Chapter 2

Why the FUCK are plants talking?

Let's make things fucking clear alright? First things first, apparently I have a penis now. As in attached to my lower area that original did not have an extra appendage. Yeah, that area. Fucking creepy as hell, it just dangles and swings. I am so not ready to deal with that so let's forget that bit. For now. As in indefinitely until it can no longer be ignored. Which will be never.

Shit.

I have to pee.

Well that didn't get far.

I looked down stoically, I don't think this body has even taken in any liquids as of late. Why the hell did I suddenly have to take a piss?

Oh, riggghhttt.

Because some upper higher being shizstick has it out for me and loves fucking around with me. I can almost hear the hyena laughter.

Now for my final question is WHY IS EVERYTHING COVERED IN GLITTER. Its like a whole bunch of greenish-goldish colored glitter that is covering everything and floating everywhere. Maybe its the dehydration? Hallucinations don't seem far off.

The only thing stranger is that I can feel everything within like 50 foot radius around me. It is warm and reassuring but foreign, slightly intimidating if I must describe it. I can literally feel everything growing and moving.

As I was distracted by the floaties in the air I subconsciously stuck my fingers in my mouth, damn these baby instincts but there is something comforting about the gesture. I continued to suck on my fingers while I wandered towards the river for water and to take a piss. Step after step it became harder the farther I went, rocks stabbing and burying into the soft pads of my feet. My thirst turning into a migraine and I felt cold. I kept trying to avoid the rockiest areas but I think the rocks had it out for me.

-here…-

Um, what?

Great, now I'm imagining voices. This is definitely some heavy dehydration, river, just find the river.

It took a good half hour before it came into view and by then I didn't think I could have done those couple last steps without the motivation of water. As I reached the river's edge I collapsed in a heap and just laid on the cold dirt unmoving for about five minutes, letting the sun do it's work of warming my back but I still felt so cold. My mind was hazy and the ground felt like it was moving, not a good sign.

-water…-

-we help…-

CREEPER ALERT. Better drink some water fast but I couldn't manage to motivate myself to get up at all. I groaned loudly and pealed my eyes open only to stare in shock, vines from the river side had either grown by 100% percent in five minutes or I didn't notice them when I collapsed which is disconcerting and disturbing to not have noticed such huge vines. Moving, plants are moving. Oh God. What if they are killer plants like in the movies.

But instead of wrapping around my ankles and dragging me away they very gently pushed against my back until my mouth brushed the water. My mouth was dry and my lips chapped, I tilted my head as best as I could to let the water seep in. Gulping down as much as I could I just laid there until the sun was dipping, drinking water off and on whenever I woke from dozing until I could feel my mind clearing. The downside is that the hunger pains became sharper and sharper until I felt like crying.

How long has this body gone without food? Would I even be able to identify any of the plants here? I should probably mention that the plants haven't stopped whispering to me since they helped me. They reminded me of puppies, trying to get my undivided attention.

-Helped?-

-We helped?-

-You. Hurt. No more?-

-No hurt?-

Honestly I was finding it pretty adorable and disturbing but I had no way to say thank you. Struggling to sit up my tiny arms trembled and I don't think I could manage to push myself onto my feet so I resorted to crawling. I'm a goddamn baby for god's sake, there is no shame.

Food.

Where is the food?

-Food?-

-Human. Food.-

-Here.-

-Over here.-

-Human. Child. Come.-

Oh my god. Did they just respond to my thoughts. Ohhhh shiitt. This is some fantasy shit right here. No, this is some fairy shit. What in hell kind of place is this? Am I even in the same world? I mean that would be pretty badass if I wasn't but at the same terrifying.

Following the whispers I crawled at the speed of a turtle to a clearing, it was about the size of a football field, it was covered in clover and raspberry bushes. My mouth started watering as I crawled my way to sit underneath one of them and grabbing as many berries as I could while simultaneously shoving them into my mouth. I felt some juice dribble down my chin but was too focused on my task to care. Handful after handful I barely chewed and engulfed an entire bushes worth.

I didn't slow until I felt like my stomach was going to burst and by then the sun had disappeared, leaving me in darkness that was only illuminated by the the moon which was full and dapples of moss that glowed a light green. Curiosity won after I was satiated and I drew closer to the moss only to realize that the glitter from earlier which I now refer to as floaties seemed to be attracted to the moss and engulfing it.

-Moss? Glowing plant. Eat?-

I sent out a simple thought process to the surrounding vegetation. It was one of the tree's that responded this time.

-Yes. Eat. Small eat. Healing plant.-

So I can eat the moss but only in small amounts and it's a plant that helps heal. What does it help heal? I have no idea but I can eat it. Sticking my thumb into my mouth I thought about my situation. I hadn't gone more than a mile past the ruins edge, was it even safe to do that? What if there was nothing for miles and miles. There would be no shelter to take cover if it rained and it just felt like a dangerous possibility.

