Thanks to BK2U for editing this Outtake!
I stare at his date.
She's hideous.
Well, not really.
But kind of.
I mean, I've seen worse crawling around Dauntless. I've been there a few times, Jeanine having brought me along with her. Each time, I'd found myself surrounded by the visually offensive reminders of what Eric had left me for. They had all looked so altered. Piercings here and there, unnaturally colored hair, and disturbingly tacky clothing; a garish display of too tight, overly-revealing outfits that practically screamed for attention. His attention.
It had made me miss the refinement of Erudite. Luckily, Jeanine's visits there have been rare.
Tonight was supposed to be one of my favorite nights. Working closely with Jeanine has meant that I always attend every banquet and dinner with her. Every meeting she has I come along with her, including the most recent exclusive luncheons where she mostly talked to the stoic scientists about her current project. I always listen carefully, knowing that all information is useful.
But tonight, tonight I will see him.
Eric is the only imperfection in my life.
He's the only problem that I can't apply any sort of logic to solving. I grew up knowing him, sharing classes with him, and he was the first boy who made my heart skip a beat. Even at a young age, Eric was rather calculated. There was a dangerous air that seemed to surround him. He was always very focused, selective about who he associated with, and precise with his choice of words when he made the rare decision to bestow them.
He is smart, so much smarter than I could ever hope to be. And I regularly scored high enough to be considered one of the smartest in the class. But Eric's intelligence is different; it's a sort of lethal genius that intimidates most people. Especially if you talk with him and he doesn't like you. He and I had sort of bonded over some of our later exams, but it wasn't until we were about to choose our factions that we fell into bed together.
He was just as focused as a lover, even more so when he realized the effects his actions had. I could almost see the way his mind worked. Calculating and cataloging every touch, mentally noting what worked and what didn't.
I wasn't brokenhearted when he chose Dauntless. I knew he wasn't happy in Erudite; he was far too smart and restless, and I knew he was growing distracted. I'd also seen a few of the higher-level teachers whispering in his ear. I wasn't blind, either. He'd been groomed for something bigger, and I had no place in his future life.
Our relationship of sorts had continued even after he transferred to Dauntless. Gone was the more slender frame he'd once had. He'd never been scrawny, but now he was brutally built. His muscles were solid, and my stomach dropped every time I saw him. He visited Erudite quite often, his eyes perusing me up and down before he entered Jeanine's office. He never forgot about me, and I knew he never would.
Until tonight.
When he showed up with her.
She doesn't really look like any member of Dauntless I've ever seen. Her hair is long and dark, parts of it braided and twisted into this long ponytail pulled off to the side. She has large eyes, pretty pale skin, and she is tiny. Really little compared to him. Which makes me frown. I'm not quite as tall as Eric, but I am taller than most girls. This one barely comes up to his chest.
Her dress is pretty, nothing special and nothing expensive. I can only assume she purchased it in Dauntless with the help of some girlfriend living out some fairytale fantasy. It's longer and not quite as fitted as I'd expect someone from Dauntless to wear.
Worst of all is that they both look happy. Well, she looks happy and Eric looks pleased. I've seen that expression on his face before, on a few rare occasions. Once when he corrected one of our higher-level teachers, and once when the second smartest kid in our class had a nervous breakdown before our final exams.
She is stuck to his side, and I try to control the bitter taste of jealousy that's burning in my throat. I refuse to admit it's jealousy, but I know full well that it is. She's pressed against him, and my eyes are glued to his hands, his slender fingers toying with the strap on her dress. As though he's got half a mind to push it off her shoulder, and he's only controlling himself because he's here in the middle of this banquet room.
His head tilts towards her, and his grey eyes, which used to focus on my face, are now fixed on her. I watch as his lips quirk up and his gaze drops to her neck, spotted with faint red marks. His eyes trail upwards then, landing on her mouth.
It's all I need to see to know he's slept with her.
I find her in the bathroom.
She looks so fucking pleased, so delightfully happy to be standing here that I can't help but scowl. I know why she's happy and it makes me furious. Eric had never promised me any happily ever after, but I never saw this coming.
