Ask and you shall receive. I'm not sure how many chapters this will be, but I really hope I did this one justice. Drop a review and let me know what you think. Enjoy.

Disclaimer: I do not own or have any affiliation with Chicago PD, its characters, writers, cast or crew.

When she woke the next morning in a bed that wasn't hers, Erin sat up to take in her surroundings. She rubbed the sleep from her eyes and took a look around. She first noticed the two suitcases stood against the wall by the door. Then she saw the lavender painted walls, the old desk in the corner that used to belong to the woman who helped raise her when she was a teenager, and then she saw the oak dresser against another wall.

Erin was in her old bedroom. She was at Hank Voight's house. The previous night came back to her in quick flashes. She remembered Jay. He had come into the bar where Bunny worked. He said things. He took her out of there.

He brought me to Voight's. Where is he now, though? Did he leave? He wouldn't just leave me here with Voight. Not after what he said last night. Would he?

Erin pushed the thoughts from her mind and swung her legs out from under the covers and over the side of the bed. Her head was pounding and all she really wanted to do was crawl back under the blankets, but her mouth was dry. She needed water, and maybe a cigarette.

Erin stood from the bed. Her legs nearly gave out beneath her and she had to grab onto the nightstand table so she wouldn't fall. When she was sure she wouldn't, she let go of the table and walked to the door. She opened it and poked her head out. She didn't hear much other than the clanking of dishes which didn't help to ease her aching head. She looked down at herself and found she was presentable. She wore the same clothes from yesterday; jeans and an old Blackhawks t-shirt, and socks on her feet. She would change later.

Erin tried to listen for voices again, but couldn't seem to focus. Her head was killing her. She took a deep breath and let it out - she knew what was coming. She couldn't avoid it. She took another deep breath and stepped out of the bedroom towards the stairs. She gripped the railing tightly and took one step at a time.

When she reached the bottom she turned down the hallway towards the kitchen. She swallowed a large lump in her throat as she took small, quiet steps.

When she finally got to the end of the hall Erin stood in the doorway. Her arms were crossed in front of her chest and her eyes surveyed the space around her. Her eye quickly found Jay, sat at the table as he nursed a cup of what she assumed was coffee. She poked her head in a bit more and saw Hank stood in front of the stove as he tended to something in a skillet.

Jay noticed her first and he stood from his chair. The wooden legs scraped across the tile floor with an annoying whistle that caused Erin to wince and Hank to turn around. The two men both stared at her in silence as Erin stepped fully into the kitchen. Her arms still crossed protectively in front of her as she made her way to the table, her eyes on her feet as she walked.

Jay pulled out a chair for her, ever the gentleman he was, and Erin sat down without a word or even a glance in his direction. She dropped her arms from her chest, but kept her hands in her lap. She didn't look up. She couldn't look them in the eye. Not yet. She was such a disappointment. She saw it every single time she looked at their faces.

"Good morning," she heard from Jay. He set a steaming mug down in front of her. She reached for it, but still didn't say a word or meet his eyes. She just brought the mug to her lips to sip the caffeine she desperately needed at the moment.

Erin kept the mug in her hands as she noticed movement out of the corner of her eye. Hank walked towards her with a plate in each hand. He set one down in front of her, and handed the other to Jay.

"Thank you," she heard Jay as he took the plate of breakfast from Hank's hands.

Erin could feel their eyes on her as she held the coffee mug in a tight grasp. She eyed the food, but didn't touch it as a wave of nausea came over her. The coffee was enough for her.

"You gonna eat?" Hank asked her. She knew it wasn't a question though, as she glanced in his direction, but didn't meet his eyes. He stood close to the table, his arms crossed over his chest.

Erin pushed the plate away; the smell of it alone was making her sick. "I'm not hungry."

Her voice was childlike and just above a whisper. Hank stepped towards her. "Erin, you've gotta eat."

Erin shook her head. "I said I'm not hungry."

She heard the sigh that came from Hank, but still didn't meet his eyes with her own. She stole a glance at Jay and instantly regretted it. Worry seemed to ooze from him in the frown that stretched along his lips. His sad green eyes met hers and she swallowed a large lump in her throat at the guilt that overcame her.

