I don't own glee. WARNING: disturbing topics and triggering themes. Sorry if I get things wrong I'm going off the symptoms that came up while I was researching.
I flinched as the silver blade made its way across my wris, leaving a trail of red. Blood trickled out of its escape and down my palm and fingers, finally laying dead on the tile floor. Automaticlly I made another line. A whimper escaped my lips as skin was cut in two. This was my escape. The blade left my fingers and fell to the floor with a small clink.
"Jeff?" Shit.
"I'll be out in a second Nick." I grabbed a towel to stop the bleeding, whiped the floor, and washed the blood off my arms. The bathroom door opened and there stood Nick holding the keys. The principal had a bathroom key made for Nick since because of me. Ever since i tried to hang myself freshman year. That happend and also Nick was the only one who could be my roommate since he handled mfor when I transferred.
"Jeff..." Nick crossed over to me and lifted the towel to examin the cuts. He sighed and went on th bandage them. "What was it this time?"
"What do you mean?"trident want to answer. The vocies in my head were the worst. They made sense and I had no way to make them go away. Nick gave me a look. "They told me it would take the pain away."
"They always do and it never works in the end. Did you take your pill this morning?"
"No..."
"Jeff. How the hell do you expect to get help."
"It makes me sick." I looked at Nick with pleading eyes.
"I know but it helps you."
"Helps me? Nothing helps. It's not something that goes away Nick. I have to live with all for my whole life. The only fucking thing those fucking pills do is make me seem normal for a few hours. But I'm not normal. I'm fucking insane and can't do anything about it!" I pushed him away from me. Another symptom of my disorder. I didn't have normal emotional responses. I went to sit on my bed. Nick followed me.
"Jeff I'm sorry I didn't mean it like that."
"Please don't. I just want to be alone. " I couldn't help the tears that started falling down my face. I tried fighting when I felt Nick pull me to him but he won. I cried into his chest. I didn't want to be this way but it wasn't my choice. I pulled myself together and pulled away from Nick. "Warbler practice." he frowned but followed me down to the Warbler hall.
We sat down and Wes started talking about Sectionals. Same old thing. Blaine would sing and the rest of us would sway and sing backup. My eyes were drawn to thedouble doors of the hall. Someone ran past, their laughter filling the room up. I stood up and made my way to the doors. I swear I closed them when I walked in. The doors slam close as I touch the handle. I turned the knob, laughter still filling my ears, I turned and pulled but nothing. The doors were locked from the outside. I started jiggling the hadle and forcing the door to open but it wouldn't. We were locked in by some sick person. The temperature rose and someone was still laughing. I pulled my blazer off and started banging on the door. "Help! someone." my fist banged on the wood again and I was then being pulled back. "No we're locked in. Stop can't you see he's trying to kill us."
"Jeff look at me." I shook my head. Tears fell as I waited for the heat to suffocate me. "Jeffybear..." I found myself sitting on the floor. I started sobbing when I realized it wasn't real. People thought I was crazy. Hell I thought I was crazy this just showed mec that I was. I was pulled into someone's arms letting all my pent up anger come out as tears.
"Practice is cancelled. You can all go." Wes's voice rang around the room in an authoritarian way. The warblers left and I was left alone with Wes, Nick, and Blaine. My mind started working and I knew now that I was in Blaine's arms. He always hugged people when they needed it. He hated people in pain. His Hazel eyes met mine. I nodded and he let go. "Jeff..."
"Wes don't. I know what your going to say."
"Jeff you need help."
"Sending me to a mental house won't solve anything."
"It might. We don't want you hurt Jeff." Blaine's words hit me.
I flinched but held my ground."I'm fine and I have it under control."
"Control? Jeff you just almost ripped the door off. You punched me the other day and not to mention you were cutting earlier cause the voices told you too. You needthey'll and you won't get that here at Dalton." Nick spoke up for the first time. I just starred at him. He wanted to send me away.
"No."
"Jeff we're not asking you. I called your mom. She's picking you up at the end of the week." his eyes were emotionless.
Shaking my head, I looked up at Blaine. "Don't make me go.."
"It'll be ok Jeff. We'll miss you but you'll get better. Remember when we met in first grade?" I nod. He continues. "You had no friends because everyone thought you were crazy byou'll I saw was a scared boy who didn't know what was happening to him. Then we became friends and then we met David and Wes. Remember what we told each other at our fifth grade graduation?"
"That we'll always stay together and that the JBWD justice league would never die."
"Yup. We're here for you dude. Just remember that. We can't have JBWD without a J." that made me smile and I tackled my hobbit in a hug.
"Thanks Blaine. I don't know what I'd do without you."
"Die most likely." he smiled and let me go. I sighed. I had 2 Days till my mom picked me up. Hopefully I could leave without hurting.
After dinner I was up in my dorm packing. I didn't know what I needed but my mom would probably prepare everything besides my clothes. I was in the middle of folding shirt when the door opened and in walked Nick. I didn't look at him.
"Jeff..." his arms snaked around my waist from behind. I pushed him away. He sighed "Your mad at me." it was a statement.
"We're not together Nicholas. Get that through your head. You can't just walk in and pretend like the past three months didn't happen." it had been three months since I broke up with him and everyday I regretted it.
He looked away and walked to the closet. He came back with a duffle bag filled with clothes ahis other stuff. He looked at me one last time before walking out of the room and probably my life.
Two days went by fast and my mother was standing in my dorm helping me bring down my things. I wouldn't be returning to Dalton. The hospital I was going to woulMohave a teacher for all the patients. I hadent seen Nick since he left that day. Trent said he was rooming with Thad.
"Ready honey?" my mom looked at me. Her blonde hair falling down in neat curls.
"I'm gonna go see the Warbler hall one last time." she nodded and I made my way dhown to the hall. I took in the welcoming feel and everything about it. This was every Warblers sanctuary, where we came for peace and to feel at home. My fingers brushed the sofa and council table. No more Wes and his obsession with his gavel. No more David and his hidden feelings towards Wes. no more Thad and his British manners. No more Blaine stealing the spotlight. No more of Trent's diva ways. No more auditions. No more Nick. No more Nick. That hurt the most.
"Jeff."
I turned at the sound of my name. The Warblers stood at the wooden doors. Wes stepped into the room and handed me a box. Inside was a dog tag with the image of Pavarotti. On the back wear the words 'Warblers 2009. Jeffery Sterling: Agent 6' I looked around at the crying boys. Wes hugged me and then I was hugged by every warbler as I made my way out. Only one Warbler was missing and he was the most important one. We walked out in a group. My mother waiting for me in the car. Making my way to the car was thehardest thing I've ever done. I hear the sobs of the other Warblers. My own tears feel freely as I opened the car door. I waved at the guys before getting in, never to see this place again.