Emotions were going crazy for all four of the best friends but none of them knew how much the other one was suffering. Each was trapped in their heads while they tried to find a path forward.
Luca's walk home from Maya's gave him a lot of time to think. He knew that he loved Maya and Riley, and that he'd love both of them for the rest of his life. But he'd just learned that the way that he loved Maya wasn't exactly the way he'd thought. They were friends. And might have become more if they hadn't had other options. But, well, they did. But what if it turned out the same with Riley as it had with Maya? What if she went to kiss him again and found out that he'd just been an infatuation. Would Riley be able to set aside her hurt feelings and recognize how they really felt?
And if she did, could he go on to date someone else someday? And if so, what would that do to Riley? Would she be able to handle it if she lost that part of him to someone who wasn't even her best friend? And Maya… Maybe there hadn't been any spark between them but Lucas was pretty sure that if Maya wasn't giving him to her best friend, she'd still be trying to figure out a relationship with him.
And the scariest thing he was facing was what to do if he really did love Riley and she really did love him but neither one of them could manage to speak to each other when they were dating again. He didn't think he could stand that possibility without screaming.
Lucas was starting to regret the fact that he'd used up all of his index cards. This was all so complicated that he should probably be taking notes.
Maya looked around her room and sighed. Today had hurt. It had hurt more than she thought heartache ever could. She'd given up a dream today. Sure, she'd released it so that her friend could be happy but that didn't make it hurt any less. She was Maya Hart, girl who stands alone. Or sits alone, since she was on her bed at the moment.
She figured that she'd been kind of stupid to have even gotten her hopes up. Why would someone as wonderful as Lucas really have wanted to be with her? And why didn't she truly want to be with him? He was perfect! How could she even imagine finding a better guy? Was this going to be her one chance to get close to something wonderful but find out that it just wasn't for her? Was that going to be what her life was like?
And what she'd said to Farkle, about him being a rebound guy… Well, she hadn't been kidding as much as she'd thought. He was kind. And secure. And he made her laugh. She'd automatically rejected anything serious with him, even describing her first kiss with him as a Shih Tzu going after a chew toy. But she'd actually been tempted to move her hand out of the way when he'd come at her with that cute little gleam in his eye. And how much of her crushing on Lucas had come from her believing she'd never be good enough for Farkle. Never smart enough. Never wonderful enough. And when he'd gotten close to Smackle, had that tipped her over the edge? Had that prompted this who Riley thinks Lucas is a brother fiasco? She just didn't know.
Maya shoved her head into her pillow and let the tears begin to fall. Farkle had been right when he'd talked about what she needed to do next. She wouldn't be able to move on until she'd taken a little bit of time to mourn.
Riley was pacing around her room kicking a stuffed animal around like a hockey puck. It wasn't something she'd normally do but she was upset and she knew that Mr. Snarkles would forgive her later. That's what stuffed animals were for, right? They were there to help you when you were feeling happy or sad or lonely or… heartbroken. That was the feeling that fit today. Heartbroken. She couldn't see anyway that her relationship triangle with Lucas and Maya could ever turn out well. It's not as if Lucas and Maya would just kiss someday and realize that they didn't truly love each other. Things like that didn't happen. Not even in stories. Not even in her dreams.
Riley knew that she was growing up but she wasn't happy about it. It seemed to require giving up so much of who she truly was. Adults don't give themselves awards. Adults keep their traps shut when they see their friends happily in love, regardless of the silly little threats that Farkle's made. Well, not 'Farkles'. The one and only Farkle. Why had he ruined all of her plans? Maya and Lucas had been happy, hadn't they? She could have lived with how she felt if it meant her friends were happy. But Farkle had ruined that. He'd made her tell the truth. But she didn't think he'd realized what doing that had really cost her. Telling Lucas and Maya how she had really felt had been hard. Harder than anything she'd ever had to do. But it was nothing compared to what admitting it to herself had cost her. It had cost her sleep. It had cost her peace of mind. She'd lost the ability to smile at rainy days.
Farkle kept turning around the phrase 'want to be my rebound guy' in his head. Maya had said that to him when she'd announced that Lucas and her were officially no longer a thing. He'd covered it by talking about Smackle being the love of his life, but really, was she? She'd been getting more and more distant lately. The whole buying his heart thing had been a halfhearted joke that they'd shared to break the tension one afternoon. Asperger's was difficult to understand from the outside but it was just as tough from the inside. Smackle had admitted that she was dating him because she thought she was supposed to. Not because she actually felt anything for him. But she didn't really understand her own feelings anymore and had asked him to be patient. He wasn't sure what that meant for him. If she decided she wanted to end things, what should he do next? Did he wait for a while to see if she was still confused by her own emotions? Or could he actually move on and ask someone else out. Someone like Maya. Maya was the moon to him. The great and mysterious moon who bewitched him without even trying to. In some ways, he'd gotten together with Smackle because he knew things would never happen with his two favorite ladies. Both of them were into Lucas and that's wasn't going to change. Except that it had changed. This afternoon, it had changed beyond his wildest imaginings. Maya was no longer interested in Lucas. He had a chance.