Up in the Hogwarts castle of Mystery and Magic, the sheriff was celebrating his take over of the school. He had appointed Filch to head of Ravenclaw and Guy's sister Isabellatrix (I combined two characters, so there won't be three Bellas here) to head of Hufflepuff. They were drinking fire whiskey and having fun kicking Dobby down the stairs.

But the Order of the Phoenix and their new outlaws were hiding in the dark outside. They were waiting for a signal from the Ravenclaw tower.

"Everyone ready to kick some ass?" Dumbledore asked.

They all nodded in syncronism.

"There is the signal!" said Iris, pointing to the tower. "That means we can attack!"

They rode closer to the castle. Since Thestrals don't make any sound, they had chosen to use them. The sheriff came shambling across the lawn with his arm around Filch and they were singing "Rahhllallahhlalalahh!" The Order surrounded them and drew their wands.

"Stop in the name of the law!" said Dumbledore.

The sheriff looked surprised for a second, but then he grinned sheepishly and waved "bye-bye" with his fingers like Peter Pettigrew did in the shrieking shack. Suddenly he transfigured into a sonic hedgehog and just zoooomed away.

"Shit, we hadn't suspected him to be an animalgus!" Harry sporfled.

Filch saw an opportunity to scramble away and they all followed him down the hill to Hagrid's house. Hagrid was fired for being a Gryffindor, so Filch had been allowed to just take his house just like that. Everyone shot hexes at Filch, but he was so drunk and swaying all over the place that it was hard to hit him properly. Since he was a squid he hadn't magic, so he tossed a spade at them that embedded itself in Kate. She was stupid anyway.

"Get him!" shouted Iris, and they all ran into the house and attacked him to pieces.

His guts and intestines were all over the furniture.

"Hagrid won't be pleased when he sees this," Harry said depressedly.

Suddenly Sir Guy came into the house.

"You're breaking curfew," he said sternly. "And clean up this mess before you go to bed, mkay?"

Ron and Hermione transferred houses so they could stay in school. Hermione got Ravenclaw because she was smart, but Ron was a pureblood so he had no choice but to live in Slytherin with Draco and his goon friends who bullied him for sucking at quidditch.

Iris helped Allan and Will clean the house from blood, so that Hagrid could move in there again when they won the battle. She could tell they were looking at her like they thought she was pretty. A lot of people had told her so before. She was fair skinned, but not pale like Bella, and had long auburn hair with natural chestnut highlights and a mahogany undertone. Her eyes were dark and shaped a little like a cat's eyes.

She thought Will was really cute with his dark, messy hair and his little ironic mustache. He looked older than 18, but she knew he had a tragic backstory that had aged him beyond years.

Guy walked into the sheriff's living room without knocking. The sheriff was shagging Umbridge on the sofa while they watched Sopranos.

"Filch is dead," said Guy.

He diverted his eyes from the unsightly scene.

"Does that mean I can be head of Ravenclaw instead of duncy Hufflepiff?" Isabellatrix asked.

"You can be head of both houses," said the sheriff. "Now GTFO and take your depressing brother with you."

"YESSSSS!" shouted Isabellatrix and did a fistpump.

Out in the corridor Guy grabbed her by the arm.

"I need to ask you a favor, Izzy," he said with evilness and sorrow in his blue eyes. "You know Marian, that totally gorgrous girl wh0 was in Gryffindor? Is she transferred?"

"Sure," said Izzy, "She's in Ravenclay now. But seriously, Guy... She's totally preppy."

"I'm sure she can be persuaded otherwize," said Guy. "Can you make sure she gets detention tomorrow? With ME."