A/N: Not a bad start.

MarninaNamaste is my beta and I owe her TONS. If you need another story to read, she has some excellent oneshots as well as a LOOOONG (but amazingly wonderful) Jake/Nessie story that's AU and a little steamy. You should check it out.

Watching me, wanting me
I can feel you pull me down

"Jake, pick up!" Bella panicked into her phone." It was the fourth ring and her knee bobbed up and down nervously. She didn't think she had the strength to deal with this on her own. If Jake didn't pick up, she'd go into the stacks and be lost to him—again. She didn't dare look up again even though she could feel his gaze on her. He knew the power he had over her. He knew.

One more ring and she knew it would roll to voice mail and she'd be lost. "Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit!" she swore quietly.

"Bells? What? You know I'm trying to…" Jake's voice sounded irritated but she cut him off.

"He's here Jake. Help me," Bella spilled in a gush, praying he would help her like a 911 operator.

"Who's there?" Jake asked confused. "Are you at the library day dreaming again? Fuck Bella, I told you not to go there!"

"Jake, he texted me and I saw him. He's here and he's waiting for me. If you don't help me I'll go to him. You know me."

"Fuck!" She heard the swishing of fabric like he had put his phone in his pocket, which he probably had. His leather jacket had an enormous pocket that could hold his phablet, as Bella liked to call it. The sound of his motorcycle revving and shifting gears filled the space of a few minutes while Bella wondered if Jake was aware that he hadn't hung up on her. She'd called him in the past after her daydreams just as upset. Jake always came to her rescue.

Bella felt her phone buzz again while she held it to her ear listening to Jake drive his motorcycle. She didn't dare look at it in case it was another text. She heard the motor cycle stop and its engine shut off. The swishing of fabric increased and Jake's voice returned.

"You still there, Bells?"

"Yeah," she squeaked, "Jake," she whimpered. Then she saw him at the front doors of the library hurrying to her side. He was so menacing when he was angry; there was a reason she called him wolf boy. She didn't feel fear, though; she felt peace. That anger was not for her—it was her protection. His gait was fluid and predator-like whether he was fighting with bully dickheads or picking up women. He could be a terrorizing specimen or playful like a puppy. She pressed the button that ended her call and noticed that there was indeed another text from Edward's number.

I'm waiting. I'm so sorry about everything. I want you. So much. Come to me, Love.

When Jacob reached her, he looked in her shaking palm and read the series of texts that had been sent in the last five minutes. Jacob wrenched the iPhone from her hand, which looked tiny in his huge palms, and deftly typed a response.

fuck u asshole shes not comin near you

Jacob didn't bother with the shift key or punctuation. Bella collapsed in his arms breathing heavily. The anxious stares of the usual library nerds slowly returned to their own books and Bella caught her breath. Jacob always helped her breathe; think; survive. Live. Way before Edward, even.

"Where is the fucker waiting?" Jacob's acid tone did not match his caressing hands that were always so gentle with her. He followed her eyes to the stacks where Edward was leaning against the end of the row again. Waiting. For her.

Bella didn't see it coming and her reaction to Jacob's lips on hers was frantic. Jacob's embrace was possessive and carnal and it made Bella's toes curl. His tongue sought hers and she complied. Bella assumed it was because she had spent all afternoon walking down memory lane that made her horny as hell but her hands reciprocated Jacob's possessiveness. His breath skated down her neck and across her throat where he sucked hard enough to leave a mark. Bella thrilled at the torturous pleasure and his tongue soothed over her pulse point when he finished. His kisses moved back up her neck to her lips and they were like a life raft in the stormy waters that were threatening to suffocate and drown her. When she resurfaced, a familiar fire ignited in her gut. Their lips parted with a mutual gasp as they both came up for air to the sound of a very irritated middle-aged woman. Clearing her throat the modestly dressed woman standing in front of them had her arms folded across her chest shaking her head. Bella was pleased that Jake seemed to be panting as much as she was. His eyes scanned back and forth between hers and he leaned in and kissed the tip of her nose before turning his attention to the angry librarian.

