Disclaimer: I don't own RK. All original characters are mine to claim.

Synopsis: What would you do, when the only thing you want to run away from…it's yourself? I'm weak. I'm my own enemy. I'm in constant battle with my conscience. I'm Kamiya Kaoru, and I'm a hypochondriac. Modern day AU. KK story.

Italics thoughts

A/N: Still re-editing…there were so many stupid mistakes…geesh…

Anyway, on with the story!

Story Of My Life

Chapter One: Handkerchief

'I'm fine thank you.'

That's what I automatically reply when someone asks me how I'm doing. It saves the trouble of making others worried about me, and plus, less phone bills. If everyone answered 'I'm feeling terrible!' each time someone called them, there wouldn't be enough money in the world to pay for all the bills. Besides, it would take hours to explain what I have, and they'd probably end up not understanding anyway.

Most of my friends, the ones who are oblivious to my inner state, say that I'm funny, mature and confident. Is that really what I show to others? My shrink says it's a mask I've unconsciously created to shield myself from the world and its dangers and, at the same time, to shield myself from me.

I am constantly questioning myself, my life, and others. I think about diseases and death 24 hours a day. Even when I'm sleeping, my thoughts are still there to turn my sleep into a nightmare.

I'm not happy. But, apparently, I say and even show people that I am.

Am I insane?

I guess not, since insane people don't realize they actually are. They live in constant denial of their surroundings, only believing in their mind's reality. I'm not in denial. I know who I am. I know what I have.

I just don't know how to make it go away.

Sometimes I'm afraid of being happy. Afraid that, when happiness arrives, a disease will come and destroy me, taking away the happiness I had wished for so long. So I guess I prefer not to be happy.

Even though I keep saying I am.

Sigh. I'm not making any sense...

My eyes focus on the light blue handkerchief in front of me. I thought they didn't make things like this anymore. And I sure didn't expect meeting a young man still wearing them. At least I know he environmentally friendly. Unlike me. Every time I have a so called 'crisis', I turn into a tissue monster.

How am I going to give it back anyway?

It's been a week since that day, and I have no idea who he is. Plus, I don't remember his face all too well; my tears blurred my vision and he was gone before I could say anything. Maybe I should…

Don't be stupid Kaoru.

You should what? Go to the park and sit on the same bench, waiting for the mysterious stranger? Then he arrives, you give back his handkerchief, he says he hadn't stop thinking about you since the day he met you, kisses you and live happily ever after.

Right. Me and Cinderella. So much alike.

I should just throw it away.

But what if I come across him in the middle of the street and he asks for it? That would be embarrassing.

Argh! I'm confusing myself!

I grab the small fabric and place it in my pocket. I'm not going to lose my time thinking about this. Even though I already am…

Checking the water and gas tap, I leave the apartment. It's about nine in the morning, and Nagoya is peaceful. Dogs are lying on the green grass, eyes closed to the warming sun. It's a nice, warm, spring day and I'm really not in the mood to go to work today. I've been kind of lazy lately. My shrink says it's because I'm giving myself up to the disease.

Whatever...

I guess I'm tired of fighting against something that I shouldn't be fighting to begin with: me!

Alright…work can wait.

I let my mind drift away from those thoughts and, soon enough, I find myself at Yamazaki River. This is so ridiculous. The guy is probably giving other handkerchiefs to lots of girls at this moment. Maybe he even owns a factory! Either way, he probably has more interesting things to do with his life than saving damsels in distress...ou crying damsels in my case.

I mean, why would he come? And to see me?

Well…not exactly to see me, but to have his handkerchief back.

But, even so, I am an idiot, and so I sit at the same bench I sat a week ago. There are no children playing this time, nor people making picnics. Just me and mother nature. The peaceful aura around this place comforts my soul and I wish deeply that my disease would disappear. If it went away, I'd be able to feel this comfort and peace within me every waking moment.

Or not.

I reach for the little clothe inside my pocket and stare at it. How stupid of me to believe…

You're not coming are you, stranger?

I smirk.

Yes, you're not coming a second time. You're not an angel, nor do you have a mission to make everyone on this earth happy and at peace with themselves.

So why keep you, Mr. Handkerchief? Might as well set you free...

"I hope you're not planning to throw it away."

I jump in my seat, clenching the poor fabric to death. Don't tell me…

I look up to my right and, indeed, I see the same smiling man staring at me, curiously.

