A baby. A boy baby at that.
The idea of it thrilled him, but knowing he would never be able to raise the child as his own filled him with an aching, bitter sadness. Tifa had been correct; Cloud was comfortable enough with his own failings to admit that truth. He had all but abandoned her in the long, ugly struggle for self-acceptance and the release of his burdening guilt. He'd had no idea that she'd carried such a secret in silence—and when she had finally started to show? Well, she'd already been engaged to Rude for months by that time, and he—along with everyone else—had simply assumed it was the large, gruff Turk's child.
But he'd chanced to be at Seventh Heaven to listen to his messages when Tifa was moving out the last of her things. Never one to make easy talk, Cloud had simply helped her with her bags and inquired gently about the baby, and Tifa—her eyes suddenly fierce—had rounded on him with the defensive anger of a wounded animal, saying, "You should wonder, Cloud Strife! It's yours."
And a world that had settled into comfortable tranquility had suddenly turned once more on its end.
'You have a child of your own to raise, and the last thing Kadaj needs is competition for your affections.'
Cloud frowned, leaning low over the Fenrir as the miles fell away behind him. She was right about that, too—Kadaj, as beloved and precious as he was, certainly was not the most stable of creatures, though he had flourished under Cloud's care. News of this might just shatter everything he had worked for, and the idea of causing his little lover pain was unconscionable. Hadn't he been through enough?
But a son, a child—something he had never dreamed of, never dared to think of. It just hadn't seemed plausible. Though Cloud had never made much of the difference between genders when it came to his lovers, he'd simply assumed that he would never father a child. Now he had a son and that son would be raised, cared for, and taught by someone else who—Tifa claimed—could love him more than Cloud could.
His beautiful face pulled into a deep scowl, offended by her rationale, though he couldn't deny how it might seem reasonable to her.
Deciding that he'd spent enough time away to cool his simmering temper, Cloud turned the bike back towards Edge and drove to the small loft he shared with Kadaj, his stomach tightening with dread when he saw the boy's bike parked in its usual spot.
How was he going to tell him?
Should he even tell him?
What would be best for Kadaj?
And if he justified keeping this secret from him, how many others would follow?
He pushed open the door, frowning to see that Kadaj had forgotten to lock it again. He knew it was ridiculous to worry about the boy's safety—he was more dangerous than any thug in Edge—but wished that he would take more care not to leave himself open for attack.
The television was on, as were all of the lights, and a trail of shed clothing led to the shower, making Cloud smile softly with indulgent amusement. He gently pushed open the cracked door to the bathroom, steam rolling out around him.
His slender little "brother" was busily rinsing off, a rippling figure behind the opaque shower curtain. Cloud couldn't resist twitching it back enough to let the cold air in.
"Cloud!" Kadaj exclaimed, immediately yanking the curtain closed, his pretty baby face set with irritation. "It's fucking cold out there, you shit!"
"You left the door open," Cloud said, pulling the shower curtain back again and holding it open this time to smirk at his naked lover, who hopped up and down beneath the warm water, hugging his arms to his well-defined chest at the chill. "All of them."
Kadaj gave him a sheepish grin and cocked his head, deciding to deflect Cloud's scolding with enticement. He let the water run down over him, plastering his silver hair to his head and throat, and gave Cloud a sultry smile, looking at him from the tops of his eyes and saying, "If you're going to interrupt my shower, you may as well join me…"
Cloud definitely was tempted—Kadaj was everything that was alluring with his slender, muscled body and his almost girlishly round hips. He was still young enough to have the androgyny of youth that so often drew men to younger boys, and it was no different for Cloud, who loved him so well. Every curve and dip of his body was beloved, charted territory for his lover. There was no inch of him that Cloud had not explored with tongue and teeth and fingers, and still the boy was an alluring enigma of sensuality, able to seduce Cloud with the merest slow lowering of his heavy lashes or slight quirk of his full lips.
"You were gone a long time today," Kadaj purred, the pout on his lips just the natural set of his mouth, full and plump as it was. He shifted in the water, turning to offer the profile of his tiny waist and round bottom. He closed his eyes and ducked his face under the warm spray of water, yelping when Cloud slapped his rump hard, chuckling.
"Hurry up," was all he said, leaving Kadaj to finish.
Kadaj couldn't help smiling, finishing quickly—though if he had anything to say about it he'd end up back in the shower soon enough.
He dried off and dressed, glad to finally have his own clothes that actually fit his tall, slim frame. At a loss for anything to do, he'd taken up helping Cloud run deliveries and the tips he got more than allowed for him to purchase whatever his little heart desired, especially as Cloud refused to have him help pay their living expenses.
"What's the rush?" he asked, wandering out into the living room. Their loft was small but comfortable enough for the two of them.
