Hey guys!

Thank you all for your kind words and sorry for the delay. First I've been on holiday and when I finally got back my pc just decided not to work with me.. But anyway, now it's done and here comes the second part of the story. This time it's from Sara's p.o.v.

Well, enjoy!

Cheers, Kassandra

Behind the mirror - Part Two

Gosh, I can't believe it. You and Warrick. Well, actually this shouldn't come as such a surprise. You've been flirting with him for ages. Damn, I knew that it was hopeless falling for you. But I've got Gil now. And I'm happy with him, right? But then, what was it twisting my stomach into knots, the moment I saw you with Warrick? It shouldn't feel this way.Ì shouldn't feel this way.

Damn you, Sidle. You've got Gil. You're happy with him. You're over her. Got it?

Right. But still… The image in the locker room appears in my mind. Your embarassed expression, Warrick's shocked, confused look. There's no mistaking the situation. I can't believe I really thought there was something in your eyes during the meeting with Gil. Must have been wishful thinking. Wishful thinking? Better not. I don't want you any more. I'm in love with Gil. That's how it is. How it's supposed to be.

,,Sara?''

Oh damn. Not now.

,,Yeah?''

,,You free later?''

Bad timing, Gil. In thruth, worst timing ever. Right now I really need some time alone to push my unwelcome thoughts back into the deep hole they belong in. I just can't be with you now, acting as if nothing happened.

,,Sorry Gil, but actually I plan on staying in here for a while. I finally have to get the paperwork on the Walker case done.''

I'm wondering if the blatant lie will make my nose grow. My desk is as empty of files as Ecklie is of humor. I've already finished my reports yesterday. Now they're waiting patiently on Gil's desk. Thank God that shift's over in half an hour and he's still busy with another case so that he won't notice that I've been lying to him.

Why am I lying anyway? I mean, I'm lying to him because of you, right? That's closer to betrayal than I ever wanted to be. And that you're the reason for it… It's almost like there really was something between us. Great, now I'm there again. Just a minute ago you were making out with Warrick right in front of my eyes, for God's sake! It couldn't be clearer that you don't want me. Which is no problem at all, because I don't want you either.

,, Sara? Sara, hey!''

Suddenly there's a hand waving in front of my eyes.

What? Oh fuck.

,,Sorry Gil, I kinda spaced out.'' Great, no he's going to give me the whole interrogation – thing for not listening to him. And right, there's that frown on his forehead, he gets when he's trying to figure something out. And there's that bewildered, slightly concerned expression in his eyes.

Oh fuck.

,,Sara, is everything alright?'' Yeah, here we go.

,,Sure. I'm just tired.'' Please, buy it!

,,Alright…'' I can see he's not convinced, but letting it go. Thank God. ,,How about dinner tomorrow then?''

Gosh, that man can be persistent! I decide to agree, before he becomes even more suspicous.

What the hell, Sara! You're going out with the man you love, where's all that reluctance coming from? I thought you loved spending time with him outside the lab!

I do! It's just that, well… I can't get the image in the locker room out of my mind. Why did you have to make out with him during worktime and in a place as public as the locker room, for God's sake! And why were you making out with him and not with me?

Whoa, stop! Where did that come from?

I stop dead in my tracks on the way to the filing room. I thought I needed some coffeine after all of this, but now I realize that I really don't need anything that will make my heart beat even faster than it already does. Ever heard of someone my age dying from a heart attack? Well, I sure as hell feel close to it. I feel like someone just threw me into a labyrinth in which every road only leads back to the point I came from.

,,Sara?'' The voice is no more than a whisper, which is strange for you, really. But for the effect it has on me you could as well have been shouting in my ear with a megaphone. My heart is beating faster than I thought humanly possible.

And suddenly the fury is back. Good, old fury that has already saved the day more times than I can count when it comes to you. When I turn around, my eyes are blazing with cold, hard rage.

,,What do you want?''

You look as if you've just been slapped. For a moment I think I see hurt in your eyes. The sight is making my heart ache. But as soon as it appeared, the expression is gone and your eyes are a carefully guided blue fortress I have no access to. That's something new to me. I'm used to eyes looking at me in fury, in exasperation and – in rare and joyfull moments – in understanding and pride, when we figured something out together. But not this, never this cold, expressionsless mirror that deflects every attempt of searching for the emotions beneath.

,,What? Cat got your tongue? Or was he litterally so mind–blowing that you lost your voice?''

I know I'm cruel. But I can't help it, I need to see you reacting to me. I can't stand it when you shut me out like you're doing. And my words have the desired effect. The gates of the fortress open, but the shooting daggers of rage that now fly into my direction are almost enough to make me want to take a step back. When you speak, your voice is cold and hard, and I'm sure that the slight tremble in it comes from the effort to suppress your urge to smack me right in the face.

,,Neither nor. Just in case you forgot, that's my office in front of you. And unlike you I don't plan on sleeping with my boss to get special treatment which means I have to do my work like everybody else in here. And now excuse me, I got work to do''

You turn to open the door. Oh no, you're so not going to get away with this!

How dare you imply that I'm only using Gil! How the hell dare you! After all that happened today, that's sort of hitting a sensitve spot with me. Guilt is flooding my stomach. And I know that you're right, that on some level I have been using Gil. But my guilt is quickly replaced by anger. Cold, hard anger. You have no right to reprimand my for my behaviour towards Gil. With a scowl I say:

,,Special treatment? Oh look who's speaking! Always projecting your own behaviour onto others, aren't you? Only because you sold yourself to men doesn't mean everyone else is doing it. Well, once a whore…I guess you can never really get rid of your past, can you, Cath?''

That was a cheap shot. And the moment I see you going rigid I realize I've gone too far. Your knuckles on the handle are turning white from the death grip you have on it. Your whole posture makes you look like an ice statue. One little blow and you will shatter into a million pieces. You don't turn around, but your voice is flat and empty when you reply.

,,No, Sara, you can't. But if you can't see there's more to people than their past than I don't think you're only halfway as intelligent as everybody thinks you are.''

With those words you disappear behind the door and I'm left with the awful realization that I made you cry. At moments like these, I can't stand myself. I didn't mean a single word I said and yet I spoke them. I've never respected anyone more than I respect you and I wouldn't want you to be any different. Your past is what made you the person you are today. The person I fell in love with.

As the realization hits home, I suddenly know that deep down, I've loved you all along.

And now, you're behind that door, crying because of me and I just want to hit myself for my stupidity. All I want is to go in there and apologize, to make it all better somehow. But you don't need me for that, I think bitterly. You've got Warrick. And after this conversation I'd be the last person you let close to you, anyway.

God, I need a drink.

A/N: Alright, what do you think? Love it, hate it...? Well, just let me now! You remember, that cute little button down there...