~12_Christmas~

~05: Sledding; Ice Skating~

~03~

Sunday, 10th of December

Six days before the end of term

"Oniichan! Onii~chan~!"

Akihiro turned around at the voice, "What is it, Yu--ommph"

"Oniichan fell for it again! Oniichan's silly~!"

Shaking the snow from where the snowball had impacted squarely against his face, Akihiro wiped his sleeve over his eyes to clear his vision and took a different pose, a mock-evil grin on his face as he waved his hands with attempted menace, "You've asked for it now, Yukari--! Oniichan's going to grab you and throw you in the snow and cover you with snowballs and turn you into a snowman! Is that what you want? Huh? Huh?"

"Kyaaa~, oniichan~~!" Yukari squealed in delight as Akihiro began to chase her around the park's snowy grassland.

The snow, having fallen heavily since around the beginning of the week, had finally abated for a while. The snow still lay thick on the ground but for once the sun shone in a clear sky, not that this made anybody feel any warmer; the stark light against the skeletons of trees felt cold in itself, though seasonal somehow. One week left before the schools let out for winter and then another week and a half before Christmas. Things were already starting to wind down in favour of the festive holiday; decorations had been up around the city since the beginning of the month and that Saturday, they'd put up the main Christmas tree and turned on the lights. Shops played well-known songs and children were a good way into their advent calendars; the sense that Christmas was approaching was starting to set in, a subtle kind of excitement that seemed to establish itself especially in those under the age of ten or so. This had the effect of rubbing off on older siblings who sometimes felt that by now they should know better, but nobody wanted to be responsible for spoiling Christmas for their little sister through a bad mood. Akihiro had no intention of this; just seeing Yukari's wide eyes whenever they saw new lights or decorations around the city made him feel a little more excited and he rather relished the feeling. It had been a long time since he'd been so excited about Christmas, but... Yukari was at the perfect age to believe. Santa Claus would come, reindeer would fly, she'd get wonderful presents... and in the meantime, they could run around the park throwing snowballs at each other. There didn't seem to be any better way in which to spend the weekend.

Shin had known previously that Akihiro had a little sister, but hadn't seen the two of them together before. Occasionally Akihiro had mentioned this Yukari - Shin doubted that this would be the name of a girlfriend and the more Akihiro mentioned her, the more obvious it seemed of their relation. Still, he'd never met the younger - Shin presumed she was younger - Jinguuji sibling and didn't know much of her other than her name. However, as he walked past the park on the way back to the train station having been at the Live House for some last-minute admin, he supposed that that girl hanging around Akihiro could be nobody but the aforementioned Yukari-chan.

She was definitely younger than Akihiro, in any case; Shin couldn't quite tell how old she might be but wouldn't have put her as any older than six or seven. She seemed energetic and good natured (if that could be said of any child who kept pelting their older brother with snowballs) and had long red hair down to her lower back; it appeared rather straggly, but if they'd been playing in the snow for any length of time Shin supposed it was just wet more than anything else. She wore a dark blue coat and a skirt with warm leggings and crunched around on the snow in pink wellingtons. And kept throwing snowballs at Akihiro, who both didn't seem to mind and hadn't noticed Shin stood there simply watching.

Anybody who'd seen Akihiro there like that might have been surprised; it was just one of those things that everybody at Seirei Gakuen knew - Akihiro was the rebellious type. He got into fights with people, argued with teachers, didn't do his homework, got detentions with the Student Council a lot. He said himself that he didn't like girls (and indeed, most of the girls of Seirei were quite frightened of him) and most boys seemed targets of stress relief rather than anything else. Shin knew that Akihiro's best friend was Keigo on the Student Council but to most this would have seemed quite strange; someone as quiet and unassuming as Keigo hanging around with someone so brutal and uncouth as Akihiro? The equation simply didn't seem to work in theory, but in practice they were as close as anyone. But the matter still stood that Akihiro was rough and violent, undignified and rude. Seeing him run around laughing and playing with his younger sister seemed like watching a tiger play with a ball of wool, it just didn't seem to make any kind of sense.