-Day's walk. Away. Safe?-

-No.-

Well, that settled it. Wait, when did I start trusting the plants so much? Hmm probably when they saved me from almost passing out and dying of dehydration. Damn, I owe my life to plants. That's something you don't hear everyday. Not something to brag about either, I was so helpless that plants were smarter than me. Wow, that's just…

Sad and slightly humiliating.

I ignored that trail of thought and meandered aimlessly around the clearing. I was exhausted and just wanted to go to sleep but the floaties in the air were full of energy which were affecting my energy levels. It was sort of like going for 48 hours without sleep and then drinking a shit ton of expresso. The feeling of being high strung even though you'll probably fall over in the next five minutes.

The funny part is that, that is exactly what happened in the next five minutes. I don't even remember laying down to sleep. I was standing and then lala land. A long blissful sleep.

I woke to whispering and not the plant kind, it was also in a language I didn't understand but the emotions rolling off the group told me of three distinctive personalities that were drastically different but very comfortable in each other's presences.

"I don't understand why we have to investigate the ruins. They've been abandoned for years and have the reputation of being haunted. Even shinobi avoid this place because it's like a maze that isn't worth figuring out." The voice was a smooth tenor and exasperated. He felt cool and sweet like honey but there was a cunningness to it.

"Troublesome. I already told you that there has been sightings of movement within the ruins that are suspicious. If enemy shinobi have decided to use this place to their advantage it could get messy," The second voice was lower and drawled a bit. He felt like shadows and calculation but also a deep calm like the forest.

"You are such a Nara," The smooth tenor snorted.

"Guys, let's not fight. You've both been bickering since we started with mission. Besides if you keep this up then any enemy shinobi would hear us before they saw us," This voice was a deep bass with a hint of amusement. He felt like sunlight and warm smiles but also strength.

I sat up only to be startled that the grass surrounding me when I was asleep had grown at least two feet.

Uhhhh, oops?

I struggled to my feet and scampered after the voices. This is the first human contact since I've been here.

-Humans. Adults.-

-Careful.-

-Me. Forward. Caution.-

After reassuring the plants that I would be careful I tried to be as quiet as possible but the group moved fast despite the casual walking speed they had adopted. I darted from tree to tree as fast as I could about thirty feet back but from seeing their shoulders tense and emotions that changed to suspicion and weariness I recognized that they knew they were being followed.

They were dressed strangely, sort of reminded me of the anime Naruto. They were dressed similarly to how the shinobi dressed in it. The one that reminded me of honey had long blonde hair that reached the middle of his back and he wore a light blue shirt with grey pants that were bandages around his shins along with a shoes that looked like a sandal of sorts.

The one full of shadows was wearing a skin tight black long sleeve shirt and a vest over it. His pants were also grey and bandaged like the first. His hair was a dark brown but pulled into a pony tail that resembled a pineapple.

The last one that was filled with sunlight was much bigger than the first two, his hair was long red and spiked. His shirt was also red with hints of yellow with grey pants that were bandaged. They all had a pack attached to their thigh.

I was struck with the resemblance of the Ino-Shika-Cho formation in Naruto. I stood stunned for a moment.

What?

Then…

Does that mean the floaties that I've been seeing everywhere is actually chakra? Holy shit, talk about being smacked in the face with a fish. Wait, if I am in the Narutoverse then where in the timeline am I? Wait…I didn't see any head bands on these shinobe. Shit, missing nin? I stumbled backwards and bolted away from the group.

I can say with out any humiliation that I didn't get very far. Maybe like five yards before they surrounded me. I squeaked in panic and pulled my hands to my chest. I stared wide eyed at them while my breathing speed up. Oh god, I don't want to die. I JUST got here.

Their emotions changed to surprise and shock but the weariness stayed. I could practically feel my heart jumping out of my chest as we all stared at each other for a few more seconds. The first to relax was the sunlight guy who I now identified as an Akimichi.

"Just a baby," He said to the others, slight concern flickered across his face and he narrowed his eyes at them, "You seriously don't think this baby is a spy do you?"

"Why else would a baby be in the middle of nowhere that was already under suspicion of hosting enemy shinobi?" The Nara said but doubt trickled into his voice and he had also eased out of his fighting stance along with the Yamanaka next to him.

"Orphan?" The Akimichi offered.

Nothing they were saying was making any sense but at least their emotions where settling down and wavering between confusion and concern. At least they cared somewhat.

Uh oh.

I'm a one year old. I'm supposed to act like a one year old, I don't know how to do , what's my back story?

Baby.

No parents.

In the wild.

Tarzan.

I am now a feral child that was raised by wild cats and no one can tell me otherwise. What a shitty cover story, I am so not creative. Let's role with it.