¡Feliz Cumpleaños, Gaz!
An Invader Zim Fanfiction by KidKourage
Part 2—Departure
Well, what do you know? This chapter's named after an anime song too. This one's 'Departure,' an instrumental selection from 'Rurouni Kenshin.' I've never seen this show, but it has some really good background music, as I've discovered from downloading nearly every song at danime.com. And…you don't care. On with the tale of Gaz's magical love adventure…I mean birthday party.
The scene is KidK's house, on Friday, March 1, around 3:00 PM! KidK has once again returned home after a lovely (read: painful) week at college, and is currently hard at work in her kitchen with her boyfriend, Gir.
KidK: Okay, now we mix it real good to make sure the chocolate chips are spread throughout the batter. For that we need—
Gir: The mixer! Can I mix it, Missy?
KidK: If you're very careful. Here, I'll hold you up so you can reach, and you hold the mixer. Now you put it on the second setting and move it around through the batter, and we'll count to 120 seconds together.
Gir: I'm turnin' it on now. Mix-y mix-y!
Sammi (ears perked at the sound of the mixer): *bark!* *whine*
KidK: Ten, eleven, twelve…sorry, Sam, but you can't eat cake batter. It's ooky until it's cooked…nineteen, twenty, twenty-one…
Mike-the-Brother (entering the kitchen): Don't mess up that cake, sis.
KidK: Your confidence in me is overwhelming. If you think you can do a better job, then you come do it!
Gir: Forty-five, forty-six, forty-seven, sixty-five…
KidK: No, Gir, forty-eight.
Gir: Forty-eight, seventy-two…
Mike-the-Brother: You're gonna get it all wrong!
KidK (classic me-quote): Don't freak, Mike!
Mike-the-Brother: But it's gotta be perfect! Nobody wants to eat a cake that isn't mixed right.
KidK: We're doing a good job.
Mike-the-Brother: And is it going to cook in time? How long does a cake take to cook? Are you sure it'll be ready?!
KidK: We went over this before. A cake takes forty minutes to bake. So it'll be done cooking before you and the units go to pick up Gaz. And then Gir and Zim and I are taking the cake and all the other stuff over to Dib's house about fifteen minutes after that, so we'll be sure you're gone. Then we're decorating the cake over there, so we don't have to worry about transporting it after it's all done. See? It all makes sense.
Mike-the-Brother: It just seems like we'll be cutting it too close.
KidK: Close? Nahhh. If anything, we'll be all finished and hanging around waiting for you guys. Your movie starts at 4:30, and it'll go about an hour and a half, and then you have to drive home, so you won't be back before 6:30. By then everything will be set up and we'll already have all the pizza staying warm in Dib's oven. It's not going to be a problem, so don't worry.
KidK's Dad (poking his head in): When do you think I should start worrying? (note: classic Dad-quote)
KidK: You especially have nothing to worry about! Just go watch your movie.
KidK's Dad: But…my kids are gonna be over at some stranger's house all night!
KidK: The Membranes aren't strangers. (to Gir) Gir, you can stop mixing now. Now I'm gonna pour it into the pans. (she sets Gir on the floor and carefully starts pouring the batter into the two cake pans)
KidK's Dad: But there isn't going to be enough parental supervision! Are you sure you don't want me to stay and guard you all?
KidK (laughing): Dad, you just want some of this cake!
KidK's Dad (pouty): I like cake.
Mike-the-Brother: Well, you can't have any. You can have snacks at the concession stand at the movies.
KidK's Dad: Oh, right.
KidK: OK, Gir, you want to put them in the oven?
Gir: Yes!
KidK: Here we go, then! (she picks Gir up, and he grabs one of the pans)
Gir: Wheeeeee! We're bakin'!
Miraculously, both pans end up in the oven, and forty minutes passes in the blink of an eye. By this time, Mike and the parents are all ready to head out.
Mike-the-Brother: Now, don't forget anything. I know how stupid you can be sometimes.
KidK (fake stupid): Derrrrrr, sometimes? What that mean? (normal voice) Seriously, Mike, go have fun. And whatever you do, don't let Mom and Dad see the same movie as you.
Mike-the-Brother: Oh, we already have that worked out. Me an' Gaz are seeing 'Kung POW!,' and Mom an' Dad are going to that artsy-fartsy movie 'The Royal Tenenbaums.'
KidK: Aw, I wanted to see both of those! Well…make sure you tell me how pointlessly stupid and therefore incredibly MSTable 'Kung POW!' was.
Mike-the-Brother: Okee. Mom, hurry up!
KidK's Mom (emerging from the bathroom): Hey, I was fixing my hair!
