Shadowed Past: Visions of Affliction
Chapter 2: Unforgotten and Afraid
WARNING: Slight mention of Alex's past in the first flashback (it doesn't describe anything but it still references past self-harm/suicide so I wanted to note it to be safe).
Enjoy!
I took a step back, gasping and blinking rapidly. I looked up at the mirror again and saw my violet eyes.
"Weird..." I panted.
I washed my face with cold water again, avoiding my own gaze in the mirror as I dried my face for a second time. I let out a breath I hadn't realized I'd been holding, flicked off the light, and walked out of the bathroom.
Steve was still sleeping in bed, which was strangely unusual. I decided to get dressed and head down to breakfast early since there wasn't much else to do.
Downstairs, only a few SHIELD agents were wandering the halls and cafeteria. Some had already eaten and gone to work, others were still sleeping. Everyone had a different schedule to keep, some had the night shift and some the day shift.
"Alex!" an accented voice called, and I turned to see Wanda at a table waving her hand to grab my attention.
A small smile curled on my lips as I walked over to her. She stood and hugged me before we sat back down together.
"You're up early this morning, may I ask why?" She questioned.
"Couldn't sleep. And I decided it would be best to leave the room to let Steve sleep in rather than wake him. He needs his beauty sleep."
She chuckled. "I see. How have you been holding up?"
"So-so. What about you? I know things have been hard for all of us after...Ultron...and,"
"Pietro?"
"Yeah." I sighed.
"I've been doing better." She grabbed the chain of her necklace and held the locket charm in her palm. Moving it so I could see, she opened the locket. Inside was an old picture of Wanda and Pietro as kids. "It's the only picture of us together we had left, especially after everything was destroyed at home. I keep him close. It makes me feel a little better knowing a small piece of him will always be with me."
"I know how you feel."
"You do?"
"Yeah...that happened to me some time ago with an heirloom of my mother's."
"Where is it now?"
"I lost it...it was, causing some family issues, so, it had to be destroyed."
I really didn't feel like explaining the entire cursed ring story to her; I trusted her, but it was still early.
"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that."
"It's fine, really." I replied.
"Now, tell me, what's it like to be married?"
"Married?" I smirked.
"Yes. I've always wondered. Considering I'll probably never get the chance to settle down with a nice guy."
"Hey, you never know. I used to say the same thing. And, it's wonderful. Steve can be a little over protective sometimes, but, I still love him. We both have interesting pasts that make up our relationship, and we can relate to each other a lot, and, I don't know. It just, works."
"I'm glad you're both happy." Wanda grinned.
"I'm glad to have you here. I mean, Nat and I have grown, and besides Piper, you're the only other woman here to talk with."
"I enjoy your company as well, Alex. I feel that our relationship is very strong."
"I still remember the day we first met."
"Oh, me too. Sorry about that, again."
"It's fine, really." I chuckled.
"No, I really shouldn't have done that to you...I manipulated you, and all of the others..."
"It was just your way of self defense. I can't blame you for it."
"I know, but, it's still something I regret."
Suddenly my head began to throb, and my vision blurred.
"Alex?" Wanda's voice echoed.
"Yeah, hey, I just got a really bad headache, I'm gonna go to the restroom really quick."
"Do you need some help?" She called as I stumbled my way towards the exit.
"No, I'll be fine!" I called.
I made it around the corner, and the pain became so great that I slid my back down the wall and held my forehead in my hands, my knees bunched up close to my center. I kept my eyes squeezed tight; any ray of light burnt like the brightness of staring at the sun.
And then the vision began to flicker, like the start of an old projector-based film.
The bitter winter air stabbed at my lungs as I inched my way around the corner. We'd infiltrated the enemy base, and now was a matter of finishing the mission and getting out.
I crept my way up the stone staircase, prepared for anything or anyone to jump out at me. I was invisible, but that didn't matter. These people had some pretty high-tech weapons, and they surely had heat-sensors in their hands.
I listened closely, the only sound echoing off the walls was the slow and almost silent tap of my boots as I made my way up stair by stair.
