The next day, I woke up earlier than usually. I don't know why. I rolled up the curtains and my eyes were blinded immediately. "Jesus, what happened?" This was exactly what ran through my mind. "I don't know. Maybe it's the sun that has risen." My alter ego answered sarcastically and there I was; fully awake and blinded by the light which I didn't see the day before. At least not on the sky. But I saw the sun in her. I swear I did. I stepped closer to my bed and scanned the bookshelves through my eyes. I always do that; it's my morning ritual. I've been collecting books for almost two years now, though, I wasn't yet able to fulfill even half of the bookshelf. That's probably because I am really careful and it just takes me a lot of time to decide whether to buy it or not. Whether it is worth of reading or whether they are the same, cliché words all over again. I like original books. All the books in my shelf are not ordered by genres; but by colors. I like it that way; I don't know if it's just me.
This time, I decided I would ride on my bike to the cafe. It's white, old vintage bike and it's pretty comfortable riding. I reached my destination not even ten minutes later and locked my bike to this iron rod thingy. When I entered the café, she was already sitting there with a book in her hand and a cup of something in the other. I passed my old sitting place and aimed to the chair right in front of her chair. I was so glad we got to talk this soon. I think it would be slightly embarrassing and pervy if I just kept on staring at her. "Hey." I said whilst I was sitting down. "Hey, you." I took off my leather jacket and hugged it around the chair. The waitress immediately acknowledged my presence and headed towards me. "Hi, are you ready to order?" She asked, looking innocent again and that was the second time she's ever asked me that question and I wasn't able to figure out why. I shot her a weird look. She just smiled meaningly and looked at my companion. I'm not sure if I'm sure but I think there was a small hint of hurt in her eyes and maybe she tried to cover it with her smile. But come on! It was so obvious, it was just the corners of her lips trying to form a smile; not those bluish eyes. "Yeah well, I'll have a hot chocolate." She wrote it down, not really having any emotion on her face except for concentration. Then, she looked up and gazed at Emily, waiting for her order. She took the cup to her hand and lifted it, showing she still hasn't drunk her coffee. The waitress nodded sympathetically and headed towards the back of the café. I recuperated and we started talking about something. I don't remember what entertained us until the waitress brought me the hot chocolate. I had to be patient for a few minutes because, almost shockingly; the hot chocolate was actually hot! Would you believe that? After that, we started conversing mindlessly. Don't get me wrong; our conversations were often intelligent and made sense. Until one of us brought up something the other had no idea about. That was just one side conversation. "There's this party on Saturday. Would you like to come?" I am so not the type that attends to parties or any other social meetings in that matter. But it was her. It was her, sitting in front of me, watching me shift nervously and asking me if I want to go to a party with her. I couldn't just say no, could I? "Okay." An answer finally came out from my mouth. "Cool. Give me your number and I'll text you the details." She handed me her phone and I slowly typed in my number. "Sadly, I've got to get moving, soon." She announced and I was not surprised. It was always like that; she did not have all the time in the world even if I wanted her to have.
Later on, she messaged me the details even though it was briefly just the start of the week. I saved it, rewrote the address on a piece of paper and then pinned in on my wall. I kept repeating the address in my mind. It couldn't help but feel unknowingly familiar. It took me two whole days to realize that it was the club right next to the coffee shop. How blinded and well shattered was I?! We haven't talked since then; I went to the coffee shop once more but she wasn't there. So I stayed at home, trying to read some books but it did not help any of those things that have been going on inside me. Instead; it made it even worse. Don't mind me, those days were beautiful. It didn't rain and the sun was spectacular. I just didn't find the lust to admire it anymore. Things didn't feel right but they were the rightest they've ever been simultaneously. I can't quite put it into words; I'm sorry.