My mouth is slightly opened, not a sound coming out of it. I have no idea what to say, or what I'm doing here...at this point I don't even know my name. All I know is...

He is here.

Without the tears in my eyes, but with my heart beating fast and loudly, I have the opportunity to, not only look like an idiot, but to admire the being in front of me. Maybe I was wrong about him not being an angel. His soft violet eyes glance at me with so much warmth that I feel a sudden urge to cry all of a sudden.

You're actually here.

You, Mr. Stranger. The handkerchief man. You came. But…

"Why?"

Kaoru! Don't say it out loud! You can't just start asking questions out of the blue and—

"I don't know."

— expect them...to answer…

That shut my inner voice up.

We stare at each other for moment, before he sits on the bench beside me. I know it's rude, but I keep staring at him. Is he a lunatic? Oh my, maybe I should just give back the handkerchief and leave this place.

"You were crying." He says softly, glancing at me from the corner of his eyes.

I'm sure I'm blushing right now. I've never delt with being on the spot that well.

Answer him!

"I was." Great. That was brilliant.

"Why?"

"Because I'm not happy, I guess."

"Do you know what happiness is?"

Getting married, with three kids and a dog? "I think so…"

"Human being never finds happiness. He's always asking for more. Always seeking for more answers. He's never happy with what he has at the moment. Because he is greedy."

Hum… "So, if he never finds happiness, why bother looking for it?"

"It makes him keep on living."

I blink and look ahead, at the river. Sakura leafs fall into the low river, creating an illusion of snow. Snow in the spring. His handkerchief is still held in my hands, forgotten.

This is insane.

Here I am, seating next to a stranger, who is telling me that happiness doesn't exist and that we're destined to be unhappy for the rest of our lives. Just what I needed to hear…

"But..."

I look at him sideways.

"If you reach a point in your life, where you lay at night fully content with what you have, what you've accomplished, and what you've lived through that day, then you've found true happiness."

"I thought you said human being never finds happiness…"

"All of us seek for it, but only a few of us actually find it."

Well, I'm definitely not one of them.

"Have you found it?"

He looks at me intensely, making me shiver for a second. "Perhaps."

I smile faintly and look down at my hands. Lifting the article, I give it to him. "Here. You said to return it back next time. Thank you."

"It's yours."

I blink twice. "What?"

He nods, placing the handkerchief back in my hands. "It's yours. Maybe it will help to put a smile on your lips more often."

I'm smiling now. "Thanks."

But why did he ask me to give it back when he didn't want it in the first place?

I ask him just that.

"I wanted to see if you'd really come."

That shut me up. Is he a pervert?

I comb my hair, nervously. "Yeah well…actually, I have no idea why I'm here. I guess I...I wanted to feel once again the comfort your eyes gave me last time. I'm sorry if I'm being too bold, but the truth is," I stop, turning to look at him in the eye. "Your eyes and this handkerchief were able to give me a peaceful moment for the first time in ten years." I breathe in deeply. "You have no idea how that feels."

"Maybe I do."

"Really?"

He looks at the river. "I've come to this place every day for four years now. Always seeking peace, just as you. But it was only that day, when I saw you crying alone, that I felt something inside me. A will to do something good; to help someone in need."

"Are you a priest?"

He gives a good laugh. "No, not at all. Let's just say…it's the path I've chosen to follow in order to find my inner peace."

I nod. Maybe he's as lost as I am. But he spoke so sure of himself a while ago. "I thought you were sure of what you were telling me."

"Oh, I am. Actually," He paused, glancing at his watch, making me glance at my own.

It's ten o'clock already? I should be working by now! They're going to kill me…or bomber me with questions. Which is worse.

He suddenly rises from his seat and holds out his hand. "Come with me. I want to show you something."

I look at his hand doubtfully.

Is he serious? He could be a serial killer. Or a pervert. Or both…

I glance up at him. "I don't know you."

He grins, tilling his head to the side.

"But you were waiting for me."

Well...point to Mr. Stranger.

I give a small smile and accept his invitation.

Yes, I am insane.

To Be Continued…

A/N: Well, another chapter re-edited. I just removed a few sentences that didn't make sense, changed some verbs and completed some thoughts that were just…meaningless.

Anyway, read and review everyone and enjoy the ride!

Hugs and Kisses!

Nes.