Sorry this took so long to update! No excuse for it really... Anyways thanks to TheWickedWizardofOz for betaing :D

Four Years and Nine Months Ago, March

He was a clone. He wasn't anything but a fucking lie on feet. He didn't even know what he was anymore.

He thought he was Roy Harper. That at some point in his life he'd been adopted by Ollie and became his partner, Speedy. He thought he was a hero. That he deserved his place on the League. As one of the big kids flying around with capes, busting villains, and carrying their asses to jail.

He was nothing but a traitor.

All of it pre-programming to get into what he wanted, to prove he could make into the League and only to take them down and leave them under a villain's control.

The Roy Harper he thought he was didn't exist. He wasn't the heroic Speedy prancing around with Green Arrow. He wasn't Red Arrow. He wasn't a Hero. He didn't even deserve to be on the Justice League much less the brief time he was on the Team.

He didn't deserve the life he thought he had. He couldn't go on living the lie they created, what he stole- what he took. He couldn't even stand looking himself in the mirror anymore and see his face. See the life that should have lived. The life that could have been saved if anyone just fucking noticed -he couldn't help but want to smash that mirror.

To watch as his fist breaks the glass, see it shatter and break apart in every possible way. He's sick of it. Sick of living a life that wasn't meant for him, of feeling guilty, of breathing when the real Roy could be dead. Buried in a ditch that only God knows where, lifeless and dead and long gone.

This wasn't him. His personality, his looks, his hair, his life, being a hero - it all meant nothing to him now. All of it's fake. Programming. He wasn't real.

He was never supposed to be… here.

The image staring back at him in the mirror reminds him of what he is and what he's not every day.

All he knew - everything he's known- was a lie. He wasn't a hero. He wasn't even a sidekick. He is a traitor. A doll -a fucking puppet- to be controlled; all of his strings and cut him loose when he was no longer needed.

He was a broken puppet.

He did do it. He gave away secrets of the League. Accused someone else -three other people- that they were something he was all along. A fake, a criminal, scum, good for fucking nothing, a puppet, a fucking traitor.

And yet they still treat him as one of them. Not any different than they used to except the fact that it shows they're more careful around him, more watchful. As if he would blow up in their faces which he was so close to doing and stomp off and not speak to anyone of them for a week. They still call him Roy. Even though he's told them over and over that he's not him they insist on calling him it. Saying his name and making him feel more guilty every time he hears it.

He's not Roy, he's not. He never was. He was nothing. But yet, Wally and Robin still looked up to him. Completely forgave him without a second thought. He could tell they did just by the looks of their faces. By what they said. They didn't, couldn't, believe he was the mole. Even when Batman told them it was them out front they denied it.

The thought had him making a bittersweet smile.

Of course they would. They didn't have a reason not to until now.

He couldn't even bring himself to go see them. Not after last time. No matter how many times he's ignored their calls and texts, they still kept trying to talk to him. To see how he was handling things. To see if he went off the deep end yet and if they were able to keep him from jumping off the edge.

He couldn't take looking at them and realize he also took this opportunity from the real Roy. Took the chance from him to see them. Get to actually know the faces behind the masks, see their bright eyes looking up to him like he's the most amazing thing in the world, see them fighting side by side, and know how they thought they could save the world over and over because there was still some good left in it. Feel the breeze kick up when Wally sped up to him or how the kid could never stop talking even if his life depended on it. Or hear Robin's creepy laugh ring throughout the night and see how badly he fucked up the English language.

He could make a long list of the things he took from Roy. There aren't any good things to add to it. All he could add are the bad and how royally fucked up this all is.

How could they even look at him? How could they see him and think 'That's Roy Harper' when all he saw was a clone.

A cheap knockoff of the real thing.

..::..

"Roy."

Of course, Wally would be the one to catch up with him. He pauses but doesn't bother looking back. God, it was so good to hear his voice. He'd give up anything to turn around and not feel guilty to look at his face. To be the one to see Wally alive and breathing right in front of him like the real one should've-

Roy closes his eyes, debating whether or not to ignore the kid when his voice rings out on the rooftop again.

"Roy-"

His hands clench into fists, "I'm not Roy." His tone is hoarse and rough from disuse. He hasn't spoken a single word in days and now regrets it. But what was he supposed to say to nowadays?

He goes on as if the clone hadn't even interrupted him, "listen, you don't have to do this on your own. We can help-"

"Kid-" He turns around to face Wally. Sees he took his mask off and it makes it that much harder to look at him. Sees that at this point he didn't care if someone could just look up at the rooftop they were on and see his face. So easy to read- so hopeful-

"You don't have to do this alone. We're looking for him too, Roy. The League's doing everything they can-"

"I don't need your help, West." Wally's hopeful expression breaks, those bright green eyes darken, and his expression becomes harder. His stomach twists in on itself at knowing Wally's tired of hearing how much he doesn't need their help. He knew all of them were.