"Um, this is highly inappropriate behavior," her terse voice said in a whisper loud enough to be heard by everyone whose eyes had found their way back to the pair of them, "I suggest you go somewhere else."

Jacob flashed his million gigawatt smile at her and a blush crept up her neck, "Oh, I plan to." Bella was amazed that he had that effect on older women as well. He could, literally, charm the pants off anyone and he'd just kissed her senseless and given her a hickey right in the middle of the library. Bella was lightheaded from the whole experience and then she remembered why it happened. Her eyes flew back over to where Edward had stood but he was gone.

Bella stood there in a daze as Jacob packed up her books and notes into her backpack and scooped it up leading her outside. They were both silent as Jacob arranged her bag into the motorcycle's case and he pulled out her helmet.

"Come on, honey, put this on. We're going home," Jacob's voice was soothing. Bella numbly put the helmet on and Jake shrugged out of his leather jacket and draped it over her small frame. He zipped her up in its warmth and she breathed in his scent. The ride home was going to be chilly for her in the spring twilight, and his nimble fingers secured the buckles on her helmet as well. Bella watched Jacob's eyes drop to the mark he left on her neck and he ran his thumb over it.

"Sorry," he chuckled, "I hope that doesn't mess up your social life." Bella felt her lips curve up into a shy smile and she wrapped her arms around his waist. He'd come to rescue yet again. She didn't know if he regretted what he'd done, but it definitely stirred something in her. She didn't know what to think.

"Come on," he squeezed her again before he released her, "let's get you home. You can study there." He swung his thick leg over his Kawasaki KLR that he rebuilt and repainted himself. When he'd lifted the kickstand and leveled the bike between his legs, he held his hand out to help Bella climb up to her perch. She was so tiny she literally had to climb and Jake always joked that he was going to install a seat belt back there to ensure she didn't get blown off.

Bella had stumbled upon an ad for this particular bike on Craigslist and he got it dirt cheap because it needed a lot of work. But he knew how to do the work himself and he was good at finding cheap parts on ebay. He had four different motorcycles, but this was his favorite and the rear equipment box gave Bella a nice back rest when she rode to campus with him. Today, though, she curled into his back, arms clenched tightly around his waist. For most of the ride, one of his hands rested on hers which held tightly to his belt buckle.

Their apartment wasn't far from campus and the ride was short. Bella felt Jacob level the motorcycle and lean back. His huge hands ran up her forearms over the soft leather but her hands remained locked on his belt buckle. She thought if she let go it'd make everything real.

"Honey?" Jake said twisting to try to see her. "Bells, we're here." He felt her hands loosen from his waist and he swung around, wrapping his arm around her waist and dragged her around to sit in front of him on the gas tank. He quickly unbuckled her helmet and lifted it off her head and, just as he suspected, she was crying.

"Jake, don't worry about me. You have a date. I'll be fine," Bella sobbed. She felt his strong arms wrapping around her.

"Bells, I ain't goin' nowhere tonight," Jake hummed shaking his head at her. Her heart fluttered again in gratitude, but there was also a knot of guilt in the pit of her stomach.

"Jake…" Bella hiccupped, "I already feel like such a burden." She did. He'd given up so much of his life already. College for Jake was his opportunity of escaping his "shackled life" as he called it. He'd been in charge of taking care of his crippled father since he was about ten. While he did it willingly—and damn well—his sisters agreed that when he went off to college they'd take over so he could go away knowing his father was cared for. Now he was stuck taking care of his emotionally crippled friend.

Jacob unzipped the dwarfing jacket and pulled his phone from the inside pocket. Bella watched him punch in his code and scroll through some numbers and then hold it to his ear. Jake rarely spoke to anyone on the phone other than his father or her.

