Umm… yeah...so I can't find any full episodes outside the UK so I'm just guessing what happened in-between. Sorry if I get anything wrong but I did say in the previous chapter I might deliberately change some details x

If you like this story or even if you don't, please review or comment! Any feedback helps me become a better writer X Thanks and enjoy!

Chapter 2: Self-inflicted/Conflicted

It was the pain on his chest that woke Aaron up but he didn't mind. In fact he welcomed the throbbing like an old friend he hadn't seen again because it helped him forget that his father was here now and it was better than the other pain inside that wasn't physical. He knew deep down that he should be worried because this pain was different from the other times he'd slashed himself, it had a more urgent quality to it. Also- he'd had two serious cutting sessions in less than 24 hours and he'd never had two so close together, preferring to give himself some healing time in-between. His uncle had caught him during the first and put a stop to it, patched him up and then put him to bed like he was a kid again. Looking back, Aaron wasn't even sure if he'd really intended to kill himself by slicing his wrists open or because he just wanted to increase the pain. He glanced down at himself and grimaced at the dry blood on his shirt – if his Mum or Cain found it…He winced as he peeled it off his chest – the blood had made it sticky and then he stuffed it into his desk drawer. She wouldn't look there for his dirty laundry.

Unlikely Chas would even notice if he'd kept it on, she was so over the moon engaging in a whirlwind romance with his father. Besides, she was spending her nights and most of her days at Gordon's B & B after he upgraded to a double. The thought made him sick –literally- and he bent over to retch, barely able to stop himself in time when only a few years ago all he had wanted most in the world was for his parents to stop screaming at each other and love each other like they used to. Torn between wanting his Mum to be happy – she'd only recently got over a mental breakdown and wanting to punish his dad and get him out of his life forever, he didn't know what else to do other than leave one way or another. Run away like he always did. But he didn't want to go and start over again – why should he? It was his Dad who should be made to leave…Yet whoever he'd done to him, he made Chas happy- anyone could see that and a big part of Aaron didn't want to spoil that.

His heart began thumping heavily in chest when heard the key in the lock, praying it wasn't Gordon. He wouldn't have put it past him to 'borrow' the key from Chas's handbag to get to him. Even though he wasn't eight years old anymore and knew he could take him on, he couldn't stop that old fear of his father from riding up inside him and he hated himself for his weakness. Aaron didn't think he had the guts to come there after he'd warned him to stay away but you never knew. However, it was just his mother who appeared though to greet him cheerily. He could tell she had just been with him by her sparkling eyes and rosy cheeks.

'Hi. What have you been up to? Your Dad's just booked us a table in swanky restaurant in town tonight. He'd be made up if you came.'

Aaron scowled deeply at her hopeful expression. 'Tell him sorry, I can't. Doing stuff later on,' he replied sullenly.

She frowned sceptically and he hated to see all the air go out of her balloon. But he couldn't help it- no way was he going to sit there with that man and let him buy him off just like he'd tried to before.

'What stuff?' She demanded as she put her bag of groceries on the table. She was still keeping him fed at least. 'You better not be doing anything dodgy.'

Aaron thought of their talk of to robbing the warehouse and felt a moment of guilt. But it didn't last long.

'Um…just going to meet Robert and the others for a drink.' Who was he kidding? Actually, he hardly had a social life anymore – depression could do that to you. He'd been too busy self-harming.

'That so?' Her voice rose. 'And you think getting blathered with your mates is more important than seeing the father you haven't seen for 7 years? Anyway, I don't like you hanging around with that boy. Not after what he did to you.'

Isn't nothing compared to what my 'Dad' did, he thought sourly but didn't say out loud.

'Told you, I can't..' He replied stubbornly while the searing pain in his chest seemed to get stronger. He didn't mind, it helped him focus on what was important in the here and now.

'And that's your final answer, is it?' Her dark eyes flashed with anger same as his often did.

