I'm going to try and update at least a few times a week! My life's hectic between work and school, but I find solace in my writing. As always, read and review, maybe favorite and follow? But here's chapter 2, sorry if it's short. I've written this through a migraine! :)
I instantly knew I was dreaming, but I didn't let it bother me. I was in my garage working on my Rabbit, my hands covered in grease, my clothes covered in oil and god knows what. Nothing out the norm, what a strange and seriously random dream.
"What do you want on your pizza?" Bella suddenly shouted out to me, I turned around to see her sitting on the floor, her legs crossed, flipping through a pizza menu.
"Anything meat related, maybe some onions, hope you don't mind the breath." I laughed, tossing my wrench to the floor. She laughed with me as she got to her feet, bounding towards me.
"Always such the carnivore, eh babe?" she smiled, wrapping her hands around my neck. What? What was going on, this just proved to be a dream. But her hands felt right around my neck, like they belonged there, though her creamy ivory skin wasn't nearly as hot as mine, I could feel her warmth all over me, flowing through my veins. I knelt my head down, touching my lips to hers, the heat intensifying as we connected. My hands grasped her hips pulling her closer to me, a low moan escaping her mouth as our bodies touched, her fingers now pulling at my hair. It felt so good, the mix of pain and pleasure, she felt so good, so right in my arms.
"I love you Jake.." she murmured against my lips, holding me tighter, touching her hands to the buckle on my belt.
My eyes shot open, my breaths coming in shallow pants. A fine mist of sweat was sprinkled on my brow. My heart felt like it was going to leap right now out my chest, and that stupid flutter was in my stomach again. What was wrong with me? Maybe I wouldn't sneak cans of my dads beer before bed anymore.
After I showed I wandered into the kitchen, Dad had already left to go fishing with Harry and Charlie, it was weird not hearing the wheels of his chair creaking up the hallway at the moment he heard me up. I decided to make something quick, throwing some strawberry poptarts into the toaster, I was still quite freaked out about my dream. Bella and I dating? No, we were friends, had been since childhood, and like she could ever get over Cullen, I knew how head over heels in love she was with him, never heard the end of it from Charlie, and of course my dad, begging me to get her to end things with him. I mean really, paying your son 20$ to ask your friend to dump her boyfriend, really dad, new low. But in all honestly, I did care for Bella, I loved her like family, but could I love, love her? No, she would never think of me that way. I was just her goofy, clumsy, grease monkey of a friend. One she decided to spend time with to distract her from her misery. She could never fall in love with me. I laughed to myself as I ate, staring blankly at the tv, not really paying attention to what was on. For once in my life, I was so lost in my thoughts.
"Yo Jake, wanna come down to the store with us?" Embry murmured as he let himself in, followed by Quil. It didn't bother anyone in the Rez to keep our doors unlocked, everyone knew everyone. Hardly any crime around here.
"Naw, got plans." I replied, blindly changing the channel, hmm, food network, bad choice. I could feel my stomach growl in response at the site of delicious cut of red meat.
"It's that girl that was here yesterday eh? Isabella right, Chief Swan's daughter?" Quil laughed, nudging Embry's side, wiggling his thick eyebrows side to side.
"Bella, and yeah, she's coming over to study with me, I'm so far behind." I lied, not moving my eyes from the tv. No need to tell them about the bikes, they'd rat to Billy, who would eventually rat to Charlie, and in which case, would loose his mind and cut the whole thing short.
"Right... well we're heading out, see ya later I guess." they chuckled, shutting the door behind them. Meh, let them think what they wanted, I still wouldn't let them in on our secret.
When I heard her truck come to stop out front I found myself excited. My heartbeat quickened in my chest, I could hear my pulse in my ears, even my skin felt hotter. Maybe I was coming down with something. You're falling in love with her, stop being so dense, I heard in the back of my mind. I shook my head, as if to shake the thoughts from myself completely. I wasn't going to let those feeling show themself, because Bella would never return them. Better to save myself now then to regret it later.
I met her outside, opening the truck door for her, offering my hand as she stepped out. That strange look of pain and confusion crossing her face, as it had last night. I ignored it, though I was heavily confused myself, I wasn't going to ask.
"My lady." I bowed, hoping to get a smile. To my surprise, it worked, her cheeks lite up, as she grinned, pulling up one side of her mouth.
"Oh knock it off." she laughed, pushing me lightly, playfully as she always had, she seemed to be in a better mood then the last time she was over. That was good, hopefully my presence would numb her a little more. We started on the bikes right away. Bella was right, she didn't know jack shit about anything mechanical, but her company was more than enough to make me happy, time flew by. She passed me tools when I needed them and helped clear the gunk and cob webs out of the nooks and crannys.
