Authors Note: Hello, I just saw that I forgot to add an author's note in my first chapter, rather unfortunate so it shall be remedied here. The first chapter was short, and had a few spelling and grammar mistakes, to which I apologize for; I shall make up for it by posting a rather long chapter. Enjoy~

It had been almost a week since Darcy had gotten her hair cut, she had been sleeping slightly better and she didn't get nearly as many comments on her hair as she thought she would, a few of her 'girl friends' had asked her about it, and she had told them the same thing she had told her brother "It's just more convenient for the summer air."

It was true that the summer was one reason she wanted her hair cut, the second was; even thought she had been denying it for almost a year now, she had no doubt in her mind now that she was in fact a boy, she knew that she would get judged for it, but she knew that this was who she was, it was about when puberty started that she started to feel different. Not the kind that most girls feel: the kind that made you wants to start chasing after boys and wearing cute clothes and makeup, she had started feeling attracted to girls instead, wanting to play sports, play video games, wear basketball shorts all the time, and the color pink made her cringe. She felt so unnatural as a girl, she felt trapped she didn't know how to phrase it correctly, she just felt like she was someone else, she didn't fit in this body, it was all wrong, all of it. From the long hair she was meant to have to the makeup she was meant to wear, all of it, wrong.

She felt like a boy, she had no way of denying it anymore, she had accepted this fact almost a month ago and it was the cause of her insomnia, she felt like if she told anyone that she felt like a boy she would get teased, ridiculed, hated, by everyone. She once didn't even mean to do it, but she had walked into the boys bathroom at school, it was empty at the time so she didn't even notice her mistake until a boy walked in and started yelling at her, she had gotten out of there before the boy could call a teacher and have her suspended. She had left school early that day and didn't come in for the rest of the week, she claimed she had been sick, and, she thought maybe she was, because goddammit, girls weren't meant to think this way, they were meant to giggle and laugh, listen to boy bands and wear makeup, not wear basketball shorts and flirt with other girls, she said that she did it jokingly, when actually she did have a crush on some of the girls in her class. She didn't know if it was a small thing at the time, maybe all girls weren't through this "boy stage" where they just wanted to be a guy, but after three-four-five months of the feeling, she knew it was time to give up kidding herself, she was a guy, and there was no more denying it.

She woke up that morning with a terrible knotting in her stomach, she had to go shopping today, of course Bro would have her pick out normal girl clothing, pink and flowery, she hated it, she wanted to buy some loose jeans, she wanted black shirts with superheroes and bands on them and sneakers instead of flip flops and sandals, she didn't want to wear girl clothes, and she wondered- Her stomach knotted again at the thought of asking her brother if she could buy boys clothes, at least she had a reason for wanting to cut her hair short, because it was summer and the sun would make it too hot for long hair, but what excuse could she have for wanting boy clothes? Maybe she could say there were more comfortable? She wasn't sure, but she needed to figure out an excuse before they left or else it would be another few months with pink tube tops and skinny jeans, she sighed, standing up and grabbing her sunglasses off her bedside table, she put them on her face like a normal person would put on normal glasses when they woke up, she did this every morning; it was a habit now and she would freak out if she couldn't find these glasses. She reached over and grabbed her hair brush and brushed out her now short hair and then crossed to the mirror, frowning at the girlish features on her face, the rosy cheeks, the girlish dimples, and if she were to take off her glasses you would see the girly red eyes that she hide behind her black sunglasses. She looked down at her small twelve year old still forming breast and her girlish toes, her female curves and everything that she hated about herself was laid in front of her, her nails were painted black at the moment so her toe nails were black too, which was about the only thing she liked about her appearance at the moment, the black nails. 'How sad is that? I hate myself so much that only my black finger nails are what keep me going.' She thought sadly, shaking her head, damn, even the voice in her head was males; she had tried to think in a girls voice like she was sure other girls thought in, but it ended up just sounding like the voice she wished she had, deeper, more boyish. She shook her head before pulling off her clothes and turning on the shower, getting in before the water was even hot, it took about ten minutes for it too get hot and she didn't have the patience, not this morning.

She got dressed after her shower, her glasses on her face once more and a towel on her head to dry her short hair, she was wearing the most boyish thing she owned to kind of throw her brother off the whole "I'm a girl" complex. She was wearing black jeans and a red tee shirt, nothing that looked too girlish or too boyish, a pretty neutral outfit, at least she hoped so, she didn't want to come across as too girlish, or too boyish, if she did her brother may get the wrong idea, or jump to conclusions, which was something she didn't want to happen, she wanted this too go slow, she started with a hair cut, simple enough, now she was going to try and get some clothes to fit her personality, what the next step was, she was unsure, she might have to take a big jump, maybe just another small step, she was unsure, she was so unsure lately, everything she was, who she thought she was, was slowly dying right before her own eyes. She didn't know what to do, again she started to doubt if she should act on this feeling, maybe she should just keep it to herself, deal with her gender when she was adult, or not deal with it at all, maybe just get married, have a kid, be a girl, she could do it…no, she couldn't. She would just have to man up (she almost laughed at the 'man up' phrase) and deal with this before it was too late to change.

