(Rae's POV)

Rae could have stayed in Finn's arms for eternity. Even though the circumstances were utter crap, and it practically broke her heart seeing Finn in so much pain, there was a small part of her that had loved every bleeding second of it. It wasn't her fault that her ever-growing horn liked to rear its head whenever she was around Finn!

Rae hated thinking that, feeling like it made her a really shit friend to him, but she couldn't deny the slight elation that came from him touching her. Her skin still tingled where his hand had gripped her shirt, where his face had been buried in her shoulder.

Now, here they were, lying next to each other with barely a centimeter between them. She glanced at Finn out of the corner of her eye, watching his chest rise and fall as he lay there. God, he even breathes sexy! she thought to herself. Who knew that this completely shit night—scratch that, this shit day—would have ended so perfectly. Though she wanted so badly to just be happy in this moment, she couldn't help it as her thoughts dragged her back to the whole reason she had hosted this party in the first place…

Her mum. Suddenly, the fact that she was in her mum's room made her sick to her stomach. She didn't want to be in here, not in this room full of lies. Even feeling the warmth of Finn's body radiating next to hers was being tainted by the anger that burned in her stomach. No, she would not let her mum ruin this for her, would not let her ruin yet another good thing in her life.

"I s'pose we ought to go back out there, 'fore they come lookin' for us…" Rae murmured, watching Finn's face out the corner of her eye.

Finn let out a small sigh, but sat up anyway, rubbing his face with his hands.

Rae sat up as well, self-consciously wiping her own face for any stray tears or snot, before standing up. She looked down at Finn, still sitting on the bed and staring at his hands.

"I dunno if…if I'm ready to go out there…" Finn whispered, his voice barely audible. He looked so scared in that moment, so much like a little boy. Without thinking, Rae held out her hand to him. Finn looked up, his gaze traveling from the hand in question, to Rae's face.

"Sure ya can, I'll be there with ya," She said with a smile. The small smile Finn gave her in return didn't quite reach his eyes, and he still looked like a terrified little boy about to inspect his cupboard for monsters, but he took her hand anyway. The feeling of his warm calloused hand in her own made Rae's stomach do a topsy-turvy little dance and she had to push down the urge to guide his hand to other places on her body. She had just fixed the damage done earlier and she wasn't about to go mucking up whatever progress she'd made.

Right at that moment, the door flung open, a few lads stumbling into the room pissed out of their minds. Rae froze, her eyes widening like a deer caught in headlights. She nearly let go of Finn's hand, but his grip tightened. She threw a quick glance at his face, his eyes silently pleading with her. She knew that she couldn't let him go.

She would take him to her room, which had hopefully emptied out while they had been hidden away in here, and there, maybe, they could talk without the shadow of her mum looming over them.

Rae pushed past some of the lads with determination, eliciting a couple of slurred Oi!'s, and quickly pulled Finn out into the hall, pausing only as she caught sight of Chloe, stumbling along with the group into her mum's room.

Chloe hadn't seen her, and Rae was silently glad, not wanting to deal with whatever Chlo's reaction would be to her and Finn holding hands. She wasn't ready to share this moment yet. She wanted to keep it between her and Finn for now, afraid that if she shared it, it might just disappear, a figment of her overactive imagination.

She quietly made her way over to her own doorway, and peered inside, seeing that, aside from a sleeping Izzy curled up on the floor at the foot of Rae's bed like a kitten, the room was thankfully empty.

Rae turned back to Finn, and her breath caught in her throat at how close his face was to hers. A dull thump reverberated from downstairs, and Rae realized she should probably assess how much damage had been done to her house.

"Alright, I'm gonna go make sure nothing's bloody broken or set on fire down there," Rae whispered with an exasperated sigh, not even her anger at her mother able to stifle the slight panic at how the bleeding hell she was ever going to clean this place up, "You stay here, and I'll be right back." She promised, giving his hand a small squeeze. Finn nodded, squeezing her hand in return before letting it go.