On Saturday, I was a nervous mess and I knew it. Although I tried to stay cool and chill and whatever I could stay, I tried. But trying isn't always getting results, is it? It took me approximately two hours, twenty six minutes and thirty seven seconds to decide the outfit I'd be sharing my experiences with. It was a dress after all. Not those innocent, virgin looking ones. But hot ones. Properly hot; I was almost convinced I'd make at least a good impression of myself. I could always make myself look good on the outside when I was permanently marked on the inside. I guess the God had no compassion for me when he'd made me. When I was ready, when my black eyeliner was applied, I still had an hour to kill. Out of nothing, I decided to go (you already know where) to the café for I haven't visited for a couple of desperate days. Can you imagine? I actually had to make my own coffee. So I came in, sat down and waited. I don't know what for; I wasn't waiting for anybody. I was the only person there. It was getting late and I knew they'd be closing in a couple of minutes. I didn't want to order anything, either, because I was preparing myself for those possible shots entire day. I spotted the waitress. She didn't look hurt anymore. She actually seemed interestingly cheerful. "Hey, you want something? We're closing, soon." She was a really good person. I don't know if she acted with me the same way she acted with anybody; it most certainly made me wonder. "Um, no, thanks. I just came to kill time. Care to join me?" She looked behind her right shoulder, I don't know why, and sat in front of me; like she always did. She looked mindfully tired because her eyelids seemed heavy not just to herself. "So, having the big date tonight, huh?" She took me by surprise; how could she possibly know? "How do you know that? And it's not… it's not a date." I shifted slightly, suddenly feeling uncomfortable. "Come on! You should see your face every time you look at her face. I'm not stupid, honey." Was it that obvious? I didn't mind, though. I wanted the whole world to know. "Okay, okay! I like them and I just hope I'm not hoping for anything else than for them to like me back." She laughed quietly for herself. "Doesn't even make sense, right?" "No, it does." She tried to keep her face straight but couldn't manage that for a whole minute. "No, it doesn't." Now I was laughing, too. Maybe because we were the only people there, maybe because it was fully dark now and the sun would not appear on the sky until the very next day. Maybe it was her laugh that made me feel like I wasn't the only one in the world. Like I wasn't alone.
"I'm afraid I've got to run." I checked my watches and I had ten more minutes. It didn't take that long to cross the street but I wanted to be there earlier, just in case. The waitress's smile disappeared and so did mine. At least the real one; I kept smiling hopelessly, trying to make the end of our meeting feel less painful for her. "Yeah, the big date. I remember." She forced a smile herself but I was hundred percent, positively sure it was as fake as anything in this world. "See you later, I guess" was all I managed to say. "Yeah, see you." I pushed the door open and the sound from the other building hit my earlobes immediately. How come I didn't notice inside? I crossed the street quickly and I could already feel myself sweating a bit. Either it was the stress or my body condition went to hell. Oh, I didn't have one. It didn't take much; just a lot of sweat and shrouded thoughts; until she showed up. And almost obviously of course; she wasn't not alone. "Hey, you." She waved at me from the distance and my hand automatically waved back. Not even a few seconds later, we and all of her friends were standing in a circle. "So I guess this is the right time to introduce you, guys. So, this is JJ, that's Pandora, the emo one is called Adrian and the Japanese looking one's named Whiskey." I had to laugh at that one because really, how can somebody name their child after an alcoholic drink? "And this is Naomi." Everybody looked at me nicely and I thought I wouldn't mind them after all. Except for this Japanese girl. I think she hated me for the way I laughed at her about her name. I've never been good at making friends, that I'm telling you. "What's up, fuckers!" A loud voice resonated in the still very noisy surroundings. "Oh, Cook! I swear you looked hundred percent better when I didn't see you!" I felt already quite uncomfortable; too many people, too many voices. I always had it like that, even though I was the snob one; I was always unintentionally scared of people.
When we entered the club, it was and wasn't exactly what I expected. The party was just rising up and people were dancing furiously. There was a huge, silver disco ball, hanging in the middle of the room. I really liked that; I've never seen one like it, though I've always wanted to own one. Behind all that was a huge, colorful bar and many people were buying drinks. The manager had to be gratefully delighted for he had to earn a lot of money. There's no wonder; people are bored, want to get drunk and do things they usually wouldn't dare doing in their sober life. But this wasn't why I came, was it? The huge disco ball and a room full of drunken strangers were most definitely not the reason I came. The reason why I came was standing just a few inches away from me, talking to one of her friends. "And then he was like, do it babe, and I was like, fuck you, and then we broke up. End of story." How could she hang out with those people? They were maturely noticeably younger and obviously somewhere else. I didn't speak; I didn't really want to speak to any of them except for her. And that didn't really stand any chance. I was almost halfway disappointed and I almost gave up when her hand touched mine. "Want to go dancing?" I just nodded and smiled widely; no words were required.
