I stayed up all night on sentry duty, because at least then I was doing something productive; something that used up all of my concentration so I didn't have to think about anything else. At first light I hopped down, nodding at Carol who was already up and pottering around the fire. No doubt that asshole husband of hers had her up at the crack of dawn, running after him like some sorta indentured servant. There are some things even the apocalypse can't change.

"Keep an eye out, will you?" I asked when I saw her. She sat back on her haunches and looked up at me, poking at the newly kindled fire with a stick. Her eyes widened when she saw the state of my face.

"What on Earth happened to you?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Leave it out," I said, storming down to the lake so I could wash the blood and dust of the night from my face. By the time I got down there it was already full light, but I couldn't see any movement from up in the camp so I stripped right down and waded into the cool water. I leaned over and splashed my face, feeling the sting as the water hit my busted chin. Considering he got me with one punch, Rick bloodied me up pretty bad. My lip was swollen and sore, but the cool liquid trickling down my face soothed it a little and the swelling seemed to subside.

I just stood for a while, staring at the trees, trying not to think. I probably shouldn't have let myself daydream like that, but it was nice to forget the walkers just for a minute and try to empty my head of its tumultuous thoughts. When I heard noise behind me, I spun round- worried that I was going to regret not paying attention.

"Oh, Jesus, Shane!"

It was Lori.

"I didn't know you were down here- Shane! Will you put some clothes on?" She looked away uncomfortably as I waded from the waist-deep water.

"What you gettin' your pretty panties in a twist for? Ain't nothin' here you ain't seen before," I said, picking up my cargo pants and roughly pulling them on. She glared at me through those dark curls of hers, and I had to laugh.

"Nothing about this is funny," she hissed. "Nothing. You lied to me. You told me that Rick was dead." She looked at me with her face all serious, and I wondered what had happened to the Lori I knew just a couple days ago. I wondered if I would ever see that Lori again.

"Don't you use that against me, girl. He was as good as dead when I left him- all I could do was shut over the door to his hospital room, and that hardly leaves room to hope, does it? It was better this way. You could move on, you and Carl."

I tightened my belt buckle and pulled on my t-shirt, waiting for a reaction. All she seemed able to do was shake her head at me and grimace silently like I truly disgusted her. I reached out to touch her arm softly; the picture of gentleness. "I am sorry, Lori," I said sincerely, "Truly I am. But I thought I was makin' the right call for you and your boy."

She shrugged away from my touch and stared at the surface of the lake, which was already glassy still as if I had never disturbed it at all. She sighed; a deep, thoughtful sigh as if the weight of the world was on her slender shoulders.

"Did Rick do that to your face?" she asked, her eyes drifting to my mouth. I ran my fingers over the tender little gash in my lip, nodding. A worried look came across her face, and I knew exactly what she was thinking.

"I didn't tell him. I ain't gonna tell him, neither. Better for all of us that way. We just had a disagreement is all. Don't worry, you got your happy little family again and I ain't gonna come out and tell Rick that you fucked me 'cos I told you he was dead."

She looked like she might hit me, but she didn't, so I kept on. "Was it really because you thought he was dead? Was it, Lori? Or was it just because you wanted to, and you been wantin' to a long time?" She was breathing rapidly through her nose, staring at me, and I knew she was mad but so was I and I just couldn't bring myself to stop.

"And when you made love to him last night, to your husband," I spat, "Was it the same as when we were together? I'm gonna bet it wasn't, not close." I wondered if it was the same for Rick, too. I wondered if he even thought about it.

I let out a humourless chuckle, cocking my head to the side and analysing her icy glare. "I mean God love him, he tries Lori, but he ain't really got a clue, does he? He ain't like me- he can't protect you like I can. How can you feel safe in those skinny little arms of his, huh?"

I knew exactly how, because once upon a time I had felt safe there too, and all I really wanted was for him to grab me and hold me and comfort me like he used to. I knew only now that I hadn't savoured that like I should have done. I pushed those thoughts to the back of my mind and forced them down under lock and key, because that was the very last thing I wanted to think about right now. I grabbed hold of Lori's arm.

"Come with me, now- I'll make you feel safe again like you know he can't. I will, I swear it." I pulled her towards me by the wrist, bent my face to hers- and this time she did hit me, a sharp smack across my cheek. I leaned back with my hands on my hips, licking the inside of my stinging cheek and surveying Lori's expression of disgust.

"You're a real piece of work, Shane, you know that? He's meant to be your best friend," she said quietly, shaking her head.

"He is," I sighed. "I just… I'm just mad. I'm sorry. It's a lot to handle all at once; things I never expected to have to deal with. Please-" I looked straight into her eyes, but her eyelids lowered under my gaze.

"None of us expected to have to deal with this, but the rest of us are making do the best we can. Not like you- there's something dangerous in you that I don't like, Shane. I'm warning you now to stay away from me- and stay away from my family. What happened between us was a mistake, so don't you ever bring it up to me again- to me or to Rick. It's done." I shrugged as she turned and walked off, but I watched her go, right 'til she disappeared over the hill and into the camp.

I don't even know why I provoked her like that- if I wasn't so God-damn hot headed I could probably have smoothed things over with her. And maybe if I didn't need to be so forceful all the time; if I just had the patience to let things work themselves out, maybe I wouldn't have fucked things up so bad with Rick the night before. I laughed bitterly to myself. "Well now, it sure seems like the Grimes family got it in for me right about now."