Disclaimer of Doom: I do not, and most likely never will, own Super Smash Bros. or the franchises represented in it.
The True Story of Super Smash Bros.
Chapter 1: Master Hand and First Fight
"What's-a going on here?" inquired the Plumber. Of course everyone else was still asleep. He slammed his hand on the wall, and the resulting noise woke up the other people. "DNA EVIDENCE!" the fox cried as he awoke. "Does anybody know where we are?" said the elf-like man. However, upon seeing the ape, the talking fox, and the robot like person, he started to freak. "AAAAAAAGGGHH!!!" he screamed. "Talk about culture shock" the ape, Donkey Kong, whispered to Mario. The elf-man, or Hylian, as we shall now call him, named Link, drew his sword with his left hand and his shield with his right. He started to randomly jump around and slash the other people. But before he got in cutting range of Fox, he tripped.
As it turned out, his leg was in a shackle… again (Twilight Princess reference for those of you who haven't played it). Soon after, the others realized they were also in shackles. Fox also found a tape in his pocket and used the tape recorder right next to him to play it. "Hello Fox, you don't know me, but I know you. I want to play a game" the voice from the tape said. Fox threw the tape in the air and shot it with his blaster, destroying it. "What is this?" he said annoyed "Some kind of Saw parody?"
"I think we were supposed to use that" the robot person, Samus, said. "So how are we supposed to get out of these chains?" asked Donkey Kong. The other three in the room remained quiet, just listening. "Well," Fox began, "I have seen Saw, so, the person who trapped us here is supposed to supply us with hacksaws to cut through our feet, which will release us from the wall where our shackles are attached to" he paused for a second, then continued "but we're supposed to originally think they're for the chains, then one of us is supposed to break our saw trying to cut through them, and that person is left in the room forever while everyone else limps out of the room missing a foot and ankle leaving a trail of blood on the ground." After he finished he simply sat there and smiled for a moment before realizing that everyone else was grimacing at him for giving them the prospect of possibly cutting through their legs to escape.
"Anyway-a," Mario said "we-a have to get out of-a here," he looked at Fox "before we-a have to cut through our-a feet." Fox gave a nervous grin. Suddenly, the walls of the room they were in fell out, revealing them to be in the foyer of a huge mansion. As it turns out, the shackles weren't actually attached to anything, except air of course. After that a strange man floated down out of nowhere. "Mind-a telling us who the crap-a you are?" Mario questioned angrily. The man lifted his head. He was wearing a mask, a top hat, black suit and gloves. "Why I'm the great Master Hand!" he said excitedly. "Hoping that you guys enjoy your stay at the Smash Mansion!"
"Smash… Mansion?" Link was confused. Fox drew his blaster and pointed it at Master Hand. "Tell me why you brought us here" he snarled.
"Isn't it obvious?" Master Hand said. "You guys are some of the strongest fighters in the universe!" he started to explain "And you guys deserve a break for a while. Y'Know, take some time off from saving people all day." Meanwhile, in the Mushroom Kingdom…
Bowser and Peach were standing on the balcony of Bowser's castle, sporting blank looks. "Wow," Bowser began "It's not as fun to kidnap you without the fear of Mario chasing me down and beating the crap out of me"
Back at the Smash Mansion
"That's why you deserve a vacation!" said Master Hand "Feel free to look around and check it out." The smashers, as we shall now refer to them, started walking around the house. Fox started to talk to Samus. "Hey, Samus"
"Yeah?"
"Did you notice that weird string coming out of Master Hand's hat?"
"Yeah"
"I think something's going on here"
Link came charging at Fox with his sword raised aloft. He was shouting at the top of his lungs "SLAY THE BEAST! SLAY THE BEAST! SLAY THE BEAST!" He started to bring his sword down slashing repeatedly as Fox dodged the slices. "What the hell is your problem, man?!" cried Fox. Link thought Fox was evil because he was a talking animal wearing clothes. Master Hand suddenly appeared in a puff of smoke. He grabbed Link's Master Sword.