Mike-the-Brother: It's simply lovely. Nowcanwepleasego?! Gaz'll be waiting for us! And Dad's already down in the car, so he's probably mad already!
KidK's Mom: If he wants to be mad, that's his problem, isn't it?
Mike-the-Brother: *groan* Oh, please don't tell me you're gonna be like this the whole car ride over.
KidK: Bye! Have fuuuuuuun!
Gir: Eat lotsa poopcorn! Heehee, poopcorn…
Sammi: *yip!*
Thus, Mike and his parental units leave the house. Meanwhile, KidK is having some problems.
KidK: OK, let's see. We have the cake in the cake-saver all set to go, and all the icing and gel-frosting and whatnot…and all the decorations we bought this afternoon…good! Now all we have to do is…the hardest thing of all! Oh, Zimmyyyyyyyyyyy! (her scream causes one of the house's many secret computer screens to slide out of the ceiling)
Zim (appearing on the screen): What?
KidK: S'almost time to go. Just wanted to let you know so's you could stop whatever you're working on.
Zim: Why? I told you before, I'm not going.
KidK: And I told you before, yes you are!
Zim: Why should I? It's not as if I even like the Dib's stinky sister.
KidK: Don't cop an attitude with me. You are going and that's that!
Zim (folding his arms): Make me.
KidK: Oh, what, are we six years old now? What's your major malfunction, Zim? What've you got against Gaz?
Zim: …nothing specifically. But she's the awful Dib-thing's relative, and human at that! And I've already given you so much currency for her stupid gift! I owe you nothing more!
KidK: But we can't have a party with just four people and a dog.
Zim: You are taking Sammi with you?
KidK: Yeah, what are we supposed to do? Leave her here by herself? Besides, she likes Gaz. And she loves Dib.
Zim: Feh. Not as much as she loves me. But…a thought occurs to me. Who will be keeping an eye on Sammi whilst you four are all making idiots of yourselves with your party?
KidK: You! Come on, you've gotta come to make sure Sammi stays out of trouble. You're the only one who can do it!
Zim: I am? …yes, I am! For I am the almighty dogmaster! I will attend this party, not to behave like a stupid, brainless human, but to act as the responsible Irken dogwatcher!
KidK: Oh, Zim, that really puts my mind at ease. Knowing you're in charge will keep me from worrying.
Zim: Of course it will. So, are we going or what?
KidK: I'll meet you at the car, responsible Irken dogwatcher. Heheh.
At about the time that KidK, Zim, Gir, and Sammi pile into KidK's car at their house, Mike-the-Brother is ringing the doorbell at his bestest friend's house, ready to begin an evening of fun that is definitely not a date.
Gaz (opening the door): Hey, Mike.
Mike-the-Brother: You set to go?
Gaz: Yeah.
Mike-the-Brother (noticing something): Hey, you're wearing the earrings I got you!
Gaz: Yeah, well, you were right. They do look good on me. (she pokes him hard in the arm) Quit looking at me and let's go. (she walks past him to the car and they get in)
KidK's Mom: Hiiii, Gaz! Happy Birthday! How are you?
Gaz: Fine, Mrs. Mike's Mom. You?
KidK's Mom: Oh, I'm just fine, hon. Did you kids decide what movie you're going to see yet?
Mike-the-Brother: Mom, I already told you—we're going to 'Kung POW!' and you're staying out of our way watching 'Royal Tenenbaums.'
KidK's Dad: But I wanna see 'Kung POW!' too! I hear it's so absolutely horrible that it's good.
Gaz: I think it's supposed to be making fun of all the serious kung-fu movies that are absolutely horrible.
KidK's Mom: Well, I heard that it is one of those absolutely horrible serious kung-fu movies edited with new dialogue and a new lead actor to make a parody.
KidK's Dad: How come you know that? Usually I'm the one who knows all about the movies we watch beforehand…unless they're animated. That's Missy's department.
KidK's Mom: I don't know, I read it in the newspaper.
KidK's Dad: Not fair that these kids get to go see the movie I wanted to see.
KidK's Mom: I also think I read that 'The Royal Tenenbaums' is one of the best movies of the year, and that it's actually good, not just 'so bad it's good.' And it's done by the same guy who did 'Rushmore.'
KidK's Dad: Oh, well, that's all right, then. You still sure you want us to see a different movie than you guys? There can be all kinds of crazy people in movie theaters, you know.
Mike-the-Brother: Don't worry, Dad. Johnny's already seen every movie at Regal—he was complaining to KidK about how bad they all were last weekend when they thought we were all asleep.
KidK's Mom: What's that supposed to mean?
