Author's Note: I'm getting really into this story, so I've been updating quickly. I won't be able to do this for long, however, so enjoy it while it lasts. For those who asked, this isn't particularly book-based or show-based. I haven't read all the books, and I'm more into the show, but this is sort of a prequel to both of them so it doesn't really matter. The events that occur after this story are from the show, though. Serena loses her virginity at the Shepard Wedding, not in the fountain at Nate's house. Obviously, because it's BNS, it's more like the books than the show, which totally dropped that plotline. Hope that helps. Thanks to all my readers and reviewers! XOXO.
After three hours on a train from New York to Providence and a limo ride to the New York Yacht Club in Newport (A/N: The Yacht Club in Newport is call the New York Yacht Club. It isn't in New York :) ), most of which Serena slept through and Blair and Nate caught up on Vogue and some summer reading, they were finally there, ready to embark on their summer adventures.
Before they left, though, the three of them ordered champagnes in the clubhouse. A somewhat-recovered-from-partying Serena giggled and raised her glass. "To us! And to an amazing summer."
Blair and Nate both clinked glasses with her, laughing.
"So do we have, like, food on the boat? And drinks?" asked Serena, who was still frazzled by the fact that she was here.
Nate was the authority on all things regarding the boat. "Well, we have provisions, and of course that includes drinks. But we do kind of need a cook…"
Blair looked away, dodging Nate's gaze. She had been afraid of this. She didn't want to spend her summer cooking on a boat. That was a totally un-Blairlike thing to do. She needed to catch up on her tan and maybe read a little bit. And of course have hot sex with Nate in the cabin. But cooking and all forms of work weren't exactly on the agenda for her.
Blair hadn't told anyone, not even Serena, but she intended to lose her virginity to Nate. She wanted to go into tenth grade as an experienced girl who had been there and done that. She also wanted to show Nate just how much she loved him and wanted him. She closed her eyes for a moment, imagining how perfect it was going to be.
Luckily, Serena volunteered. "Ooo! I can cook!"
Nate laughed. "That's likely."
Serena pouted. "What, do you have a better offer or something?"
Too quickly, Nate denied it. "No, no. You're Chef Serena from now on, even if you burn all the food."
"Yippeee," cried Serena. She was kind of tipsy, and the summer sunset was going to her head.
Nate laughed and they finished their drinks, sitting in companionable silence for several minutes. Finally, Nate cleared his throat and looked at the girls. They both looked so pretty. It was just his luck that Serena and Blair were the two loveliest girls in New York, maybe even the world. Blair had graceful, fragile beauty. She was elegant and poised and her facial features were delicate. Her chestnut curls and softly tanned skin looked pretty in the soft evening light. He was proud to be able to tell others that that was his girlfriend. But looking at the girl next to her, there was no comparison. Her crooked smile and pointed nose weren't conventionally pretty, but her gorgeous navy eyes and her expressive ruby lips made her face the perfect combination of flaws. Everything about her face and body was so expressive and alive. From the way her pale golden hair bounced and swayed as she moved to her vast navy eyes that seemed to light up her entire face, everything about her was ethereally beautiful. Nate had never seen anything like it. He shook his head, remembering the task on hand.
"We'd better get out of here," Nate said. "I want to find somewhere to anchor before it gets too dark."
The three of them stood up and walked from the posh clubhouse out onto the steep hill it was settled on. The view from the clubhouse was stunning, as you could see the soft pink and orange of the sunset reflected on the bay. Masts of stately sailboats pierced the sky, and the water rippled gently with the breeze. Nate drew his breath in. He loved this view. Every time he left for the summer, he would spend a minute or two just looking down. It was one of those things that made spending the summer away from New York City understandable.
The girls were equally awed. "Wow," breathed Serena, and Blair nodded in agreement.
It was the perfect moment for the three of them, standing in companionable silence and looking down on Newport Harbor. All their troubles and cares and crushes were forgotten in that moment. They were just three best friends, looking at a stunning view.
Serena broke the spell, because she was never one to be captivated by something for long. She looked at the steep, grassy hill and suddenly squealed. "Let's roll down the hill!"
