Beginner
(Zidane: age 5; Kuja: age 7)
"Garland, do we really have to go?"
"You ask this every year, Kuja. And the answer remains the same: Yes."
"But you said the inhabitants of Gaia are inferior beings!"
"I did, and you should never forget it."
"But why are we accostiating with them if they're inferior?"
"The word is 'associating,' Kuja. And there are two reasons why I am sending you two to a school on Gaia. First of all, it is always wise to know the ways of an enemy, in case you have to pass yourselves as one of them. Sometimes subterfuge works better than open violence."
"What's subterfuge?" asked Kuja and Zidane at the same time.
Garland sighed. "Never mind. The second reason why you're going is because the two of you drive me insane. Now that Zidane is old enough to go, I might finally get some work done."
It was Zidane's first time on the airship Invincible. Garland had told them that he was only piloting them because it was the first day of school; for the rest of the year they would have to use a silver dragon. There was a big flash of light, and they emerged on Gaia. Kuja, having already done this for two years, barely passed a glance at the surroundings, but the younger Genome couldn't tear his eyes away from the window. How different it was from Terra! So much water! But before long, the water was replaced with land—green land. So this was the Mist Continent.
"Wow…" breathed Zidane.
Kuja rolled his eyes. "You're so easily impressed, Zidane."
Zidane was too absorbed to retort for once. He asked, "So what's a teacher like, Kuja?"
"She likes to suck peoples' brains out."
"What?"
"It's true. I saw it happen before."
"GARLAND!" He ran to the bridge of the ship.
Exasperated, Garland snapped, "What?"
"I don't wanna go anymore. Kuja says the teacher eats brains."
"Kuja is lying, AND IF HE DOESN'T STOP IT THERE ARE GOING TO BE SOME SEVERE CONSEQUENCES!"
Kuja pouted. "I didn't do anything."
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The three of them stood outside the school building. "Remember," said Garland, "try to be polite, but don't get too friendly. They are Gaians, after all. Kuja, show Zidane where to go. I will come for you today with the Invincible, but only today." He turned and left.
Zidane looked at Kuja in desperation. "Look," said Kuja, "Let's get something straight. While we are here, I am going to pretend that I don't even know you."
"Why?"
"Because you embarrass me in every way possible. And there's no use in crying," he added as Zidane's lip trembled, "because Garland's not here." He pointed to a congregation of small children. "The kindergarteners are over there. That's where you go. Goodbye."
It took a lot of courage for Zidane to make his way to his fellow classmates. There are few things as terrifying as the very first day of school. He wasn't sure where to look.
One boy looked as Zidane approached. "Hi," he said.
Completely disregarding what he had just been told by Garland, Zidane replied with a smile, "Hi! My name's Zidane. What's yours?"
"Blank," answered the boy. Before they could say any more, the teacher came to lead them to the classroom. She seemed pretty harmless, but Zidane decided to keep his eye on her anyway.
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"Alright, class, I thought that before we do anything else, we ought to introduce ourselves. When I say your name, stand up and tell us something about yourselves."
Zidane kept fidgeting, eager for his turn. But his name was almost the very last. "Alright," the teacher said, "next is… Zidane?"
He literally jumped up. "My name is Zidane Tribal," he said proudly, "and I like feeding beans to dragons. But it gives them the farts."
There was a slight pause. "That is very… er, nice, Zidane," said the teacher. She did a double-take. "Wait a moment… your last name is Tribal?"
"Yes, that's right."
"Do you happen to have an older brother named Kuja?"
Zidane, being only five years old, didn't recognize the apprehension in her voice. "Yep," he answered cheerfully.
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The teacher had only three words on her mind.
Kill me now.