And yet he seemed happy. Perhaps that was the strangest thing of the situation; he laughed openly and picked Yukari up and swung her around, she squealed and he smiled and Shin wasn't sure he'd ever seen such an open expression on Akihiro's face before. He was used to other things; irritation, anger, mocking, lust... but Akihiro just didn't seem like the type who smiled. He never seemed to have anything to smile about, but... with his younger sister? Akihiro couldn't seem to stop. Shin knew he was being quite blatant, just stood at the entrance like that... but both Jinguuji siblings seemed too preoccupied to notice him or indeed anything else about their surroundings.

Shin thought momentarily of his own siblings, loathe as he usually felt to do so. Being the youngest at seventeen, his family was long beyond anything like the scene in front of him. Even at his youngest, his older brother and sister had been too old to want to spend time with a child, and then the middle brother-...

Feeling a sharp distress he simply didn't want to cope with at that moment, Shin brushed his thoughts aside in the way he'd grown used to as he leant on one of the railings marking the edge of the park, simply watching. He didn't have anything else to do and watching Akihiro seemed like as good a way to fill the time as any. Seeing someone he thought he knew well in such a different situation, Shin simply couldn't take his eyes off of the scene, not caring what that might have implied.

It took about fifteen minutes before Shin was noticed at all. Strangely, it was Yukari who noticed first; she pointed an outstretched gloved finger at Shin in a way that made him wonder if she objected to his presence, saying something to Akihiro. Probably 'who is that strange person and why do they keep watching us', Shin supposed. Akihiro looked up and just for noticing Shin, his manner seemed to change; he stood up straight and his body seemed to tense somewhat. The smile faded quickly. Shin supposed that this situation had no place for him and so made to walk away, but found himself prevented by a small hand grabbing the edge of his jacket.

"... You're that singer, aren't you?"

Shin turned around and looked down at the girl, noticing on close quarters that there was simply no way this child could be mistaken as anything but a relative of Akihiro's. As she looked up at him, Shin felt surprised by the intensity in her eyes, the same shade as Akihiro's own... and when she grinned up at him, it felt terribly similar. Realising that he'd been asked a question, Shin cleared his throat and wondered how exactly he was supposed to reply; he didn't have a lot of experience with such young children, let alone ones who actually spoke to him.

"Ahm, uhm, that is... I'm a singer, yes..."

"Akihiro-oniichan's always listening to you! I've seen your picture in his bedroom. Shi--... Si... Sinky! Thinko? Shiro!"

"M-my band's name is Synchro. I'm Nishimura Shin, the lead singer."

"I'm Jinguuji Yukari! Very pleased to meet you!"

"U-uh, n-nice to meet you too."

As Yukari bowed enthusiastically, Shin noted Akihiro approaching the two of them. He didn't look very pleased and Shin didn't blame him; not that Akihiro ever looked pleased to see him - and the emotion was usually shared - in the first place, but... neither of them had seen each other over the weekend, the time before that being the kind of thing Shin usually thought best forgotten. He'd spent Friday evening in the coffee shop with Keigo and Akihiro and that had been nice enough - Keigo was always a good conversationalist when you actually cornered him into it and he was probably the only person able to hold Akihiro back - but before that...? It was that kind of thing that, Shin supposed, caused that frown on Akihiro's face. If Akihiro didn't want to see him then he likely definitely didn't want him anywhere near his little sister.

It was interesting that Yukari had seen his picture before in Akihiro's bedroom, though. Shin had been inside Akihiro's bedroom once or twice and didn't recall anything like that, which meant that whatever pictures he had were either a new addition or secret, and if they were secret, wasn't that intriguing?... Then again, Tatsuya often said that he liked to make Synchro collages in his spare time and that his bedroom was covered in these. Shin didn't doubt him and had no desire to find out the truth.

Akihiro approached Shin, picking up Yukari easily and holding her legs under one arm as she threw her arms around his neck and shoulders. The resemblance was quite striking but Shin didn't think that this was the time or the place for such observations.

"... Jinguuji."

"Nishimura. Strange time for you to be out and about, isn't it?"

"Not particularly. I had some business to tend to at the Live House. Seems like I'm interrupting a family outing... I suppose this must be the Yukari-chan you've mentioned in the past. She couldn't be anything but your sister... she's a cute child. Shame what they grow into, isn't it?" Shin punctuated this last point with a meaningful smirk aimed directly at Akihiro.