Mike-the-Brother: Well, you did say 'crazy people…' Actually, he said that 'Royal Tenenbaums' was the only movie he'd ever think of seeing again, so…
KidK's Dad (sarcastically): Oh, good. Our movie has the 'Skinny Comic Book Artist Seal of Approval.'
Gaz: I like Johnny. I don't think I've ever wanted to destroy his mortal body and immortal soul.
KidK's Dad: Uh oh, Mike, looks like Zim's love rival is your love rival too!
Mike-the-Brother: Uh oh, Dad, KidK has two boyfriends at once and you just acknowledged that fact!
KidK's Dad: Oh, God, you're right! And I just left her at home with one of them without parental supervision! Nooooooooooo!
KidK's Mom: Calm down and drive!
Aw, isn't that cute? Well, it is at around this time that KidK and her posse are arriving at Dib's house. Sammi is on her newly acquired leash, and is currently attempting to pull her responsible Irken dogwatcher's arm out of its socket. Gir is lugging a big box of party stuff, and KidK is in charge of the cake. She rings the bell and is greeted by Dib.
Dib: Oh, good, you're here. They just left a couple minutes ago, so we should be safe for a couple hours now. You can put all the cake stuff in the kitchen for now, and I'll take the decorations downstairs and start working on that.
KidK: Downstairs?
Dib: Yeah, wait'll you see. Come on.
They all head downstairs, after making a detour to the kitchen to deposit the cake. Upon reaching the basement, KidK is surprised to see, where Dib's lab used to be—
KidK: Sweeeeeeeet! You converted it into a den-type thing!
Dib: Well, as I'd expected, Dad was going to move his operations out of the underground lab here, so I get to work there now. And I just thought, 'You know what Gaz'd probably really like for her birthday? A game room.' So I moved all my stuff out of here, went and ordered a bunch of furniture, and told Dad that it was what I wanted for my birthday.
Gir: Ooooo, lookit all the TVs! Can we watch Scary Monkey?
KidK: Yeah, you've got three TVs down here! What's that all about?
Dib: One for each of her game consoles. And a couch for each TV, and a bunch of beanbag chairs for if she wants to sit even closer, and a whole storage center for all her games over here, and a mini-kitchen over there with a refrigerator for her to keep her soda and snacks in so I don't accidentally eat them, a microwave for heating things up, and a table and chairs for eating at!
KidK: When did you do all this?!
Dib: Well, it really is a good thing that Gaz usually holes up in her room after skool and ignores the entire outside world, because stuff has been getting delivered since Tuesday.
KidK: Man, I just can't wait to see the look on her face when Mike brings her down here!
Sammi: *bark!* (she pulls on the leash to get closer to Dib)
Zim: Would you stop that! Sit!
Sammi: (she sits down, but keeps wagging her tail)
Gir: Sister likes it too. Now can we watch Scary Monkey?
KidK: No, but we can do something even better—go decorate the cake!
Gir: Okay!
KidK: Zim, why don't you help Dib with the decorations?
Zim: Because I am already busy with keeping my dog-minion from destroying the decorations?
Sammi: *yip yip wag wag wag*
KidK: Oh, right. Well, keep doing that then. We're gonna do the cake and then start making pizza orders. I made a list of all the places around here, so we'll get a different kind from each.
Dib: Sounds good. When you're done with the cake, bring it down here and we'll put it in the 'fridge.
KidK: Okie dokie. See you in a few minutes!
I really think we should check up on our other group of wonderful party people, don't you? At the Regal Cinemas in fabulous Burlington, New Jersey…
KidK's Mom: You kids go and have fun. And don't sit too close to the screen, or you'll get a headache. (to KidK's Dad) Gee, are you sure you have all the snacks you need?
KidK's Dad: Hey, you were the one who wanted popcorn. All I wanted was Whoppers. (they walk off, arguing about who ordered what)
Mike-the-Brother (waving overly cheerfully): Bye, parents! I love youuuu! (in more normal tones) I thought they'd never leave.
Gaz: Are you coming or not? Our theater is this way.
They walk down to auditorium number 3, and are hardly surprised when it isn't one of the huge stadiums, but a medium-sized theatre with only around 100 seats. Hey, it could be worse—they could be in the theater reserved for artsy movies, which has only 50. At least the seats are still graduated so the people in front of you are just annoyingly loud, not annoyingly blocking your view.
Mike-the-Brother: Right side or left side?
Gaz: Left. We're left kind of people, you know?
Mike-the-Brother: Heh. Okay, and I'll sit on the aisle so any creeps who want to start something with you have to get through me first.
Gaz (sarcastically): Oh, my hero.
Mike-the-Brother: Man, we got here just in time! The previews are already starting.