I wasn't sure I could dance (I am not as moveable as everybody else, but I still tried) until the very moment her hands landed on my hips. Magnifique, quiet accurately. I don't know if it was the way we were moving together, or if it was the precious music that was bumping into our ears like a wind; finally, after all the days, all those years; finally something seemed perfect enough for my life to continue happily. After what seemed like an infinite moment of taking a breath and latching oxygen, we stopped. "I need a fag! Going with me?" That was breaking news for me because I didn't know she smoked. I tried to take it as a not turn off and nodded, showing my honest approval. The night cold air welcomed us pleasantly as we made our way down the road. We stopped when we had the perfect view on both; the club and the coffee shop. "Having fun much?" She asked me whilst lightning up her cigarette. "Oh, totally." I smiled for a brief second and watched her take a drag. Suddenly, totally unaware of the surrounding world; I felt ultimately jealous of the cigarette. She tried to hand me the fag but I couldn't. "Thanks but I don't smoke." I kept looking at that coffee shop, trying to imagine how this all started. And mostly I just wanted to distract myself casually. "How encouraging." I stepped closer towards her but it was as if I moved closer and she moved further away at the same time. "Why do you smoke anyways?" I asked when I gave up on leaning closer. "I mean, don't you even mind a little bit that you might die out of it? That it might kill you one day?" I raised both my eyebrows and quietly waited for an intelligent answer. "I don't mind dying. I probably would mind not dying more." After that, I was quiet the next few minutes. We had so much in common; we almost didn't know what to talk about anymore. I had no idea what to say and I still felt nervous like a sixteen year old. Still, there was something universally attractive about her; I couldn't resist. I HAD to kiss her, I decided. And it would be that night. So I waited patiently until she got rid of the fag, then I plucked up all my courage and leaned closer, this time fast enough for her to not move away. I was so sure of myself and still, the world is just a shitty place. Or am I just not lucky? I didn't even touch her lips. That's how far it went. "What are you doing?" She asked, sounding surprised. "Um, I don't know. Kissing you?" I started panicking in my head and my heart went a little crazy. "But why?!" Those were NOT intelligent questions. Those were not even answerable questions. "Why do you think?!" I stepped away, feeling guilty all of a sudden. It wasn't a crime, was it? It's not like I murdered somebody. "Yeah but, it's not right! I've got a girlfriend for fuck's sake!" That was the moment when the ground felt like caving in and my heart felt like it will escape from my body. "I didn't know that. I'm sorry." I was panicking now, fully and mindlessly. I gave her my last look and turned around. My legs were moving by themselves; I couldn't stop them. I wished for myself to be at home but I felt foolish and stubborn for leaving her alone as well. But she wasn't alone, was she? I was.
I was making my way around the club, watching the shades of people come and go. Then I turned around and there it was; the coffee shop, glowing in the dark, early autumn scent. I noticed the lights were still on. There had to be somebody, I thought. I moved closer and looked inside from outside of the window. I didn't know what I was expecting. It wasn't even midnight; that's how long the entire show lasted. I saw a glimpse of a brunet. I knocked on the window tenderly, waiting for any form of response. And there she was, the waitress, still dressed in her uniform, still looking horrifically tired and hopelessly exhausted. She unlocked the door and let me in. "What are you doing here?" She looked surprised but not entirely. "I got dumped." I didn't cry; I didn't think somebody like her was worth of crying. We both sat down, the way we usually sit. There was minimum of light and I didn't mind at all. I needed this. I needed to be somewhere quite, where there was one person with me who didn't smoke or drink. "Do you want to talk about it?" She asked gently and her voice echoed in the silence. "Have you, have you ever felt like your entire heart was ripped out and then eaten by a million sharks?" She smirked then put on a sad smile and after that she seemed confused. She was changing her emotions more than anything; if it's even possible. "Oh, you mean a 'heart-break'? Yeah, I've had one." I frowned and rested my head in my hands. I felt lost like a puppy. The maintenance of reality. Surreal. "Yeah well, I don't really want to talk about that." She blinked slowly and gave me an intense look. I felt like she could see right through me; like I didn't even have to say anything. "Okay then, we won't." We sat like that for a few minutes, enjoying the night and each other's company. It felt nice, just being with someone and not having to talk. The night was beautiful; the stars were beautifully visible and the moon was unusually red. Imagine what it would look like, if we could see other planets the way we see the Moon. Just imagine Saturn and it's huge ring so visibly close to you, you couldn't even look away. You'd have to be looking forever. "Hey, what if it's the end?" I asked, not really wanting to hear any form of answer. I almost couldn't hear the noise from outside but I surely felt her hand the second it ended up on mine. "What if it's just the beginning?"
Reviews appreciated!