Stepping into sickbay, memories returned in a flood. I could see the bodies on the biobeds, the reek of burnt flesh, the cries of children. My own cries were among them. Surely there was something that could be done. Some way that she could have been saved.
"Natalya, what seems to be the problem?" a red haired woman strode towards me. The room was empty, the biobeds cleaned up. The smelt of burnt flesh was replaced with the sterile stench of antiseptics and disinfectant.
"She's disoriented," Counselor Troi explained. "Her mind is... foggy." She could tell all this from her Betazoid abilities. The red haired woman guided me to a biobed.
"Just take a seat," she instructed, pulling out an instrument from her pocket. Tricorder, I corrected myself. She scanned up and down my body. "Can you describe the symptoms?" Dr Crusher asked me, looking into my wide eyes.
"I can't remember..." I mumured, my voice dropping off. She gave me a concerned glance and turned to Counselor Troi.
"She means she has memory loss," Counselor Troi explained. She lowered her voice, trying to whisper so I couldn't hear. "She didn't even know she was on the Enterprise until I told her."
"You trust her?" the red haired lady whispered back, glancing back at me skeptically.
"She's telling the truth, her memory is foggy," Counselor Troi repeated. They turned back to me.
"Natalya, can you remember anything that's happened to you?" the red haired woman asked. I looked around the room, blinking.
"There were bodies here," I whispered. The women shared a glance. "The smell... I can remember the smell of them. People were crying. I was crying." I blinked and looked down at the floor. My brain screamed at me to stop, to let the memories fade.
"Anything else?" the red haired woman said gently.
"Waking up in my quarters," I frowned. "I'd fallen asleep at my desk. Why was there a book about the history of warp drive?..." The two women looked at each other, their eyes speaking volumes. Something was wrong with me. "What's happened, why can't I remember anything?"
"I'll do some scans and run some tests," Dr Crusher assured me. She looked over at Deanna.
"She can't talk to Captain Picard in this state," Deanna murmured to her.
"I know, but there isn't anything I can do about it until I know what the problem is," Dr Crusher whispered back. I pretended I couldn't hear them. I didn't want to hear them. I wanted to go home, wherever home was. I couldn't remember.