"OKAY COOKIES, GET YOUR TUSHIES OVER HERE TOOT SWEET!"
The shrill twang shattered the lazy afternoon peace, echoing sharply off the marble causing a dozen or so women in stolas to flinch, grimacing and squeezing their eyes shut.
"Didn't ya hear me? Meditation time, chickies, right now! Move it! Move it! Move it! I don't wanna hear no bellyachin' at dinner about how tense and stressed out ya'll are cos ya didn't do your afternoon navel-gazin'!"
Holly Robinson peeked around one of the Grecian-style columns gracing the circumference of the inner courtyard of the Athenian Women's Shelter, and giggled. The women, who up until that point had been sitting around the garden quietly chatting, reading or enjoying the sunshine, were now blinking dazedly, darting confused looks at each other and tentatively getting to their feet.
At the opposite end of the courtyard, in the doorway that entered into the spacious meditation hall, Harley Quinn stood, hands on her hips and pigtails quivering. There was a determined set to her mouth Holly had come to know all too well and it was with an anticipation of amusement rather than inner peace that Holly skipped across the cobblestones to attend meditation.
The women traipsed into the meditation hall with wide, incredulous eyes, watching as Harley strode to the front of the airy chamber to take a place on the raised platform; the position the meditation leader always took. She assumed the lotus position, an expression of contrived serenity on her cute countenance, brows lifted and chin tilted upwards.
"Why, by all that is holy, is that ditz guiding meditation today?" A girl named Doris hissed in Holly's ear. The sinewy strawberry-blonde shrugged and grinned, and pondered where to sit. Right up the front she could be witness to all of Harley's eccentricity, but further down she could take a peek at her Amazon companions and their reactions as well. She finally selected a place in the middle, letting herself flop down onto the cream-white pallet atop the golden brown rattan mat.
Desdemona and Kassia, the Shelter's Meditation Gurus, were standing at the front of the hall with more than a little trepidation creasing their brows. Before them stood Athena who waited calmly until all the women were assembled, sitting cross-legged on their pallets, before walking in front of the platform and addressing them in her steady, strong voice:
"I'm sure you are all familiar with our resident sister Harleen – " this last said with not the faintest trace of sardony, Holly noticed – anyone in the shelter who didn't already know the kooky clown could only have entered that day. "Harleen has expressed a strong desire to further her spiritual awakening. In consideration of the effort she has been investing to curb and control her frenetic impulses, I elected to grant her request to lead meditation today, adhering to the Athenian Women's Shelter's ethic of guiding and training all beneath our roofs in an holistic fashion. I hope that you will all support and encourage her in her endeavour."
Harley beamed in response and Holly was sure she saw Athena concealing a smirk as she glided to the doors.
"Enjoy your afternoon contemplation, Daughters of the Goddess."
"Okay, eyes up here, brazen babes, because just this afternoon during my tantric massage- "
"Another one?" Someone hissed nearby.
" – I had the most awesome revelation – " Harley babbled excitedly, wiggling about on her pallet. " – and I swear to God it was like the Goddess Herself had touched me with Her divine finger of inspiration!"
A woman to Holly's right made a strange snorting sound deep in her throat, but Harley continued, unawares.
"I swear, I felt a tremor run through me, like a jolt of – of – " Harley's eyes widened and she lifted her hands up in the air. " – divine bliss!"
"I bet she did," another woman murmured to her nearest companion and Holly stifled a smile.
"Anyhoo!" Harley enunciated, shaking out her pigtails and beaming at her audience. "As soon as I was touched, I just knew I had to share my revelation with you all!"
"We know how much she loves sharing, eh Holly?" The woman behind Holly whispered.
Harley babbled on: "So I went straight to Athena and told her I'd had an actual real and for true insight into communing with our Supreme Mother and now – here I am!" Harley finished her story triumphantly and flashed her full set of teeth at the assembled women in a beaming smile. "So I guess you're all wondering what exactly it is I discovered that's so awesome, right? Well, I guess most of you know, I've had a little – erm – difficulty with – er – finding my spiritual centre – "
"Not what I've heard," another whisper drifted to Holly's ears.