"Could you grab my sleeping bag?" he asked quietly. Rae froze for a moment as the realization that Finn might be sleeping in her room tonight set in.

In her room. With her.

Her heart started to pound at such a deafening volume that she was sure Finn must have heard it. She could feel his questioning gaze, and she mentally shook away the fear/excitement at such a prospect and muttered a small "of course," before turning and heading quickly back into the hall and down the stairs.

She took the steps two at a time, throwing quick glances around the house to ensure it hadn't fallen apart. The party had died down significantly since Rae had found Finn, and she briefly wondered how much time had passed while they were in her mum's room.

The whole place was a mess, the floor littered with a layer of beer cans, cigarette stubs, confetti, and people, silly string splattered across every available surface, but at least nothing seemed to be irreparable. Rae still had no idea how she would get this mess cleaned up before her mum and Karim returned home, but at the moment she didn't particularly care.

Right now, she had one of the—scratch that, THE—fittestboy in Lincolnshire waiting for her. In her bedroom. Everything else could wait.

Rae threw a blanket over Danny, who was asleep on the couch with Anna, and slid a cushion underneath Archie's head where he was passed out on her kitchen floor before picking up a vase that had been knocked over onto the carpet, most likely the culprit of the thud from earlier.

As she made her way back to the living to grab Finn's sleeping bag, Rae spotted Chop, lying on the floor staring silently at the ceiling. The usual Chop flair was gone, the goofy grin that was a near-permanent fixture on his face replaced by a dazed look. Rae shook her head, knowing exactly how Chop was feeling in that moment. Her and her mates could be proper daft buggers sometimes.

Rae quietly grabbed Finn's sleeping bag from its spot by the stereo, careful not to make too much noise, and made her way back up the stairs. Halfway up, her stomach did that topsy-turvy thing again, but this time wasn't as pleasant. This time, it was nerves tying her insides into knots.

What if Finn regrets having hugged her, having opened up to her? What if he wakes up from his grief-induced state and realizes it was all a mistake? I mean, look at her.

Blob with a gob. Her own words to Kester rang in her ears, and Rae froze at the top of the stairs. She squeezed her eyes shut, hoping to squeeze out the bad thoughts with them, but they continued swirling around in her head, her insecurities threatening to pull her under. Rae counted to ten, but the thoughts wouldn't listen. She imagined herself, dressed from head to toe in armor, charging the bad thoughts that were paralyzing her movement, but nothing worked.

Finally, she let herself think of Finn. She thought of his arms around her, his smile, the way his hand felt in hers. The dark thoughts tried to twist those memories into something dark and hurtful, but new Rae wouldn't let them. She thought about how scared he looked, how his body shook as he cried, and Rae felt her feet move forward again, one step at a time. She couldn't leave him alone up there. She was his mate and she needed to be there for him.

Before she knew it, she was almost to her own door, the dark thoughts retreating from new Rae's determination. She let out a deep breath, feeling her tense shoulders relax for a moment. She paused at her mum's room, peering in and allowing herself a small laugh at Chloe, sprawled out alone on her mum's bed surrounded by other sleeping figures on the floor. Sleep on the floor? Pah! Only the best for princess Chloe. Rae thought with a smirk.

With a few more steps, she was back at her bedroom door. She reached for the handle, but paused for a moment, her nerves flaring up again. No. No more being scared. Not tonight. Rae thought resolutely, as she turned the doorknob and entered the room.

Finn was sitting on her windowsill smoking, his body half out her window, as a thick tendril of smoke escaped his lips. He turned to her as she entered, and Rae's heart did a small flip-flop at the tired smile he gave her. And it was the sight of him, in her room, looking so impossibly sexy, that finally drove the last remaining bad thoughts from her mind.

(Finn's POV)

As soon as Rae left the room, Finn could feel the emptiness from earlier creeping back, trying to settle itself into his bones. He was physically and emotionally spent, and without Rae there, acting as a balm to soothe his frayed emotions, Finn felt restless. He needed something to distract him. He needed a smoke.