Before Nate or Blair could reply, Serena was tumbling and twirling down the grassy hill, her blonde hair flying everywhere. They heard her shrieks of delight and found themselves laughing at her antics. That was such a Serena thing to do.
"Let's go," Nate urged Blair. He took her hand and pulled her toward the hill.
Blair resisted. It had been all right for Serena, but there was no way she was going to get her clothes dirty and stained by rolling down a stupid hill. "You go. I'll meet you at the bottom." She began to walk down the stone steps that had been added to make descending the hill easier.
Nate shrugged and lay down on the hillside. The grass smelled new and fresh and wonderful, like summer rain. He began to roll down, first slowly and then more quickly. He felt himself flying, bumping up and down. It was exhilarating, this pure and childlike joy that he felt at tumbling down a steep and grassy hill.
Soon he found himself at the bottom, lying dizzily in the grass. He heard Serena's laughter beside him and looked over. She was covered in grass stains and dirt, but she was smiling and laughing. Nate had never seen her looking more beautiful.
Serena giggled. "Look at you, you're a mess."
Nate looked down at himself and noticed that it was true. He was covered in stains and dirt, but it felt all right. He was almost proud to be a mess. "So are you," was all he could think of to say.
Suddenly everything felt different for the two of them. It was like some sort of premonition or something, but the laughter in that moment died. They stared at each other for several seconds, until Serena shivered and looked away. His green eyes were burning with a passion that made her heart throb. She had never really felt anything like this before. Was it love? Or was it just an awkward moment between two best friends? Either way, it felt weird.
Luckily, before the moment became any weirder, Blair was standing over them. "You two are crazy," she clucked affectionately. "Come on, we'd better get on the boat."
Serena jumped up; she was eager to escape this moment. "Yeah, Natie. Let's go!"
Silently, Nate stood, still brooding over what had just happened. He glanced at Serena and saw that all her enthusiasm was fake. So she had felt it too. "I'll go tell the guy at the launch," Nate said. "We have to take a smaller boat out to my sailboat."
Blair looked from Serena to Nate. Something wasn't right. Why was Serena faking all this peppy enthusiasm? And why was Nate acting all pensive and thoughtful? Had they had a fight? That didn't seem likely. She shrugged it off. People could be so weird sometimes.
They walked in silence to the launch, which was an inflatable gray motorboat that took them to the sailboats, and for the first time, this wasn't amiable silence. But it was still silence that could be ended, as was evident from Serena's real joy at riding the launch. She was always quick to make comebacks, and one awkward moment wasn't going to ruin her night.
The launch bobbed up and down and sprayed water all over the three of them. Serena squealed and shrieked with laughter. "This is so much fun! Don't you just love this?"
Nate and Blair both laughed. This was the great thing about Serena. She found the most mundane things in life wonderful and joyful. Her face lit up and her eyes got wide, simply from taking a small gray motorboat through Newport Harbor. She really was a special kind of girl.
As Serena sat in the bow (front) of the boat, inhaling the spray and getting as wet as she could, Nate and Blair were seated comfortably in the stern (back). The driver was right in front of them, but Blair didn't mind. She had Nate all to herself, and she took the opportunity. She kissed him passionately and he found himself kissing her back, incredibly hard. She tasted like strawberries and gingerbread. She tasted warm and sweet and comfortable. Was that how kisses were supposed to taste?
Blair loved how Nate kissed her. The feeling of his mouth on hers was the most insanely pleasurable sensation she had ever experienced. It felt so perfect and right being there. He tasted like the ocean, salty and tangy. She never wanted this kiss to end.
Serena's joy at being on the launch was quenched when she saw Nate and Blair kissing. Why did they always have to look like that when they kissed? Like they were so in love and perfect for each other? It was so wrong. Serena couldn't help feeling jealous. She wanted to be Blair in this moment, to be the girl that Nate wanted desperately. But Nate went right on kissing Blair, as he should have. Ugh.
Unfortunately for Blair, the kiss was over as soon as the launch came to a halt. Nate couldn't help but look at Serena, to see what she thought of the kiss. He was surprised to see that she was looking at him. He had never been very good at reading expressions, but he thought that perhaps that was pain in her eyes.