The steely look in Akihiro's eyes didn't face, "I'm not in the mood, Nishimura."

Yukari looked between her brother and this new person, "... I thought you and Akihiro-oniichan were friends?"

"Yukari, I never said that I was friends with this--"

"But oniichan, you're always talking about him and saying about how you've seen him at school and go to his concerts and have recordings of his music and manage to get in even when you don't have a ticket and wonder if you'll see him and if you'll go anywhere and if you can invite him back home, isn't that what you do with friends? We're not doing anything today, I'm sure mother'd be really happy if you brought a friend home! We could play games, it'd be lots of fun!"

As Yukari spoke, Akihiro seemed to develop a strange kind of blush; Shin only smirked and folded his arms, eyebrow quite raised. Akihiro put Yukari down quickly, "... Yukari-chan, didn't you say you wanted to build a snowman today? You go and get started, I'll come catch you up in a bit. Stay where I can see you. I just need to... talk to Nishimura about something, okay?"

"Doing private things again... oniichan'd better help else I'll cry!"

"I'll just be right here, I'm not going anywhere...! I'll be over in a few minutes."

"Promise?"

"I promise, honestly. Now, go make a big snowman...!"

Yukari nodded enthusiastically as Akihiro patted her shoulder and then shot off to the middle of the park where the thickest snow lay. Akihiro watched as she went and then went to stand on the same side of the railings as Shin, keeping his eye on his sister. Shin nodded agreement at the situation, "She really is a cute kid."

"She is, isn't she..."

"How old is she now?"

"I was thirteen when she was born, so... she's coming up to seven in a few months. She's growing up pretty quickly..."

"Quite sad really. She looks a lot like you. Other than that, she's adorable!"

Akihiro hit Shin roughly on the shoulder, "Don't say something like that. I guess we both get it from mother, though. She's actually my half-sister."

"Oh..."

Shin didn't press the questions in his mind and Akihiro made no move to answer them himself. Shin knew that Akihiro lived with his mother and sister but didn't know anything else about the situation and supposed that, really, it wasn't any of his business. However, there were other things that Shin couldn't help but feel were his business, perhaps. Remembering what Yukari had said, Shin's smirk returned.

"She said you've got pictures of me in your bedroom."

Akihiro ran his gloved hand over his face with an annoyed expression, "Little idiot doesn't know when to keep her mouth shut..."

Shin's tone became more self-confident as he went on, "Always talking about me, hm? Seeing me at school or at the events... about how you've got recordings of mine, how you even sneak in to see me...! Wondering if you'll see me, wondering if we'll go places together, wanting to invite me back home?! My my, Jinguuji. My my."

Akihiro felt that if he blushed any harder he'd match his hair colour, "She doesn't know what she's talking about."

"Oh, I don't know, she sounded rather sure to me... and she's right, isn't she? That's the kind of thing you do with friends, isn't it? Though isn't it a bit strange when you're thinking of a friend that much, when you're talking about them so much that even your six-year-old sister notices something...? I'm just saying."

"Yeah, well, don't, okay? Anyway. If you don't got nothing else to say then I'll see you in school, 'kay?" Still seeming irritated by his blush, Akihiro made to walk back over to where Yukari was currently gathering handfuls of snow in an attempt to form a snowman's body.

"W-wait."

"Hm?"

Shin didn't realise he'd reached out to grab Akihiro's shoulder until the motion was over and then, as Akihiro looked back at him, he wasn't completely sure why he'd done that. Why he wanted Akihiro to wait. Why he had that sort of feeling that he wanted to spend more time with Akihiro, chat with him, tease him and annoy him in that way he always did. See what Yukari-chan's snowman looked like in the end, if it got made. Otherwise, he'd only be going home and he didn't have anything to do back there... maybe watch television, play a computer game, attempt some homework? None of that seemed particularly appealing. Wasn't it better to be out in the snow...? Shin faltered, "... I-... don't... want to go home just yet..."

Akihiro shrugged Shin's hand away, "I'm not stopping you. Do what you like."