Finn picked up his jacket from where he had left it during spin-the-bottle and pulled his tobacco and rolling papers out of the pocket. It was odd, being in her room alone. It was like getting a peek inside her head, all of these little details that make up a person put on display. Finn chuckled quietly at her wallpaper which was covered with tiny animals dressed in ridiculous clothes. Rae had obviously tried to obscure this remnant of her childhood, filling up nearly every available wall-space with band posters.

Finn began the nearly mechanical act of rolling a cigarette, taking solace in the normality of the task. The smell of tobacco and the smooth feel of the paper beneath his fingers were a welcome distraction from his own grief, and he could feel his control over his emotions begin to return.

Fishing a lighter from his jeans, he walked over to Rae's window. The house had grown near silent, with just the hum of sleeping breaths audible as the last few straggling conversations died out. He gently opened the window, peering over his shoulder to make sure he hadn't woken Izzy.

The cool air was a shock to Finn's system, but he welcomed it, relishing the sobering effect it had on him. Perched on the window sill, Finn lit his cigarette and took a long drag. The smoke burned his throat, which was still raw from crying, but it felt good. It gave him something to focus on without Rae there.

Rae. He was still unsure where they stood with each other. He knew some things, like the fact that he actually liked talking to her, a feat no one but his nan had managed to accomplish, but there were things he couldn't bring himself to say to her. Certain things that he was barely able to work out in his mind. He wasn't any good at words, never had been. He was better at watching, observing the world around him, noticing the small things which most people let slip into their peripheral vision.

Like Rae.

He noticed how her face lit up when she talked about music. How that same light dimmed sometimes when she talked about herself. How, in the hazy light of the pub, her black hair could look almost purple.

He also noticed the little smiles she shared with Archie, the ones they exchanged when they thought no one was looking. He didn't like noticing things like that, how it seemed as if they shared something only they were privy to, a secret language told all in smirks and sideways glances. He wanted so badly for Rae to share something like that with him. Something like that with only him. It dawned on him then that he had spent a fair amount of time noticing things about Rae. Even when he was unsure about her, when she was just this enigma in a leather jacket, pushing her way into his life and rivaling his own music taste.

Finn's thoughts were interrupted as the door creaked open and Rae quietly entered with Finn's sleeping bag in hand. He gave her a tired smile, and felt the swirling confusion of emotions within him still at her presence. She returned the smile as she set his sleeping bag on the edge of her bed, grabbing a pillow and gently lifting Izzy's head to tuck it underneath.

As he watched her, Finn found he was unsurprised at how effortless it was for Rae to take care of people. She didn't even seem to think about it, it just came naturally to her. Not all the time, of course, but when they really needed it, she was right there knowing somehow exactly what they wanted before they did.

The image of Rae's slumped figure growing smaller as he and the lads raced off to Knebworth surfaced in his mind. She hadn't given any explanation, only a small apology accompanied by a glance towards Chloe. He still didn't know what had been going on, but he was perceptive enough to realize that Chloe hadn't been alright, and that Rae had been there for her friend, sacrificing Knebworth, which he knew was a big deal to Rae, because she knew she was needed. He couldn't keep up with this girl. She was so difficult to figure out, the Rae who had held him as he broke down the same Rae who'd been mugging him off all night—

"What are ya staring at?" Rae whispered, and Finn realized he had been unknowingly gawking at her from the windowsill, trying to figure out the puzzle that was Rae Earl. His cigarette had nearly burned down to a stub, and he took one last drag before tossing it out the window, pulling himself out of his own thoughts.

"Nothin'," He said, giving Rae a small smile. She returned the smile, her eyes nervously flitting around the room. "Mind if I put on some tunes?" Finn asked quietly, trying to fill the silence in the room.

"Go ahead," Rae whispered back, gesturing to her stereo. "I'll be rating your choices, o'course." She added with a smirk, "though, seeing as your choosin' from my music collection, it'll be hard for even you to fuck` up."

