N-E: Before I start this chapter I just want you to know that no nobodies were harmed in the making of this chapter
Zexion: ARE YOU NUTS!! YOU MADE ME-
N-E: NO SPOILERS!!! *thwack*
Zexion: owww
Roxas: it seems as though N-E has picked a new victim
N-E: Don't worry theres still Tidus bashing
Roxas: why do you pick on Tidus
N-E: I dunno, when I started these fanfics I needed a victim who doesn't get much spotlight in KH fanfics so I picked Tidus. Don't get me wrong! I torture these characters because I love them so much
Zexion: I fear for your children
Previously:
"Oh this is useless!" Xemnas screamed. "All we can find are freaking coconuts!!"
"Well we're just going to have to settle with coconuts!" Axel snapped and punched the closet coconut tree.
"IF THEY DON'T FIND MY DAUGHTER SOON I'M GONNA-" suddenly a coconut hit Xemnas on the head and he fell to the ground unconscious.
"OH NO!! I'VE KILLED THE SUPERIOR!!" Axel screamed.
"He's fine! He's still breathing" Zexion said.
"WHAT AM I GOING TO DO??!! I'M GOING TO BE LOCKED UP IN JAIL FOREVER!!!"
"Calm down Axel!" Demyx said. "I'm sure everything's going to be al-" Another coconut fell on Demyx's head and then he fell unconscious.
"OH GOD!!! I'VE KILLED DEMYX AS WELL!!!" Axel panicked.
"Calm down! They're both unconscious!"
"Zexion"
"Yes?"
Axel gave Zexion a killer glare. "I'm sorry man but you've seen far too much"
"Um…Axel? What are you doing?"
"You're going to have to die now"
"OH GOD NO!!"
"Miss Xion was it?" The hotel lady asked.
"Yes it is" Xion grinned. "I think I was in room 45 with Larxene, Kairi and Selphie"
"Speaking of which, where is you're family?" Paine asked.
"Hell if I know" Xion shrugged. "At least we landed on WONSTOPPSHUPHOLLYDAY Island"
"Yeah, want to go to the beach afterwards?"
"Sure"
Xigbar, Vexen and Luxord: On a hill
"Where are the others?!" Xigbar yelled pushing past another bush. "Urgh! I shouldn't be stranded on a mysterious island, I should be checking out the babes at the beach"
"Pervert" Vexen muttered. "Got to wonder if they're dead or not"
"They're not…the superior's father senses must still be tingling so Xion should be alive," Luxord explained. "And she pretty much hates us being around. I'm sure she must be enjoying herself with her friends"
Suddenly they heard rumbling. The three older nobodies glanced at each other but looked straight ahead when they heard a girlish scream coming from the distance.
"A damsel in distress!" Xigbar smirked. "I'm coming fair lady!!" He emerged from the bushes and ran towards the middle of a field only to see that the girlish scream wasn't from a fair lady but it was from Zexion who running away from about 10, 000 coconuts rolling down a hill.
"XIGBAR!! HELP ME!!!" Zexion screamed. Xigbar's eyes widened.
"HOLY CRAP!!" he screamed, turned the other direction and ran for it.
"GOD DAMN IT XIGBAR!!" Zexion screamed. "AREN'T YOU HERE TO SAVE ME!!"
"I ONLY SAVE DAMSELS!!"
"YOU OLD PERVERT!!!"
Xion, Paine and Riku: Hotel room
Xion collapsed onto one of the beds. "This is heaven!"
"I wonder if your family made it" Riku sighed.
Xion's smile faded as she sat up and looked out of the window. "I hope they're all right" she muttered.
Riku sat behind her only to pull her into a hug. Xion was a little shocked by this sudden action but she knew he was trying to cheer her up.
"BEFORE YOU GUYS GO ALL LOVEY DOVEY!!" Paine announced. "I just want to know if they're safe"
"Maybe I should call one of them," Xion tried to wriggle out of Riku's grip to get out her phone and dialled Zexion's Number.
"Hello?"
"Hey Zexion! It's me Xion!"
Paine looked very nervous when she realised Xion had called her hot older brother.
"Xion?! You're alive!"
She heard from the other end of the line Xigbar yelling. "WE'RE GOING TO DIE!!
"I'll call you back later. I'm kind of running away from thousands of rolling coconuts that Axel knocked out of the trees because he thought he killed Xemnas and Demyx and now he wants me dead cause I witnessed a murder …good bye!" beep beep beep.
Xion felt a twitch under her eye. "Coconuts? Murder?"
"Well? How is Zexion?" Paine asked with a little desperation in her voice.
