Two Towers

(Yes, I know the Eye and Sauron are the same person. Actually, I don't know that, I think it; the villain thing is really confusing in Lord of the Rings. But this makes it funnier, I think.)

Firestar-Gandalf

Aragorn-Brambleclaw

Legolas-Graystripe

Gimli-Lionblaze

The Eye-Scourge

Sauron-Tigerstar

Saruman-Sol

"Show yourself!" Brambleclaw shouted. Firestar came into view. Brambleclaw, Graystripe, and Lionblaze all looked at him in shock. "Impossible." Brambleclaw gasped. "You fell. You should be dead."

"Don't be ridiculous, I have nine lives remember?" he reminded them.

That got an 'oh' from Brambleclaw and Lionblaze. Kind of awkward considering they'd remembered earlier. Graystripe meanwhile, bowed. "Forgive me. I thought you were Saruman."

"I am Saruman." Firestar replied.

"Oh. Well then in that case. . ." Lionblaze reached for his ax, which was amazingly hard to pick up as a cat.

Firestar ignored him, but continued to elaborate. "Or rather, Saruman as he should have been."

"Oh." Lionblaze said again. He set his ax back down. "Well make up your mind." He muttered under his breathe.

This time Firestar responded. "Well pick that up. We have to go."

"Go?" Lionblaze asked. "We've been going. And we found you and know the hobbits are safe. Where else is there to go to?"

"And this is the guy who wanted to walk into Mordor." Brambleclaw pointed out.

"Yeah well, that was walking. We've been running."

Brambleclaw face palmed. Graystripe meanwhile said, "Well you know what Borimir would say." At Lionblaze's blank expression he and Brambleclaw continued, "One does not simply walk into Mordor."

Firestar meanwhile, answered Lionblaze's 'go to' question. "There's to be a battle soon. We have to go help." He strode off.

Scourge spun his fire eye around. It was exceedingly boring. "Well this sucks." He summed up.

"I don't know, I'm rather enjoying it." Tigerstar commented from on top of his dragon. At least, they both thought it was a dragon.

"I WILL SET YOU ON FIRE!" Scourge shouted, his eye flaring up. That really helped express his point.

Tigerstar dropped a little lower on his dragon. "I-I think I'm just going to check on how Saruman's doing now." He said.

"Right you do that." Scourge told him. He flew off. "And I guess I'll. . ." he sighed. "I guess I'll go stare at Gondor." Not that I'm going anywhere. He thought. But hey, the views not bad. And I think my army's winning.

Tigerstar meanwhile peered into his crystal ball. Sol was sitting in his giant black chair, in his giant black room. Tigerstar rolled his eyes. That guy was ssooo predictable. "Saruman!" he shouted.

Sol fell right out of his chair, which was so big it was no small fall. He jumped up in front of his own crystal ball. "Yes Saruan!"

"How's the attack on Helm's Deep going?" he asked.

"Great." Sol lied. It's going completely great, he thought sarcastically, except my army of over 10,000 orcs is being beaten by a couple of men and elves. And oh look; now the orcs are all running into the trees and the trees are killing them. And speaking of trees, there are a bunch of them destroying my orc camp and chucking rocks at my awesome tower. But aside from that everything is just spiffy!

(It's funny how this chapter is shorter than the first, but it covers more.)