Chapter II of Whodunnit.

Lolcatsrule: You have most probably seen comb-flavoured ice cream from SpongeBob: Altantis Squarepantis, where they change a comb into ice-cream.

Tanglestalker: I was looking for good stories, so I may well have been.

Loststream: Really?

Laughing Rain: Woop for bored lunatics!!!!!!!! This reminds me of the time I saw Oakheart and Redtail start mating with each other behind a massive supermarket trolley, but that's another story, children. :P

Remember to read and review!

Leopardstorm!

PS – The PoV is my own!!! :P

Chapter 2 – The Horrible and Terrible and Evil Journey Part I

The mission was the most arduous, fearful and tasty journey since Daisy had lost her tail and StarClan summoned three hedgehogs to go find it. They failed, instead coming home with some paperclips and a pile of jacks.

"So, to recap, we have to go through downtown ShadowClan, then the pit of shopping trolleys and then the swamp of custard.

"FACIAL HAIR!" Bluestar yowled from the sky.

"To the corner for you!" I opened a hole in the sky and threw her in 'the corner of annoying six-year-olds'.

Suddenly, there was panting in the distance, coming in the direction of ThunderClan. Now I know what you're thinking, this is a T-rated fiction, and that this sort of 'panting' isn't allowed here. Well, I'm happy to announce that it is a different sort of pant.

"Squirrelflight?" Crowfeather mouthed.

"Yes, it's me. I nearly died!" Squirrelflight replied, capturing the attention of the rest of the cats.

"Did I just hear a mouse?" Brambleclaw asked pointedly.

"…Yes, I did, in fact…" Crowfeather looked him stupidly.

"Now, Tawnypelt, how do we get through Downtown ShadowClan?" Brambleclaw had put a surgeon's apron on, since it was 'Dress Up To Look Stupid Day' and he was the only cat who had remembered.

"You're not gonna get far wearing that," Tawnypelt stifled a laugh. "But we have to go past Pines Square, Mt. Bushmore, the Plaice Needle and the Golden Mate Bridge…I think the person who designed that was high at the time…"

"We're gonna die, aren't we?" Crowfeather wailed. "I couldn't even scare a can of deodorant. And I'd rather not talk about that time at the swimming pool…"

"Well, you brought it up," Crowfeather's alter ego, Rehtaefworc mumbled casually.

"You're not allowed out of the toy box until chapter 6!" I growled as I poked a vacuum up his nose so he threw up TV remotes until he turned into a mass of body hair. "He'll be fine…" I told the others, brimming with false confidence.

"Well, here we are. Pines Square!" Tawnypelt interrupted and changed the subject.

"It's not what I thought it was…" Crowfeather came back from his foetal position and stuck an earbud in his ear. There were high-rise advertisements and flashing neon lights. Underneath there was Russetfur with a bazooka, but other than that, everything was dandy.

"Grr!" Russetfur growled. "Come get some Russetfur, Leopardstorm!"

"No thanks," I went back to rubbing the windowsill with a goose's intestinal pipe.

"Just keep walking…" Tawnypelt a packet of extra-soft Latex gloves and carried on.

"On to Mt. Bushmore…it's ingenious, but I'm not sure I like the carving of Tigerstar's stomach…just be careful of the pickpocketers…" Tawnypelt passed a group of tourists taking snapshots of the carving of Nightstar's nasal hair.

"Eugh." Brambleclaw lifted his surgeon's mask in front of his eyes and subsequently walked into a tourist.

"I say!" the tabby tourist said.

"Come on Leafstar, let's go make out behind Shadowstar's butt…" the ginger one replied sexily.

"Go on then, Sharpclaw," Leafstar looked 'in the mood' to say the least.

"Can I watch?" Tigerstar jumped out of my Chat Room Warriors story and into this one (my mistake).

"Sure!" Sharpclaw looked delighted at Hawkfrost's request, but I was sure that I heard Hawkfrost from the Dark Forest shout, "PERVERT!"

Shrugging, Tawnypelt swept through the tourists and down towards the Plaice Needle.

"This is the tallest building in downtown ShadowClan…" Tawnypelt looked as though she didn't want to anywhere near it.

"Why do you look so nervous?" Brambleclaw trailed off toward the end.

Tawnypelt gulped. "Because…it makes you…excited…if you know what I mean…"

Suddenly, Dovepaw came up to the travelling cats with a goat and a duvet cover.

"Can I go in the Plaice Needle? Pretty please?" she was bursting to go.

"Well…don't say I didn't warn you…" Tawnypelt was still looking at the goat with wide eyes. I couldn't tell if it was love or not…

Dovepaw burst into the Plaice Needle (made entirely of fish!) and out again. When she came out, she had…mounted the goat and the duvet and was caressing them both, then the goat reacted and turned her over and…eugh, I'm not gonna write that. Or that. That's not going in either. How can a duvet cover do that?!

Anyway, Dovepaw was very excited, which was the reason why they ran as quickly as they could to the Golden Mate Bridge. Unfortunately, since this is a T-rated fic, I cannot describe what was going here. Let's just say that the cats were scarred for life, and that the images of skunk and giraffe locked together like that will never leave the poor souls' minds for as long as they live.

"We made it," Brambleclaw gasped. "Who could have thought the giraffes could groan like that."

"Right." Tawnypelt put her leather jacket back on and towards the pit of shopping trolleys.

Wait, what did say about a leather jacket?

So that's chapter 2. I don't know how good it is…but we'll see.

Happy reading,

Leopardstorm.