" – it's just all those chants, they're so long and you know, they're in Greek and the names are kinda weird and well – I just don't relate to them. And the most important thing about keeping faith relevant, is keeping it up with the now, right? Well, then I got to thinking about the Buddhists and how, when they meditate, they just have that one special word they focus on – 'Om', right? I forget what it means exactly, but it really helps them because any time you see one of those guys, they're completely calm and with it, they've really got their Zen on. That's when it hit me! The perfect word – that at once acts as an anchor on which to focus – " Harley was now using her hands, fisting one like a rock and bringing the other down over the top of it. " – as well as invoking the full encapsulating beauty of our Sacred Mother so we have her wisdom and guidance in mind at all times – and being completely modern and up to date! Clever, huh?"
No one answered. Unless Holly missed her guess, almost everyone in the hall was either thoroughly confused or suppressing giggles. Perhaps both. Two dozen pairs of eyes blinked at the petite blonde at the front of the Hall, who cleared her throat and settled back, shutting her eyes and inclining her head towards the glass-panelled dome above them.
"Okay, so, just kinda wiggle around and find your most comfy position," Harley instructed them and, amidst glances and shrugs, the women followed. "Close your eyes, keep your neck straight, your spine aligned and your hands relaxed on your knees. Just shake out your shoulders, shake off all the care and worries of the day – " Harley did this, her perky breasts quivering beneath her stola. " – and permit yourself to relax." Harley paused a moment, her expression serene, a little smile lifting her lips. "Remember," she said sweetly. "This is your time. Your special, sacred, alone time with the Goddess." Nearby, another giggle was smothered. "Take a moment to think about what you want to get out of your meditation today, what sort of interaction you'd like to have with the Goddess. You all got that? Okay. Now. Take a big deep breath in through your nose – " Harley drew in a loud, sniffling breath, " – and as you release it out through your mouth, say the special chant with me – "
Harley's were now the only eyes shut in the room. All the other women were wide-eyed and inclined slightly forward, holding their breath as they waited for the dizzy blonde's big revelation.
Harley opened her mouth and in a surprisingly deep and resonating voice, revealed her insight in a solemn and utterly sincere intonation:
"Mooooooom!"
The room erupted in laughter so hard the walls rattled.
oooo
"Harleen, while there can be no doubt that you are most definitely sincere in your commitment to the Amazon lifestyle – " Athena blinked her clear amber eyes at the squirming blonde seated in the chair before her desk. " – it must be acknowledged that your approach is somewhat – unorthodox.."
"I am sincere!" Harley interrupted in a fluster, her blue eyes round and earnest. "I really am, I swear! I'm not trying to turn the sacred way of the Goddess into a joke! I never meant for them to laugh, I prom – "
Athena held up her hand for silence and Harley abruptly shut her mouth, a look of distress fixing her little features.
"Please allow me to finish, Harleen. Unorthodox, yes, but not ineffective. Time and again I have said the only way we can truly advance ourselves is through true holistic effort – absolute embodiment. Laughter is the music of the soul, the symphony that transcends base matter. Without the ability to delight in life – to even laugh at it – we are only half-beings."
Athena smiled kindly at Harley, who was chewing her lower lip uncertainly, her brows knotted together. Athena had been roused from private reflection by the deafening chorus of laughter rising from the Meditation Hall and had swiftly left her rooms to discover the place in pandemonium, in the midst of which had sat a very confused Harley who nonetheless had flushed with guilt when she saw the Shelter Mother in the doorway.
Once things had calmed down, Athena had noted the Gotham native agitatedly twisting one ponytail, a downward tilt to her mouth, and had summoned her to her office, a quiet haven of creamy colours and potted ferns, for a discussion.
Harley cleared believed she was to be chastised, and had followed meekly, her head bowed low.
"Harleen, would you like me to read to you some of the comments I have received from the group of women you have been mentoring?"