Nate tipped the launch driver and stepped onto his boat. It was a beautiful 40-footer that his father had bought. It was made of the most perfect mahogany wood, and it was a deep red color. Even the cabin was lovely, containing four rooms and a kitchen, all with enormous windows and beautiful furniture. There was honestly no place on earth that Nate loved better than his boat.
The two girls stepped onto the ship, impressed. They saw why Nate loved his boat so much now. "It's beautiful," Blair breathed. It was the perfect place for her and Nate to finally do it.
"It is," agreed Serena. "What's it called?" It occurred to her that Nate had never told her the boat's name.
That was a question Nate was used to hearing, but he never really had an answer. He didn't want to give his boat a name yet. Maybe when he had had some real adventures on it, he could christen it, but it felt too early and permanent to give the boat a name yet. He wanted to get to know it better, sort of. "It doesn't really have one yet," Nate admitted. "I only got it a year ago and I haven't sailed it much. I want to like, know more about it and how it sails before I slap a name on the back of it."
Serena smiled. That was just like Nate. He was always so indecisive and unclear and he never knew what he wanted. It was wonderful.
"Let's get going," Blair said, as impatient as ever.
"Yeah," Nate agreed. "I don't think we'll be able to get farther than Block Island before it gets dark. Getting out of here is a little tricky."
"Should we go down and put our stuff in our rooms and whatever?" Serena asked.
"Oh yeah!" Nate exclaimed. "I forgot."
He led the two girls down to the cabin. "There are four rooms, and you two can have whichever ones you want." Nate usually slept on deck anyway. He liked the way the stars shone and the summer breeze danced playfully on his face.
Serena and Blair set about exploring. Blair was on a mission. She had to find the room with the biggest, most comfortable bed and claim it. And of course, her room had to have its own bathroom and enough space for all her luggage. The first room she peeked into had a bunkbed. Definitely not suitable. The second room was slightly larger, but she doubted that her many clothes would fit in the small dresser. It was when she entered the third room that she knew she had found her perfect space. The bed was enormous, it had an adjoining bathroom, and there was a closet. She hadn't expected to find anything like this on a boat. "I found my room," she called to Serena, setting down her luggage.
"Me too," yelled Serena. Blair could tell that Serena was in the room she hadn't explored, and curiously, she walked over to where Serena was setting down her bags. It wasn't as big as Blair's room, and it had a bureau rather than a closet. Blair smiled to herself. But Serena ran over to the bed and cried out, "Look, Blairy! I got a waterbed!"
Blair was suddenly a little jealous. Waterbeds were probably the perfect place for sex. But looking at Serena's delighted face as she coasted and jiggled up and down on the bed, she couldn't help but be a little happy for her. It would probably be uncomfortable for sleeping anyway.
Nate was in the kitchen, checking provisions. They appeared to have everything they would need, plus champagne. He heard the girls giggling and squealing with delight and smiled to himself. He wanted them to enjoy this trip.
He walked up on deck and checked all the lines. They were ready to go. He walked over to where the boat was on its mooring, and began to pull the line off. They were ready to set sail.
The girls felt the boat begin to lurch as they were both jumping on Serena's waterbed. Quickly, they ran up on deck, ready to take off. Nate was busy fixing lines and pulling sails, but the girls watched the boat pull out of the harbor. The lights twinkled gently in Newport as the stars began to shine, and ahead of them stretched the vast sea.
"I think this calls for some champagne," Serena said. She disappeared below to find a bottle and some glasses for them.
The summer had truly begun, and the Upper East Siders were ready to party.
Nate was absorbed in pulling out of the harbor, because despite the fact that he had been sailing since he could walk, one-manning a 40-foot yacht was no easy task. He could feel Blair's eyes on him, however. It unsettled him, the intensity of her brown gaze. Whenever he met her eyes, he didn't feel any jolt of electricity or anything. He simply felt like he was looking at her, his pretty girlfriend of many years. He hoped she didn't think he was madly in love with her or anything, because he knew for sure that while he loved her, he wasn't in love with her yet. Maybe time would change things.
His thoughts were interrupted by Serena's bubbly voice. "Who wants champagne?"