"Jess? Jake," he paused and Bella was sitting close enough to hear the skank's squeal, "sorry to say this, but I have to bail tonight. An emergency came up that I have to attend to." Bella couldn't make out any words, but she could tell that Jessica was not happy about the change in her evening's plan.

"Jess, Jess…" he paused and rolled his eyes, "Jessica, fuckin' shut up! I'm not hooking…Jess!" Jake dropped his phone from his ear and rolled his eyes at Bella.

"See, this is why I don't fucking talk on the phone," he flashed his dimpled smile, "except to you because you don't give me this kind of shit." He pulled the phone back up to his ear. No, Bella thought, I give you other kinds of shit.

"Jess, if you're going to be a bitch about this, then we just won't meet up later. I had something come up. I can't make it. I don't need this shit from you so I'm not going to take it. Do you want to reschedule?" She must have thought it over for a bit because he paused, "Fine. Guess I won't see you later then." Jake swiped his phablet and effectively hung up on her.

Bella let her head thump against his chest. "Jake, I just ruined your plans," she groaned.

"No you didn't. You made me keep a promise to you." He tipped her head back and touched her nose with his finger. "I didn't have time to go to the store for more rubbers," he winked at her. "Besides," Jacob ran his finger over the bruise he'd left on her neck, "I've marked enough territory today." Another thrill went through her body as he called her his. She didn't know what the hell was going on with her today.

Jake secured his motorcycle then picked Bella up and carried her into the house. He had to make sure she ate some dinner. Bella sat on the couch in utter shock, pretending to study, for most of the afternoon while Jacob fetched their bags from his bike, cleaned up the kitchen, and set spaghetti sauce to simmer on the stove. Jake gave her concerned looks whenever he passed through the small living room, but Bella knew he was worrying for the wrong reasons. She knew that Jake thought she was upset about Edward's appearance, but she was thinking about how Jacob had kissed her.

Bella had forgotten how much she used to pine for Jacob in high school. They'd grown up together making mud pies and sleepovers and tickle fights and such. When her mom left her father, it was the natural conclusion that Bella'd live with Renee. Things were fine until Phil. Anyway, when Renee got remarried to Phil, Bella made a beeline back to her father's house and she and Jake resumed their friendship like there was no separation. Bella was a year older and she went to a year of community college but then they headed off to state when Jake graduated.

It was right after she returned and Jake helped her work through all the Phil shit that Bella recognized that her attraction to Jake was more than his sunny smile. But Jake never seemed interested in her...that way. But she had his friendship and she had his love. The other girls didn't have those things. So she had pushed those feelings so far down she'd forgotten they were there. She'd ignored them so long, they were dormant.

Until he kissed her today.

She knew why he did it. He was helping her. He was showing Edward that she had moved on with her life. And she was happy he did it because what Jacob made her feel in that moment didn't compare to anything she'd experienced during her short clandestine affair with Edward. Jacob's kisses, frantic as they were, made everything she shared with Edward almost cheap and tawdry…because it was.

The other thing that had Bella perplexed was Jacob's response. She seen him make out with girls before, she'd even walked in on him a number of times when he and his skank du jour didn't make it to his bedroom. Never once did she see the tenderness with them that he showed her today. She knew that it was different from what either of them was used to. And it scared her. But it excited her, too.

"Bells," Jacob pulled her from her thoughts, "eat something." He placed a large bowl of pasta in front of her and she smiled at him. Her eyes focused on him and a sense of gratitude washed over her. She loved him so much.

"You're the best." She picked up the bowl and put it in her lap while Jake put in a disc of Friends in the DVD player. She had to hold back a few tears as feeling washed over her like a tsunami. "I really mean that and I don't tell you enough."

Jake turned around and headed back to the couch. "Just don't forget it." He picked up the remotes pressed all the right buttons and the theme song blared through the room.

"But don't let that go to your head, Mister," she added.

I'll be there for you, when the rain starts to fall. I'll be there for you, like I've been there before…

Her life was a fucking thunderstorm. With tornados.