Harley blushed and squirmed all the more, all too obviously under the impression this was some sort of extended torture before she was told to pack her bags and begone. Her lower lip trembled and her voice, when she spoke, was small:
" – I – I guess."
Keeping her expression neutral, Athena opened her desk drawer and removed Harley's file. Opening it up, she rifled through the pages until she found the notes she was looking for and began to recite in a clear voice:
"I never thought anyone understood what I had been going through until I met Harley. In our conversations together she has helped me realise I'm not alone and that there are many others out there who've had the same experience as me and who won't judge me for it. Harley has not just been a counsellor, but a great friend when I really needed one. She always has a smile for me."
Athena glanced at Harley who was now staring at her in astonishment, her lower lip slightly slack. Athena selected another note and read aloud again:
"When I came to the shelter, I felt so alone and frightened. I never thought I'd have friends again. I didn't think I could trust anyone. When Harley told me she would never be too busy for me, I didn't really believe it. However I have come to learn this is true. She's always there with a smile and a joke. No matter what she can always make me laugh. Her door is always open for me and it has made all the difference. Thanks to her I've been able to make other new friends too and I no longer feel such despair."
Harley's eyes were brimming with tears. Athena selected yet another testimonial and calmly continued:
"Harley never judges my choices. She respects that I'm intelligent enough to make my own. Always in the past, counsellors and friends have made me feel stupid or weak or pathetic for some of the choices I've made. Only Harley has never criticised or condemned me, even if she doesn't agree with me. For the first time I actually feel like I'm respected and not just seen as a dumb victim. It has made me feel stronger and that has helped me make even better choices. Also Harley is so funny – I never laugh so much as when I'm with her."
A tiny, quivering smile had appeared on Harley's mouth, even as silent tears coursed down her cheeks. Athena finally smiled at her again:
"Just one more, I think: when I first came to the shelter, Harley annoyed me by always being so happy and cheerful. I was so sad and full of anger and I couldn't understand how anyone could be so perky all the time. Soon I discovered how kind and sincere she was. After a while, it wasn't so hard to laugh or smile, even if I still hurt inside. I began to enjoy things more – talking to Harley lifted a huge weight off my shoulders. I still have bad days but it feels great to be able to share a joke and have a good laugh."
Athena shut the file and clasped her hands in front of her on the desk, smiling warmly at the emotional girl in front of her.
"You've brought a lot to the shelter, Harleen. Your heart is warm and true and we couldn't ask for anything more than that. You've been very generous with your time and spirit and it has made a difference on more here than you realise. Yes, you may be a little unusual in your ways, but diversity is the spice of life, as they say. We've very grateful to have you here, Harley."
Harley was beaming now, her eyes bright and sparkling, her wiggling body seeming suffused with energy that lit up the room.
"Oh thank you – thank you, Athena!" She squealed as Athena stood up and held out both hands to clasp Harley's own.
But a second later and Athena started as Harley threw herself across the desk and hugged Athena tight, fiercely repeating the words: "Thank you! Thank you!"
Athena laughed a little in surprise then gently patted Harley's shoulder. "You're welcome, dear. Now, aren't you late for one of those tantric massages you love so much?"
Harley released Athena and bashfully wiped at her teary face. "Yes'm. Thanks again. Whee!"
And in a flurry of white skirts and bobbing pigtails, Harley was gone, leaving Athena shaking her head.
oooo
Not only was Harley a passionate devotee of the blissful full tantric body massage technique, she was very vocal in her appreciation of it and the rooms of the shelter were filled with amused innuendos about exactly what the energetic girl was getting out of them whenever Harley's eager grunts and cries of: "oh yeah, that's the spot!" echoed through the hallways.
Holly met Harley exiting the massage rooms with a silly smile on her face, eyes lidded and looking as limp as a piece of spaghetti and the former Catwoman couldn't resist the opportunity to rib her friend a little:
"How's your eyesight, Harls?"
