It was fifth year. This marked the fifth year I'd fancied him, and I had promised myself that this was the year that I'd forget. But of course, I'd been reciting this like a mantra that seemed to never work. I noticed that I have a tendency to get extremely attached, and that characteristic unfortunately applied to goddamned Sirius Black, who seemed to drift in and out of my daily thoughts, much to my displeasure.
I didn't quite understand my attraction either. I didn't speak to him that much. I only looked, yet I admired him for absolutely nothing. Well, it wasn't nothing, I'll admit. He was easy on the eyes, for sure. But I admired and hated him for his ability to excel in his classes with not much studying, and the clever ways he could manipulate charms and transfigure magnificent objects in ways that I couldn't do as well.
He was a bit of a bully at times, which I despised. Maybe I just needed to focus on all of his bad characteristics. That could help in my seemingly fruitless endeavor to get rid of this parasite.
I don't think he'll ever know just how much he's on my mind. What I would give to throw away these feelings. When I think about it, it's sad that my first love will go unheard of, but I would never have the courage to even hint at it to him, or anyone else for that matter.
It's only one in the morning, and I should really finish my work. Get out of my mind, will you? I'm too tired.