"He's running away from thousands of rolling coconuts that Axel knocked out of the trees because he thought he killed Xemnas and Demyx and now he wants Zexion to die cause he witnessed a murder" Xion explained casually.
Paine and Riku felt a twitch in their eye. "Will he be alright?" Paine asked.
"Why? Are you worried about him?" Riku smirked.
"Well yeah…AND I'M WORRIED ABOUT THE OTHER'S AS WELL IT'S NOT LIKE I'M IN LOVE WITH HIM OR ANYTHING!!"
"If you say so" Xion tried calling Roxas but he didn't answer either. "That's strange, he usually has his phone with him 24/7, I'll try again"
Roxas, Larxene, Xaldin, Lexeaus, Saix and Marluxia: The shore of 'Wakachukanaka'
Saix was running away from Roxas who wanted to eat him Xaldin and Lexeaus went out looking for Xion along the shore and Larxene and Marluxia were trying to make a raft so they could find 'Xemnas's precious daughter' out at sea.
Roxas's phone rung once again and he was alarmed. "What is this thing?! A gift from the Gods of Wakachukanaka!!" Roxas pressed the answer button. "ARE YOU THE SUN GODDESS?!!"
"Uh no…this is Xi-
"I know!! YOU'RE THE SEA GODDESS!!!"
"Are you okay?"
"I'VE BEEN BLESSED!! OH GREAT SEA GODDESS OF WAKACHUKA-"
Beep…beep…beep
"She hung up on me?!"
"Um, Roxas?" Marluxia asked sounding a bit concerned. "Maybe you should take it easy"
"BUT THE SEA GODDESS HUNG UP ON ME!!"
"You sure that was the 'sea goddess'?" Larxene asked.
"YES I RECOGNISE THAT VOICE CALLING OUT TO ME!!"
Larxene snatched the phone off Roxas. "SHORTIE?! SHE'S ALIVE!!"
"Shor…tie? Is that the name of the sea goddess?"
"NO YOU DIP- (shadow)" Larxene tried calling Xion again.
"The person you are trying to call is too scared to pick up the phone"
"God damn it!! Thanks a lot Roxas! She might have landed on a civilised island and called for help and then we'd have been rescued by hunks who will fall instantly in love with me"
Marluxia chuckled. "As if"
"Oh great sea goddess 'shortie'!" Roxas bowed down to the sea.
Marluxia and Larxene sweat dropped. "Gee this is worst than that time we couldn't teleport back to head quarters from Olympus Coliseum"
"Why what happened there?" Marluxia asked.
"He turned into a Spartan and attacked the locals…almost made Hades throw a hissy"
They felt a sudden rumbling and looked towards the forest. Zexion and Xigbar emerged from the bushes and ran towards the water.
"Guys? What's wrong?" Marluxia asked but then the coconuts emerged from the bushes along with Axel screaming. "DIE!!"
"(Shadow)" The trio cursed and ran towards the left.
"WHO BROUGHT THIS MIS FORTUNE ONTO US?!!" Roxas yelled after being run over by some of the coconuts
"ZEXION DID!!" Axel screamed.
"I did not!"
"That's it!" Roxas screamed. "We are eating him!"
"Wait…he's no tribal boy…HE'S A CANNIBAL!!" Larxene screamed.
"I told you!" Saix barked. "But noooo…I'm a dog…no one would ever listen to me"
"SHUT UP YA DAMN DOG!!" Larxene screamed and Saix whimpered.
"Where's the superior and No.9?" Xigbar asked.
"Uh-um…I don't know" Axel's eyes shifted. "THEY'RE NOT DEAD OR ANYTHING!!"
"Axel? Are you okay honey?" Larxene asked sounding very sweet but when she realised this she screamed. "AAHHH THIS ISLAND IS GETTING TO ME!! I'M TURNING INTO A NICE PERSON!!!"
Zexion sweat dropped. "Isn't that a good thing?"
"I'VE GOT TO CALL SHORTIE!!" Larxene used her phone and dialled Xion's number. "C'MON SHORTIE PICK UP!!"
Meanwhile
Xion's phone rung once again but she was curled up in a corner and she wasn't going to pick it up.
"You okay honey?" Riku asked sounding concerned.
"Some… weirdo…is…trying… to… call!" Xion stuttered. "And did you just call me honey?"
Riku sighed heavily. "I'll pick it up for you okay" he rubbed her hair gently and picked up the phone.
"SHORTIE?!! THANK GOD!!"
"Uh actually this is Riku"
"Oh hey Spoon head! I wasn't interrupting something was I?"
