"Poor Song" by the Yeah Yeah Yeahs. All human AU. Fluff. Mentions of Doccubus past. K+/T Rating for mild language and a couple F-bombs. 3 413 words.
Lauren combed through Tamsin's hair, gently tugging chunks of the tresses in the spaces between her fingers starting from Tamsin's overheated scalp and ending just short of the tips of her hair before starting the pattern over again. For her part, the detective was dead to the world, one fevered cheek pressed just under Lauren's collarbone and her left arm resting on the doctor's torso with her hand tucked near her face, lightly gripping the material of Lauren's oversized t-shirt.
Lauren shifted her raised knees slightly to be able to better turn the page of the scientific journal she had spread across her thighs without stopping her ministrations to the other woman's hair. Tamsin had been asleep for the last fifteen minutes at least, but the doctor was reluctant to cease the soothing motions she'd started in efforts to entice the sick woman to slumber; worried that if she stopped, she'd wake her up. As if in response to her thoughts, Tamsin suddenly released her hold on the doctor's shirt and balled her hand into a fist, pressing it to her mouth as her face contorted into a displeased grimace, letting out a long string of watery coughs that forced her to raise herself up on her elbow.
Lauren shifted automatically, the hand she'd been using to play with Tamsin's hair falling to rub soothing circles and gentle pats on her back. She'd warned the detective often enough that if she insisted on not getting the flu shot Lauren tried to coax her into every year, then she shouldn't be doing stakeouts in her car in the dry winter air without the heat on since the lack of humidity made it easier for viruses to enter the body through dry noses. While Tamsin had been fairly good at keeping the heat on in her own vehicle, whenever she was out with her partner, she stubbornly refused to ask him to turn the heater on for some reason that probably only made sense to her. So in the two years Lauren had known her, Tamsin caught a myriad of mild colds and at least one bout of the flu throughout the autumn and winter months without fail.
And without fail, Lauren took care of her when it was bad enough that she had to stay out of work more than a day, though since their friendship had moved to some level beyond that five months ago, she'd been taking care of the other woman from her own bed when she stayed over. The doctor smiled indulgently and threaded her fingers back through the silken hair on Tamsin's head as her hacking fit passed, its end punctuated by a childish whine as she took up her previous position on Lauren's chest.
"If this is the one that finally kills me," Tamsin croaked gravely with a sniff, her face flushed. "I want you to have my truck. And don't let Kenzi say any stupid shit at my funeral." She breathed in and out of her mouth forcefully a few times to exaggerate the wheezing tickle in her throat. "Listen to me; I'm dying for sure this time, doc."
Lauren shook her head and laughed softly, lightly scratching the other woman's scalp a few times before pulling her fingers through her hair again. "Well," she started diplomatically. "I hate to say I told you so, but,"
"You love to say I told you so." Tamsin protested, cutting her off. "I have eight different versions of your I-Told-You-So lectures memorized."
"You know, if you did the things I told you to once in a while, you'd hear them less."
Tamsin blew air out of her mouth loudly, making her lips vibrate for a moment before tilting her head up and pressing them to the underside of Lauren's jaw briefly. "Maybe," she stretched her sore body and dropped her head on the bit of space left over on the doctor's pillow. "But then how m'I supposed to get you to stay over for a week without a pity card to play?"
Lauren rolled her eyes and pinched the front of Tamsin's baggy sweater between two fingers and pulled back, letting the material snap from her grip and sending a puff of air into the other woman's face, smiling widely when Tamsin sputtered indignantly. "You could just ask instead of being a brat and putting your health at risk."
Tamsin sucked her teeth and shook her head. "What's the fun in that? S'ides, how would I get you to stay over for a week and that same week off work? C'mon, doc; you're supposed to be the logical one out of the two of us."