He nodded before she bore down on him to shake him by the shoulders. 'I won't let you ruin this for me, I won't.' She spoke more to herself than to him. 'He told me the things you said to him in the Woolpack in front of everybody. Like how you didn't care he'd had cancer and that you turned down his offer to help. You really upset him.'

'I told him I don't need his money! I'd rather do it on my own.'

She shook her head sadly and her furious expression relaxed as she let him go to sink down on the sofa and bury her head in her hands. Making him feel as guilty as hell.

'Why are you so hateful? I know he wasn't a perfect father and he was strict with you but he needed to be! You had problems…Were out of control…'

'Yeah?' He snapped back. 'Why does it always come back to me and my 'problems'?'.

Ever wonder why I had them, Mother?

'Sweetheart,' she went over to take his face in her hands while his eyes scooted away as he tried to avoid meeting hers. 'Can't you just forgive him for whatever he did? At least try...For me.' She tilted his head up gently so he fell into her gaze and he couldn't resist those almost black eyes, the same colour as his own and all he wanted to do was protect her. He'd only just got her back and he loved her so much.

He ducked his head and nodded and she screeched in joy and pecked his cheek before she let him go.

'OK.' He only said it to make her happy, not sure if he could actually stick it. If his father had only just hit him – it would have been easy. But the other things he did…he didn't want to think about them.

He got up and the world seemed to sway.

'You OK?' He heard his mother ask as if from the end of a long, dark tunnel.

His whole skin seemed to be burning, itching – the heat spreading out from his most recent self-inflicted cuts that were already stabbing over. He knew this shouldn't be happening, he'd never felt like this before after seriously cutting himself. Something was seriously wrong and he swayed on his feet a little, prompting a worried look from his mother but what surprised him the most was how little he cared.

'Yeah, just tired, that's all. Going up to take a nap.'

'So you'll reconsider about meeting him tonight instead? He told me he only wants to talk to you, to explain things..'

Yeah, good luck with that, he thought and almost laughed out loud but nodded reluctantly.

'We'll meet at the B &B at 7 and he'll drive us there.'

'Fine.' He didn't really hear her as he nodded and made his way up the stairs.

The pain was getting worse and now his head was pounding too. When he reached the top of the stairs, he swayed a little before he grabbed the bannister just in time to stop himself from falling down them..

'Thanks, love. He'll be really happy about this! See you later!' He heard his mother call out happily before she slammed the door shut behind her.

He grimaced and briefly considered going downstairs to get painkillers and drink a gallon of water, he was so thirsty suddenly. Or go in Cain's room and find his secret supply of drugs but he simply didn't have the energy. The fire blazing from within him had just reached his throat and it hurt and it had become difficult to swallow but he decided to just go to bed, telling himself he would only sleep for a couple of hours then get up and drink some water and take some medicine. But it was longer than that after he virtually passed out and it was only his phone ringing that woke him up.

'Where were you?' The caller on the line demanded harshly. 'We had to leave without you.'

'Mum… I didn't feel so good… I fell asleep.'

'Don't lie to me, you just didn't want to come, did you? We waited 10 mins at the B&B like we said then we had to go because you weren't answering your phone. I suggesting coming round to the house to get you but your father stopped me – he said he didn't want to put pressure on you or force you to come…Besides, he said we would have missed our reservation and this place is very high in demand.'

He's not my father! At least not in any of the ways that matter! 'I'm sorry, Mum. I'm not lying! I did fall asleep! And..' He groaned as the fiery pain from where his latest cuts were made itself known with vengeance.

'Stop lying to me.' She slurred and Aaron realised for the first time that she was really quite drunk. 'You did this to hurt him, didn't you? When are you going to stop punishing him?'

Just then, Aaron heard Gordon calling her back and he instinctively flinched at the sound of the man's voice.