How perfect, Bella thought. He was always there for her. There was no way he could have planned putting that disc in after what happened today and how it affected her thoughts and heart. But all of it made her think, reconsider, and reevaluate.

They sat and ate together in silence for a while, watching the crazy antics of the coffee shop gang and Bella finally looked over at her best friend. She just couldn't get his kiss out of her brain.

"Jake?" Bella's voice was tentative. He looked over at her bowl which was almost empty and she noticed the surprised looked followed by that gloriously warm smile.

"You did a great job on your dinner, Honey!" he encouraged. He reached for her bowl and put it on the coffee table beside his empty one. He'd wolfed his down in no time flat.

Bella smiled back at him distractedly. She'd been starving and Jacob was a great cook. The both were, actually, and they took turns, sharing the duty. Shaking her head to clear her thoughts and get her back on track, she looked up into his mahogany eyes again. "Jake…"

He could see it. He knew what she was about to ask even if she wasn't quite sure herself. But knowing that he knew, shored up her confidence. Her heart was pounding in her ears, but then she remembered that this was Jake.

Jake.

Being with him was easy as breathing. She pulled her feet up on the couch, turned sideways so she was facing him, and crossed her legs in front of her.

"Yeah, Bells?" his voice was brushed velvet and his eyes all melty chocolate. His softness drew her in and his sweetness made her want to stay.

"What was that today?"

Jacob looked back over to her empty spaghetti bowl which seemed to help him draw a conclusion. He licked his lips which parted for his inhalation. "Honesty, Bells. That was called honesty."

Her eyebrows flew up in an attempt to understand what he meant. Her fingers reached up to the mark on her neck. Did he mean that she was now his? Had he marked her for that purpose or only to annoy Edward? She needed to know.

"Who were you being honest with?" her voice was a sandpaper whisper laced with both fear and excitement. It did not escape either of their notice.

"Everyone." He shifted in his seat to better line himself up with her. Canned laughter filled the pregnant silence between them.

"How long have you been dishonest?" Again, he knew exactly what she was asking. He'd woken the sleeping dragon of her romantic feelings for him and she wanted to know how long he'd had them for her.

"Since the day you told me about Phil."

Like an earthquake had hit the apartment, Bella's world crashed around her. For a moment, she'd dared to let herself hope that Jacob could love her in that special way that she saw in movies and in the sweet couples who held hands and kissed on campus. The little seedling that was planted today, with frantic kisses and a hurried hickey, was washed away in a flood of shame and guilt. She felt soiled. She was dirty.

Bella figured telling Jake about Phil had ruined her in his eyes. She'd never deserve anything better than the perverse, second-hand variety of love that Edward had offered her. She hadn't been strong enough to save and protect herself way back then when she was impressionable adolescent and now she was paying the consequences.

"Oh," was all that slipped out of her mouth. Her head bowed and her lip between her teeth, she began to turn her body away from him again. She needed to go do the dishes. She couldn't stay here under his gaze and continue to let herself feel dirty. The only thing that ever got her through all that mess was Jacob's friendship and his optimism. He gave her the strength to refuse her mom's earnest demands that she come home to her and Phil. He's the one who held her hand during the showdown in Charlie's living room. Bella refused to tell anyone, other than Jake, about what Phil had done and she'd never fully explained why. She didn't want anyone to know how much she liked how it felt during... She knew it was wrong but somehow she didn't seem to care until afterwards. She was so weak.

Bella picked up the bowls from the coffee table and brought them into the kitchen. She turned on the water and refilled the soap dispensing sponge while she waited for the water to get hot. The couch springs groaned and the quiet squelch of the vinyl sounded as Jacob stood up. She listened to the slow thumps of his foot falls as he made his way down the short hallway and she kept her head down as she began her task. It wasn't going to take long to finish the dishes. Jacob had perfected the clean as you go style of cooking.