"Believe me, I am." Lauren insisted, leaving a gentle kiss on the other blonde's warm forehead to take any sting out of her dry delivery. She pulled away and leaned her upper body off the side of the bed to reach her phone on the nightstand to check the time, disregarding Tamsin's petulant grousing when the arm she had under the detective's head lifted, forcing Tamsin to have to sit up. "Do you want to eat now, or wait half an hour?" she asked, having learnt very early in their friendship that if she wanted to effectively coerce Tamsin into doing something to take care of herself, she had to give her an either or option instead of asking yes or no questions.
Tamsin made a disgusted noise though Lauren wasn't sure if it was in response to not being offered a chance to say no or the idea of food. "Later." She grumbled, pulling Lauren back towards her and dropping her head heavily onto her shoulder.
They lapsed into a comfortable silence, Tamsin running the tips of her ring and middle fingers from the crook of Lauren's elbow down to her wrist and back again. Lauren tried to concentrate on the periodical in her lap, but the sensation on her arm was too distracting to wade through biologists' argot so she tilted her head back and let her mind wander. Though the detective had only been living in the area a little over two years, Lauren had met her just a few months after she'd gotten there through her own close-knit circle of friends. Tamsin had transferred from another city to the local homicide department and ended up as partners with Dyson after his previous partner-slash-best friend, Hale had gotten a promotion. Dyson was the ex-slash-friend to her own ex-slash-friend Bo, who was best friends with Kenzi, Hale's girlfriend.
It was this little makeshift family that Tamsin integrated with fairly seamlessly. The two of them had taken a relatively quick shine to each other, somehow swiftly falling into a dynamic that included copious amounts of playful flirtation. That was odd for Lauren because she usually felt comfortable with constant, shamelessly blatant flirtation only if she knew someone well, even if it wasn't serious. Though it made a certain amount of sense since Tamsin seemed to draw the brazenness (and occasional ire) out of everyone around her. Somewhere along the way, Lauren really couldn't be sure where, their teasing banter had turned completely earnest. Although they'd been doing whatever it was they were doing for a while now, they were still on the friends-with-benefits side of the fence as Tamsin had been upfront with everyone about her nature from day one. She didn't do serious relationships.
She claimed to anyone who asked that they were silly and trite; that she liked to keep her options open in all things and any kind of romantic commitment would just hold her back in all things. But Tamsin had told Lauren, just between the two of them, that after her mother had left her and her father with no warning or explanation when she was nine, that she'd witnessed him completely fall apart and had spent the twenty years since watching him go through emotional hell with every subsequent relationship.
Those were the only serious relationships she'd had a real life model for growing up, so naturally, Tamsin was terrified that was going to happen to her if she let anyone get too close; or as she had put it, if she 'gave anyone too much control' over her. She made a habit of ditching any kind of entanglement as soon as she felt one of them was getting too emotionally invested. So Lauren had known long before getting into something physical with the other blonde that Tamsin was likely never going to get serious with anyone, let alone her. Lauren's friends had attempted to talk her out of getting romantically involved and getting hurt when it became obvious that their flirtation was more than joking. Even Tamsin had, in her own way, tried to warn her off by being unusually reticent once something happening between them became an unavoidable inevitability rather than just an idea. But despite their well-meaning caveats regarding things she already knew, Lauren had initiated the physicality between them anyway.
The more Tamsin endeared herself to her, the more Lauren was sure that her amorous affections were going to end up proving her friends right, but she couldn't find it in herself to worry about the inescapable end. Just as Tamsin could see whomever she wanted, Lauren still occasionally went on dates with other women, but her heart just really wasn't into seeing anyone else which was risky for the precarious situation she was in. The further she fell for the detective, the more likely it was that she was hastening separation, but it was the easiest thing in the world for Lauren to feel for the other blonde. Tamsin could empathize with her in a way that even Bo couldn't and that leant itself to a fair amount of affection in its own right.