Nate had a policy of not drinking while sailing. It had never been difficult before, because there had been no alcohol to tempt him with. But his throat felt exceptionally dry now, and he almost asked for a glass. Then he remembered where he was and kept his eyes off Serena and her champagne. He had to watch his course, and Serena was a distraction.
Blair, on the other had, happily accepted a flute of champagne. The two girls sat down on the cushions that had been laid out on the deck of the boat. "It's so beautiful here," breathed Blair.
Serena's deep blue eyes became soft and serious for a moment. "It's nice, sometimes, to just get away, you know?"
"Yeah," Blair breathed. "New York can be kind of crazy sometimes."
Serena stared at the sky for a minute. "Don't you sometimes wonder if there's more to life? More than partying and sex and fashion and Gossip Girl? That maybe there's some happiness out there?"
Blair looked over at Serena, astonished. This was totally not like Serena. Serena was always happy and bubbly. "I think we have happiness right here," Blair replied, dodging the questions. It was true, though. The three best friends had a boat and a whole summer to look forward to.
But Serena's eyes were far away as she sipped her champagne. "I guess you're right," she murmured.
It was hours later, when they were anchored near Block Island and the others were sleeping that Serena decided to take a walk on deck.
She crept silently up the stairs, afraid to wake Blair and Nate. Blair was breathing heavily in her spacious room, and she assumed that Nate was in one of the other rooms, although she hadn't seen him head in. Out on deck, the world seemed empty. Moonlight bathed her and the stars were bright, if still far away.
She walked up to the bow of the boat, the soft wind blowing her hair about her. She was dressed only in her bra and pajama pants, but it wasn't like there was anyone to see her. She stared up into the sky and thought about what Blair had said. They had happiness already. Serena wondered if it was true. There were some moments when everything seemed perfect, when she couldn't control the sheer joy she felt about just being alive. But when she was in New York, partying like wild and having hot sex with random guys, she wasn't happy. And there were moments even out here when she felt like she wanted to cry. What was her life missing? She was the girl who had everything- money, looks, friends, power. Then it hit her. She was missing love. Love was what made Blair and Nate content. She needed that in her life. Maybe love would give her the meaning she was missing.
Just then her thoughts were interrupted. "Serena?"
She spun around, suddenly ashamed of her attire. "Nate? I didn't know you were awake."
"Well, I usually sleep on deck," he said, still mesmerized by her angelic appearance. The moonlight made her look like a goddess or something. "But it's just one of those nights, you know, when it's impossible to sleep."
"Yeah," Serena agreed.
"So what were you doing up here?" Nate asked, still unable to believe that she was real.
"I was just thinking," Serena replied, noticing that when the moon hit Nate's golden-brown hair, he looked sort of like an angel. A male angel of course.
"I didn't know you were capable," he joked.
"Hey!" Serena said playfully, faking injury.
"But seriously, what were you thinking about that brought you all the way out of your bed and up here?" Nate prodded, seriously interested.
"Well, I was thinking about love," sighed Serena, aware that this might be a bit awkward.
Nate was silent. He had spent his whole evening thinking about the same thing.
"I want what you and Blair have," Serena said enviously. "It's like, when you two are together, you only see each other. You accept each other, you know. There's nothing and no one who can come between you. That's what I want."
Nate didn't know what to say. Should he tell her that he and Blair weren't like that? That he loved her dearly but that he knew there was something deeper than what he felt for Blair? Instead, he heard himself saying, "You know, Serena, any guy would be lucky to have you."
Serena looked away. "I don't want just any guy, Nate."
When she looked back at him, Nate saw for the first time that there was something behind his friend's big blue eyes, something deeper than uncontrolled joy and love for life. She was broken and desperate, drowning in the mess she had created for herself. He suddenly felt the need to protect her, to hold her and be there for her. He reached for her hand, instinctively. "You'll find your guy," he assured her, trying not to sound too much like he wanted it to be him.
Serena felt it again, that weirdness from earlier and felt herself snatching her hand away. It was still warm from his touch. "Thanks, Natie. I'd better go to sleep."
"Night," he said softly, watching her walk back to the cabin. She was an angel, broken and beautiful. Her partying and drinking were all a façade, necessary to mask her need for love and fulfillment. This knowledge only brought her closer to him and made him desire her all the more.