Chapter Two

December 23rd

9:15 PM

"Who had the brilliant idea of leaving stores open until midnight anyway? Why can't they close at a normal hour?"

Olivia watched as Elliot tossed the bag of chips back on the dash, paying no mind to the ones that scattered. "I think it was to cater to people like you who invariably need to go shopping at eleven because they were working all day."

He shifted in his seat and scowled, reminding Olivia very much of a little boy who was overdue for his nap. "Then they should plan ahead."

"So it's safe to say that you're all done your shopping and all that's left is wrapping presents?" She knew she had him. She didn't even bother to look at him.

He sighed, as much an admission as he felt like making, gesturing out the window at a family walking by. "Look at them. Those kids are two, maybe three. It's long past bedtime and their irresponsible parents are dragging them out to stores in the cold. It's ridiculous."

She looked, as expected, seeing only a sweet little girl and her younger brother, staring wide-eyed and slack jawed at the animated snowman in a store window. "Like they were going to be sleeping for the next two nights anyway. At least they're all together and they're having fun."

"Having fun out waiting for a pedophile."

"We're here to protect them, El. We'll get Chambers and then the kids can be mesmerized by the thought of magical elves and flying sleighs and we can sleep at night."

He turned to look at her, his eyes softer when they found hers. "Or we can lie awake thinking about the ones we didn't catch."

Olivia sighed too, giving up. "There's always that." Reaching for the door handle, she shrugged. "I'm taking a walk. You want anything?"

"Coffee. Thanks"

Her trip killed two birds with one stone. She took care of the pressing issue of needing a restroom and she got away from her partner for a few minutes. It was infinitely preferable to strangling him because she imagined at some point in the future she would probably miss him. Not that it would be in the near future.

December 23rd

9:37 PM

"I thought you were skipping out on me." Elliot's mood seemed a little better as he smiled at her.

She handed over the coffee she'd brought him, some peppermint-mocha-sugar-infused something or other topped with half a can of whipped cream and crushed pieces of candy canes. She laughed when he looked at it.

"Didn't I ask for coffee?" He was grinning as he picked at the bits of candy cane with his fingers.

"Oh, sorry, I thought you asked for a diabetic coma in a cup." She blew on her hot chocolate, which was half filled, at her request, with whipped cream rather than simply topped with it. "I thought it looked good."

"Here."

And quite unexpectedly, Olivia found herself staring at Elliot's finger, coated with a melting glob of whipped cream and candy cane pieces, hovering in front of her mouth. She was so tempted. Her heart stopped in her chest; she held her breath. He'd been such a shit all evening and there he was, doing something that could quite possibly change everything.

As though telling her he wished he'd brought mistletoe wasn't changing something.

As though that god-damned hug that somehow made all her previous fantasies seem tame hadn't changed something.

And that quickly, she was back to wanting to slap him. Because he was clearly putting the moves on her. Moves that the sexually repressed television producers of the fifties would have approved of. Yeah, he was making the silly sort of moves a third grader would make and expected her to suck on his finger. Right. Sure. Like she was going to put herself out there like that.

Maybe after he left his wife.

She reached out, swiping the offering off his finger with her own. She wasn't about to get into a relationship where the only payoff would be whenever he felt like it. Well, she wasn't going to get any more involved in a relationship where the only payoff would be whenever he felt like it. She saw no need to tell him her world revolved around those special unspoken moments and those touches she could no longer pretend were chaste.

December 23rd

10:28 PM

"The stores close at midnight, right?" Olivia had never needed the late hours of the stores, so she wasn't even positive her idea was accurate. But she was beginning to share the desperation Elliot had felt earlier.

The sugar had done a lot to improve Elliot's mood. "Yeah. Did you think of something else you need to buy?"

Her head fell back against the headrest. "No, I'm just tired." The shoppers hadn't thinned out any and she found herself wondering what all that blather on the news about the bad economy was about. Clearly everyone was still out shopping long after they should have been at home, watching Christmas movies and decorating or whatever it was normal people did two days before Christmas.

"Take a nap. I'll wake you if Chambers shows up." The odds were slim that he was going to show that night anyway – although the plethora of shoppers remained, those carrying children along with their bags were decidedly fewer.

"I'm all right." She wasn't so tired that she would risk falling asleep next to the man of whom she dreamed most nights. She'd have to be a hell of a lot more exhausted to nap next to him, knowing that she would probably wind up snuggling up to him and telling him something regarding her feelings that she wasn't necessarily ready to accept herself.

"If you'd had coffee instead of hot cocoa, you'd be wide awake right now." He was only teasing that time; she could hear the smile in his voice.

Slowly her head turned toward him, her tired brain conjuring up the idea of what it would be like to be in the car with him after a late dinner or a concert, drifting off to sleep while he drove them home. She could imagine how comfortable she would be, knowing he'd keep her safe. She could almost feel the way he'd put his arm around her to guide her into their home and put her to bed. For a moment, the whole thing seemed so real that she thought she felt the weight of his hand resting on hers.

She jumped to sit upright, adrenaline chasing the idea of sleep from her mind. She'd never had such a thought before. Not of Elliot. Not of any man. She'd never once imagined being so comfortable with someone that she would live with them.

Feeling her cheeks burning, she was thankful for the darkness. It would keep her secret. He couldn't see the blush and therefore wouldn't ask her about it.

She swallowed hard and forced a smile. "Just wait until the sugar rush wears off from the candy canes. You'll be snoring loud enough to scare all the pedophiles right out of Manhattan."

December 23rd

10:55 PM

Elliot was falling asleep. She could tell because he hadn't said a word in a half hour and his head kept slipping back at an awkward angle, which would cause him to jerk awake and look around in a perfectly adorable, paranoid fashion. Christmas plans or not, she wouldn't have minded so much if they'd lost the toss, not really, because she would have spent her Christmas Eve with Elliot, who was as much her family as Simon ever would be. She suspected that was why Elliot continued to issue invitations to her, invitations she knew hadn't come from Kathy, invitations they both knew she would never accept. She had no desire to be a third, or eighth, wheel. But it was different when it was just the two of them.

Then they were a family. Their own complete, solid, loving family. A family with a bond so tight, yet so tenuous, that no one, including them, could quite understand it.

Elliot cleared his throat, pretending he hadn't fallen asleep yet again and reached for the radio. "Do you mind? We could listen to carols or something."

She shook her head. "Please don't." She didn't want anything interrupting the blissful, comfortable environment surrounding them.

"Why not?"

"Christmas carols make me want to kill myself. They're so depressing."

He stared at her, trying to determine if she was saying it to be contrary or because she believed it. "Ok, that Judy Garland one makes everyone want to kill themselves, but all of them?"

She nodded. "All of them."

"Even Rudolph?"

"All of them." She grinned. "Except Mele Kalikimaka. That one makes me think of myself laying out in a bikini on a nice warm beach in Maui."

"I wouldn't mind seeing that myself."

Her eyes darted toward him, shocked that even in his sleepy state he would make such a slip.

He looked down, embarrassed by his words. "Unfortunately, I don't think anyone sings that one anymore."

She stifled a giggle at the idea that Elliot's sleep would quite possibly be tortured by images of her in a bikini and corrected him. "Jimmy Buffett does."

Thankful that she was dropping something she could have taunted him with for years, he chuckled. "You would know that."

"Someone has to keep track of these things."

"So why do carols depress you?" His mind kept drawing up memories of his kids screeching out made up words to happy songs that made him laugh.

She shrugged. "I don't know. They're just sad."

"How is Frosty the Snowman sad?" He grinned, thinking he had her.

"He melted."

"No, he didn't. He took a train to the North Pole and lived happily ever after."

Refusing the give him the point, she turned toward him and folded her arms over her chest. "Maybe the animated one did, but the real snowman, the one that probably inspired the tale, the one that didn't come to life and dance, melted and someone had to pick up the soggy scarf and look at the sticks that used to be his arms and stand in the mud resulting from what was left of Frosty's guts, so tell me how the hell more people don't kill themselves over Frosty."

"Gee, Liv, I don't know. Maybe because they don't let you narrate cartoons."

"Thanks to you, I have that damn song stuck in my head." She was trying to be in a bad mood, but something about Elliot's grin deflated the misery and left her feeling tingly inside.