"She's from Amity," Jeanine had told me, her words cool in my ear. I almost recoiled at the thought. Is that what he's into now? Little virginal farm girls? Maybe she slipped him some peace serum and that's why he's been looking at her with such a dizzied expression.
I walked by their table on my way to the bathroom, hoping to catch Eric's eyes. I was waiting for him to wink at me, to reveal that this was all a big joke, that Max had forced him to bring someone and this girl was the best thing he could come up with. But he didn't. He didn't even bother to look up from his discussion with Max.
My heart leapt to my throat when I saw the placard with their names on it. It was next to his drink, shoved out of the way to make room for their salad plates.
Mr. and Mrs. Eric Coulter.
It left me dumbfounded. There was no way she was actually married to him. I felt my teeth grit together. It was a mistake, it had to be.
Now she's staring at me, her eyes wide and pretty, and she smiles.
I narrow my eyes at her. She must be kidding. I don't know if she knows who I am, but I'll make damned sure she does.
"Are you really Eric's date?" The words slip out of my mouth before I can stop them, but they don't sound as bitchy as I wish they did. Part of me is pleased that I've kept my cool, and part of me wants to suggest she board the next train back to Farmville.
"I am," she answers, and she says it so sincerely that I could throw up.
"Interesting." I don't mean to say the word aloud, but I do. "He's never brought anyone with him before. Ever."
I wait for her to say something, but she simply shrugs. Maybe Eric's fucked her into a mental oblivion, but she simply averts her stare as though she knows better than to answer. Her silence only makes me angrier. I want answers. I want the cold, hard facts about why he's brought her. I want a detailed report on what she's done with him, how she's gotten him to look at her the way he does, and how she convinced him to go along with the fantasy that they are married.
I swallow and feel my lips turn up into a wide, fake smile. "It's cute that you look so happy next to him." I pause, letting the words hang in the air for a moment. "Too bad he'll be done with you soon."
I wait for my words to scare her, for her eyes to widen and her face to reflect her fear of losing her temporary position beside Eric. But instead, she looks mildly irritated.
"Oh, really?" Her voice is annoying, far too sweet.
I cock my head to the side, and my eyes narrow in glee at Amity's response to my taunting. "I know who you are. And I know what you're thinking. How you'll be the one to change him." I pull myself up to my full height, and I look down my nose at her. "Don't be too devastated, little girl, when he doesn't fall in love with you."
My words are harsh and cruel, and for a brief moment, rather satisfying. I want her to feel the same sharpness that I do; the same uneasy ache that won't leave my stomach. She'll feel it. When he's had enough of her inexperience and her stupid, innocent stares.
"And who exactly are you?" she asks carefully.
I can feel my face fall the tiniest bit. "Ashley." I toss my hair behind my shoulder, hoping my tone conveys my disbelief that she doesn't know who I am. I'm practically a part of Eric's entire existence. "Jeanine's assistant."
She smiles, unimpressed, or maybe just too stupid to connect the dots. "I think you can go ahead." She motions as a woman walks by us, and I hate her so much more after talking to her.
I glare at her, my anger burning in my veins so furiously that I could spit acid, before I walk away from her.
I watch them leave together, his hand on her lower back and his head tilted towards her. I can make out the freshness of his haircut, knowing exactly how soft the sides of his hair are, and I know just how much work it takes for him to keep it in place. I watch his form retreat, the broad span of his shoulders and his finely-tailored slacks.
I don't feel the panic until his hand moves off of her back and his fingers find hers. For a moment they brush against hers, nothing more than two coworkers accidentally bumping up against each other while walking. Until he slips his fingers between hers, pressing his palm flat with her own.
My stomach hurts so sharply in that moment, for Eric has never held my hand.
Jeanine officially announces their marriage during one of our meetings, and I have to try very hard to stay still.
She reads the email with much disdain, but she tries to sound pleasant. The marriage of a faction leader is a rather big deal. Not just because they'll probably be expected to produce the next wave of future leaders, but because Eric is now woefully distracted.
"I'll send a message of congratulations from all of us," Jeanine states.
I know what she's thinking. I've spent countless hours working beside her, watching her frantically email Eric in a progressively threatening manner. She never held back. It didn't matter what she wanted or needed, she wanted his answer right then and there.