Finn let out a small chuckle, glad to have the Rae he knew, the one who liked to challenge him, back. He wandered to her dresser, where Cd's were piled in haphazard towers as Rae quietly closed the window. He let his fingers drift across the spines, his head tilted to the side as he read each album. Oasis, The Stone Roses, Pulp, Boyzone…his fingers paused on the last one, and he let out a small chuckle.

"You almost had me fooled," He whispered with a smirk, looking over his shoulder at Rae.

"What d'ya mean?" She whispered back, making her way over to him.

"You're always goin' on and on about how superior your music taste is, and I almost believed ya!" He whispered as he pulled the album from its pile and held it up for Rae to see. "Boyzone, eh?"

Rae's eyes grew even wider as she lunged for the CD, but Finn pulled it out of her reach.

"My mum bought that for me!" she whispered fervently, lunging once more for the offending album, but Finn was quicker, taking a step back and dangling it between them.

"Don't try to deny it, Rae, deep down you think it's so good!" He crooned, laughing at the horrified look on Rae's face as she tried in vain to wrench the album from his grasp. After a futile struggle, Finn gave in, letting Rae jerk Said and Done away from him. By that point, the pair of them were breathless with laughter.

"You are…such a prick!" Rae exclaimed between laughs. Finn shrugged, a wide grin spreading across his face.

"At least I'm not the one who listens to Boyzone," He pointed out.

"I do not listen to them! I already told ya, my mum bought this bloody CD for me! She saw them on Top of the Pops and only got it 'cause she thought they were fit!" She huffed, quickly stuffing the album into one of her drawers.

"Whatever ya say," Finn said with a skeptical raise of his brows. Rae looked as if she were about to give him a right smack upside the head when a small sound jolted them out of their argument.

Izzy mumbled something incoherently, causing Finn and Rae to freeze, both turning to look at their forgotten third wheel. Izzy shifted a bit on the floor, letting out a small groan, but, after a few moments, remained silent.

Finn and Rae both glanced at each other and nearly burst out laughing. Rae had to cover her mouth to stifle her laughter while Finn shook his head.

"Since we'll not be listening to any of that crap, I guess I still need to pick somethin' out," he whispered, throwing Rae a smirk. "Are there any other musical surprises I should know about? Any Babylon Zoo albums ya got hidden in here?"

Rae glared at Finn for a moment before sticking her tongue out at him. This time, it was Finn who had to cover his mouth to stifle his laughter as he made his way back to the towers of Cd's. His gaze traveled to a shelf on the wall, piled even higher with albums when his eyes alighted on a small, nearly hidden, heap of mixtapes. Bingo! He thought to himself.

Mixtapes could say more about a person than any amount of albums could. You could learn so much about a person through the songs they put on a mixtape. There were so many small decisions, which songs to put on, what order to put them in, which goes first, how it should end. Making a mixtape was like writing a story, and Finn began to wonder what sort of stories Rae had written with music. He eyed the small spines, covered with handwritten titles and pictures, trying to decide on which one to pick when his gaze settled on one covered with little stars and moons. He pulled the tape out and considered looking at the tracklist, but decided against it, wanting to hear the story unfold for himself.

Finn could feel Rae's gaze boring into him, and knew that if he hesitated, Rae might not let him put it on, so he quickly slid the tape into the stereo and pressed play. Mazzy Star's Fade Into You drifted out of the speakers and Finn smiled.

"I s'pose I can forgive you Boyzone," he whispered to Rae, who had come up beside him, "if ya admit I know more about music than you do."

Rae snorted, rolling her eyes at him, "Never."

Finn smiled, but the smile quickly morphed into a wide yawn. He didn't want the night to be over, but he was dead tired. He grabbed his sleeping bag from Rae's bed and began laying it out on her floor.

"What ya doin'?" Rae whispered.

"Setting up my sleeping bag, unless ya have some more crap albums to show me," he whispered back.

"No, why are ya setting up on the floor? There's…well, there's enough room on my bed," she whispered nervously, her voice faltering on the last word. Finn stood up straight, glancing from Rae to her bed and back.

"Are ya sure?" he asked, the excitement he felt over getting to sleep so close to Rae bubbling up inside of him.