"Frosty? We could probably find that one on the radio, you know, if you let me turn it on." He reached for the knob.

She smacked his hand away. "No, Mele Kalikimaka. And, like you already stated, no one sings that anymore."

"Maybe someone will play the Jimmy Buffett version."

"You turn that radio on and I'm going to smack you."

Playing at being offended, Elliot frowned at her. "You wouldn't dare."

"Why wouldn't I?" She was trying to play mad back, but she kept smiling. "You'd never hit me back. I could pummel you into next week."

"Exactly. You wouldn't hit a defenseless man." He was grinning too.

God, the man was impossible to resist. "Oh, yeah? Wanna bet?"

"You sound like the twins."

Just because he compared her to his kids, to any teenager at all, she had to. She lifted her hand and swung at him, not intending to hurt him in the least. He caught her wrist easily, especially so since she didn't fight him, and held her arm still. Their eyes held for a long moment, during which his hand slid from her wrist to her hand. She held her breath while his thumb ran over her palm, practically daring her to either pull away or reply in kind. She chose to sit there, staring wide-eyed at him, letting him caress her hand lightly.

The "Ho Ho Ho" that sounded just outside their car scared both of them. Elliot immediately reached for the door, ready to attack Chambers for having the audacity to interrupt their moment. But Olivia was able to calm herself down enough to see that it was just an overzealous Salvation Army collector pacing the street.

Her arm reached out, catching hold of his coat. "Relax, El. It's not him."

Disappointed, although it wasn't clear whether from the let-down or the frustration, Elliot dropped back against his seat.

December 23rd

11:37 PM

The silence had stretched on beyond what Olivia considered tolerable. She'd had plenty of time to think, to dissect the moment, to analyze what had happened until she reached the conclusion that the thick, suffocating quiet was all his fault. Not because he'd touched her, no that could have been cleared up easily. He could have said he was sorry, offered a half-hearted, untrue apology that she could have brush off with just as much emotion and then they would have been back on solid ground. But no, he hadn't. They were trapped in the perilous uneasiness that came from the anxiety of both of them knowing he wasn't sorry for touching her. Not in the least.

Damn it.

Damn him. He'd had years to make a move on her when there was no wife and family waiting for him.

And he'd waited until Christmas fucking Eve to tease her with flirtation that seemed to be a bit more than flirtation.

Determined not to let him ruin the night that had included the magnificent feeling of his fingers brushing over her skin, she broke the silence. "So how old were you when you found out about Santa Claus?"

He turned to face her as soon as the words crossed her lips, but he took his time replying, as though he wasn't sure if she'd actually spoken. "I was six."

The idea that the strong, determined man had ever been a six-year-old who believed in Santa was hard for her to swallow, but it brought a wide smile to her face. "What happened?"

"Kelly happened."

She tried to remember, but she knew one of his sisters was a year older than him and the other was a year younger, but she wasn't sure which one was Kelly. "She's the older one?"

"Younger. Kerry is the older one."

"Your little sister told you about Santa? That's just mean." She could only imagine the torture of having three kids in two years. Of course, Elliot probably had suffered worse than his parents since he'd been sandwiched between two sisters. "Poor baby."

"It was all Kerry's fault. She put Kelly up to it." Elliot glanced at her, hoping she wasn't waiting for the whole story. Then he sighed and fixed his gaze out the window. "I wanted a train set for Christmas. My mom said we didn't have enough money for one, so I asked Santa for it instead."

She bit back a laugh at the notion of Elliot sitting on Santa's knee and asking for a train set. The only reason she was successful was because he was being open and honest and she knew laughter would stop him from trusting her again.

"I saw one at the toy store that had this great one that had steam and the whistle and a red caboose and everything. I used to just stare at the thing for hours. Kerry knew I wanted it. And she also knew that I thought the caboose was called a wagon."

She tried to swallow the giggle, but she wasn't entirely successful. Her snicker earned her a sharp glare. "I think it's cute."

"So anyway, like an ass, I went around telling everyone that I was getting a train with a red wagon for Christmas. And both of them knew mom said we couldn't afford a train set, but Kerry convinced Kelly that she would get this doll she wanted if she was nice to me and made sure I got my wagon. Apparently, some girl power thing made Kerry tell Kelly there was no Santa and let me keep on believing. So Kelly decided to test it and told mom I wanted a red wagon."