He walked off to join Yukari; Shin stood there for a few moments, feeling awkward. Maybe this brother-sister outing wasn't something to be disturbed after all.

"... If it snows properly at Christmas we can make a snowman, alright?"

"Really? We really can?"

"Of course! We'll roll the snow together, and give him a proper face and a jacket and everything...! Won't that be fun, Shin?"

Shin smiled at nothing in particular, remembering things. He gripped gloved hands against the railings. Of course, things didn't last for that long. By Christmas, it was already over. They had a big garden and they could have made a snowman, but... not then, not after that. All of the things they'd promised seemed too far away, impossibly far away at that point. Since then, some things had been recovered... but not everything. There were still broken promises that couldn't be fixed. Shin shuddered powerfully, this was too much; usually he got through the day without thinking of that at all but now that had been twice in a short space of time... that damn Jinguuji's fault. Playing all happily with his little sister. How dare he do something so innocent like that? That wasn't like him, not at all...! Doing something so warm and caring, wrapped up against the cold weather... Shin was as wrapped up as he usually was but felt cold for it somehow. Like he couldn't stop shivering. He recognized the feeling and that made up his mind for him; he walked back over to where Akihiro and Yukari were throwing snow together for the snowman.

Shin stood with his arms folded, "... That's like no snowman I've ever seen."

"Haven't you gone already?"

"I felt like imposing in on your time. Or do you really hate me that much?"

Akihiro threw another handful of snow against the base, "... Nishimura..."

Yukari appeared from around the other side of the snowman, the pile of snow already big enough to obscure her where she knelt against it. "It's okay if we all work together, isn't it? Then we can get it built quicker!"

Shin dropped to a crouch and picked up some snow with both hands and a knowing smile, "Can't ignore a lady, can I?"

Akihiro sighed harshly but held his tongue, not wanting to get too openly angry at Shin in the presence of his little sister. Of course, it was her letting her mouth off that made him feel half of that anger in the first place - he didn't blame Yukari at all, she didn't know that you weren't supposed to say that kind of thing to a person, but still... that made things awkward between him and Shin, if nothing else. Their relationship was essentially one built on distance, what were you supposed to do with stupid things like that added to the equation? Akihiro already hated himself for all of those things in the first place... it didn't seem like a good time of year for things to be kept secret. Yukari telling Shin that kind of thing... him finding out about Shin and Tatsuya... Tatsuya knowing about him and Shin... and those things still hurt and the pain didn't ease for Shin being sat next to him on that Sunday afternoon. After the events of that Friday Akihiro had hoped that he'd have the weekend free, or at least free from Shin... but it seemed like that was too much to ask for.

Despite the unspoken feelings in the group, the three of them did manage to get the snowman built to some kind of finished standard. They hadn't brought anything to make a face with but Akihiro managed to find some stones in a flower border, and they did the job nicely enough. They all took photos of the snowman on their phones. Yukari decided that his name was ShiroShiro-san and wanted him to stay there for as long as was possible, though both Shin and Akihiro knew that the likelihood of a snowman staying in a public place for longer than a few days was quite unlikely. Still, if that was what Yukari wanted to believe...

After the snowman was finished, they all stood back to admire their creation, haphazard as it was. Shin glanced down at Yukari, "... You were kneeling in the snow all that time... aren't you cold, wearing a skirt like that?"

She shook her head enthusiastically and reached down to pick something out of the snow; apparently she hadn't knelt on the snow at all. Though the snow had quite gathered around it, the wooden sledge still seemed quite sturdy. Akihiro walked around to help her pick it up; when lifted out of the snow, it was about the same height of Yukari and built out of some light kind of wood. Shin raised one eyebrow, he hadn't seen a sledge like that for quite some time.

"You have a sledge?"

"Figured if the snow was heavy enough we could go up the rise and sled down it. Would be better if we had some proper hills in this city but hey, whatever. Besides, with smaller slopes I guess it's not as dangerous, huh?"

"Daddy got me this!"

"Y-yeah. Yeah, he did. Anyway, Yukari-chan! Want to play on the sled now? Gonna go racing along...?"

"Only if oniichan pushes me hard enough~~!"

Again, Shin felt oddly separate from Akihiro's sudden glee. He silently followed Akihiro and Yukari through the park, beyond the trees to the steps that led up the only real hill of the area. In the summer this area was good for picnics and other such activities but when covered in snow, sledding seemed the best opportunity. The trees were mainly to the side and the bottom of the hill was just more snow-covered grass, which Akihiro duly noted; he didn't want to send the sled crashing into anything, after all.

Shin stood to the side as Akihiro helped Yukari position herself on the sledge before giving her a firm, comfortable shove to send her down the slope. She squealed happily as she skidded down, eventually coming to halt in a snowdrift a little way along from the bottom; this only seemed to amuse her, though. She waved back up to Akihiro and Shin to signify that she'd made it; Akihiro waved back, a strangely sad smile on his face.

"Jinguuji?"

"Hm?"

"... You had a strange look on your face. Should we go and help her out of that snow? There's quite a lot of it..."

"She's pretty hardy, she'll be fine."

Indeed, she didn't seem like she particularly objected to the snowdrift nor did it seem like she was in a hurry to go again on the sled. Shin laughed gently, "She seems pretty content like that."

"She does, doesn't she..." A slight sigh, "It's pretty depressing how many guys she calls 'daddy' though. Makes me sick."

Again, Shin felt awkward for not having any effective way to reply to that, "... Oh?"

"Mother's pretty horrible when it comes to that. 'This is your daddy, Yukari-chan!'... a few months later, 'Daddy's changed quite a bit, Yukari-chan...!' or 'This is your new daddy, he's much better than the one you had before!' and just expects Yukari to put up with it 'cause she's too young to know any better. Probably fucking that kid's head up so hard and she doesn't even notice it. Hell, Yukari herself probably doesn't even get it. She's used to it, mother swapping boyfriends on a whim... she'd probably think it weird that people had stable fathers at all, if you told her."

"... And her actual father?" Shin found himself curious.

Akihiro just shrugged, "Fuck knows. Seven years of boyfriends is practically epic when it comes to mother. Could be anywhere by now I guess."

"... And your father?"

"Died when I was eleven."

Knowing little on Akihiro's home life, this came as something as a surprise to Shin. He'd known that Akihiro lived with his mother and had learnt that he lived with his sister as well, but had never really wondered about what'd happened to the absent Jinguuji patriarch... Akihiro had never mentioned it and Shin had never asked. Maybe Akihiro's mother had never got married, maybe she didn't know who the father was. Maybe they'd just split up. Something like that. Things like that weren't uncommon these days. But, the truth was that he'd died...? When Akihiro was eleven... Shin quickly thought back. He hadn't really been aware of Akihiro back then, they hadn't ended up in the same year at school until they'd got to Seirei Gakuen and Akihiro had been held back for that one year... but it was still strange to think that that kind of thing had happened to someone he now knew so well, or something like... someone he spent a lot of time with, at least. That something like that had happened...

Well. He had his own experiences he was quite sure people who were at school with him around that time would have been shocked to know. They all had their own crosses to bear.

"That's--... I--... I'm sorry, Jinguuji."

"Eh, you don't gotta be, it's not your fault. Ages back now. Think I coped with it better than mother did, anyway... jumping from guy to guy like that. Doesn't seem like anyone wants to stick around for a past-it lush with kids. Can't really blame 'em. She can get pretty psycho sometimes."

Akihiro didn't say much more on the situation, then heading down the hill to help Yukari finish digging the sledge out of the snowdrift. They brought it back up together and Shin just watched as she rode the sledge down the slope several more times. Then Akihiro jumped on alongside her, the two of them happy enough to be doing something like that... Shin hugged himself tightly. Seemed like it was a nice thing to have an older brother who liked doing that sort of thing with you. Despite anything else, Akihiro seemed like, oddly enough, a rather caring and protective older brother; Shin couldn't see anything threatening Yukari without Akihiro making himself involved, and all praise to him for that. Shin couldn't help but mention this on one of the times Yukari and Akihiro returned, now quite exhausted from climbing the hill and wet from landing in the snow drifts.

"Hey, Yukari-chan. You're pretty lucky to have a cool older brother, aren't you?"