But she can't control this, and her tight smile tells me she's already tried to think of a way with no success.
If Eric's marriage had thrown Jeanine off, it had messed with my mind on a whole other level.
Mostly because his wife's name is on the list I've typed up and forwarded to Jeanine.
I'd hesitated for the briefest of moments when I saw her name come across my report. My chest had tightened in some sort of odd manner, as though typing her name was wrong of me. Her percentage of Divergence was low, drastically so. Three percent was hardly enough to make her a traitor. It was far more likely that she had held onto some fondness for her friends or family that resided in Amity, and it had shown up as the tiniest blip during her aptitude test.
My fingers had hovered over the keyboard.
I could leave her off of it. Pretend I didn't see her results until after I'd sent it. But there's no point. Her name would eventually make its way to Jeanine, and I'd simply get reamed for not noticing it sooner.
Her last name is different on the aptitude test, but it's appropriately marked as Coulter on my list. It's written in bold lettering, noting that she's the spouse of someone important.
I stare at the last name on the paper, mentally saying it over and over. It isn't fair at all that she's married to him. I still don't quite believe it; in fact, a large part of me thinks it might be some sort of error. I keep waiting for him to email me with some rational explanation of why she was with him, but it doesn't come.
If I close my eyes I can still see him, his slate eyes flashing down at mine, and his mouth biting my bottom lip.
I type her name first on the list.
I look up Eric's marriage license and paperwork.
I know that it might look suspicious, and I don't even have a good reason for why I might possibly need the information. But I'm not deterred. After a few clicks, I turn off the security monitoring on my computer, and if Jeanine asks about that, I'll just say I was looking up something for her.
I type the generic username and password that lets me into the archive of census reports. I select a faction, my chest tightening as I click on Dauntless, and I type in his name.
Coulter, Eric
His profile pops up within seconds. I scan past the photo of him looking like he's sneering at the camera, and I scan down the page quickly. I know most of his information by heart, and there's nothing too new that's been added to it. His age is listed, followed by his current residence and my stomach drops when her name is listed as his spouse. For a moment, it hurts too badly to look at it, and I hover the mouse over her name. The hyperlink lights up, and I try to decide if I want to read about her.
I click it.
It takes me to a whole new page, and I grimace when her face appears on my screen.
She looks pretty, happy even. The photo is not a standard leader photo, but was probably taken from one made for an ID badge or simply to be kept on file. Her hair is long and wavy, her bangs pushed to the side and her smile wide. She's dressed in some sort of sundress, but it's a dark one.
I read her profile carefully.
By the time I'm done, my head hurts. She's eighteen, a full six years younger than I am. She's also in their Leadership Apprentice Program, and that means I'll have to see her at every single meeting that's held. Eventually, she'll run the faction with Eric as though as they are some sort of picture perfect power couple.
I get to the bottom of the page and I screw my eyes shut.
He has everything he's ever wanted now, and I'm still sitting here, waiting for him.
His expression makes my chest hurt.
He's standing in front of Jeanine, his eyes downcast at the floor and his whole body screaming defeat. He's been here for three days, and today I can tell he's had enough.
"There's not a lot we can do now, Eric. We're wasting time and resources trying to find her." Jeanine pauses, her words slick and stern. "How do you know she didn't just run away?"
I can see the muscle in Eric's jaw twitch and his hands clench into fists. "She wouldn't just leave. She was in the middle of training a class," he snarls. I watch him jerk his head up to Jeanine, his stare now something lethal. "She's my wife, and she's missing, and I will find her."
Jeanine throws a look to me, and it's laced with disappointment. I know what she's thinking, that this is an opportunity, the best kind possible. The girl's gone missing, and there are few leads. I can feel the unease churning in my stomach now, wondering if Jeanine had some hand in this.
"You have work to do here," she reminds him crisply, her heels clacking as she walks away. "Let us not forget everything you've pledged your loyalty to. If you really insist upon having someone's company in your bed at night, we'll find you an adequate substitute when you return."
I catch him look at her sharply, and in that moment I know she's said the wrong thing.
The look on his face says he will kill her, kill all of us, if it means bringing his wife back home.