She crossed to the fridge and opened it looking at the leftover pizza and milk which was basically all she had in the fridge, her brother wasn't one to go shopping regularly so that meant a lot of leftover pizza for her. She opened the box of pepperoni pizza and took out two pieces eating one cold, and putting the other in the microwave to heat it up, she got a glass of water while waiting for the pizza to be done, drank the water, and then ate the pizza when it was, she felt rather calm, actually, she wasn't as nervous as she had been when she asked to get her hair cut; maybe she could just convince her brother to let her do the shopping herself, he didn't like shopping so maybe he would let her, it was less nerve wreaking for some reason. She sat down on the table top letting her legs drape over the edge; staring at her feet she swung them back and forth tiredly.

She looked over as her brother walked into the room, his hair messy and his pointy anime shades tilted to the side.

"Morning, sis." He greeted, his voice was shaky and tired, heavy with sleep, he yawned loudly stretching his long fingers and cracking them, Darcy clenched his own fist in disgust; she hated the sound of popping fingers; it made her flinch.

"Morning…" She said calmly, the knotting in her stomach was back, she could feel her breathing keeping heavier like she needed to gasp and her throat was getting tighter and tighter with each breath she took, god she hated this feeling, it was so tormenting, she hated it so much.

"So, we're going shopping today, right?" Darcy asked, crossing her arms, she wondered how she managed to stay so cool in this situation, she felt like she was on the verge of tears and yet, here she was, breathing calmly and talking without a waver in her voice.

"Um, yeah." Her brother responded going over to the fridge and getting to pieces of pizza, eating one cold and putting the other in the microwave like she had done, she had picked up the habit from him.

"Alright…" She paused, wondering how she should phrase her request "So, I was wondering…" She paused again, the tightness in her throat keeping her from talking; she took deep steady breaths to calm herself down.

"Wondering?" Her brother said in a questioning tone.

"-Wondering if I could go shopping by myself." She said calmly, her breathing becoming somewhat uneven; she held her breath to keep it from being so.

"Hmm." Was all her brother said, he shrugged. "Why do you want to go by yourself all of a sudden?" He asked crossing his arms and looking at her, she swallowed the lump in her throat and it was painful, like she had taken a bit of something too large and it had gotten caught there, she couldn't breath, this was much harder than she had thought it would be, she thought she had been calmer, but no, it was much, much worse.

"I don't know, I was thinking about just going with some friends instead of my brother, I mean, that's what teenage girls do, right? Go shopping with their friends, not their older brothers." She said calmly, how was she sounding so calm when she felt like she was about to black out? She didn't know.

"Right…I don't know lil' Sis, I mean-."

"-What, do you not trust me?"

"No, I'm just saying, you're not exactly old enough to be left on your own in a mall." He said shaking his head, Darcy was slightly angry now, now he chose to be responsible, she almost wanted to hit something, but, that wasn't going to get her what she wanted.

"Alright…fine." She said with a heavy sigh, she nodded slowly to calm herself down. "Fine, so when do we leave?" She asked, crossing her arms to calm herself down again.

"I don't know, like, an hour or two." Her brother said, starting to leave the room. She nodded as he did and when he was gone she felt calm and angry at the same time, calm because he was gone and angry because, now she had to work on a new plan.

~o~o~

Darcy and Bro were now at the mall; just walking in Darcy could already smell the teen hormones, perfume, and men's deodorant. She shook her head and walked forward farther into the mall, looking around she saw two signs

"Boys" and "girls" in one of her favorite stores, they walked into that one first and her eyes flickered back and forth between the two signs, she had to make up her mind, and she had to do it now. Go for the kill and ask to go look in boy's clothes, or, another few months wearing skinny jeans and pink tank tops.

"Hey, Bro." She said, her stomach once again tied into knots and she took a deep breath as he turned to face her.

"Yeah?" He questioned, stopping his stride, he had been about to walk into the girls section.

"I was wondering…Can…Can I look in the guy section?"
"…Why?"

She wanted to try and be sarcastic, but, for once nothing came to her, so, she had to think of a lie and had to think of one fast.

"Girls clothes are kind of stupid, if I'm being honest, I mean, fucking fake pockets, they suck ass."

"Fake pockets?"
"Yeah, Bro. That's what I just fucking said, didn't I? Really, all the clothes are super tight and they're just so annoying to wear, can I just get some guys clothes? It's not gonna' matter much, they're just comfier." She said with a deep sigh at the end.

Her brother just nodded slowly.

"Yeah, sure Lil' sis." He said calmly, he turned on his heel and they walked over into the boy section, and the knotting let up in Darcy's stomach and she couldn't help but smirk to herself, happy about how this was going.

~o~o~

Now back at the house she was in her room, looking at the clothes that were laid on her bed, the boy clothes, the black and faded jeans, the real pockets, the band shirts and the shirts that hid her woman curves extremely well, her favorite shirt was one with a record on it, it was red and white and black and she felt like she would be wearing it a lot in the future. All in all, she was pretty pleased with how the shopping trip had went, not too many questions were asked and she hoped that her brother bought the whole 'hating girls clothes' speech, and didn't suspect much. She felt rather calm, calmer than she had been for almost a month, she took off her girl clothing and put on the record shirt and put on some boxers she had convinced her brother to let her buy, she felt so natural in them, so much more herself, she grinned widely for what seemed to be the first time in a year, she crawled into bed and for the first night in twelve months fell asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow.