Chapter 1: Once Bitten, Twice Shy

12 22 09

02:53 pm

Gon tugged on his shirt. He was greeted with wide, child-like amber eyes. "Kurapika, tell Leorio not to cook!"

"He's volunteering. Let him," came his nonchalant reply.

"Are you mad?" Killua said from out of nowhere. Kurapika turned and saw the look of mock horror on his friend's face. "We'd die! We won't live to see the new year." He paused for a while, as if to think. "Seriously."

Kurapika just smiled. Leorio was a horrible cook. But when he announced that he wanted to prepare their Christmas dinner earlier that day, he was so filled with enthusiasm and willingness that Kurapika failed to think of the ..repercussions.

11:17 pm

He lied on his bed. He couldn't sleep. He was simply lying for a good two hours now.

He closed his eyes. Christmas. He still isn't done looking for gifts for his friends. Let's see, he thought. A flute bag for Senritsu. A nice moleskin notebook for Bashou for all his haikus. Gon and Killua, maybe some good new shirts? They're always wearing the same stuff. Green for Gon, definitely, he seems too fond of the color to wear something else. For Killua, maybe a nice dark blue or purple.

Killua. The memory of last Christmas suddenly returned to his head, unwelcomed. It was almost a year ago..

*****

"Kurapika! Come watch this movie with us!" Gon cheerfully said. He was sitting comfortably on the couch, pointing to some Christmas special on TV.

Leorio emerged from the kitchen. "Come on, Kurapika! I made us some popcorn. Well, it's a little burnt but I'm sure it's okay."

Kurapika wrinkled his nose. "Thanks, but no thanks. Not really my thing.. and I need to go out."

Both faces fell slightly. "If you change your mind, you can always come back." Leorio pointed at the screen. "Still 8 minutes before the movie starts. If you hurry up you'll be back in time."

"I doubt it," he answered, grabbing his brown duffel bag and quickly approaching the door.

"Kurapika, if you get to see Killua returning, tell him to hurry. I bet he'd like to watch this," Gon said.

"Sure," he replied, and closed the door.

---

He sighed. It was a beautiful winter twilight.

Kurapika loved winter. And he loved Christmas too. He wasn't always the scrooge he appears to be now. Years ago, back when life was peaceful in Rukuso, he looked forward to the holidays. He would make little cards to his family and friends, they would exchange gifts, and at night drink hot chocolate, watching the snow. He never felt the chill of the season because of the warmth of his family.

But that's not going to happen anymore, he thought, a grim smile breaking his wistfulness. Gon, Killua and Leorio are his friends, and they make him happy, but it just wasn't the same.

"You okay?" a voice broke his thoughts.

He looked to see Killua peering at him, his blue eyes piercing. His friend was oddly underdressed, but he didn't look cold at all.

"I'm fine. It's nothing."

Killua glared at him suspiciously. "We've been friends for two years now. You can't lie to me."

"You're right. I can't, but I don't know what to say. So a lie would do for now."

They both fell silent for a while, each sort of daring each other to say something.

"It's about your family."

It wasn't a question. And with that, Kurapika's face crumpled, and he broke down in tears.

---

He felt horrible. The snow, nostalgia, Killua's words - everything just came crashing down at him. He didn't feel a sense of loss, but a sense of longing, and he realized for the first time that he never admitted to himself that he missed his family. Everything was a blur of blue and white. But then he felt Killua lifting his face, and in the blur he saw in him someone who cared. His eyes.. they were a velvet midnight blue that seemed to go on forever. Killua leaned closer and closer to him, and finally closed the distance with a kiss.

Somehow, it felt right. It was the best thing anyone could do for him at that moment.

---

They went home together very silently afterwards, to a sleeping Gon and Leorio. Their movie was still on, but apparently, even they couldn't last in the sappiness. Leorio was sprawled all over the couch, and Gon was nuzzling on his thigh like a baby cub.

The next day, Kurapika still couldn't stop thinking about the events of yesterday. He touched his lips, and remembering how wonderfully soft and warm Killua's felt on his, a flush crept on his face. He couldn't help feeling that Killua saved him. All he needed right then was someone to care for him, to want him, and be there for him - and Killua was that. Christmas morning came, and they had acted like nothing happened. They laughed together amiably, and there was nary an awkward moment. But Killua later whispered to him, so softly that it escaped even the animal instincts of Gon - "We need to talk."

Killua entered his room when night fell, and Kurapika felt his face lighting up at the sight of the boy. He needed him. He was his only source of strength now.

And then Killua said something that broke his heart.

"I didn't mean to."

*****

A/N: I just reread the flashback part, and I apologize if it seems a little bit off. My narrative skills aren't in their best condition. Anyway, anyone read Volume 291 of the manga yet? It's Togashi-sensei's Christmas gift to us, y'all.