She heard him enter the kitchen and stand behind her. His big hands pulled the sponge out of her right hand, the bowl out of her left and washed it while his arms encapsulated her. He'd bent down so his chin was at her temple and if she shifted back she could lean against his solid chest. When he'd finish washing each bowl or each piece of silverware, Bella would pick it up and run it under the warm water then place it in the dish drainer. She reached for a dish towel as Jacob rinsed the sponge and the soap off his hands and Bella dried both sets of hands with it.

This seemed so natural and so…intimate, yet each task ripped her heart more causing her to almost bow under the pressure of the pain of knowing how he really felt about her. She couldn't lose Jacob, too. Fate was an ugly bitch and she couldn't lose Jacob to her or anyone else. She'd just about had it with sharing him with other skanks, she realized.

"Bells," his whisper tickled her ear and pulled her from her misery a bit, "tell me what you're thinking."

"I'm trying really hard not to think, Jake," she managed to bite out. "It hurts too much."

"Why?" his tone was bitter and it shocked her a little, "because I'm too disgusting to think about that way?" Bella's gasp surprised both of them and she spun around to face him. It made their conversation at lunch make a little more sense. He thought he was disgusting in her eyes? It was the other way around. Her hands flew up rest on his cheeks to comfort him before she even thought about doing it. But then her mind caught up.

"No, Jake." Her eyes spanned between his, trying to see through the storm roiling through their depths. "It hurts to know that you've felt that way for so long and never did anything about it. It hurts knowing that you'd rather fuck skanks than be with someone who let their stepfather fuck them." Her hands dropped and she left the kitchen. She had no comfort left to offer him. The farther she got from him, the faster she moved. It wasn't a long trip to her room, but she slammed her door when she got there and fell on her bed and the weight of what she'd been feeling since Edward's first text overwhelmed her. Need laced with fear; revulsion tinged with desire; comfort followed by rejection—Bella couldn't handle it all. Nausea rolled through her body and her full stomach heaved. She made it to her trash can just in time. Shame did not like to share her body with food.

"Fuck!" Jacob's voice sounded from behind her door. He'd heard her vomit. She'd been doing so well, too.

"Don't worry," she spat, "I'll fucking clean it up."

"Bells, open the door," Jake pleaded, "it's not what you think. Let me explain." She couldn't deny him anything. Jake had always looked out for her, defended her—took care of her. She couldn't second guess that now.

"It's unlocked," she croaked. He never came into her room without permission. Ever.

The door knob turned and Bella pushed herself away from the trash can and leaned back to sit on her bed. Jake took two steps and picked up the trash can and took it to the bathroom.

"Good thing you still triple line them," Bella remarked trying to lighten the mood. When Jacob returned he knelt down in front of her so that he could look her in the eyes.

"You think I didn't make a move on you all those years ago because I thought you were dirty?" Bella tried to look down but his gaze held hers captive. She didn't say anything though. The silence was his answer. She watched as he drew conclusions in his mind and she hated that most of them were probably right. It was almost as if he could read her mind.

"Is that why you let him do all those things to you after you found out he was married? Did you think you didn't deserve any better?" Jake asked. Again, Bella's silence was his answer. His eyes still spanning hers he asked, "Did he know? Did you tell Edward?"

"No," her voice was brittle and weak, "but he figured it out one night."

"That fucker," Jake breathed. He was a parasite feeding on the weak. Jake knew those types. And, sure, Jake would fuck the willing, but he chose women who wanted no more than what he was willing to give. Jacob may hunt specific prey, but Edward was a leech who sucked people dry.

"Why, Jake?" Bella needed to know why he'd choose all those other women instead of her. If he truly felt that way for her, she needed to know why she wasn't good enough to be in his bed.

"Why didn't I say or doing anything?" Jake always clarified her questions. He said she'd been misunderstood too much. Bella nodded.