Erin dropped her eyes and focused back on her coffee. She heard that annoying whistle against the floor again and raised her chin. Hank had pulled a chair up alongside her and sat down.

"You have to eat. You know how this works, kid. You either do it here or we take you to a hospital. It's your choice."

Not much of a choice is it?

Erin shook her head at him with a sarcastic snort. "And if I get sick are you gonna clean it up or are you gonna have your new lap dog do it for you?"

She glanced at Jay and didn't miss the hurt look that crossed his face, but she couldn't stop the words as they continued to slip out. "Why'd you bring me here? You could have taken me anywhere else, but you had to bring me here. I never should have left with you."

Erin sat the mug down and crossed her arms over the table in front of her. She dropped her head to rest on top of them, closed her eyes, and then shielded her face against the inside of her elbow.

Jay and Hank looked between one another, each with worry still etched in the wrinkles of their faces. Hank stood and made his way to the sink to start on the dishes while Jay stood and walked around the table to Erin. He stood with a wary look on his face and locked eyes once more with Hank from across the room. Hank only shrugged his shoulders, as if to say "I told you this wouldn't be easy."

Jay ignored him and kneeled down beside Erin. He rested his left hand on the top of her knee and placed the other in the middle of her back. She flinched at the contact, but kept her head down.

"Erin," Jay whispered. He moved each of his thumbs in circles over her knee and back, and leaned his head in closer to hers.

"Please, look at me," he pleaded with her, but she didn't move or speak until he whispered again. "Baby, please."

Erin lifted her head at his words. She locked eyes with Jay and that's when he saw her tears. She sniffed and wiped at her eyes with the back of one of hers hands.

"You've never called me that before," she said to him quietly.

"I'm sorry. I won't say it again," he told her.

Erin shrugged her shoulders. "I kinda like it."

Jay smiled at her before he lifted his hand from her knee to the top of the table. He reached for the plate of food Hank had brought to her and pulled it towards them. "Please, just take a few bites. Get something in your stomach."

Erin sighed as Jay grabbed the fork on the side of the plate and handed it to her. She glanced between his eyes and the utensil in his grasp and sighed heavily once more before she finally took it from him.

Jay stood from the floor and reached for the coffee mug in front of Erin. He leaned down to drop a kiss to the top of her head and then walked over to the machine on the counter.

As Jay refilled the mug he felt a nudge on his shoulder. He turned to his left and found Voight's eyes. Hank nodded over the island and Jay followed his gaze. He smiled as he saw Erin pop a bite of eggs into her mouth and started to chew slowly.

"Nice work, Halstead," Hank said low enough for only Jay to hear.

Jay nodded, dumping a spoonful of sugar into Erin's coffee mug.

"Listen. I've gotta run to the district for a little bit. Make sure she eats something every few hours."

Jay nodded. "Of course. I'll take care of her."

"I have no doubts about that. I'll check in, in an hour or so."

"Sounds good."

Hank turned to walk away, but stepped back to face Jay again. "I think I might have been wrong about you, Halstead."

Jay raised an eyebrow at him. "Is that a good thing?"

Hank smiled. "I'd say so."

Jay smiled back and then Hank walked out of the kitchen. A few moments later Jay heard the front door open and close. He grabbed the mug in front of him and walked back over to Erin. He placed the coffee down in front of her.

She looked up at him. "Thanks."

He nodded and took a seat in the chair closest to her. "How's your breakfast?"

Erin shrugged as she moved the remaining amount of food around on her plate. "It's fine. I'm just not that hungry."

Jay sighed. "I know you may not feel like you are now, but you will be. It's better to have something in your stomach now rather than wait until later. Just, please, eat a little more for me. Okay?"

Erin looked up at him and could only nod before bringing another forkful to her mouth.

"Thank you," Jay told her.

"Where's Voight?" Erin asked him a few minutes later.

"He had to go to the district for a little while. He'll be back later."

Erin didn't say anything else as she ate a bit more. Once most of the eggs and half the toast was gone she dropped the fork to the plate.

"Is that good enough?" She asked Jay.

He gave a half-smile. "For now."

Erin pushed the plate away from her before reaching for the coffee mug.

"I went to your apartment. Got some stuff for you."