"Why do you guys always think that we're doing i-"
"Oh alright. I'm sure shortie's safe with you. Look here spoon head! If you want to marry my baby sister you'll have to send for some help! We are stranded on a deserted island. I repeat! A deserted island!"
" Do you know where it is?"
"Well…the cruise ship is all the way over there…there's a cliff with a shrub growing on it and…well…I seriously have no idea but you've got to help us! Roxas has turned into a cannibal and he wants to eat Zexion, I have no idea where Demyx and Xemnas went and I'm turning nice!"
"Isn't that a good thing?"
"NO I'M QUEEN (Berserker)!!"
"Calm down, I'll try and get help okay?"
Xion peeped over from the corner. "He's so nice, gentle…and handsome," She thought. "And here I was being a jerk to him this whole school year!! STUPID XION!!"
"OH SPOONHEAD YOU'RE A HERO!!! YOU BETTER NOT DUMP HER OR I'LL KICK YOUR (assassin)!!"
"Just stay where you are" Riku hung up. "You sure have a strange family"
"Are they alright?!"
"If you could call it that" Riku sweat dropped.
Xion cocked her head to the side. "What do you mean?"
"She's so cute!" He thought. "Well Roxas has turned into a cannibal"
"Oh he does that. One time, when we were at the Land of dragons we got lost he suddenly turned into a Hun and attacked the locals," Xion explained with a smile on her face.
"She says it like it's a good thing" Riku sweat dropped.
Back on Wakachukanaka
"Um Roxas? What's with the fire and why am I being tied up like this?" Zexion asked. His hands and feet were tied up to a pole.
"I told you before!" Roxas yelled. "WE'RE EATING YOU!!"
"HUH?!!"
"We can't eat him!!" Xigbar yelled.
"Well you can't…BUT I WILL!!"
"Y-you doesn't want to eat me! I'm small and skinny" Zexion stuttered not realising that he just used incorrect grammar.
"You're right…I'll make you a sacrifice to the great gods of Wakachukanaka!!!"
"NOOO!!"
Axel felt an extreme amount of guilt eating away at him. He asked himself why Zexion was the one being sacrificed when it was him who killed Xemnas and Demyx and knocked out the coconuts out of the tree. "STOP!!"
Roxas turned around and looked at Axel with squinted eyes. "What do you want?"
"ZEXION DIDN'T CAUSE THE COCONUTS TO FALL OFF THE TREE!! I DID!!"
"Axel?" Larxene muttered in shock.
"I KILLED DEMYX AND XEMNAS!!"
"What are you talking about No.8?!!"
Axel turned around and saw Vexen, Luxord, Xemnas and Demyx…who were alive. "XEMNAS!! DEMYX!! YOU'RE ALIVE!!" Axel ran up to them and hugged them both.
"Yes of course we're alive! Will you stop hugging us?!" Xemnas ordered. Axel laughed sheepishly and let go of both of them. "Have you guys found Xion?"
"Well she's safe that's for sure" Larxene explained. "But when I called her it was spoon head who picked up the phone but don't worry he's called for help" Larxene didn't realise that Xemnas stopped listening after she said that Riku picked up the phone.
"Spoon head?" Xemnas grinded his teeth. "HE'S ALONE WITH XION?!!!"
"Hey at least she's safe!" Luxord reassured.
"That's good! They're still alive!" Roxas smiled. "But you, Axel of the world that never was!! You have made the earth God angry and now we shall make you a sacrifice!!"
"What are you guys doing?" A strangely familiar voice asked. The organization turned around and saw.
"WHERE DID YOU COME FROM?!!"
"You should've been at the hotel by now, poor Xion is worried sick!!" Scarlet yelled.
"Xion? Hotel?" The organization glanced at each other.
"Didn't you know? You guys bought the ship wreak package"
"Huh?"
"y'know…when the ship blows up near WONSTOPPSHUPHOLLYDAY Island and you guys have to find the hotel" Scarlet sighed.
"Oh so that's the package I bought" Vexen realised.
"VEXEN!!!"
"Wait? Who blew up the boat?" Zexion asked. "No wait…never mind"
"Actually" Scarlet explained. "Kano wanted to learn how to use explosives so he's been doing the ship wreak packages for practice to 'impress me and win my heart'…"
"ooooh" The organization said in sync.
"Now you guys going to the hotel or what? …AND ROXAS PUT SOME CLOTHES ON!!"
"Yes Scarlet!" Roxas sighed.
End
Xion: What's wrong with you people?! the hotel was like...a few metres away
Roxas: How were we supposed to know?
Xion: *face palm*
N-E: Until next time on Survivor!!! Zexion: It's called Secret Mission: Summer Vacation
N-E: I knew that