Once I was at the top, I heard something out of the ordinary. Someone was there with me. I froze, ceased to breathe, and listened.
Silence.
'Come on out...I know you're hiding...' I thought to myself.
And suddenly, I felt cold hands grab the sides of my skull, and my vision blur, flashes of my past coming to life.
I saw what I used to do to myself.
The racing cars under the bridge.
I saw myself falling...
And then I snapped out of it. I shot a field behind me, striking the attacker. I showed myself, only to see a girl, probably no older than me, standing there. Her arms were up and ready to fire, and I noticed they were burning red. Her eyes the same.
"Wait, we can talk this out." I said firmly.
"No, we can't." She hissed. Firing at me only to miss.
Our fight began, and we continued to fire masses of energy at each other like it was totally normal.
"What are you?" I called as I dodged a glowing mass of red energy.
"Special. And you?"
"I could say that, but I think I'm just weird." I panted as I faded into thin air.
She frantically looked around for me, and I went in for the attack. I smacked her across the face, and she swung hard at me, but missed.
We played that game for a solid five minutes, I'd hit her, she'd swing at where she thought I was, and would miss. It was something rather comical to watch, surely.
Suddenly, I saw her hands begin to glow red again. She was angry. She let out a force so great that it knocked me down, and I became visible again.
She closed in on me, and just as she was about to attack, Steve ran in and pushed her aside.
I looked up at him and smiled as he stood there and smiled back. He reached out to help me up, and I grasped his warm hand.
I clearly saw our hands locked together; the matching wedding rings shining in the dim light. A symbol of our relationship.
As soon as I was to my feet, something whizzed by my side. I turned to see nothing, but then I heard it on the opposing side of my body. I looked the other way. Nothing.
"You hear that?" I panted.
"Yeah..." Steve replied.
Suddenly, not only was the girl standing there, but a guy was too. They looked alike, probably related.
"Oh great, another one?" I huffed.
"Did they hurt you?" The guy asked the girl.
"No." She responded coldly, giving me a glare.
"Who are you?" Steve questioned, confident and strong.
"None of your business." The girl hissed.
"Please, let me handle this." The guy responded.
"Hey, I have an idea, let's play live action 'whoever gets knocked off the building first' loses." I spoke up.
"Silence yourself, before I slit your throat." The girl snarled.
The glare of my violet eyes burned in her red ones.
"I'm going to ask this again: Who, are you?" Steve said forcefully.
The girl's hands began to glow red, and I knew what she was going to do.
"Steve! Look out!" I shoved Steve out of the way; I went to blow out a field of my own, but it was too late.
My vision was blinded by the red and I felt the back of my skull smack against the cold cement wall.
I saw Steve's eyes looking into mine and could just barely feel his hand on the side of my head as I blacked out.
And then I looked up, the work lights on the ceiling blinding me. The plain walls of the hallway surrounded my being, and I felt the cold tile floor beneath me.
I was panting, gasping for air and I could feel small beads of sweat forming all over my body.
But I wasn't hot. I was freezing.
Just like in the forest.
Later that day, Bruce had asked me if he could take some readings of my head for research.
But I wasn't stupid.
I knew exactly what he was doing. I knew that everyone meant well and was trying to help me, but I knew that it would go away eventually.
"So, how have you been holding up?" Bruce asked as he hooked up more cords to my forehead.
"Decent, I guess. You?"
"We're not here on behalf of my well being. What do you mean by decent? Are things worse?"
"I don't even know anymore. I had another incident this morning. I was talking to Wanda, and all of a sudden I had a random flashback and basically blacked out in the hallway. It's just weird. It was one of the day I met Wanda and Pietro, when they almost tried to kill me. Not that it meant anything, they were just scared. I probably would've done the same."
"So, that's worse then. They've escalated from nightmares to blackouts during the day."
"Yeah." I sighed. "And then endings are always different. Like it ends with me getting hurt, or failing to protect somebody or something. They end in the most negative way possible and nothing like what happened at all."
"Could you give me an example?"