The speedster's fists are balled up now and he takes a few steps closer to him, "And what leads do you have? Are you any closer to finding Speedy than you were a month ago?" Wally takes a breath to calm himself down, and he's never done that before so why would he ever try to hold back-

"C'mon, Roy, you know you've got a better chance of finding him with us than on your little mission to become the next Batman."

He pretends to be annoyed at the joke, but really, it almost makes him smile to see how desperate they've been to find him and get him to work with them and [that Wally's] still wisecracking when he really shouldn't. He doesn't know why he was expecting that to change. Probably because a lot of things have tipped off the scale lately and have changed ever since he was hunted down by the League but he was glad this one thing didn't change.

He lets himself forget for a moment that he didn't deserve to be redeemed trustworthy and simply relishes in the fact that Wally was doing this to bring him back into the circle of heroes. Even when he wasn't worth bringing back the kid just couldn't seem to get a clue and see he didn't belong with them. Wally was always harder to shake off than Robin.

"I'm doing just fine-"

"Why not admit that you need help?" Wally's voice is getting more impatient and he clenches his jaw, "Roy, come back and we'll be there to help. We are now, but you pushing us away doesn't change what we think of you."

He already knows what they think of him. He doesn't need to hear it again but he asks, "And what do you think of me?" Because he can and wants to just to get Wally mad enough to walk away from him. But the kid has other plans and all of them lead to getting him to let the League help him find the real Roy Harper.

But he just can't- he needs to do this himself. Needs to be the one to save him and set him free so he doesn't feel like he was a fucking life snatcher.

"You already know what we think of you, Roy-"

"How many times do I have to tell you West? I'm not Roy- I wasn't even Speedy-"

"You're Roy." He really wished Wally would do anything but take a few steps closer to him so he takes a few steps back- "Clone or not, you're Roy- Red Arrow-" Why did he have to take off his fucking mask? "and that's all you'll ever be." Wally's voice and eyes are pleading and he couldn't take looking at him. But he forces himself to keep a steady gaze, "We're here to help, we're already doing everything we can to find him. It's top priority- There's already people out there searching. It's the best we can do."

Why are they wasting their time on a fake? He was going to do this on his own. No help from the League or the Team. He didn't need their help because he was just fine doing it alone. Alone is what he wants, he couldn't hurt anyone or royally fuck up again if it was all on him. If he was the only one getting hurt, he couldn't screw up someone else's life. He doesn't matter so why are they so intent on keeping by their side? He didn't even deserve anything they had to give him.

They deserved the real Roy. Not a cheap copy of him.

"It's going to be alright-" Wally knows he's about ready to bolt so he that few steps closer again and he tenses, "We'll find him, Roy-"

"I'm not him-"

"I swear," Bright green eyes- so hopeful, pleading, begging him to say he'll come back and the look is all wrong on Wally- "We'll find him and bring him back. If you just come back everything will be okay. It'll be alright-" It sort've seems like he's trying to convince himself, "We'll find him together."

Right now he's pretty damn happy Robin didn't come. Wally's kicked puppy look was enough to almost make him cave in and get on his knees to crawl back to them. God knows how much he wants to- to see Ollie and Dinah. Kaldur. Robin. All the people that should have never trusted him in the first place but did and still did to this day and he couldn't make the sickening feeling in his stomach go away-

There's a warm hand on his elbow, startling him and he looks down to the glove before looking back up to the kid's face, "It'll be just like it used to be, Roy. You can still do your solo hero thing and work with us."

He knows it won't ever be like it used to but that doesn't mean he can't just go and see- it's all changed and never the same. He was hunted by them, he thought he was someone he wasn't for the past three years, still living a lie, living, breathing, and talking to someone who the real Roy should've met and would be talking to now if he hadn't taken his place.

But that doesn't mean he still can't hope.

He searches Wally's face to see if he really means it. He [doesn't] deserve this. But he couldn't look at the kid and tell him 'no'. He couldn't make himself do it. He just opens his mouth to speak but the words wouldn't come. He couldn't turn them down again.

He looks away and the hand on his arm tightens.

Not again. At least not this time. He shrugs off the hand on his arm as he turns away. Walking to the edge of the rooftop as he grabs his bow from his back, "I'll swing by the Mountain tomorrow." He throws over his shoulder and thinks he hears a 'Thanks' come out of Wally's mouth before he jumps off the building.