Harley started, then poked her tongue out at the strawberry-blonde, falling in beside her as they walked down the hallway towards the communal lounging room.
"Clear enough to see you've been working up a sweat – been poundin' the poles again, Hollers?"
"Hey!" Holly protested playfully, "I'm just keepin' in shape!"
"Suuuure!" Harley rolled her eyes and elbowed Holly gently and the two women laughed together.
"Hoo boy," Harley continued, linking her arms above her head and stretching. "I feel like a hundred-years sleep after that. Worked out all my kinks."
"I'm sure not all of them," Holly grinned slyly. "And don't even think about piking on tonight – that salsa club has forty-two types of tequila and I'm determined to try all of them!"
"We've been out every night this week!" Harley protested feebly. "And tomorrow we have the Festival of Artemis' picnic in Centennial Park and I promised I'd make the kosher grub and the cherry cheese cake!"
"Oh come on Miss Quinn, after coordinating gangs of bumbling henchmen, designing explosive death traps, tangling with the Bat and keeping the Joker fed, dressed and bathed – as well as yourself looking so hot – this pace is a breeze! Besides – new red dress remember?"
Harley perked up at that as they reached the lounging room and headed for the spring water fountain at the back to fill up glasses they collected from a stone table beneath a window.
"True…" She said thoughtfully, her eyes misting over as she recalled the bright red dress with the tight bodice and flared skirt that showed off her legs so well.
Holly saw her weakening and pushed a little further: "And there'll be salsa!" She tantalised and Harley relented.
"Oh, okay! But I'm gonna need some of Athena's rejuvenating ambrosia to perk me up!"
"Well, who ever says no to that?" And the two women clinked their glasses together.
Around them the lounging room was steadily filling as the women came together after the day of study, training and contemplation, ready to wind down or up for the evening ahead. Women settled on the couches and banquettes scattered about the room, chatting amongst each other. The only television in the entire property, a large flatscreen attached to one wall, was switched on, the volume kept low.
"You know, if you really wanted to shake the town up, you could invite that lawyer we met at the organic fruit market the other day – you know, the one who practically fell over himself to give you his card?" Holly teased Harley with a smug smile and Harley wrinkled her nose.
"Ya think so?" Harley cocked her head to the side and gave Holly a quirked smile. "Yeah, he was pretty hot for me, wasn't he?"
"He was cute too," Holly pushed and Harley shrugged.
"Yeah, he was okay," she said indifferently. "Kinda short though."
At roughly five foot and eleven inches, Holly thought the fellow had been plenty tall enough, especially next to the petite Harley, but she didn't comment.
"You should phone him, Harls. He looked like the kind who'd love to spoil you. You need a bit of that."
Harley pulled a face and shook her head. "Naaah. The truth is, Holl, I'm just really enjoying being by myself right now," the two women refilled their glasses then began to stroll towards an empty couch near the television. "It's just great to be alone and – and reclaim myself. I'm really enjoying my work here and all the new friends I've made and Athena says I'm doing awesome things. I finally feel like I'm being taken seriously – and for now, that's enough."
"Fancy Living is on!" The two women were interrupted by Doris' announcement, the tall brunette turning up the volume as the computer-generated "diamond" cursive scroll of the reality show's title swept across the screen.
"I love this show!" Harley squealed, immediately tucking her legs up underneath her and wiggling excitedly. "It's like junk food for the brain! And she has so many pretty things!"
"Pity one of them isn't her face!" Holly remarked dryly, propping her chin up on one hand and Harley slapped her lightly on the leg.
"Oh hush, Miss Miaow."
On the screen, the scene had opened on Fancy Carlton's plush sunken living room, the lavish surrounds lit by floor to ceiling windows running the entire length of one wall. The entire room was decorated in a creamy white, apart from startling splashes of hot pink and lime green. It was at once chic and trashy looking and Holly noticed Harley's eyes misting over just a little as they ran over the leather couches, pile carpeting and tacky glass lamps.
Suddenly, Fancy herself strutted onto the screen, in an obscenely short blue satin nightie, shouting into the tiny mobile phone that was pressed up against her ear.