"Screwdriver please, phillips head." I murmured, holding my hand out, hoping she at least knew what I meant. When nothing happened I racked my brain, trying to remember if I said it out loud, or if I had been talking to myself.
"Bells?" I asked, looking behind me. She was staring at the radio a sour look of agony on her face. Her eyes were brimming with tears as she held her torso, her arms over lapping each looked like she wasn't breathing. I ran over to her, hesitantly touching my hands to her face. Her cheeks were so warm and red, when her eyes finally met mine she blinked, sending tears streaming down thickly, catching on my fingers.
"I'm sorry, I just.." she sighed shaking her head, as she stopped talking all together. I dropped my hands, staring at her, waiting for an explanation. I understood she was depressed, and very sensitive, but this literally came out of nowhere. One moment we were making fun of people we knew to ease some of the tension, and the next she was breaking down behind me. It killed me to see her like it. It angered me to know he had done this to her. Turned her into an empty shell of who she used to be.
"Bells what's wrong, you know you can tell me anything." I whispered, touching a finger to her rosy cheek. She slowly brought her melancholy eyes up to mine and sighed loudly, taking in a slow deep breath, sorta how you would before a shot at the doctor, as if she were preparing herself for the pain. Shrinking into herself.
"That song, it just, well, caught me off guard. I don't listen to music much anymore, I wasn't expecting any to come on at this time, on this station, it's usually the news hour..." she paused taking another hesitated breath. Much slower this time. "It.. it reminds me of him..of us.. I'm sorry it's stupid." she finished, planting her face in her knees, I watched as her hands constricted around herself, almost as if she was pulling herself back together. I instantly felt absolutely horrid. Me and my big mouth. I couldn't have left well enough alone, or at least made a stupid joke.
"Don't apologize Bella, it's really alright. Nobody's perfect, well except me, it's alright to be jealous." I chuckled, hoping she would take the bait. A snide comment would usually work in a situation like this. To my relief she laughed slighty, wiping her hands under her swollen eyes, her smile brought a warmth to my chest, making it swell with happiness, to know I had caused that smile. Her smile also caused a small flutter in my stomach, I was getting used to the feeling, it was happening a lot more often.
"Well, no need to brag, that's just rude." we both laughed, and the moment was nice enough to keep silent as our laughter faded. We continued to scrub down the bikes chassy, talking here and there. I didn't want to force her into conversation, I was here to help her feel better, not weight her down with my own problems or my usual constant need to fill silence with pointless talk. When she excused herself to the washroom, I ripped the radio from the wall, tossing it into my trunk locking it, no more music. No more radio. I was not watching her hurt like that again, not if I could help it.
"Are you hungry Jake? I haven't eaten yet and if I don't, Charlie isn't going to let me out tomorrow." she sighed, looking annoyed. She defiantly needed to eat more often then she did and a lot more too. She had lost the subtle curves she had, had the last time I saw her, before well, before her world ended, as Charlie put it. And she looked ill. Her skin was always very fair, but now it was sickly white, chalky almost, unless she was flushed. Then she looked half alive and healthy.
"That's a silly question Bells, I'm always hungry." I laughed patting my hand on my stomach. It was flat, but as my dad always told me. "Your metabolism won't last forever Jake." Screw it, I'd cross that bridge when I came to it. She smiled slighty, pulling her phone from her pocket.
"Is pizza ok? I'll eat whatever you get, so long as there's no anchovies. I don't do salted, briny fish." her tone was settled, it was funny to see her trying to be serious. I heard her question a few time in my head before it registered I had been through this before. What happened next.. Her arms would wrap around me, our lips would meet, starting a chain reaction in both our bodies, as her soft lips whispered she loved me.
"Jake?" she pressed, her eyebrows pressed into a V of confusion and worry over her wide eyes.
"Umm yeah pizza is fine, I guess pepperoni, bacon and ground beef." I answered, darting my eyes back to my hands. I couldn't look at her. Not with these thoughts in my head, not with my sudden urge to turn to her, grabbing her in my arms and planting my lips firmly to hers.
"Sure thing, be right back. I'm sure Billy has a pamphlet for Pizza Hut somewhere." she said, pulling herself up from ground, heading out towards the house. When she left I dropped my cleaning rag, touching my hand to chest. My heart was pounding fierce and hard and my face and neck felt hotter than usual. There was need in the hollow of my stomach. A need to touch her, to wrap her in my arms, pressing her thin body to mine so I could whisper in her ear how much I was falling in love with her. I sighed, my hands going to temple. This was bad, really really bad.
I was in love with Bella.