I Wish I Was
Raphael – Open
I wish I was open.
All I've ever wanted to be was open.
My brothers are always open with each other
But I can never grant them the same favour.
If I was open my brothers would understand me better.
They'd understand that I'm not angry all the time,
That I'm not stupid
That I'm not nasty.
That I don't hate Leo.
They'd realise that really… I'm not just some emotionless monster.
I've hurt my brothers so many times by not being open with them.
Mikey and Donnie think it's because I don't trust them.
Leo seems to understand that sometimes I just find it hard to share my feeling with others,
He understands that my thoughts are personal and I like keeping it that way.
What he doesn't understand is that every night I regret not telling anyone how I feel.
I've never been one to hesitate when showing how angry I am or what I think is wrong with everything.
But when it comes to the deeper feelings… the mushy stuff… I can never bring myself to open up.
But I'll never be comfortable with feelings.
I know I won't.
Leo with continue to comfort our baby brothers while I sit back and pretend I don't care.
They insist they know I love them
But how can they know that if I never show it?
How can they ever believe that I would do anything for them if I've never once shown the slightest compassion?
They can't.
Sometimes they believe I really don't care.
And if I was open… Everything would be better.