Erin nodded. "I saw the suitcases. Thank you."

"You're welcome," Jay said.

Erin kept her eyes cast down to the table, but she could feel Jay's eyes on her. She looked up at him and caught his gaze. "What?"

He shook his head. "Nothing."

"Must be something if you can't stop staring," she countered.

Jay shrugged. "I'm worried about you, and I know you're sick of hearing the same thing over and over, but I just – god, I just love you, Erin. I know you're still blaming yourself for what happened to Nadia, but it wasn't your fault. I just hope that deep down inside of you, somewhere you know that."

Erin had dropped her eyes back to her coffee mug as soon Jay muttered the 'L' word. Even if it were true, she still hated hearing it. She didn't feel like she deserved anyone's love, let alone Jay's. Not with the way she had treated him. Not with everything she had done, and hearing him tell her Nadia's death wasn't her fault didn't make her believe it any more than when people had said the words to her nearly a month ago. Why couldn't everyone else see what she saw? She's the one that got Nadia killed. If it wasn't for her trying to save everyone, if it wasn't for her stupid birthday, for her existence, then maybe Nadia might still be alive right now.

Erin sniffed to hold back the tears that burned in the corners of her eyes. "I, um, I'm gonna go take a shower."

She stood from the table quickly and abandoned her coffee as she walked away from Jay and towards the hallway.

"Erin," Jay called out to her as he rose from his chair.

She turned around to face him just as the tears made their way down her cheeks. He stepped towards her, but Erin held up a hand to stop him. "Just let me take a shower. Please?"

Jay swallowed a lump in his throat and gave a quick nod of his head, and within a mere second Erin was out of the room and headed for the stairs.

Erin climbed the stairs to the second floor as fast as her body would let her. She entered her old room and shut the door behind her, and grabbed her black leather jacket. She knew exactly where it was; the tiny zip lock baggy that she had tucked away inside the interior pocket the night before. She unzipped the pocket and stuck her hand in - nothing. She checked the other compartments, but came up empty with those as well. She balled up the jacket and threw it to the floor.

Damn it!

Erin took a few deep breaths as she paced through the room with her hands on her hips. She sniffed back more tears. She just wanted a line. Just one quick line and then she would be alright. She'd be cool again.

But as Erin continued to pace around the room she soon realized she wouldn't be getting what she needed and the anger came quickly after the realization.

Things were thrown, whatever was in her reach. The lamp on the nightstand was the first to go. Then a framed picture of her and Camille. She shattered that against a wall. The desk chair was next. Then the nightstand.

Erin heard her name being shouted up the staircase. Jay. His heavy footsteps soon followed and then the bedroom door was flung open just as Erin slid down a wall to the floor. Her arms wrapped around her legs as she held them folded against her chest. Her chin rested on top of her knees and she sobbed while she rocked back and forth.

"Erin?" Jay said in a low voice. He didn't want to scare her.

He was careful as he walked towards her. He took cautious steps as he surveyed the room. There was glass all over. There was a hole in the closet door from the chair being thrown. There were broken pieces of wood scattered across the floor.

Jay took the final steps to reach Erin and sat down next to her. He wrapped his arm around her shoulders and pulled her body into his. She fought against him, but he was too strong for her. She fell into his side and his arm tightened around her as his hand held her head underneath his chin.

"You found it," Erin muttered between cries.

Jay sighed. "We flushed it."

Erin shook her head and then lifted her face to look him in the eyes. "I just need a little bit, Jay. Please, just a little, I swear that's all I need and then I'll be okay. I'll be okay again. Please. Just give me a little."

Jay felt his eyes fill with his own tears and he shook his head. "I can't do that."

Erin clenched his shirt in her fists. She was desperate as she stared at him and her sobs didn't let up. "Please, Jay. I need it. Please."

Jay shook his head again as he looked at her and he felt his heart break at her brokenness. "No, baby, you don't need it. You don't need it."

Jay held her as she cried and Erin begged him again, and again for the white powder that would give her the release she thought she needed. The release that she was sure would make her feel whole again.

"I need it," she told him again.

Jay shook his head again as they sat there on the floor together, and he just held onto Erin until she cried herself to sleep.