Gaz: Gosh, I wonder if we'll get to see the one for 'Ice Age' again.
Mike-the-Brother: Oh, look, Gaz! We do! Man, this is almost as bad as the 'Rugrats' movies, and they advertise those for like two years in advance.
Gaz: Psh! Stupid Nickelodeon…you'd think they'd find something better or at least new to push.
Mike-the-Brother: Even if they ever did have something decent on their channel, they probably wouldn't even realize it. I mean, what kind of ree-ree cancels 'Angry Beavers?'
Gaz: Heh. 'Ree-ree.'
Mike-the-Brother: Oooo, check it out! They didn't play that Britney Spears Pepsi commercial this time! We are saved!
The movie begins, and the audience is treated to a foggy, nighttime view of an Asian-style house where something bad is about to happen. If you've never seen 'Kung-POW!,' you should. It's stupid, but hilarious. I won't spoil the ending or the very best jokes for you. ^_^
Mike-the-Brother: Check this dude's voice! What does he think he is, a cat? Hee, their words don't match their mouths.
Gaz: I think that's part of the parody. See, look—we're getting the 'Crouching Tiger' thing now, only it's a baby doing all the weird flying around fighting stuff, so it's funny.
Mike-the-Brother (unenthused): Ha ha ha…oh my God! Did you see that?! She just chucked the kid down the hill! Wahahahahaaaaaa!
Gaz: *snort* Maybe this won't be so bad after all.
Meanwhile, KidK is now through with making her orders to the pizza places and is about to leave to go start picking up the food. However, Gir has another good idea.
Gir: Missy?
KidK: Yeah, Gir?
Gir: I's just thinkin'…ya think we could get Squeezy to come?
KidK: Oh, I didn't even think of that! We'll need more people for the game tournaments than just six, and I'll bet Todd'd love to come. Do you know his phone number?
Gir: I dooo…I'll call him! (he grabs the phone and dials) Helloooooo…no, I wanna talk ta Squeezy. Squeezy? Izzat you?
Squee (on the other end—duh): Gir? Sorry about my Mom. She forgets sometimes that I live here.
Gir: Hey! You wanna come over for a party?
Squee: Party?
Gir: Yeah! With cake! We're gonna party down! It's off the heezy, Squeezy! (he starts breakdancing)
KidK: Okay, Gir, you're getting too excited. Let me take it from here.
Gir: 'kay. (he hands her the phone and dances away)
KidK: Todd?
Squee: Er, Missy?
KidK: Yup. I'm over at Dib's house. We're having a party for Gaz's birthday tonight, and Gir wanted to invite you. Want to come? I can pick you up during my run to pick up all the pizza, so you don't need a ride or anything.
Squee: Can I really come? Neat! I'll just ask my Dad. (he puts his hand over the phone and shouts) Dad!
Squee's Dad: What are you still doing here?!
Squee (uncovering the phone): Okay, I can come.
KidK: Sweet! Now I just need to know your address, and Gir and I will be by in about half an hour, forty-five minutes.
Squee: My house is number 779.
KidK: Oh, that's right! And Johnny lives next door, right? Hey, maybe he'd like to come too…do you have his phone number? I've never thought to ask him.
Squee: I don't even think he has a phone anymore. He has…things in his house, Missy. I don't think you should go there. Shmee hears things.
KidK: It's just 'Nny-kun's house. When I come to get you I'll just knock and see if he's home.
Squee: I'll wait in the car.
KidK: Todd, there's nothing to be scared of! Well, see you in a little bit.
Squee: 'Bye, Missy! (they hang up)
Gir: Izzi comin'?
KidK: Yes. And we're gonna see if 'Nny wants to come too, okay?
Gir: Yaaaaaay! Johnny-man! (off on another tangent) Gazzy will be sooo happy when she sees my cake!
KidK: Indeed. Now let's just go make sure that Zim and Dib haven't killed each other before we go. (she goes to the top of the stairs) Zim! Dib!
Zim (calling up): What do you want now?
KidK: We're going to get the pizza and to pick up Todd!
Dib: Oh, good idea inviting him! But…now we have an odd number for the tournaments!
KidK: I know! That's why I'm gonna ask Johnny over too!
Dib: Okay!
Zim: Don't you dare!
KidK (pointedly ignoring this): I'm going now! Say 'bye bye,' Gir!
Gir: Bye bye, Gir!
With that, the two pizza picker-uppers go out to KidK's car and set out to…pick up pizza. What horrors await them? Well, I'm keeping you in suspense! I am evil!
Continue Your Looking Forward, Mortals! Things Are About To Happen! Cool Things! OK? OK!