"Do you guys know what happens if there's a disagreement in this Mansion?" He asked them. They both shook their heads. "We have a battle!!!" "Wha?" Fox was now confused. "It's simple." Master Hand pulled out a chalkboard and started to write on it. "There's a disagreement" he drew an arrow to an empty space on the board. "I step in," he drew another arrow. "If it still can't be solved, we go to a battle" he drew another arrow. "A battle is where we put two smashers in an arena and have them clash, but not to the death". Fox looked intrigued. "When does this battle start?" Fox inquired. "When ever you want" he said "but if you want to beat your enemy. You have to use the element of surprise". A small lever appeared next to Master Hand. "SURPRISE!!!" He pulled the lever, dropping Fox and Link into a trap door.
They both landed in a dark room, which immediately lit up and projected a full hologram of a Hyrule Temple. An audience surrounded them with about 1,400 spectators cheering their heads off along with Mario, Samus, Donkey Kong, Yoshi (the dinosaur), Kirby (the puffball) and Pikachu (the yellow rat) also in the audience. Both of the fighters stood up and wiped themselves off. Master Hand appeared before them. He started to explain the rules. "Okay, let me make this clear. This is not a fight to the death. To defeat your enemy you simply knock him or her out of the arena. Your weapons? Whatever you can find" There was a brief pause. "Okay, GO!" Master Hand disappeared.
Link drew his sword and shield and rushed Fox, who quickly dodged. Link was surprised at how fast Fox dodged him. "Wha? How?"
"I haven't shown it yet, up until now, but I am…" He disappeared quickly and reappeared behind Link. "…super fast" Fox punched Link on the back of the head and kicked the shield away. Link was knocked down but quickly got back on his feet. He drew a bomb and lit it. However, Fox drew his blaster quickly and shot at the bomb. Link pulled the bomb away and threw it at Fox, but Fox's blaster shot hit Link in the stomach. Link clenched his stomach for a moment and pulled his hand away. Blood was running down his stomach and his hand and dripping onto the ground. Fox quickly threw his hand to his thigh and activated his reflector to deflect the bomb away.
The bomb bounced back and exploded in midair. While Fox's view was obscured by smoke, Link took a chance to damage Fox. He dove in to the smoke with his sword. Before Fox could react to Link diving through the smoke he had a huge bloody cut on the top of his arm. Fox clenched his arm. The audience cheered wildly
Link landed about 15 feet behind Fox and threw his boomerang. Fox jumped to dodge it, turned around and charged Link at high speed, but the boomerang turned around also and nailed Fox on the back right before he got to Link. Fox hit the floor, but quickly swiped at Link's leg, tripping him. Link landed on his back and Fox flip-kicked Link's stomach. He dug his other foot under Link and bicycle kicked him. The audience cheered again
Link stood back up and jumped. In the air, he pulled out 2 more bombs and lit them. He chucked them at Fox, who simply stood there. The bombs exploded. After the smoke cleared, the audience gasped. All they saw was one of Fox's boots, his headset, his scarf, all significantly singed. Along with that, there was a small pool of blood which they were all laying on.
Fox was dead. Link landed on the ground and grinned broadly. He had won. Shortly before he was officially declared winner, a flaming bolt struck him down on the back. Link's entire back was singed with burned blood also covering it. Fox was standing where the flaming bolt was. Of course, his arm was bleeding worse, his fur was burned badly, and he was missing one of his boots, headset and scarf. Link coughed up blood before finally asking "But… How? You were…" "Dead? Feh! First, I rubbed my bad arm on the ground. That hurt. The next part was simple. I simply took off a boot, my scarf and my headset. He then knelt down next to Link. "You lose" he whispered. Fox finished the match by smashing Link off of the stage. An explosion came. The match was over. The audience started to cheer their heads off and Fox was finally warped out of the stage. He landed in an infirmary bed, getting his wounds tended to by nurses. Link landed in the infirmary bed opposite Fox, also getting his wounds tended to. While Fox was on the bed, he began to wonder, why would Master Hand want to settle simple disputes with deadly fights?
Note: Yes, I know how I described Master Hand is waaaaaaaaay different from how he appears in the games. But stay tuned, for in later chapters, you're in for a surprise.