"Akihiro-oniichan's the best!"

"Just the right age. You wouldn't get my brother pushing me in the snow anymore. Or my sister."

Akihiro looked up with slight interest, "You've got siblings?"

"A brother and a sister, but it's nothing like you two. I'm the baby of the family... they're both off starting families and holding prolific office jobs now. Even when I was a child they were too old to really have time playing with a kid."

Yukari looked up with wide eyes, "... That's really sad..."

Shin waved one hand, "It's alright, I'm used to it. But Yukari-chan should be glad."

She watched Shin for a few moments before suddenly running to where Akihiro stood, tugging on his coat to indicate she wanted him to listen to something. He picked her up deftly, letting her lean in to whisper in his ear. Shin watched them with slight interest, unable to hear what Yukari was saying. Whatever it was, it didn't seem to please Akihiro. When she was finished he put her down, "I'm not doing something like that..."

"Oh, please! Oniichan! Please? Please! Pleeaaseee...?"

"What did she say?"

Akihiro walked over to Shin and pushed him roughly in the direction of the sledge, seeming to imply that he wanted Shin to get on it. Yukari just watched with a bright expression.

"Because it's sad that you don't have a cool older brother like me to push you on a sledge, she volunteered me to take up the slack. How's about that, Nishimura? Ready to call me 'oniichan' just yet?"

Having expected some kind of rise out of Shin for that, Akihiro was quite surprised that, sat on the sledge like that, Shin just seemed to freeze.

"... O... nii... cha... n..."

"Oniichan--! Oniii~chan!"

"What time is it--... jeez, Shin, it's far too early...! What is it?"

"Will oniichan make it snow today?"

"... It's April."

"But I want it to snow--!"

"... Okay, okay. I'll try and make it snow for you today, but don't blame me if it doesn't, okay?"

"Oniichan can do anything--!"

"Y-yeah well, I wouldn't say something like that... but I'll try, okay? Now, go back to sleep. If you don't sleep you'll never grow up...!"

Feeling slightly weirded out at how Shin had said that word (and without any kind of argument), Akihiro quickly shoved Shin down the slope to try and distract him. He'd had that vacant kind of sound in his voice, the sort of sound that reminded Akihiro of times he simply didn't want to be thinking about in that moment, not on a calm Sunday afternoon and definitely not with Yukari around. It seemed that Shin found his voice again as he realised he was moving; despite himself, he couldn't seem to help but to cry out as he shot down the hill, eventually coming into the now rather dilapidated snow drift at the bottom of the hill. He toppled over and took the sled with him, unable to help but to laugh. How long had it been since he'd done something unashamedly fun like that? Things like swings and slides and sledges seemed like so much fun when you were a child, when was it that you stopped doing or enjoying those things...? He picked himself and the sledge up, bringing it back up to the Jinguuji siblings.

"... It's amazing how fun something like that is when you haven't done it for a long time."

Akihiro laughed, "Nishimura actually says that something is fun? Stop the press, Mr Apathy enjoyed something. Good god."

"You were squealing just as much."

"I'm being a responsible big brother, I'm allowed to. Anyway, I'll push you again if you want."

Shin deliberated on this for a moment before deciding that there was no harm in being childish for an afternoon. He wordlessly sat back down on the sledge, feeling the pressure of Akihiro's hands against his back, feeling the wood beneath him shift against the ground... and then, just as the sled started to take momentum, he felt an extra pressure and suddenly Akihiro's hands were around him and both of them went careering off down the hill into the snowdrift; the first thing he was really aware of once the world stopped rushing past him was Yukari calling energetic encouragement to the two of them from the top of the slope and that, in falling off the sledge, he and Akihiro had rather fallen together in a writhing mass of snow and sledge and limbs. He heard Akihiro whisper somewhere above his ear, "... You even end up in shameless positions with my little sister around. Remind me not to invite you round my house again."

Akihiro made to get up and retrieve the sledge again but was stopped by Shin's hands at his jacket.

"... Wait."

Akihiro paused, "Hm? You're not really going to say something stupid now, are you?"

"N-no, just..."

Shin didn't seem to want to finish his sentence. Akihiro sat up, "Just what?"

