Chapter 2
The streets are whizzing pass. I'm reflecting and thinking of my time here. Most of it is good. However some of it was bad. Arguments. Crying. Yelling.
While lost in though the Taxi pulls up outside the brownstone town house. I pay him, with a generous tip for the waiting earlier. He thanks me and says he'll buy some flowers for his wife. I smile at him and wish him a good night.
I race up the stairs part of me hoping Jake isn't here. I'm wrong. Before I can even put my key in the door it flies open.
"Where the fuck have you been?!" his angry really angry. If Jake was in a children's cartoon this is where they would draw in steam coming out of his ears. His eyes have changed over the last 6 months. Where they use to be warm and loving, something you could call home, has changed they are dark, cold and angry. I think I can see upset. But part of me does't know if he is upset he got caught or because our relationship has come to this.
"I went to the studio" I reply, "I needed to get my kit and things from there" He finally notices my kit book holding my machine, tattoo guns, and ink. My old leather messenger bag that I use to hold my art supplies is slung over my shoulder. He reaches to tear it from me. I step back just in time so he grasps air.
"Jake. Just let me pass I need to pack some things up." He doesn't move. His nostrils are flaring. I can hear Quil and Jared playing on the Xbox in the living room.
"Please Jake just move so I can come in." He carries on staring me in the eyes. I'm not going to show him the hurt.
He finally relents and moves back letting me through our, his, front door. I head for the stairs and start making my way to the third floor where our bedroom is.
I open the door and go in firing up my laptop and going to the closet to grab my holdall. I know he has followed me up I can sense him standing by the door.
I can feel him watching me as I move around the room gathering my things. Luckily everything I need is in here or in the ensuite the guys let us have as we were the only couple moving in.
"Bells. What are you doing? Why are you packing your things? We need to talk about what happened with Jane." I think he is starting to calm down, but I don't know him like I use to.
"I'm going home Jake. Theres nothing to talk about. We both know things were changing between us. I'm just sad it came to this." I look him in the eye when I tell him this. He try to avoid eye contact with me now.
Even though he won't admit it. He knows that we aren't the same people we were 6 months ago.
"Izz Its not what you think, I was doing it for the band. I'm still me. You know me. I love you." he is starting to plead now. With old arguments that simple statement of 3 little words would have properly won me over, or at least made me stay. But not anymore. I can't live here, unhappy and just simply existing. I tell him this. And he punches the wall.
"And don't say your doing this for the band. They wouldn't ask you to do that. And whats worse, I'm not surprised." I grab some leggings, a vest top and baggy wool jumper and walk in to the bathroom to change. When I go in there I shut the door as Jake is walking towards me. I don't lock the door but he knows not to enter.
Whilst in there I grab my wash stuff. I wash my face of make up, and brush my teeth. I don't have time to shower. I need to get on my laptop and book the earliest flight home. I catch myself in the mirror. I don't recognise the 24 year old staring back at me.
I've still got the same long brown hair, but its flatter, duller no shine to it. I look at my eyes and they aren't the same, the life is missing from them. Dark shadow from tiredness mark my pale porcelin skin.
My tattoos are the only thing that hasn't changed. My sleeves are and chest piece are the only thing bring any colour to me. Showing me the colourful, loving happy life I had, can have.
I quickly change in to my comfy flying clothes. I can't look at the rest of my body and tattoos. I know you can see the outline of my ribs. I've lost to much weight. I've not been eating properly or sleeping properly for months. I'm just been thinking and simply existiing
I grab my wash bag and clothes and leave the bathroom. Jake is sat on the bed with his head in his hands.
He looks up as I click the door shut and lean against it. "Your not coming back are you? I fucked this up." He reaches a hand out to me. I can't touch him.
I walk passed him and throw the last of my things in my bag. I'm glad I didn't bring much to begin with otherwise there wouldn't be enough room for my books. I grab my back back and throw my iPhone and headphones in there with a book, my purse, and my passport.
I go to the laptop and start looking up flights. I book a flight to London that leaves in 2 hours from JFK. I hope I've got plenty of time to get there.
The last thing to pack is the laptop and I put that in my hand luggage. "Babe. Why won't you talk to me? We could sort this out we could go back to the way were." he pleads
"Jake its to late for that. We're both not happy and we haven't been for a long time. I need to go home before it gets worse. Before I hate you" I reach for the diamond that lives on my left hand on my ring finger. I take it off and place it on the nightstand. I don't look at him but I know he is crying now.
I grab my bags and walk towards the door, I grab the door knob. I don't turn round, but I say to him "Jake. Whats worrying is that I'm not even angry with you. Things haven't been the same for while between us and we were both not willing to admit it. I'm just disappointed with myself that I let it go this far." I open the door, and walk on to the landing. "Goodbye Jake."
He doesn't follow me as I walk down the the flights of stairs. The other guys are to busy in the kitchen and the make shift music room. They're to use to our on going arguments. They just carry on with their normal things.
I get to the front door. And I finally hear footsteps behind me. I turn round and Jake's there. I can see the tears now.
"Bye Izz" I've always hated that nickname.
I just nod and walk out the door.