I keep letting you back in,

How can I explain myself?

As painful as this thing has been,

I just can't be with no one else,

See I know what we've got to do,

You let go, and I'll let go too.

-Lauryn Hill, "Ex-Factor"

"David, we can't keep doing this."

"That's not what your hips were saying a minute ago," he laughs, as he rolls out from underneath her.

She sighs and rubs her eyebrow in frustration. Making a clean break was going to be more difficult than she anticipated.

She and Haden cancelled their relationship a month ago, but they were still going strong in the bedroom. They both vowed to keep things physical, never venturing outside of the other's apartment. Their trysts were fun, for a while, but Olivia was growing tired of their weekend romps.

"What's your fuss? We're having a good time, right?" He jabs her in her ticklish spot and she collapses against his chest in a fit of giggles, and her chestnut locks cover his face.

She regains her composure and smooths down her shirt, "Yeah, but a good time is all it will ever be. You and I know this won't go any further."

Her words strike a nerve, and his face darkens. "Not if we both want to keep our jobs, right?"

She reaches out to touch his shoulder, "David, I-"

He shrugs her off, "I told you I could resign." He turns to look her in the eye, "I still can."

She blinks at him in disbelief, then cackles incredulously when she realizes he's serious. He feels the heat rise in his cheeks at her flippant attitude.

"We both know you won't," she asserts.

"How the hell do you know what I will and won't do?" he growled.

"Because, if you were going to resign, you would have done so already, and you would have told me after the fact," she retorts with a knowing smirk draped across her lips, as her mind replays the night of their breakup.

Flashback: April 11, 2012

Olivia and David are at their favorite bar. They toast to the victory of getting a wrongfully accused and imprisoned man out of jail after eight years. The same man that she helped to put behind bars in the first place. But his acquittal came at a price for the couple. Olivia drinks in her surroundings, including David's appearance, and commits these details to memory knowing this is the end of the road for them.

"I'm going to be looking at cases that you handled." Haden said, lifting his martini to his lips.

"And we never disclosed." Her voice wavered.

"It's not too late. That would mean I'd have to resign."

"Well that's ridiculous, you can't do that. It's what you live for." She gave him a sideways glance.

"Says who?"

"Says you. The first time you walked into our squad room." She felt the tears collecting at the corners of her eyes.

"That means-"

"I know," she interjected, "This. Us. Never happened." she declared with watery eyes.

She looks over at him as he lies in bed, arms crossed behind his head and deep in thought. She knows that he knows she's right. If he felt that strongly about her, he would've resigned as an impassioned gesture of his love for her. But she knew he was just paying her lip service, offering to do something he would never act on.

Just like a lawyer.

Then again, the thought of her leaving SVU for him never crossed her mind either.

"If you really wanted us to be together, you wouldn't have given up so easily. You would have fought for us. Anything worth having is worth fighting for."

"I don't remember you suiting up to go to battle, either" he retorts.

She draws her lips in a tight line, and nods, "You're right, and what does that tell you?" she put back at him. Her words sting like an open-handed smack against his cheek.

"Let's not argue, this isn't about rehashing the past or one of us winning or losing. It's about facing reality, David. We're too much alike. We're both married to our careers, and we're not willing to sacrifice that at any cost."

His shoulders droop in defeat at the realization of her statement. Deep down, he knows she's right. He adores Olivia, and they're compatible in many ways. But he wasn't sure she was "the one." And even if she was, would that matter? This was his career for God's sake, his livelihood. Was he willing to bet everything on love? Cupid sure as fuck didn't come through for him the first time around. He was still writing alimony checks to his ex-wife every month-five years after their divorce.

"Besides, even if you did quit, you'd end up resenting me, whether 'we' worked out or not. Every day that I went to the job that I love would be a daily reminder of the career you had sacrificed. You'd hate me a little more each day until there was no love left. It's a lose-lose scenario."

"Which brings me back to my original question. If we already know a relationship wouldn't work, why give this up?" He pauses for dramatic effect and eyes her with suspicion, "Unless...you've already found my replacement?"