"Sure. Like the one I had this morning with Wanda and Pietro. Before I woke back up again, I pushed Steve out of the way of Wanda's energy. But, instead of turning and blocking it with my own field, like how it actually happened, I got knocked out against the cement."
"I see."
It was silent for a moment before Bruce spoke up again.
"Why didn't you say anything?"
My response came out soft, weak, almost silent.
"I don't know."
Bruce took about ten more minutes setting up everything, and the room was practically silent the entire time except for the beeping and chirping of some of the machines. As he continued fiddling with all of his science toys, I couldn't help but think about my eyes flashing red in the mirror. It scared me, and it was physical proof that this certainly wasn't a "I'll get better in a couple of days" situation. Something was wrong. Very wrong. I could feel it in my conscious, just ready to pounce on me and take my mind over again.
My thoughts were interrupted when Tony came strolling in; no snide comment alongside his entrance made it rather peaceful.
"So, what's the status so far?" He asked Bruce.
As Bruce muttered some science junk to him, I noticed that Tony's voice sounded serious. Not angry, upset, depressed...just, serious. He only used that voice when he meant business.
"And how are you, Mrs. America?" Tony asked, his voice seeming more loose now.
I simply shrugged my shoulders. I didn't feel like talking about it all over again.
"Come on. That's all I'm getting from you?" A slight grin appeared on his face as he walked over to me. "I know you, and you're a chatterbox."
"I'm okay, I guess." I sighed.
"And she speaks!"
I giggled at his emphasis, and looked up at him once he stood by my side.
"On to a more serious matter; I know that you're having a rough time. But, that's why we're here."
"Thanks, really. I just, hope we can figure out what's going on."
"Me too, kiddo, me too."
It was silent for a moment before he continued.
"Remember that time we worked on your new suit together?"
I grinned, "Yeah, and we stayed up until three in the morning without knowing it because Clint turned off all the clocks."
"It was worth it. Come on, we had some good times."
"Hey, grab me that wrench over there would-ya?!" Tony called.
"Which one?!" I yelled back. I was looking down at one of the many tool benches in the workshop, and there were about twenty wrenches lined up by size.
"The smallest one!"
"Okay!"
I wrapped my smooth, warm hand around the cold and hard metal, carrying it over to him.
"Gracias, chica." He exhaled, looking at the tool briefly before turning around and going back to work.
"How's the progress coming?"
"Not too bad, actually. Having a little trouble with syncing the invisibility factor but I think it'll be alright.
He took a step back, and we both looked at the new in-progress suit of mine. "What do you think?"
"I like it. Maybe a couple belts and things as finishing touches, and I think we have a new suit for battle." I said, giving Tony a high five.
"Try it out really quick, see if it turns invisible when you do."
I held my hand out slightly away from my body, watching it fade into thin air, before extending my arm so my hand touched the suit.
It vanished.
I couldn't help but smile and feel the excitement rush through my body, much like a little kid on Christmas.
"Oh my gosh! I don't know why this seems so much cooler than my other one but it just is! Thank you so much!" I squealed, wrapping him in a hug.
"No problem, kiddo, it's the least I could do. You helped too. A tool fetcher is always handy."
"Yeah, totally." I chuckled.
"It's a lot more work when you constantly have to get up and go grab stuff, I can assure you that. It's one of the reasons I programmed JARVIS, not only was a help to my father but now me, in a more, digital way."
It was silent for a moment.
"Do you think everything's going to be okay?" I blurted out.
"That's in fate's hands now. I didn't mean for Ultron to get out of control...at all. The idea just seemed so great and helpful..."
"I know, I completely understand, I'm just scared."
"Me too, kiddo, me too."
"Yeah, I remember." I sighed.
"Tony," Bruce spoke up, giving Tony the look that said get over here, now.
Tony walked over to Bruce and I sat in silence. They fiddled with something on the monitors and I tried to think of happy things. Something so simple, yet somehow so difficult. It seemed like every time I did think of something good, it was plagued by a crazy vision or nightmare.
"Alex, how much sleep have you been getting each night?" Bruce asked, walking over.
