS in love with my brother's best friend, Mattie. But I didn't want him to find out like this, well I didn't actually want him to find out at all. I wonder if I could stop the rumour before it reached him, call me a coward but I can't forget how much it hurt when I found out he liked that girl, and apparently he's in love with her now. So I couldn't go up to him and say, Mattie I'm in love with you, have been for years. I want you to forget about that girl and love me instead, you won't regret it. I just couldn't say that even if I wanted to, I sounded like some sort of advert, so no I couldn't having looking at me with pity in his eyes.

I'll always remember when I found out that this girl he liked two years ago didn't even know he existed, I mean come on she must be blind. How could anyone resist those gorgeous blue eyes? That adorable floppy brown hair that I would kill to brush away from his eyes. Oh and don't get me started on his body, because believe me we would be here all day. Anyway I seem to be rambling; I do that a lot, if talking about him, if talking to him, or just plain thinking about him. Yes back to this crazy girl, it was just two months and I seemed to feel déjà vu.

"Lizzy, Mattie and I need your advice again"

I smiled warmly at my brother, he and I had definitely got closer over the past two years, and I had a feeling he knew I was in love Mattie.

"Yes, Paul" I refused to look at Mattie.

"Well remember that girl who I said Matt had a crush on"

Oh he called him Matt this must be serious, and how could I forget. My heart broke into a million pieces that day.

"Yes" I said through gritted teeth.

"Well Matt here thinks that she will never like him and that she is way out of his league"

I nearly laughed out loud, he must be kidding. I looked up to find Paul, and Mattie looking at me funny. I realised that I must have actually laughed.

"I'm sure she does like you Mattie"

He looked at me hopefully if I was his saviour (I wish).

"You think?"

"Yes, why don't you tell me about her?" I can't believe I just asked him that, I hoped I had some glue when I got back up to my room, to stick my heart back together.

"She's just perfect for me and absolutely gorgeous"

"Oh right" I replied hoarsely.

Why couldn't I be perfect for you? This wasn't fair, I loved him to much to let him feel heartbroken I was determined to help him, no matter how much it hurt me.

"Do you…. I mean want me to er…….help you?"

"You would thank you Lizzy. You're the greatest"

I smiled weakly and nodded. "You're welcome Matt"

This was the first time I had called him Matt in years, I knew that I needed to start distancing myself from him, and that meant calling him Matt not Mattie.

He stopped grinning like a fool and looked at me, and a frown appeared on his face.

"Matt? Did you just call me Matt?"

"Yes"

"You're haven't called me Matt for years"

He noticed, oh my god he noticed. "I haven't?"

"Nope, why are you calling me it?"

"It was a slip of the tongue……Mattie"

I mean I couldn't exactly say, well I'm trying to fall out of love with you, and I thought it would be a good idea to start being formal with you. He didn't look convinced; sometimes I thought he knew me better than my brother. But that wasn't possible because I didn't really exist in his eyes.

"Right well then, I'll go upstairs and think of a way for you to win this girl Mattie"

"Okay thanks"

With that I fled, but not before hearing my brother say "Now you'll definitely know how to win her"

What? I wasn't that good.

It's been two months since then, and believe me I have given Matt so many types of different ways to woe her, he could be Casanova. Paul made him try them all out on me first to see my reaction, but I had hardened myself these two years, so nobody can see how much my heart is breaking. Because of this my brother and Matt thought that the methods didn't work.

I walked towards the mirror and took one hard a look at myself, he said that the girl he liked was absolutely gorgeous. I stared at my boring brown and blonde hair, and my exceptionally pale skin that I personally thought made me look extremely ill. My lips were to pouty looking. The one thing that I hated most about myself though was my eyes, my blue almost silver eyes, I wore thick black glasses so people wouldn't look at me and comment about my eyes. They drew attention to me, and I hated attention. My brother always used to tell me to get contacts, and not the ones that change your eye colour. I always used to say that contacts made my eyes itch, and never in a million years would I wear them. I remember it was only a few days ago we had this conversation, again. But I will always remember the one thing that set it apart from the rest.

"Lizzy get a makeover then go to the school dance all pretty. Also get rid of the glasses, because black is not your colour"

I sighed and rolled my eyes. I was about to answer when Mattie butted in.

"Paul just leave her alone, she doesn't have to change. I think she's fine the way she is, and I wouldn't change her"

This shut my brother up immediately. But he did mutter "You're biased"

Biased? Why would he be biased?

I will never know that answer, because I will never have the courage to ask him. I mean I must admit when he said that I had hoped that it meant he liked me, but alas it did not. The same night he came home with this blonde haired girl, and let me tell you she wasn't his sister, was this the reason I wouldn't ever get the man I loved, was she the one who made up that rumour/truth, I going to find out who made up that rumour if it was the last thing I did. Anyway back to the girl, (I do get very very side tracked as you have all probably notice), the way she was throwing herself all over him was just sickening, clinging to him like a leech. I wondered were he had met the girl, because she was doing something to do with design, and Matt was training to be a doctor, just like I was planning on doing. Don't get me wrong he's not the reason I'm going into training, I've wanted to be a doctor ever since my mother became ill. I saw all the things the doctor's did for her, and I thought that's what I want to do when I'm older. My brother however had different ideas; he wants to be a lawyer. My brother always says that me and Matt should start a practise together, oh and would I like that. But alas that again is not to be, Matt always winces as he says it. This angers me a lot, my professors all think I'm going to make an excellent doctor, and I always get top, but perhaps that why he doesn't want me. I'm a swot; a tear slowly makes it way down my cheek.

Will any guy ever want me?

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They were much appreciated

I know there may be a lot of irrelevant stuff in this chapter, you can tell me if you think any of it should be cut out.