'I've got to go. I just wanted to let you know….her voice faded and there were kissing noises and she giggled as presumably his father nuzzled her neck and put his arms around her, pulling her away from the phone. Just like that, she forgot to be angry with her son.. Aaron could just see them in his head and the unwelcome vision almost had him reaching for his old penknife that he now kept hidden under his mattress since Cain caught him cutting yesterday. Then Gordon said something in Chas' ear that made her squeal with delight. 'Until Wednesday? Harrowgate? You really mean it?' Before she turned back to the receiver. 'Your Dad's just surprised me with a holiday in Harrowgate. He's booked a 5-star hotel in the centre and we're going there now.' Extended dirty weekend, more like, Aaron thought with disgust. Back on Wednesday – that was 5 days. Then her voice become muffled but he could still hear more smacky sounds of kissing and he shrieking with excitement, 'Thank-you, thank-you' to his father who replied, 'It was the least I could do after everything I put you through.'

Aaron resisted the urge to slam the phone down as long as he could but when his mother came back on the line and told him, 'Your Dad says he loves you and hopes you'll agree to meet him when we get back. You will, won't you?', he pushed the disconnect button and slammed it back in its charging cradle like it was on fire.

Then he stared at it for a long time, half expecting her to ring him back but after 20 minutes and she never did, he turned over onto his side. He knew he should get up and drink something but he just felt too weak. Part of him knew he was really sick but he found that he didn't care. Dying like this would be easy compared to trying to kill himself. He couldn't even do that right.

The pain rose up again inside him all over his body – worse than before if that was possible and he passed quietly into the dark.

…

Robert had been thinking of Aaron all day long especially from what he'd heard about his unexpected reunion with his dad which didn't go well according to those present. Robert had never heard his ex mention Gordon and he guessed there was bad blood there but Aaron had enough problems without him bringing up the past so he never asked. Anyway, he'd always had the sense that Aaron just wanted to forget all about his disruptive childhood.

Robert had wanted to check that he was OK about his Dad being back when he clearly wasn't and any added stress could easily push him back into self-destructive behaviour patterns. He knew that Aaron had self- esteem issues and considered himself to be a bad person when Robert had done his best to try to convince him that he was good deep down despite the bad choices he had made in the past. Lots of people had, including his mother and stepfather but they had all failed.

Robert didn't know exactly what Aaron's dad had done to him but he had always suspected some kind of physical and/ or emotional abuse. Why else would Aaron hate himself so much? Chas had told him that things got so bad between him, his Dad and his stepmother Sarah, that Gordon had just chucked him out of the house one night.

It had been two days since Aaron's confrontation with his father and Aaron hadn't answered any of his calls. He thought about going round there but then his fiancée and his work got in the way. He told himself that Aaron could contact him if he needed to.

Robert would live to regret his decision because when he did finally manage to get away and let himself in (Aaron had given him a key) he found him curled up in bed unresponsive to his frantic efforts to wake him. Laying there with a flushed face, cracked lips, a weak pulse when he felt it over his bandages combined with shallow and rapid breathing. His skin was burning like it was on fire.

'No, no! Don't do this to me!' Robert cried out in dismay. He didn't know what was wrong with him but he knew he was very, very sick. With a great deal of effort, Robert forced himself to calm his mind enough to dial 999 for an ambulance.

When it arrived after about 40 mins they let him get in. Robert held his hand as they hooked him to a drip. They asked him if he knew anything – had Aaron taken anything? How long had he been sick? Did Robert remember seeing him with any other symptoms? Of course, he couldn't help them much other than it looked like he'd slashed his forearms and wrists and he felt obliged to tell them about his habitual they phoned the hospital ahead, using their incomprehensible paramedic code but he picked up a few things, 'severe dehydration' and 'high fever' being one of them.

Robert just held his hand and willed him to get well.

….

After they rushed him off for urgent examination, Robert was not allowed to go with him. So he sat in the waiting room and considered who he should call. He thought of Chas but he didn't have her number or other contact details. Besides, he thought Aaron might not want him to call her if this was something to do with him hurting himself. Yet he wasn't sure that was the cause because Aaron was clearly sick. With what though? A virus of some kind? Or meningitis?

He forced himself not to speculate what he had.

Should he tell someone else? Cain, maybe? No. The man had beaten the shit out of him after he tried to blackmail him. Cain hated him, might even blame him for Aaron's condition.