"O'course," she whispered quickly, "I've been twattish enough to ya tonight, I'm not gonna make you sleep on the floor as well!"

Rae pulled her Duvet off her bed, grabbing his sleeping bag from the floor and spreading it out on the side closest to the wall.

Finn quickly slipped off his boots before climbing on the bed and into the sleeping bag while Rae remained standing in the center of the room, awkwardly gripping her duvet as she nervously bit her bottom lip. Finn nearly got lost in that small action, finding his gaze pulled to Rae's mouth, but quickly controlled his thoughts and patted the space next to him on the bed.

"Well, come on, then," he whispered, his body thrumming with the anticipation of being near her again. Rae hesitated for a moment more before slipping her trainers off and climbing into the bed next to him, wrapping the duvet around her almost to her chin. Though they were separated by his sleeping bag and her duvet, Finn could still feel the warmth of her body next to him through the layers, and felt some of the tension he hadn't even realized had been building up in his neck and shoulders dissipate.

They lay there for a while, letting to music drift over them, the gentle strumming of the guitar and the soft lilt of Hope Sandoval's voice filling the room with a stillness that both he and Rae could feel. Finn felt Rae settle deeper into the bed beside him, and glanced at her face, which was partially hidden behind the edge of her pillow. Her eyes were drifted shut, a look of calmness settling over her features. Finn wondered for a moment if his presence had the same calming effect on her as she had on him, or if it was just the music.

Finn didn't want to break into their musical reverie, but he desperately wanted to talk to Rae, to hear her voice.

"So, how bad was it down there?" he whispered.

She opened her eyes then, glancing over at him and letting out an exasperated sigh, "My house is a bloody disaster zone!" she whispered, "last time I host a bleeding sexy party."

"I thought you weren't havin' a party." He whispered.

"I wanted to piss my mum off." She replied with a small laugh.

Her answer reminded him of something his nan would have said, and Finn felt a pang of sadness at the thought he would never get to see his nan again.

"You alright?" Rae whispered after a moment, lifting her head to look at him.

"Yeah, I s'pose." He said. Finn wished Rae could have met his nan. He could just picture them, talking together, laughing together, "You'd have liked me nan. She was always talkin' 'bout somethin'."

Rae lifted her head again, her brow furrowed. "What you tryin' to say?" she whispered.

"Nothin'! Just…you're always banging on about it." He said with a laugh.

"You cheeky bastard!" Rae hissed with a smirk.

"Nah, I mean in a good way." Finn insisted, trying to make Rae understand what he meant. He was no good with words, but he needed to somehow tell her how he felt, as much as he could. "I like it." He whispered, "I like talking to ya. And I don't," Finn paused, pushing the edge of Rae's pillow down so she could see he meant it, "like talking to anybody."

Rae scrunched her nose at him, and Finn mirrored the expression. He did like talking to her, which was why he had been so confused about why she had been mugging him off all day. Finn knew he had to ask her if they were alright. He wasn't sure he wanted to hear the answer, but he knew he would be restless until he asked.

"So…are we alright?" he whispered, watching her face closely as he held his breath waiting for the answer.

She gazed at him for a moment, her eyes softening at his question. "Yeah," she nodded, "we're alright."

Finn smiled to himself, letting out a silent sigh of relief. Now that he finally knew they were alright, he could feel the waves of exhaustion finally pull him under, making it impossible to keep his eyes open.

There was still so much he wanted to say, and he very nearly smacked himself in the back of the head in the hopes that the impact might dislodge the tangled web of words that were caught in the back of his throat, but he was too exhausted.

His nan's face, with the same knowing look he had seen earlier, reappeared in his mind. Yeah, nan, I got it. I care about her. She's my…mate. The word seemed small and flat. Mate. Chop was his mate. Archie was his mate, even if he sometimes wanted to dislodge those secret smiles from Archie's face with his fist.

But, Rae?

The word didn't seem to fit her, not in the way he wanted, at least. But, for now, it was the only thing he could think to call her. And it was loads better than nothing.