Thank you so much my first and only reviewer! You are the reason I am posting this so soon!

Kudos to the anonymous reviewer – Serenity I. Noir!

Might want to reiterate what the last letter was about so you don't get confused.

Harry called him Voldie-poo and got offended about Voldemort insinuating he drank. He said that Dumbledore danced around in women's knickers. He also asks for Snape to be sent to obliviate the information from his head.

Enjoy!

Dear Gryffindor Golden Boy,

Yes, I think that's an insult. If you call me anything-poo again I will crucio you so badly you won't know whether I'm Dumbledore or not. Are you seriously insinuating that you have never drank anything other than butterbeer before? Pumpkin juice? Maybe the Gryffindor Golden Boy is actually a good name for you- similar to goody-two-shoes isn't it?

Sugarhigh? If that was you on a sugarhigh I can't help but wonder what you would do drunk… Would you drink it if I sent you a bottle of firewhiskey?

Did you really just say that? I think I'm going to have to wash my brain with bleach- yes I know what that is. On that note, if I killed you the muggle way would it still fulfill the prophecy? No matter how many times you've avoided dying by the Avada I'm sure I could kill you with Bleach…While we're on the subject of killing why in the world would you want me to kill the girl? I thought she was your 'best-friend's little sister'. No- I would not give you a picture, though you might be able to convince Bella to after I break her out of Azkaban- it really depends on what you have to bargain with.

I do not watch muggle movies, I'm sure you knew that. Can we get off the subject of sanity for a moment? I'm sure we are both moderately insane for even keeping this correspondence up. I am most certainly 'okay in the head' despite my thirteen years as a specter and I can prove it with my followers. Would they follow someone insane? Bellatrix aside of course.

If you really want your little friends- who no doubt report to Dumbledore- to know you are speaking to me I can't stop you. Well I can but I just meant on principle. For your information however I can use other spells. For example- you saw that blue light didn't you?- It was a magical core scanner. Now I know if you're just lucky or you really do have all that power. You really should learn how to check your letters before you take them.

Why don't we lay off the subject of hair? I already proved I could send hexes and charms through letters so don't make me send a hair-removal charm- I will. I am going to pretend that the rest of that paragraph didn't exist. No you cannot borrow Severus- unless you want him to completely obliviate you.

Did you really just say you wanted me to kill your relatives?

Contemplating your demise,

The Dark Lord

Ps. You are a fool

PPs. I'm tempted to send Death Eaters to your residence just to spite

you.

Dear Voldie

Your letters are too long! I'd almost passed out by the time I finished reading it- though that may have had something to do with blood loss… eh whatever. Oh, and by the way- I would be completely loopy by the time you finished your crucio so there's really no point in it.

Now that you mention it… I'm pretty by the book when it comes to rules, unless I'm tying to kill you or rescue my godfather. I promise to send you a letter intoxicated- as long as you don't spike it or poison it.

Umm… I think anyone would die with bleach.

Prophecy? What are you talking about? Is that why you've been trying to kill me? I am going to kill Dumbledore if that's the case. Do you know it? Please tell me? I promise I won't scar you with mental images of Dumbledore being creepy.

Why would I want you to kill Ginny? Because she is a BWL fanatic and she won't lay off. I thought she'd gotten over it because she was dating other guys but I heard her crying about how I wasn't jealous. Bellatrix hmm… she sounds even more insane than you. About your followers… yes? If they thought you'd kill them then definitely.

Reporting to Dumbledore…? Why didn't I think of that earlier! That completely explains why he knows everything that goes on around me! You are a genius- don't let that inflate your ego. It's big enough as it is. That blue light scared the crap out of me just so you know. Ooh, and can you send me a copy? I want to know that too- Dumbledore won't tell me a thing.

Yes I promise not to talk about you lack of hair and I really don't feel like getting obliviated to the point of acting like Lockhart so I'll be fine without Snape.

Kill them already! It'd save me some grief.

Really not caring,

The Boy-Who-Lived

Ps. Do it!

Eternal Annoyance

Why are their blood splatters on the letter you sent me? If someone is hurting you and it's not me I am going to kill them. It's not firewhiskey but drink these instead. It's a pain relief potion and a blood replenishing potion.

How do you not know about the prophecy? Dumbledore should have told you after the Quirell incident. I myself only know part of it.

The one with the power to vanquish the dark lord shall be born as the seventh month dies

Born to those who have thrice defiled him

And he shall have a power the Dark Lord knows not

And that's all I know but there is more perhaps you could sneak into the Department of Mysteries…?

Yes I am quite aware that I am a genius- I thought it was obvious.

Ah yes, about the 'blue light' apparently you have various power blocks on your core. It's surprising you are as powerful as you are- granted you don't know anything but 'Expelliarmus' ah wait, 'Accio' as well but that seems to be it.

Why are you so determined I kill the muggles?

L.V.

Ps. I've changed my opinion of myself. I am an idiot. You are being abused aren't you?

Dear Order,

Alive! Hey Molly, do you think you could have yelled any louder? My relatives were thrilled when they were woken up at five in the morning to hear that.

Harry

Snake-face,

No, what gave you that idea?

The blood splatters are because I coughed up blood. I was too lazy to rewrite it and I'm not allowed to do magic because of the stupid trace. Hmm… wandless magic seems like something to practice. Ooh… could you kill the Dursleys? I promise I won't protect them!

I can't believe I'm saying this, but thank you. I really needed those potions. Do you have any more blood replenishing potions? I'm sure I'm going to need them.

Are you sure you want to kill me? Because I'm sure we can get a lot more done if we have a truce until Dumbles is dead. Maybe we could some to an agreement about getting it out of the DoM…

Powerblocks... Can I kill Dumbles please? I promise you can kill who ever else you want- Except Remus and Sirius but that's really beside the point.

Can I kill them if you won't? I'm going to blame you though.

H.P.

R&R please!

Js-Sb out!