"... Last time we were in the snow you were all angry..."

"Nishimura, shut up. I don't need to think about that."

Shin glanced to the side, "... It's nicer when it's like this. All laid-back and... and comfortable..."

It seemed that saying something like that was enough to spark Akihiro into that angry sort of silence he sometimes had. Without saying anything else he got up off of Shin, picked up the sledge and took it back up to Yukari. It took Shin a few moments to realise that he was lacking Akihiro's warmth and then to see that Akihiro was already making his way back up the hill... he watched with a little confusion for a few moments.

If Akihiro really did like him as much as Yukari had seemed to say, then wasn't it better to be comfortable? It had felt like that, a little. Speeding down the hill being held by somebody like that. Was that what it was like to have a caring big brother? Or, more in this case, at least somebody you cared for, who you cared about...

Not that Shin cared about Akihiro. Of course not. Certainly not. Would never even consider such a thing. None of that explained that distant feeling establishing itself again as Shin eventually followed up the hill again. He watched as Akihiro and Yukari went down on the sledge a few more times, suddenly feeling that maybe he was really imposing after all... but at the same time, as much as maybe he was, he couldn't bring himself to leave. Even if it was just watching that kind of thing, it was just interesting to see Akihiro act like that. Even if it did bring back memories that weren't bad in themselves, but... still...

****

It was around half past nine that evening when Shin's mobile phone went off.

He was sat at the desk in his bedroom, the curtain open and the lights off. Having nothing better to do, he'd taken to doing some of the schoolwork due in for when they went back after the new year; the solitary light in his room came from the desk lamp just above him, so he was distracted by his phone, sat to the side, suddenly going off. He stared at it for a few seconds, making no move to answer it. Who'd phone him at this time? Who'd phone him full stop? Maybe one of the guys from the band wanting to go over something before the end-of-year concert... Shin sighed, he wasn't in the mood for that sort of conversation. Maybe some girl who'd got his number, shy and blushing and why would they be calling at this time of night? Maybe they'd spent that long working up the courage. Or maybe it was Tatsuya, "another call just to say I love you~~!"...

Shin was therefore rather surprised when he picked up the phone and noticed the caller was in fact Akihiro. Akihiro never called him. Shin had only picked up Akihiro's number in the first place to be able to proposition him with more ease when they were on separate sides of the school and Shin had ten minutes before his next class...

As much as he stared at the phone, Akihiro didn't ring off. Supposing all he could do was to answer the phone, Shin did so.

"Jinguuji, what are you phoning me at this time of night for?"

"And 'hi' to you too. Look, uh, I... I just wanted to say, uh..."

"This sounds ominous."

"Shut up. Uh, that is... I thought..."

"Must be something bad to have you stuttering like a blushing schoolgirl."

Shin half expected Akihiro to hang up at that, but instead it seemed to give Akihiro whatever courage he needed to say what he'd phoned to say in the first place.

"... Sometime we should go to the park with the sledge just the two of us without Yukari what do you think?"

"I didn't get a word of that. Try speaking slowly."

Shin could practically hear Akihiro's blush, "... Sometime, just you and me, we should go to the park. Without Yukari. With the sledge. What do you think?"

"Hmn, I don't know... even going to a quiet place like that with Jinguuji is still like being on a date, isn't it? I don't really make a policy of going on dates with guys..."

"Stop sounding so fucking self-satisfied, Nishimura. You'd go anywhere if Kudou dragged you and I wasn't the one saying about how being in the snow with me was comfortable or whatever the fuck it was you were saying back then, so don't you dare spout off shit like that after knowing what you said."

"I--..."

Shin was silent for a long time, long enough for Akihiro to wonder if he'd put the phone down and left it just for the amusement of Akihiro using up all his calltime minutes.

"Nishimura, you still there?"

This time it took a while for Shin to develop his own sense of courage, "... Hey, Akihiro..."

"Don't start with that again."

"No, listen. Uh. If--... if you... only ever promise me one thing... right? T-then... promise me you'll... never ask me, even if you're just joking, to... to call you 'oniichan' again."