"Because you already had too many people trying to get into your pants. You didn't need another." His eyes were fierce and it finally dawned on her that he was trying to protect her. "I wanted," he paused to clarify, "want you so much," he whispered, "but you don't need my desire, Bells, you need someone to love you."

As soon as the words spilled out his mouth the earth shifted and Bella knew. All those years and all those women…Jacob was protecting her from himself. Suddenly Bella's world, which was illuminated by Jake's million kilowatt smile, became dazzlingly brighter. Every look, every touch, every conversation had new meaning. He loved her. And she was in love with him. It'd always been him.

"Bells, what are you thinking?" Jake asked watching her face intently as her epiphenomenon continued to explode in her mind and soul.

"I'm thinking that we are two of the most stupid, stubborn fucks on the planet, that's what I'm thinking." Bella smiled at him. Jake reveled in it. He'd rarely seen Bella's smile so wide and he loved it when he could pull one from her lips. He leaned his forehead on hers and ran his nose along hers. Bella's heart began to pound for a different reason—it felt like anticipation. He was going to kiss her again and she wanted it. They both did. But someone began pounding at the door.

"Jacob Black, you better fucking be in there!" Jessica's voice sounded from the hallway.

"Fuck," Jake muttered and his eyes closed in frustration. Bella's giggle snapped his eyes back to hers and he smiled. "Let me go get rid of her." He stood up in one fluid movement and made his way to the door.

"I want to watch this," Bella giggled again from behind him. She felt lighter for the first time in years. She almost felt free.

"Shut the fuck up, Jess!" Jacob called in his deep bass, "I'm coming," and the pounding ceased. Jacob unlocked the door and the blonde skank with a barely there sheer top and short leather skirt stood in high heels. Her face looked like it was covered in war paint and her hair was stick straight with that over processed look.

"You are here," the blonde girl stared at him a little shocked and then her eyes darted to Bella. Bella rolled her eyes and sighed. She was the antithesis of Bella in almost every way. "Who's that?" Jessica asked not hiding her scorn.

"My roommate, who's ex-boyfriend just showed up in town so she needs my help. Now get the fuck out of here. You said we were done." Canned laughter from the DVD player sounded in the background.

"Well," Jessica stammered, "since you weren't lying we don't have to be done. We'll just reschedule, like you said." Jessica took a step forward and placed her hand on his waist, trying to feel his lats through his straining t-shirt. Her eyes darted to Bella briefly and then back to his chest.

"Nope. We're done," Jake declared as he picked her hand off him like she was diseased and prodded her out the door. "We'll be moving soon, too, so no need to come back around." Jacob closed the door and locked it despite Jessica's verbal protests. Jake slumped against the back of the door, seemingly exhausted, and rolled his eyes.

"Wasn't that a little harsh?" Bella asked through a smirk.

"No. She's the one who told me that I was a good fuck but she could never take me home to meet her parents. She graduates in a few weeks and is going back to her suburban life. I was just her last fling before she sought out her soccer mom lifestyle." Bella saw the hurt that flashed through his eyes before it evaporated away.

"Jake, I'm so sorry." Bella closed the distance between them and wrapped her arms around his waist again. Her head only came up to his pecs.

"For what?" he crooned, sliding his hands down her back. "I used her as much as she used me. That's what keeps me from feeling guilty. That's why I chose the ones I chose." Bella pulled back and searched his eyes again.

"You love me," she stated. "You're in love with me." Fear crept into Jacob's eyes as he nodded. She could see the raw honesty of his words even further into the depths of his eyes too—the depths that he only ever let her see. Bella let out a sigh of relief. "Good, because I think I'm in love with you, too and it scares the shit out of me."

Jacob chuckled at her and pulled her in close. They stood there for who knows how long just holding each other, both giving and taking support. They were both considered themselves fucked up, but in that moment, it didn't matter. They both felt the possibility of change—the hope of potential.

"Let's go watch some more Friends," Jake pulled her back to the couch.

She couldn't deny him anything.

A/N: Leave me some love. Let me know your thoughts.