Finally, he settled on Aaron's stepfather or former stepfather to be precise since Chas and him had got divorced. Still, Paddy still cared about him deeply and he would know what to do and whether to tell Cain and Chas yet. He'd always been fair to Aaron although they'd had their rough patches at the beginning but Aaron trusted him. He'd come out to him first after all and Paddy was a good and decent man.

With that, he started to dial the country vet's number.

Paddy luckily answered on the second ring and sounded worried when Robert told him the situation.

'Should we tell Chas and Cain? He's very sick.'

'Not yet. Not until we know what it is.'

'But what …what if…?' Robert felt his eyes become bleary as he held back the tears as he contemplated the worst case scenario. He didn't know if he should tell Paddy about the bandages on Aaron's wrists and let him know that he was cutting himself again. He decided that he'd only let him know if it was necessary – Robert knew how private he was. He wouldn't want his stepfather to know and worry him.

'Just stay there. I'll drive to the hospital and meet you.'

….

Robert jumped up immediately when he saw Paddy.

'Any more news?'

Robert shook his head miserably as he played nervously with the plastic cup of coffee that he had got out of the machine. He'd barely touched it and it was cold now.

Just then a middle-aged nurse with brown hair came out of the door. 'They're still running tests but I'm afraid it looks very serious.' She prepared them.

They looked at one another. 'How serious?' Paddy asked, frowning in concern.

'I'm sorry but you'll have to ask the doctor when she comes out.' She nodded at them then went on her way to the next ward.

'Can they do that? Say that then not tell us anything?' Robert grumbled.

'Don't blame her. She's just doing her job.'

But they were lucky because just then the doctor came out to where they were sitting. A young, blonde doctor who Paddy thought looked too young to be practising medicine. In any case, she knew what she was talking about.

'How is he?' Paddy jumped in.

'May I ask your relationship to the Aaron first?'

'I'm his – I mean I was married to his mother if that counts.' Paddy answered awkwardly. 'He's my stepson and his parents aren't here.' He added in the way of further explanation.

'And you?' She turned turned to Robert who glanced at Paddy before answering, 'I'm his boyfriend.'

Paddy's mouth fell at that.

'Does it really matter who we are? Just tell us what's wrong with him!' Robert blurted out.

'I'm sorry, you'll have to excuse him. Obviously, he's very upset.' Paddy explained, shaking his head in warning at the younger man.

She nodded and didn't seem affected. No doubt she was used to the impatience and frustration of patients' upset loved ones everyday.

'He's still unconscious but we are doing everything we can for him. 'Shall we go somewhere private?'

Uh oh. This sounds bad, Robert had time to think before she ushered then into a small but cheerfully furnished room with cushions and flowers arranged against bright wallpaper clearly designed to mollify the deliverance of devastating news.

She closed the door behind them and waved them over to the padded seats.

'Aaron has septicaemia - that's blood poisoning. I take it you know about his psychological issues?' She hedged.

Paddy nodded. 'Wait… You're not saying he's started hurting himself again, are you?' he asked, aghast. 'Oh, no…'

'Unfortunately,he's cut himself quite deep in two places – his wrists and forearms that may indicate a possible suicide attempt and slightly newer injuries across his chest. The cuts on his chest appear to have got infected then the infection spread to his blood.'

'Oh God…' Paddy sighed and buried his head in his hands, his voice cracking. 'I should have noticed.

'But you don't live with him anymore!' Robert tried to make him feel better before he got down to the point. 'Will he…will he be OK?' He looked up hopefully at the doctor.

'Like I said, he's getting the best medical care we can give him – fluids and broad-spectrum antibiotics, other medicine to keep his fever down but I'd be much more optimistic of his chances if he'd been brought in earlier.'

'You saying he could … Could he die?' Robert stammered.

'If he survives the night, I'm almost certain he'll make a full recovery.' She replied. 'I'm sorry to be so blunt but if he has any other close family, I suggest you call them.'