Her eyes narrow into slits, "We're not in court, David, so stop speaking in circles. Are you asking me if I'm screwing someone else while I'm screwing you? What kind of whore do you take me for?"

"That's not what I'm asking, and you know it. Stop deflecting, Olivia!"

She turns away from him, but not before he sees her chew on her lip. A singular thought runs through her mind.

Does he know about Cassidy?

Her mind was consumed with her recent run in with Brian Cassidy from two days ago. She felt an undeniable spark between them in the interrogation room, much like she did thirteen years ago. She knew that Cassidy had a thing for her, and when he batted her hands away to get a bird's eye view of her ass, she knew this wasn't the same SVU rookie. The old Cassidy didn't have the balls to pull a stunt like that. She hated to admit it, but she was turned on by his gruff "bad boy" demeanor.

Beneath his five o'clock shadow and jaded facade, Olivia saw glimpses of the young, shy rookie that had a crush on her way back when. He still snuck in glances when he thought she wasn't looking, and when they were face-to-face, his eyes lingered on her a little longer than they should have.

But he was involved with that...escort. She could barely form her mouth around the word without getting disgusted.

Carissa. Her name is Carissa. Play nice, Olivia, she reminded herself.

Olivia assumed since he was undercover that he was working the girl for the case. But what if his feelings for her ran deeper than that? Just how deep UC was he? Olivia owed it to herself to find out.

"Are you seeing someone else?"

Tell him the truth, Olivia. Don't just end things and then run away.

Elliot's leaving taught her that if you let someone into your private life for a reason, give him or her the courtesy of a final goodbye. Allowing a person to torment him or herself trying to figure out why you've left isn't just wrong, it's cruel.

"No. But there's a possibility."

He nods and swallows, but the lump catches in his throat. "I understand," he says, and he does. He knew this day was coming, but he didn't expect it to come so soon.

"You're really eager to get back on the dating saddle, huh?"

"I never wanted to climb off," she reveals with a sad smile.

Her words sting him a second time. "I'm sorry."

Her forehead crinkles in confusion, "For what?"

He focuses on the ground, "Because I let this happen."

"Excuse me?" she scoffs, "You didn't let anything happen, we are two adults that made this decision together."

"Yes," he agrees, eyes still glued to the ground, "But I'm a lawyer, and I know better than anyone that our relationship was a conflict of interest. Sooner or later, one of us would've had to come forward or risk someone else doing so behind our backs. It was inevitable that one of us would have to resign. Our affair was doomed from the start. I'm just sorry I wasted your time on our...mistake."

Her face softens, "Is that how you think I look at this, at what we were, as a mistake? You couldn't be more wrong."

Now it was his turn to be confused. He stops looking at his feet to look at her.

She takes his face into her hands, "David, what you and I had was not a mistake. It was a wonderful experience for me in a year filled with uncertainty. Earlier this year, if you told me that my life would be turned upside down and that I'd grow to welcome my new reality, I would think you were downright certifiable. Saying that I don't like change is the understatement of the century," she snorted. "But this year change was forced on me and I had to adapt. I abruptly lost my partner of over a decade , and I thought my personal and professional worlds would come crashing down around me. But after the dust cleared, the strangest thing happened, I realized that with change came freedom and new beginnings...new possibilities. We got two new additions to SVU that are shaping up to be real assets to the team. I have a new partner who I hated at first, but he and I have started to really gel. He respects my space and privacy which Elliot never did. And I finally have the chance to explore my personal life without enduring criticisms or worrying about my partner running background checks on my potential boyfriends. I have the chance to focus on my life as a woman, not just as a detective. And to share myself and time with whomever I choose."

She inches closer so they stand toe-to-toe. "So you see, our affair helped to shape who I am...who I'm becoming. If you consider this a mistake, there's no one else I would have rather made this mistake with."

She leans in and presses her lips to his, deepening the kiss as their tongues tango for the last time.

A/N: Next up, Bensidy!