Cloud didn't answer, being so naturally reticent anyway. He was sitting on the small couch but he clearly planned on staying home for awhile, having shed everything but his dark cargo jeans. He looked at Kadaj and the boy caught something strange flash in his eyes, an odd cross of worry and apprehension.
"Cloud?" he questioned, suddenly afraid. They'd been so happy for such a short amount of time—surely it was too good to be true. Kadaj had never had a joy that wasn't taken from him, which had twisted him to find joy in horrible things that wouldn't be taken away. He'd only just started to live his life the way that others did, and lived with the constant, aching fear that this would be as ephemeral as every other happiness he'd ever had.
Cloud got up and just gazed down at him, those blue eyes so large and deep, the lids slowly lowering and rising in that utterly seductive habit of his. He cupped Kadaj's cheek, his hand gentle.
"You know that you mean everything to me," he finally said, and Kadaj felt himself blush, pleased and flustered. "You know there isn't anything I wouldn't do for you…"
"I know," Kadaj softly answered, and the fear came back. Cloud was as reticent with voicing his love as he was with everything in his life, though he never failed to prove it with his actions and his thoughtfulness. But actually saying anything was out of character for him, and Kadaj felt desperately afraid. "I know that, Cloud…"
"Here," Cloud suddenly said, moving away from him to retrieve a wrapped package in the corner. "I went searching and found some things."
"Things?" Kadaj questioned, keenly aware that Cloud was avoiding something that bothered him. Cloud was a complex mystery at best but Kadaj was sharp as a blade and nearly had his enigmatic brother figured out.
Cloud pulled away the string that held the package closed and it fell open to reveal Kadaj's souba.
Gasping, the boy snatched it up, swinging its familiar weight in his left hand and smiling with relief.
"Oh, Cloud, how did you find it?" he questioned, twirling it easily.
"It was still there," Cloud said, the only way he would refer to the place that Kadaj had died in his arms. "I had a new sheath made for it."
At a loss for words to properly thank him, Kadaj settled on hugging him tightly, eyes still full of his beloved souba.
"Maybe we can get your bike fitted like the Fenrir," Cloud told him, hugging him back with unusual intensity, as if he were afraid that Kadaj would somehow slip away. "That way you don't have to wear it on your back."
Kadaj lightly tossed the blade onto the couch and turned his attention to Cloud, gazing up at his gorgeous, feline face and softly murmuring, "Is something wrong?"
A spasm passed across those smooth features, a slight narrowing of Cloud's eyes and a subtle tightening of his mouth giving Kadaj all the answer he needed.
"What is it?"
Cloud lowered his eyes, falling back into that solemn, withdrawn silence, shutting Kadaj out.
Irritated, Kadaj gave him a none-too-gentle punch to get his attention and repeated his question as a demand, "What is it!"
Cloud flinched at the blow but when he lifted his eyes to meet Kadaj's sparkling jade ones, he merely smiled a little.
"Oh no you don't!" Kadaj snapped, knowing precisely what his brother was thinking. The beast inside Cloud had a keen appetite for violence and considered any temperamental punches, pinches, and slaps from Kadaj as invitations. "Don't you dare change the subject, you—"
Cloud snatched him up with a low, gruff growl and swallowed his protests with a hard, hot kiss that had Kadaj wriggling and fighting and unquestionably aroused despite how angry he was getting. But then, their lovemaking covered everything from unbelievably gentle and filling to absolute havoc-wreaking, face slapping, biting violence—all of it was amazing and all of it never failed to satisfy.
He broke away and skittered across the room, warily echoing Cloud when the man fell into a predatory crouch, his glittering blue eyes dancing with amusement and anticipation.
"Cloud, seriously!" Kadaj tried to reason, dashing the other direction when Cloud rounded the couch, trying to keep furniture in between him and his brother, whose beautiful face became even more beautiful as a slow, sexy grin spread over his perfect pink mouth.
"Seriously?" Cloud echoed, maneuvering him into an inescapable corner, merely laughing when Kadaj feinted and tried to slip into the kitchen. Cloud blocked him with one corded arm and Kadaj retreated to the hallway, huffing with mingled anger and frustration and the ever-present stir of desire.
"You aren't listening to me!" Kadaj snapped, opting for driving Cloud back with a punch as opposed to further retreat—behind him was the bedroom, and any discussion would end abruptly in the presence of a bed. "Whatever is bothering you—we need to talk about it!"
Reminding Cloud only brought forth a faint frown that quickly evaporated, and Kadaj yelped as he was ingloriously pounced on and brought to the carpeted floor beneath Cloud's lean, heavier body.
'Oh why bother,' he thought, returning Cloud's desperate, rough kisses and arching beneath his tautly balanced body. 'We can figure it out later…'