"Depends on the night, usually around five hours...sometimes more. Why?"
"None of that matters at the moment, just, stay calm. I'm going to ask you a few questions, okay?"
"Yeah, sure."
"Have you been having any anger issues lately? Any trouble with your temper?"
"No."
"Trouble breathing, strange heart palpitations, anything like that?"
"No."
"Muscle spasms?"
"Nope."
"Digestive trouble?"
"No!"
"Okay, does anything physically seem to be out of order?"
"No." I sighed, again.
"Because mentally the only thing I see is a little high level stress. Nothing out of the ordinary."
"See, I'm fine."
"But that's the problem, Alex, you're not fine. You know it. The monitors must be missing something."
"Bruce, I don't know. These are some of the highest tech monitors on the planet. I don't see what they could be missing besides a little PTSD." Tony called.
"I'll just keep shaking the nightmares off, and if they get worse, I'll let you know. I promise." I said to Bruce.
He nodded in response, and the duo began taking all of the cords off my head.
Later that night, Steve was questioning how my tests went with Bruce and Tony in a rapid fire manner as I was turning the bed down for the night.
"Are you sure you're not sick?"
"Alex these things aren't normal."
"Does your head hurt?"
"Do you feel sick?"
"Have you been getting light headed?"
"How's your vision been?"
"Steve!" I shouted. "I'm fine, I promise. Bruce said the readings said nothing other than some stress and typical PTSD symptoms. Okay? There's nothing to worry about."
"I'm still keeping my eye on you." Steve replied.
"I'd hope so, you know I don't like a man with wandering eyes." I said as I walked up to Steve, meeting him at the center of the foot of the bed.
Steve wrapped his arms around the small of my back, and I ran my hands up his arms. "I could never look away from you." He muttered against my lips before kissing me chastely.
"I'd hope so." I hummed. "Now come on, you need your rest, cap."
"So do you, nightmare before Christmas."
"Tony's really starting to grow on you, isn't he?"
"It's a love/hate relationship."
I gave Steve one last kiss before he turned away to get undressed for bed.
"You looked away!"
He turned around and shot me his infamous confused puppy look, and I couldn't help but laugh. "I was kidding, Steve."
"Oh, right, yeah." He muttered with furrowed eyebrows before turning back around.
I lay in bed, Steve's strong arms wrapped around me as I simply think. There was so much to think about, I couldn't even think of where to begin.
Suddenly my phone buzzed on the nightstand, and I reached over to grab it.
Piper
U okay? Wanda told me about what happened this morning. I was worried when Steve told me where you were.
I'd completely forgotten about this morning. I'd run out on Wanda leaving her confused and probably worried, and I was supposed to see Piper today too. But that didn't happen.
Me
Yeah, I'm fine. Bruce and Tony ran a few tests and I'm okay. Just a little ptsd.
...
Piper
R u sure? R they sure? This sounds to be a lot worse than just ptsd.
...
Me
Ik. That's what I was thinking too. But that's all the readings said.
...
Piper
Ok. :) Wanna try and meet up for breakfast 2mrrow?
...
Me
Sure. I'll c u there :) Night night.
...
Piper
Night night! :) Don't get too rowdy in bed over there ;p
...
Me
No promises. Goodnight Pipes.
I awoke to nothing.
Darkness engulfed my vision, and the only sound was my breathing.
"Hello?" I called, my voice echoing into thin air.
I tried to stand, but my legs were too weak. Panic flooded my body, and I began feeling around to try and depict the placement of my body.
I couldn't find them.
My legs, my hips, even my neck.
Gone.
"What's going on?!" I screamed. I tried feeling my face, and even it was missing.
I couldn't feel anything. Only fear.
I couldn't see anything.
I couldn't hear anything, except my own voice and breathing.
I couldn't depict where I was...what I was.
"Steve! Help!" I screamed.
Normally I'd feel the hot tears running down my cheeks, my lungs burning from lack of air, my throat stinging from screaming so loud...
But I felt nothing.
My five main senses were either impaired or not working at all, and only one question flooded my mind through all the panic:
Am I dead?