Akihiro frowned, barely remembering that anything like that had happened in the first place; he had a dim recollection of saying something like that while they were on the hill... ah yes, after Shin had said that Yukari had been lucky to have a cool big brother, or whatever it'd been that he'd said. And then Shin had gone strange, hadn't he... Akihiro remembered that and felt a sudden misgiving, like he'd overstepped a boundary or something. If it was enough to make Shin act strange and more still to make a serious request like that then it had to be something Shin felt strongly about, surely... Akihiro gulped. He knew he'd been rather insensitive to Shin in the past but every time he was insensitive, it made him all the more determined to try to be sensitive when the situation next arose, not that it ever really did. He and Shin were more likely to end up in an argument than anything else. Still, why would something like that be the one that would make Shin talk seriously? It didn't seem to make a lot of sense but Akihiro supposed that it was all he could do to respect Shin's privacy and not poke his nose into the matter.

"Uh, sure? I, I mean, I promise. Didn't mean anything by it before, just with what you were saying to Yukari..."

"I meant it."

"Huh?"

"She is lucky. Having an older brother like you."

"Well, thanks..."

"But you're not my brother, Akihiro. So don't ever try to suggest it."

Another frown, "You already said that your brother was way older than you anyway, didn't you? Successful office job or whatever. What's that got to do with me?"

"... Nothing. You're right. Forget I said anything."

"... Okay..."

A long silence.

"... I wouldn't mind if we went to the park together though. I... I'd enjoy that."

Akihiro's smile was practically audible, "Thought you would."

"... Was that all you wanted to say?"

"Uh? Uh, I guess..."

"Well. Goodnight, then."

"G-goodnight--"

Shin turned the phone off and put it back on the small shelf where it'd sat before.

Honestly. They hadn't settled on dates or times or anything but they'd practically organized a date date... Shin shook his head, that wasn't their style at all. Quick moments stolen during schooltime, that was what they were used to... maybe that was part of why it'd seemed so strange to see Akihiro with Yukari in the first place. Shin knew that he didn't really look at Akihiro for anything more than that... so seeing him do something so domestic and caring, that had just seemed so different and so bizarre... and yet, attractive somehow. Knowing that Akihiro had it in him to look after a kid sister - and he'd seemed so angry while talking about his mother... Shin hadn't said anything but felt that maybe, given Akihiro's mother's behaviour, Akihiro was probably the one main male influence Yukari had. And usually Shin would have thought this a bad thing, but... now, not so much. Akihiro had that kind of blind determination. Shin wasn't sure how he'd cope with a younger sister or a younger sibling of any kind... but with it having been seventeen years since the last Nishimura child was born Shin was quite sure that this wasn't something he'd have to concern himself with.

"... Where's... oniichan...?"

A warm embrace quite uncharacteristic of his mother. "Oh, Shin... Shin, Shin... my beautiful son..."

"I--... mother? Why--... why are you crying...?"

"Shin... don't worry. You don't have to worry anymore. He won't be able to hurt you anymore. We won't let him."

"M-mother?!"

"It... it was just a bad dream. We'll be alright, just the five of us... oniichan's a long way away now. We'll look after you. We love you, Shin."

It seemed like that kind of thought only ever occurred in this sort of situation. When Shin was alone, when his thoughts wandered, when something had reminded him. He didn't exactly feel like crying but the faint sense of nausea he always felt when remembering what had happened with his middle brother brought on a keening sense of loneliness, of promises broken and illusions shattered. He could fear the tears anyway. It would have been alright to cry, it wasn't like anybody would have disturbed him even if they'd heard him, but Shin felt long past crying about the situation. He couldn't help a bodily reaction. That was usually the sign Shin took as saying that he should go to bed; Shin packed away his pens and the book he'd been writing in, turning off his desk light and going to the window to look outside; it had started snowing again. Likely that would replenish the snowdrifts the three of them had destroyed over the course of the day.

Shin smiled gently, sadly.

"Oniichan... Akihiro's nothing like you, is he?"

Even as he spoke the words out loud, Shin knew he was lying. Rather than being different they were similar, too similar, they were practically the same--

Closing the curtains, Shin stopped that line of thought. He simply wouldn't allow himself to think of such things.

~end of chapter three~