The two blondes had come from similar backgrounds; both were the only children from well off single parent homes where their parent was strict and domineering which left them with more than a few emotional anxieties and interpersonal problems (though Lauren covered her insecurities with feigned aloofness and Tamsin with sincere brashness). Both had had a detrimentally successful go at teenage rebellion in which they'd only just barely managed to avoid getting swept up into things that were legitimately dangerous; and both had endured emotionally abusive family members who were horrified when they'd decided to be open about being anything other than heterosexual; more because of the scandal it caused in their uppity, affluent social circles than anything else. It was terribly comforting to have that kind of approximate commiseration with someone and served only to link them in a way Lauren hadn't been with anyone else.
While she connected with her ex turned friend on a profound level, Lauren had started out dating Bo first and they had become friends after the fact; discovering the rawest parts of each other as their romance progressed. Given how deeply she felt for the brunette and how successful that arrangement seemed to have been, it was odd that it should work the other way around with Tamsin. Bo hadn't thought so and had told her that it was only natural to fall for someone you cared for deeply, especially when you connected with them in such a way, though her ex had very gently but very firmly warned against acting on those feelings. Bo didn't like the idea of the situation eventually exploding in Lauren's face by wishing for something that wasn't going to happen, nor was she thrilled about the idea of Tamsin feeling undue guilt for not being able to, or willing to, change when she'd been nothing but be honest about herself.
At first Lauren had wholeheartedly agreed with Bo, and at any rate, it felt more important not to put their friendship through that kind of ordeal. She used to be able to effectively remind herself of bearing witness to Tamsin's love em and leave em style and how every once in a while, the other person wasn't the only one who came out of that arrangement confused and hurt. She didn't want that for Tamsin or herself. But eventually her feelings refused to be placated with sense and reason any longer. She would probably scold herself severely for being so stupidly careless with her own heart later, but she was certain she could deal with the fallout after it happened. Even if things were awkward and painful for a while-and given how Lauren felt, they definitely would be on her end-eventually it would be okay again. After all, she and Bo had had a rather messy and impressively dramatic breakup themselves and Bo was the best friend she'd ever had. However severe the wreckage with Tamsin was going to be, she was confident she'd work through it and couldn't imagine herself regretting any of it even though she was positive she wasn't going to like the coping part.
"Z'ere any of that ginger tea left?" Tamsin asked hoarsely, startling Lauren out of her thoughts mightily even though her voice was quiet.
"You drank the last of it when I came back from the lab earlier." Lauren replied, tilting her head to the side to rest it on top of Tamsin's. "It's not late. I can go pick some up when you eat."
"Eugh. Never mind." Tamsin replied distastefully, quickly throwing her arm across Lauren's waist as if she had to prevent her from leaving that second.
Lauren laughed and shifted her hip slightly to get the detective to loosen her grip. "You're incredibly needy when you're sick, you know that?" she teased.
Tamsin let out a long suffering groan and buried her face between the gap in the pillows on either side of the bed, mumbling a response that couldn't be heard but the tone sounded flustered.
"What?" Lauren prompted, looking at Tamsin as if that would help her hear even though her face was still hidden.
Tamsin lifted her head and let out a defeated sigh that turned into a wince like she couldn't believe she was about to repeat herself and scooted back slightly to drop her head indelicately onto her own pillow, screwing her eyes shut briefly and avoiding Lauren's gaze when she opened them. "I said that maybe I just want an excuse to get a little clingy sometimes, okay?" she let out a morose hum briefly when she finally looked at the doctor and found her staring; frozen like a deer in the headlights and unease written all over her face. Tamsin waited for Lauren to say something and when she didn't, rolled her eyes and took a deep breath that rattled slightly in her chest. "Look, how long have we been doing this, Lauren?"
Lauren shrugged apprehensively and looked up for a moment as if she were calculating the answer though Tamsin knew it was just for show. If she knew, Lauren definitely knew. "Five months." The doctor said finally, the wariness in her voice barely concealed. She looked like she'd rather be heading in any other direction than the one this conversation was going in.
"Six next week." Tamsin agreed, her lips twitching into the shadow of a smirk at the surprised look on the other blonde's face. She drummed her fingers against Lauren's abdomen for a moment, briefly losing her train of thought in favor of her abrupt want for some liquid courage.