"No! No, Daddy, you don't understand! You can't control me like this! Daddy, you're breaking my heart, how can you say I don't know what I'm doing? I'm twenty years old, Daddy! I'm a grown-up now!"
Fancy had not once acknowledged the camera's presence, but she carefully positioned herself so that she was facing it, the backdrop of the Gotham City skyline out of focus behind her. She sniffled, and lifted a trembling hand to her cheek, her platinum blonde hair in an attractively mussed state around her face as she listened to the person on the other end. Holly could almost swear the tears in her eyes were genuine – almost.
"Daddy, I know what I'm doing! You have to trust me! He's not – no, Daddy, don't say that! He's not like that! It's not like that – you don't know what's going on, he's a perfect gentleman! Yes, a gentleman! You can't control who I spend time with, I'm not a child anymore!"
Suddenly, off-camera, a piercing and melodic whistle rose up, practically drowning out Fancy's whiny voice. Out of the corner of her eye, Holly noticed Harley suddenly sit up straighter, her attention riveted on the screen.
"It's my life, Daddy!" Fancy was screaming now in a full-blown temper tantrum, her piteous pleadings of just a moment ago forgotten. "You don't have any right to tell me what to do!"
All of a sudden, appearing from a doorway that led off the living room in the background, the Joker strode into view.
Holly sat up straighter and blinked, unable to register what she was seeing.
The lounging room of the shelter was filled with the gasps of women certain they were about to see the demise of the unfortunate Fancy Carlton on prime-time television.
The Clown Prince was smiling and doing up the cuffs of his acid-green shirt, his hair a little damp and his feet bare, having clearly just emerged from the shower. Without hesitating he strode across the living room, skipped up the steps that led down to it, came to a stop besides Fancy and neatly snatched the phone from her hands.
"Helllooo there, Daddy Carlton," the Joker chirruped into the phone while Fancy started, her hands flying up to her mouth in shock. "Mister J here, thought I should probably introduce myself seeing as how I'm living with your daughter and all, heh heh!" The Joker dropped the cameras a sleazy wink, openly acknowledging it as Fancy had not. Then he returned his attention to the phone. "Now, pater, I know I've something of a sordid reputation but I want to assure you the sweet spawn of your loins shall not be befouled or disembowelled – not on camera anyway – kidding! Kidding!" Joker dropped an arm around Fancy's shoulders and jerked her hard against him, kneading her arm with his hand and leering directly into the camera. "We're just very, very good friends. Right Francine?"
He swivelled his head and fixed his ghoulish gaze on Fancy. Fancy's gaze darted to Joker's hand. After a second, her face reddening slightly, she nodded.
Holly let out a gusting breath then turned to look at Harley who was sitting there, staring at the screen with an unreadable expression on her face. Her mouth was pressed together, her eyes were wide and her hands were folded in her lap. Her whole body seemed tense as cable wire and Holly was tentative as she spoke her friend's name:
"Harley?"
Harley didn't respond, just continued to watch as the Joker hung up the phone, tossed it into the nearby exotic fish tank, then steered Fancy in the direction of the kitchen, declaring himself hungry enough to eat a whole pussy-cat, the emphasis on the word just vulgar enough.
Harley abruptly stood up, her stola skirts tumbling sharply around her legs, then turned and strode towards the phone that sat on a corner table.
"Connect me to Simon Goldberg, Queensland Park east, please," she said sharply then stood there, hand on her hip, tapping her foot impatiently as she waited.
After a second she stood upright and snapped down the mouthpiece: "Simon? Harley. We met over the cantaloupes. If you got plans tonight, cancel 'em. You and me are goin' on a date!"
--
Hi all, PrincesseBee here. I dropped the ball on this one – I was very busy and uninspired so sorry it's taken so long. However, I'm really excited to be doing this collaboration with Jarec and I think the story will turn out to be heaps of fun! We'd love to hear your feedback so please do review. Catch ya'll!