"Let me guess. There was no train set."

He shook his head. "No, just two devastated kids with the wrong Christmas presents." He shrugged. "At least the wagon proved to be a great torture device for the girls. I used to put their dolls in it and send them flying down the stairs." He started to laugh at the memory. "Had to get even with them somehow."

"I'll bet your parents loved that."

He rolled his eyes. "My parents really should have looked into birth control. I don't think they wanted any of us." He shook off the unexpected revelation quickly. "So what about you? How old were you when Christmas stopped being magical?"

"Four."

"Ouch."

Her eyes fell to her hands. "Yeah, well, it's not at amusing as yours."

"Come on." He reached out and elbowed her. "Not all your memories suck. Fess up."

"No, but the Santa one does." As much as she liked sharing secrets with Elliot, she felt too exposed. Because as much as he seemed to enjoy their time together, as forward as he was being about having feelings for her, he was still going home to share a bed with his wife in an hour.

"I told you mine. Now, you either tell me or I'm going to start singing Christmas carols."

"Oh, please, no!" She laughed despite herself, knowing that he was as tone deaf as they came. "Well, you know that Hippopotumus song?"

"The girl with the really annoying voice? Yeah, I might have heard that a couple hundred times." He rolled his eyes. "It's Maureen's favorite."

"I heard it and I thought it was just the greatest idea ever. I decided I wanted a damn hippopotamus for Christmas and I told Santa and I told my mom and I told everyone I saw. And since I firmly believed that it was a perfectly rational request-"

"You were four, after all." He grinned at her, imagining a young, innocent Olivia the same as she had done with him.

"Exactly. Seemed like a good idea." She smiled. "I kind of freaked out on Christmas Eve, thinking that I'd get trampled by it, so I told Santa, who was supposed to be all-knowing, right, that I'd be ok with a stuffed hippo since we lived in an apartment." She sighed, still easily able to remember how excited she was at the prospect of getting something she wanted so badly. It felt exactly like she imagined it would feel if someone told her Elliot would be under her Christmas tree on Christmas morning, sans wife and kids. "So Christmas morning, I see this big wrapped package and I assume it's my hippo."

"But it wasn't."

She shook her head. "It was an elephant. A big stuffed elephant. My mom went on and on about how I'd gotten just what I'd wanted from Santa."

"I suspect this story is going to end in tears."

"Oh, there were tears. Screams, shouts, squeals, and then tears. I was inconsolable." She shook her head, finding the story far more amusing than she ever had. "My mom asked what was wrong and I told her Santa was supposed to bring me a hippo." She paused, remembering the next part so clearly that she could practically hear her mother's shout in her ear. "She told me that she couldn't find a hippo and that I was a spoiled rotten brat for not being grateful that I got anything since I was such a terrible kid."

Elliot winced, hearing why she hadn't wanted to recount the story, but Olivia continued before he could say anything.

"That wasn't the worst part. I kept going on, hysterical about Santa getting it wrong because how could Santa get something wrong. She took me by the shoulder and shook me, looked me straight in the eye and told me there was no fucking Santa Claus and that she wasn't ever buying me anymore presents." She shrugged, trying to shake off the horrible feeling. "She relented by the next year. She always bought me gifts and she really tried to get the right stuff, but it never felt right."

Elliot was quiet for a long time. "That explains why you blew your rent on Kyle." She nodded, thinking that making Christmas perfect for someone would make her feel better about the whole thing. "I'm sorry. I didn't think-"

"Don't, El. I don't think anyone really looks back on giving up Santa fondly, you know? I think it's pretty much downhill after that."

Elliot nodded, starting the car. "Stores are closing. I guess Santa's not going to ruin anyone's Christmas by molesting them tonight."

"Come to think of it, that would be a worse way to find out."

The ride to her apartment was silent. When they pulled up to her building, she looked for something to say, some way to extend the peace they had between them. Elliot beat her to it, turning toward her.

"It's not all downhill after that, you know." He winked. "There's always mistletoe."

She headed into her building with a wide smile on her face, excited about Christmas for the first time since she was four. It was a good feeling.