Chapter 2
Freddy Makes A Friend
I was outside, on the bleachers by the tennis courts. It was fairly quiet there, mostly because there weren't too many people who played tennis here. It was a great place to study. Intelligent Salad was helping me.
"Okay so, if a ray of light is hitting a surface at 80 degrees and splinters through a prism, each one travelling on a new trajectory, 10 degrees apart, where on the diagram will the lights shine brightest?"
"I don't know." I said.
"You don't know? Freddy, you just got done studying this stuff in Mr. Summers' lecture." Intelligent Salad said.
"Yeah, but he's so boring. Why do I even need to know this kind of stuff anyway?" I said.
"General education, Freddy. It's important, you know. You need it to become a more well-rounded person. Must we go over our trigonometry basics again?" Intelligent Salad said.
"You're a hardass." I said.
Intelligent Salad laughed.
"I guess I can be a 'hardass' as you call it."
I started to go over my notes until I started to hear something. It was a man's voice.
"…Yes. …I see. Understood."
I looked to see who it was. No one else was around.
"You hear that?" I said.
"Yes, I do." Intelligent Salad said.
I stayed quiet so that Intelligent Salad could listen.
"You are a doll. I am serious, I could not do this without you." The voice said.
"I hear it now. I think it's coming from that hill over there." Intelligent Salad said.
I looked over to the hill. There was nothing there except for a tree. That was when I realized who was talking.
"Oh. Right. Plants." I said.
Plants were usually quiet. They usually didn't have a lot to say unless they were in danger. Intelligent Salad's snark was the exception. Did you know that bushes scream when you trim them? It sounds gruesome, but it's actually quite comical.
I walked over to the tree and greeted it.
"…Oh yes. Thank you. You are a real doll, thank you." It didn't seem to notice me. I greeted him.
"Hello! You're a tree?" I said.
The tree grunted.
"Who's there? C'mon, tell me who you are? I'll make 'ya into swiss cheese, I will! You just…"
Intelligent Salad cut in.
"Easy. He is a good boy. Maybe he is one who masturbates a bit too much, but…"
"Hey!" I shouted.
Intelligent Salad laughed. "What? Are you afraid of me embarrassing you in front of this tree? It's not like anyone else can talk to him."
I turned to the tree. He was giggling to himself.
"What's your name, boy?" He said.
"My name's Freddy. Nice to meet you."
"I'm Dillon, proud maple tree. It's nice to meet you, Freddy."
"Yes, and I am The Great Intelligent Salad."
Dillon laughed.
"What the hell kind of name is that?"
"An appropriate one." Intelligent Salad said.
"You gave that name to yerself. I'd bet you feel real secure, ya dumb pile of leaves." Dillon said.
"Hey now, he can be really smart sometimes. He…"
I was interrupted. It was Enrique. He was with some effeminate looking dude with tennis rackets.
"Freddy? Are you talking to trees again?" He said.
"Yes." I said.
Enrique and his friend started laughing.
"This is him. This is that dude who always takes that dumb salad with him everywhere he goes." Enrique said.
"Hey! He's not a dumb salad. He's smart, okay?" I said.
Enrique puffed out his chest.
"Really? Ask the salad the capital of Iceland?"
"Reykjavik." Intelligent Salad said.
"Reykjavik." I repeated.
"Ask the salad who'll win The World Series." Enrique said.
"I'm not a fortune teller." Intelligent Salad said.
"He isn't a fortune teller." I repeated.
"Ask the salad the meaning of life." Enrique said.
"42." Intelligent Salad said.
"I'm not saying that, wiseass." I said.
"Say it. It would amuse me." Intelligent Salad said.
"No, it's a stupid joke that's done to death. I'm not saying it." I said.
"See? The dude is totally schizo. It looks like he's talking to no one." Enrique said. His friend nodded.
I started to feel upset until Dillon, the tree, started moving.
"Hey! You boys stop that. Freddy's a real gent, and I won't stand for any of this."
He tried to poke their eyes with his branches, but I think he just ended up brushing them with his leaves.
"Freddy, is your friend trying to hit us?" Enrique said.
"I think so." I said.
They stepped back, out of the tree's reach.
"Come back here, you ne'er do wells! I'll tear you apart with my branches! I'll fry you like an onion! I'll…"
Dillion started to warm up. I could feel heat coming from him.
"Easy, don't get mad. They weren't doing anything wrong." I said.
"Quite true. Impotent rage never got anyone anywhere." Intelligent Salad agreed.
We all noticed that Enrique and his friend were gone.
"I'm sorry, kid. I guess I get all hot-headed and shit when someone messes with a guy I know." He said.
"It's okay. He isn't a bully or anything, just a guy who can act like a jerk sometimes." I said.
I looked at my watch and noticed that I needed to get going.
"Oh crap. I'll be late for my next class." I said.
"Really? Well, do you think you could come back and visit me again? I'm a lonely tree you know. There aren't too many other trees here." Dillon said.
"Sure. I'll see you again soon." I said.
With that, I left to go to my class.