"I just mean," she continued, trying to choose her words carefully. "I know you go on dates, obviously, but I also know you never go home with anyone and you never see the same chick more than twice." She stifled a laugh when Lauren shook her head in an annoyed manner and huffed Kenzi's name under her breath like she had just been betrayed. Tamsin swallowed her amusement and kept talking before Lauren had the chance to derail her from what she needed to say. "And I know I haven't been with anyone else," she ignored the look of shock that the other blonde didn't even attempt to mask. "So, we've basically been in a relationship this whole time, just without having talked about it, right?" she saw something light in Lauren's eyes but it was gone in an instant as her mouth pulled into a frown.
"You want to stop." It was a realization, not a question. Tamsin could tell Lauren was aiming for friendly acquiescence but dolefulness permeated her voice and colored her expression. Lauren narrowed her gaze at Tamsin, confused and annoyed when the detective laughed though it melted to concern as Tamsin's soft chuckling dissolved into a short coughing fit.
"Yanno," Tamsin ribbed after regaining her breath. "Sometimes you're kinda oblivious for someone with a PhD." She shook her head and moved so she was sitting up and could meet Lauren's gaze levelly. "The thing is…" Tamsin trailed off and watched her fingers fiddle with the hem of Lauren's shirt, seeming to find some resolve in the worn cotton before looking back up. "I don't wanna stop. And I can't promise you I'm not gonna fuck up," she lifted her eyes to the ceiling briefly and smiled self-deprecatingly. "I'm definitely gonna fuck up. But if you think you can be patient with me, I wanna do this."
Lauren tilted her head to one side to study Tamsin, despite the hopeful and wild pounding of her heart in her ears she felt like even though it had been clearly spelled out, that she was somehow misinterpreting her, but Tamsin rarely looked so serious and so vulnerable at the same time. There was, of course, the very real possibility that Tamsin was acutely aware of just how deep Lauren's feelings were yet wasn't willing to cut her loose because of how close they'd become before this started. While Lauren wanted little else than to actually be with Tamsin, she didn't want to be an obligation or a cause for later resentment. No matter how enticing the offer, she wasn't selfish enough to want to put their friendship through that particular trial by fire. She had never expected or wanted Tamsin to be anything other than Tamsin.
Lauren knew the other woman hated talking about or being needled about anything she deemed too personal, especially things she was self-conscious about and would generally go to great lengths to keep that from happening so decided to play to that and give her an easy out without having to talk about the reasoning too much. "What about what everyone's going to say?"
Tamsin didn't know if Lauren was referring to their friends, who she knew were chary enough about things between them as it was that she was very likely to have more than one of them give her a serious talking to and almost certainly on more than one occasion, or if she was referring to the carefree libertine reputation she had at the 39th Division that had made her a source of admiration amongst more than a few of her work buddies who would no doubt be making constant jokes at her expense for the foreseeable future. Maybe Lauren meant both. It didn't matter. In the past, she would have had a million reasons to stop this from going any further before even contemplating any undesirable reactions that would do nothing but stir up her insecurities, but she didn't want to bail this time. She actually hadn't even thought of it until Lauren brought it up and was surprised to find she was genuinely unbothered and maybe more importantly, unafraid. She shook her head. "I don't give a shit what anyone says about this except you."
Lauren turned away slightly, clearly trying to hide the pleased smile pulling at her lips lest it make her seem overeager, but her nod was enthusiastic as were the hands she set on either side of Tamsin's face to pull the detective's mouth to hers chastely.
"You're gonna get sick." Tamsin murmured against Lauren's lips but made no effort to pull away.
Lauren occupied herself with biting softly down on Tamsin's lower lip to prevent herself from reminding the other woman that not only had she had a flu vaccination like she was supposed to, they'd traded enough kisses in the last three days that if she were going to catch anything, it was already far too late to worry about it now. "Guess you'll just have to take care of me then, hmm?"
"Anytime, doc."